Ever See A Drive – By Fruiting? Watch.

Watch the clip below. I am convinced it was a drive-by fruiting. The dude in the car hurled a grapefruit at the clerk.

https://www.linkedin.com/embed/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6390521569894035456“>The Guy In The Car Clearly Threw A Grapefruit At The Clerk! It Was A Drive -By Fruiting.

You Or Your Children Need Help. Something Has To Change. Psychiatrist? Psychologist? Therapist? Police ? ( if in danger) What To Do Before Blindly Talking To Anyone For Intervention.

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Boy and girl (5-7 years) tying mother with rope in living room

When it comes time to intervention in your life or your children’s life, it is not something to take lightly. It’s not like going to a grocery store and decided afterwords you want to go to several more stores before buying. All mental health workers from therapists to doctors are trained in their particular flavor of how to find something wrong with you. This is how they get paid. Go to a psychiatry office you will walk out with a script and a diagnoses. The odds are better than not that you will leave with  a new label of some source that like it or not will attach itself to you for life.

Go to a psychologist and you will likely get some reason that you need to come 1-2x per week to get to” what is underneath all this” and spend a ton of money to lay on a couch or sit in a chair for a long time to be reminded of how miserable your life was/is.

Go to a behaviorist like myself and you will likely get a plan of action using behavioral techniques and rewards to attempt at changing behavior. You always go to the least restrictive first. In this case the behaviorist. You NEVER want to have you or your child locked up or labeled for life because you didn’t do your homework. If you have not read my homepage, go back now and read it to get an understanding of how the system works. You may be quite surprised.  The main page article called “Mental Health Is Driving Me Crazy” is the post to read or this may not make as much sense. I promise you won’t regret it.

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management

I have spent more than 20 years of my life working with  troubled kids, teens and their parents in every possible demographic. I have not only been a part of the professional team but was fortunate to move up quickly in 9/10 companies. After spending many years on the front lines and just as many in management, I was blessed to be asked to start a school in Florida for expelled felons. These students had not only been expelled from public school, but then got themselves kicked out of the alternative school where kids must go if they get expelled from public school. 

I was asked if I could do anything to help them and I knew with my Boys Town training and my hands on experience I could do it. I did and I won awards and all . But the most important task I had to train our teachers was to catch the kids doing something right all day each day instead of a day full criticism at an already over medicated and tired group

I named this blog over four years ago Don’t Label My Kid! for a reason. It was not just a cute title to me. It was symbolic of what clearly is one of the top issues we need to addressed, labeling people in general.

Over the next 4 years I targeted a certain audience to reach. Those are families in need of assistance but many times have no clue what to do. Usually they see a television show with guests that have all got the same disorder Parents look to neighbors, friends and sometimes strangers for feedback on how to cope and deal with the problems they have with their teens.

Many parents could not explain the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist much less figure out on their own whuch to see. Parents and their kids just going whichever way the wind blows. Whatever place the  therapist or teacher told them to go not considering the permanent label and scar it could leave. Its  just blindly leading people to their own slaughter. Dont be a part of your own child’s social demize. Let us help develop a family plan of action. We offer hourly rates that are much less than you would pay in an office as we dont have the overhead of buidlings etc.. We will work with you from beginning to end. All you need to do to get on the road to recovery for your family is look at menu of our team and determine who will best suit your needs. Then contact us asap before the damage gets too bad.

frustrayed dad

 

Having been  in and around the circles of addiction, depression and all behavioral and mental health issues in my career allowed me to understand the nuances and many differences between the way one doctor does things compared to another.

Time Frame

Now is the time to act when they are under 13 or 14 although it is still workable at 18 if they are willing. Children as young as 8 years old are being drugged today, dont let this be the case with your loved ones.

Here is the point of this little post. Don’t pretend there is no issue.  Address all the issues as directed by someone who actually has worked and lived it and has education as well.

Don’t try this at home people. Its above anyone’s head who has not been trained extensively on the topic. This is why we have a team with Dont Label My Kid! A team that has 100+ years combined experience in all areas from addiction to behavioral health to spiritual guidance, natural healing and all things mental health. Leave this part to the professionals in this field who have also raised our own kids., or you risk being a willing part in labeling your own child for life.

Discuss your options today for coaching, consulting and anything else you see on our front page menu.

Read Pastor Matt’s bio, as well as Jenny, Mike and Mine to see who would who of us could best help then lets started. You know what they say about the definition of crazy is right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Contact me -tim@dontlabelmykid.com or in emergency 386-675-7549

tj

We All Have Labels. Some Self-Diagnosed And Some Given To Us. The Question Is Which Are Valid? This Should Help You Decide..

Even as I write this post I think of my youthful years, and how very important it was to be approved by others in what I said, did, even how I dressed. Amazing the effort I put in, but looking back, I did not get much in return. I may be the only one who did that….hahahaha! I suspect we all at some time have done this. As a matter of fact, I think we still do it as adults.

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Of course there are codes of dress and hygiene and speech that sort of go without saying, literally. I am referring to the other stuff. The fact that adults panic before going into a big meeting, or giving a big presentation. Those of us who get nervous when trying to express how we feel about something, fearful we might offend someone. Why?

More than not,  believe it has to do with insecurity and the absence of confidence in ourselves. It causes people panic attacks, difficulty speaking, awkward body language, and a myriad of other problems. I think we would all agree that we each have areas that make us a bit more anxious than usual. That in and of itself is just part of who we are, however when it becomes burdensome, it needs to be addressed. I know some may be thinking they have a “disorder” and they cannot help it. In some cases, it could be a real medical issue, but in many it is an issue that can be traced back to someone or something. Rather than try to explain why we do what we do, I will give 2 examples of how this can happen.

1- The “ham bone” story;

A young woman and her mother are preparing the Easter ham and as the mother cuts the bone off of the ham, the daughter asks ” why do you cut the bone off?” A little taken back, the mother responds calmly with ” well honey, that is just how we do it”. As they continue on, the mother quietly picks up the phone and calls her mother, and asks her why they cut the bone off of the ham, as the young daughter listens eagerly. Mother hangs up the phone a minute later when the daughter asks what the response was. Mother says ” Oh darling, she says we have always done it this way” so they start on the green beans. Finally the young daughter says “Mom, lets call great granny and ask her!”…reluctantly mom agrees and calls her great-grandmother and asks the same question. She hangs up the phone, waits for the question from her daughter which is already coming, and says this; ” Your great great grandmother said she does not know what we are doing it for, she just did it because back 50 years ago they did not have a pan big enough to hold the bone!”

2- When I was an administrator at a school for teenagers who had been expelled from public school, I ran across one 17-year-old who was extremely loud, threatening and violent. When I pulled him into my office and calmly asked him why he acted like that, he quickly named off a few ” anger disorders” he had been diagnosed with. Hmm, I thought…he has been sold a bill of goods that he has no control over his anger. So I did the smart, rational thing and gave him the keys to my truck. I asked him to go wait in the truck until I got there in a minute, and we would talk more as I ran a few errands. Of course he looked at me like I was nuts, but it was a moment of truth and I had to take it. A few minutes later we went to a large department store, a library, and a fast food chain. He followed quietly behind me, careful to adjust his behavior according to the setting we were in. (hint, hint).

When we arrived back at the school, I asked him one question – ” Hey, just curious why you did not knock out the check out guy at the store, or yell at anyone in the library, or even cuss a few times when someone bumped into you at the burger joint?”

He looked up, looked around, silent for a minute, then threw this at me; “Mr P., I cannot do that in those places, I will get in trouble!” About a minute later a smile came across his face, and he said ” so this school is like one of those places, right?” I smiled and said “Exactly”.

He was an honor student who rose to the top of the promotion program faster than any other student. He was able to realize that labels are not always correct. He controlled his anger, it was just his choice where he did it!

I learned very much about labeling and the harmful effects it can have on the average kid who has been repeatedly told they have this or that problem. They begin to believe it and act it out. By the way, this is a certain group, not everyone. I am aware that medical issues do actually interfere with behavior sometimes! Hope you learned as much as I did about why we do what we do!

 

Before You Give Up – Read This.

Just When I Wanted to Quit…

 

It takes extraordinary people to reap extraordinary harvests in life. Achieving success does not come easy, perhaps the most successful people I know have had the most failure of any one I know . Here is one of my favorite athletes giving his take on success and failure.

” I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. i have lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed. I can accept failure everyone fails at something. But I cannot accept not trying. ” – Michael Jordan

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We cannot operate on the idea that many people do, the idea that all the successful people got “lucky” in life, or that the world owes us something and we are tired of waiting on it. The world owes us nothing. Pressing on during dark times, not operating in what it  ” looks ” like in our circumstances and what goes on around us. Not everyone is willing to do the work that it takes to be successful. Not everyone is willing to suffer the hardship it requires to reach and achieve the goals you have. Ben Franklin once said ” The harder I work, the luckier I get “. There comes a time in all of our lives when we are fed up. Done trying and burned out. This is the critical moment that will determine the future, as we all have to decide to press on in pain and darkness when no hope is in sight, or just quit and let the world have it’s way with us, being tossed back and forth by the waves of society, living an emotional roller coaster. Listening to what Oprah is saying instead of doing what we are dying to do. Paying attention to the unstable ways out in this world, or grounding yourself in your dream.

Perseverance————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Perseverance- function: noun

14th century-

Definition: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering

(Miriam-Webster, Inc.)

” The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people “-   Randy Pausch

” Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up “- Thomas A. Edison

Perseverance is not getting knocked down 19 times, it is getting up on the 20th. We often have the idea that the people who are successful in or eyes have not suffered, have not been broke, hungry, hopeless, helpless, depressed, angry, frustrated, scared, worried, tired, drained. We think we are the only ones who suffer from these trials. No, it is not the case. If we want success we will encounter these obstacles. Never fool yourself into thinking that there is a short road to success. Persevere!

 

Perspective-

It is critical that we are viewing things from a proper perspective. One time when my children were all young, I was experiencing very intense financial hardship. I was broke, and I had gotten so focused on my finances that I did not pay much attention to my children as much as I had. One day I was driving around, and heard an interview on the radio. The guest on the phone was a man who had just recently won around 10 million dollars in some kind of clearinghouse. The radio personalities were celebrating, cheering him, they had background sound effects of whistles and bells, but the man did not seem to be as excited as they were. As they waded through an interview with him, it came out that this man had recently lost his 8 year old son to cancer. The radio people fumbled to find words, and then one announcer consoled the man, expressing his empathy about his loss. He followed that with this statement.    ” I know you would give the 10 million back to have your son back, and am so sorry to hear this “….there was a short pause and the man, barely able to utter words, emotionally and tearfully said these words- ” Have him back? (crying)..I would give that 10 million dollars back just to have a chance to say goodbye “. These words changed my perspective in one minute. I turned around and went home, to hug my healthy children, and my perspective was reset. Have a proper perspective!

 

Start thinking as you desire to be. Say words that encourage your dream to happen. Speak things like ” I am looking forward to doing the book. I am looking forward to my promotion, I am excited about the new doors opening for me. I can do this!” The most important lesson so far I have learned in life regarding this topic, is this; If you can learn to be content in any circumstance, in any situation whether happy or sad, rich or poor, you can do anything. Stop thinking that the dream you have is going to give you contentment. Contentment is a learned trait. You learn to be content, no matter what is going on, you choose to stay positive through dark times!

Resistance-

There will always be haters. It seems the closer we get to success, the more haters appear. They are the ones that gave up at the brick wall you pushed through. They feel uncomfortable with you moving up and out, while they will remain status quo. It is easier for them to tear you down then to push you forward. Believe in yourself when nobody else does. View resistance as a step closer to success, nobody takes time to tear down someone who has agreed to stay in misery! They will try to pull you back down to that place because it would be lonely without you. They know they have given up, but you have not, and there may be resistance even from family or friends. When you achieve success, you will clearly remember those who believed in you all the way up. Those people, are called friends.

Those are some real ways to prepare yourself for success. You need to see yourself in the position you want to be in. Call things that are not as though they are. Picture you doing what you are striving for. Dwell on it. Never be intimidated and never be ashamed. I was about 25 years old, and was a speaker to several hundred people on the topic of training trainers for at -risk youth. I was about to get up and go to the podium, when it happened. The voices whispering in my ear ” You cannot do this” ” You have never spoken to this many at once” ” You will be nervous” . Now just to clear the record, they were not real voices! LOL! They were the whispers of doubt coming to me because I was doing something for the first time. I was slightly slowed, but trying to pull it together, when my friend seated next to me at the table pulled my arm back to him gently, as I was about to walk away to speak. He sensed the nerves. He leaned over , whispering in my ear as all of the people looked on. They could not hear what was being said, but I sure did and it gave me a new perspective on things. He said casually, and with a smile to me ” Hey man, act like you have done this before!” It may not seem like a powerful inspirational statement to you, but it was what I needed that day. I looked out at the audience, and the thought came that I was up there for a reason! I was right where I should have been, when I should have been there.

I am right where I should be today, because I did not stop at the brick wall to give up. You have a brick wall to face too. Press through it and leave the others behind. After all, thats the only way you will stand out, is by finishing strong, breaking cycles of negativity and learning contentment right now. You are right where you should be, for such a time as this! Never give up.

DLMK

 

Here Is How One Veteran Got A “Thanks For Your Service” Token Of Appreciation- On Camera…Caution- Mature Viewers

Sometimes are too hard to believe, too ugly to imagine. So you just forget that thought. In this case a few nurses listen as a Vet begs for help, and cannot stop laughing. All caught on tape…sad

 

When Nurses Think Watching A Vet Die Is Funny

 

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Will You Stop Kidding Yourself And Acting All ” Professional” Mr. Cocaine? And You -” Ms Writer” -Do They Know You Have Your Own Head Doctor? LOL You People Pretending You Are Worthy…Pathetic

I have seen many of negative and depressing things in my life. Depression, Addiction, Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Incarceration, Divorce, Trauma, Disease, loss of family etc.

suicide family

That is just in my own family. Lots of failure as far as the family unit growing up. I carried the guilt for that failure long into adulthood. As if it was my fault. 

 

Professional Career

My career in social work and mental health in the corporate world spanned over 20 years included being a foster parent for 40 troubled teens, starting a school for expelled violent youth, outpatient therapist, program manager for several programs from adults with the most severe disabilities anyone has seen, a senior center and another program for expelled youth in gangs where we scanned each kid right off the bus for weapons.

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I was hired by the state to teach a program called BRIDGES  which was a weekly group I led full of teens that were somehow involved in the Juvenile Justice system and on off days I taught parenting for the parents of those teens. Its only been in the last 4 years that I have called myself a blogger when I started this blog.

I have written off and on for many years for companies I worked for and things like that but nothing I called my own  until 4 years ago when this blog was launched.

Almost everything I did and do in the area of kids, families, juvenile justice and mental health has been successful.  ( I am just soo great) I am not bragging, there is a reason you need to know this. This is my gift, we all have gifts and if you’re doing something that absolutely has no interest to you and makes you hate working, you are not within the gifting God gave you.

Due to my family situation growing up, and having been through major depression, addiction, many surgeries for a bone disease, divorce and much more at work I was instantly effective in certain groups. Although I had not been through everything life can throw at you, I still found success at every single place or population I worked with because I did not try to step outside of my gifting.

Except once and I really do not want to talk about it. 

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The Point Of Telling You About My Background.

I hope that the people who need to be reading this and if you know somebody who needs it you will share. People who are currently feeling hopeless or have struggled with it most of their lives. People who are constantly put down about how good or bad they are doing in comparison to someone else, or some people are constantly challenging your credibility to do what you do.

yelling man

In my life when I was working on places that serve addicts and mental health patients I was harassed mainly by people who did not like me. They knew I recently had been in a short term rehab for addiction and they began to use it against me in ways that became hurtful . Even worse I really had nobody to reverse what they saying! On paper it did look weird that the teacher became a patient . The problem was that  I began to believe what they were saying. I did not know how to rise above it. Because on paper, it was true!

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This experience I had  with just one man absolutely changed my life and the way I looked at myself. It will do the same for anyone who listens carefully to what I am saying. It’s a powerful lesson in self-worth. Especially if you have a checkered background full of events the world might call you a loser for being a part of. Especially if you have given up on any more success in life due to your past failures. Its a new day!

This post, if received and accepted and not just tossed aside as if it were just another self-help article to get you through today will change you. It’s a life changing, encouraging and hope giving truth to anyone who has been hopeless for a long time and lost any belief in yourself due to the verbal abuse of a spouse, the downgrading talk you allow at work or any other place and by the negative thoughts we have all experienced at some point. Seeing your true position or option for that position is available to anyone anytime. Just like anything though you must want it, and need it. If you feel like hopelessness and depression has been good to you in some way then wait a little while . Come back and read this in 6 months.

 

There is a point in this where a spiritual decision must be made.

If it scares you that I may mention God in this post, don’t run, I promise its not a judge, or beat you over the head with the bible post. So get back over here before you try and sneak off to the next post.

This is not a Christian website and the reason is for times like this. Whether you are a Christian or not we all get to this point of how freedom of sadness is needed and how hope can be restored. The two groups may settle on different methods but we all end up here. We all have to hang on to something when times are tough, when we are struck with tragedy and hope evades us. That is why we have gambling, alcohol. drugs, porn and all these things that actually destroy lives but we cling to them as if no other option is available.

Here is a secret not many people are able to process; for everything God made, the enemy, satan has made a counterfeit for.

As you go through your days and encounter people in your life, try to recall what the original plan was for that situation and you will see a pattern begin to develop. Marriage, respect, god and many other things. For a period of time God has allowed the prince of darkness or satan to rule the earth. However as a believer in Christ we don’t have to take his punishment like the rest of the world does. He will come at us all the time, but we are instructed how to deal with those attacks in God’s word.

Now, whether any of us like it or not, that Word of God is there, it has never once come back void and according to it there is no other way to salvation then what it says – through the blood of Christ. (John 14:6) Even science is catching up with the bible and the scientists who used to talk about Lucy, the missing link are bowing their knees to Christ as they see the evidence in their arena of every single detail being uncovered while watching with their own eyes.

One excellent little book I recommend is by a scientist named Josh McDowell. He was actually so sick and tired of hearing Christians talk about the Bible and Jesus, he actually set out on a scientific mission with his team to prove once and for all that Jesus, the bible, and all the hokey Kumbaya stuff was a joke and he would personally and scientifically prove it. I’m not sure at what part of the mission it occurred, but at one point in it, Dr. McDowell is said to have bowed to his knee and and asked for forgiveness from the Lord and told his team that the evidence of Christ being who He said was so overwhelming that he was kidding himself. He wrote a short book, called  More Than A Carpenter which is maybe a two hour read, and now is the founder of Josh McDowell international ministries. You can just google his name and his many sites and testimony will come up. 

This is one area all of us must either turn from or cling to. There is no in-between , as a matter of fact in that word God himself says he hates lukewarm believers and he will spew them out of his mouth  -hot or cold but no luke -warm .

I say this to encourage you before you turn it away , take another peek..think it through before you abandoned it.. After all what if it is true? Once you have died and must face the Lord, there are no spiritual mulligans.

As a matter of fact this post itself makes you aware of the Gospel and you are officially put on notice. You have been told the truth and what you decide to do from here is on you.

I lived a life of feeling that I was nothing but a failure and my mistakes in the past were just going to pave the way to a miserable part two in my life. It did not matter what was happening around work or anywhere else. I could not find the peace that comes with being ok with who you are. I also had over the years an ex-wife who made sure that the entire world knew what I was struggling with and just made it even more impossible to believe in any hope. Suffocating on my own prediction of failure. All of this happening while I was a Christian!

Then one year I could not take it and I spent a lot of time reading about these issues in self-help books., motivational speeches and the like. Still no change.

I did know enough to know that all the voices I had been hearing my whole life telling me I have no business speaking to this crowd, or I am fooling myself thinking I can be a good leader, after all look at all my problems- the voices were not coming from God. I had this misconception that God was reminding me over and over that I was UNWORTHY. Basically I made too many mistakes to dig out of this one. No way for me to rise from this pit and be successful after all my life problems. It was not until 10 years ago a bible believing Christian listened to my feelings and challenged me with this question.

” The Bible says that there is no one worthy, not one. Who do you think you are thinking you can accomplish worthiness in God’s eyes anyways? Are you saying God is a liar?”The man went on to remind me that If I was going to call myself worthy before God, it could only happen by believing in the finished work of Christ at Calvary, where He took our position as sinners and our consequence. That is the only way we can wake up feeling worthy. He also pointed out a few scriptures about how not God but the enemy of our souls is the ” whisperer” . We do not have to even acknowledge the enemy as Christians. We are instructed in the bible how to deal with him. We know that we belong to someone greater. 

That lesson basically cured me of my listening to the bad voices and many times if a voice did come back I would simply speak the truth of God’s Word. I might say  There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit (Romans 8:1) I was not going to give any credibility to any negative voices anymore because I just found out a secret I am NOT WORTHY on my own. By I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

This entire issue was about making a decision which side of the spirit realm I would listen to . After I decided to believe in what God’s word said, I had nothing but hopeful thoughts each time I read the word.. God is for us not against us. The idea that anything was ” too late” was straight from the pit of hell.

Let me interject something here.  Non-believers need a change to. If they choose not to accept the promises of God’s Word and deny Christ is needed for heaven,  then help is still needed .Many will stop as soon as we discuss the bible, and say

” Fine for you but I worship pineapple plants and the stars.  Maybe its more like ” Hey man, 58 trillion years ago a fish grew legs and began to walk on land. The rest is history!

Usually non-Christians resort to adrenaline related activities , setting new financial goals for themselves and anything that may give them a sense of a new horizon or task to go after. The problem with those, is that they are only a temporary fix. I personally have a friend who does not enjoy his life all, rich as he could be. He has an oceanfront home. Two years after it was done he was not happy so he had a 20 seat movie theatre built inside. That should do it right?  Not when you chose money a sa way to have security.

It’s likely that they will be back in a year looking again. Some Christians who know better will not hold on to the Word and its promises very long and relapse into hopelessness, but the good news is that there are usually plenty of other Christians around who can help get the people who slid out of the Word back into it soon.

This is the reason I began to feel ” worthy” to do anything-even with my baggage and critics. That issue was resolved now. Yes, I am unworthy. However Through Christ I can do all things. I began to read about each of the most praised followers of Christ. Quite frankly their resumes were pretty sketchy, just like mine. But they were humble and willing to let God change them and no longer bound to fear. 

 

 

So what in the world does all this mean. In simple terms? Well, we all have this dilemma. We have to make a decision whether we want to believe what God says about you in His word, or to put that whole enchilada aside and go it on your own. In other words, make a decision to actually find out what this word has to say about who you would be/ are as a follower of Christ. This means what your authority and position is on earth, where you rest your security, what your potential is, the understanding of the fact that as a believer you also have eternal security, what the consequences are for those who reject God and His word –

Jesus said “whoever turns their back on me, so I will also turn my back on him” – 

I was not there to see what His expressions were, but since He also said ” I am the way,, the truth and the life, no man shall see the father except through me” 

That right there is one of the most frightening verses in the bible to me. It does not take Colombo to figure out that if you rejected the only one who can allow you into heaven, it cannot end well.

This may shock you, but I did not write the bible. Just like everyone else there came a point where I needed to make a call on it either way. So that is a non- negotiable with God.

How about the title of this post? How does God play into all the negative feelings , voices and people trying to beat us down. Well, its great news! You have a new boss, and He says you are awesome. No matter what your past is like He is willing to make you one of His. Remember who Jesus went to minister to while on earth. Not the Billy Grahams or the people who had it all together. He hung out with the prostitutes, the drunks and thieves. The ” religious ” people were none too happy about it either, they thought they were the only ones worthy of His presence. The great news in this message is that Jesus is looking for humility, not perfection. As a matter of fact the bible says the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. That is another way of saying rejection of Christ.

It is a great feeling as a believer to know that no matter what the past held, its washed away in the blood of Jesus. The bible says He cast our sins as far as the East is from the West. That is something to wake up for! Whats even more amazing, is that God not only forgives you, to the point where you could not care less about what others say about you- and also he will use you for His purposes.

Each time I am able to share the truth of the Gospel with someone or write about it- It is hard to believe He is actually using me, a broken down sinner for His purposes! See, in the old state of mind of fear, insecurity, and all, we barely felt worthy to do what little we were. In the mind as a believer you get to have unlimited purpose and not a care about what anyone says because God is paving the path of your life.

So as I close ,will ask 3 things.

1-

So Whats It Going To Be? Therapy Or Coaching? Do You Even Know The Difference? You Should.

Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj

 

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management
The words Time to Evaluate on an ornate white clock, counting down to the moment a manager will perform an evaluation, review, assessment or reevaluation of a worker, property or process

Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?

Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.

So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.

Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.

Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.

Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?

What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.

OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.

But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?

Maybe because coaching works.

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Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.

Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with  ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years  ” or  ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.

Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.

 

Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction.  Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.

Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.

Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.

Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.

Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.

Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.

I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.

Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…

I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.

This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.

When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.

Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.

Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back

dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com or tim@dontlabelmykid.com

Emergency Crisis Line- 386-675-7549

TJ

 

Open Letter- To The Bridges I Have Burned….Please Everyone Take A Moment And Read This…Everyone, No Matter Who You Are…Make This Day Different .

* This is a very serious topic that has destroyed millions of lives. I know we joke often here but I’ve never been more serious in my life then here. Please consider this and how it pertains to your life. Maybe you have been withholding, or maybe someone has denied you of forgiveness. No matter which , this Is for you.

I hate bitterness. Boy do I hate it. Its like fire coming up burning through your soul. So many years ago I realized what God says about it. He says bitterness comes from not forgiving others who have harmed you. As a matter of fact one man put it like this “

“Withholding forgiveness from others is like drinking a bottle of poison and thinking someone else will get sick.”

It’s all true people. Like or not , we suffer not them. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Those are two different things. Be very aware though that the best thing you can do for your own health is to forgive anyone and everyone who ever harmed you. You don’t have to call them. You can do it all at once verbally before God from your heart. Feel the release.

I have made mistakes. For some reason my sins and errors have always been outward ones. Things that everyone could see. Some of who knew we were both guilty of sin but mine was more easily detected , had mercy . You continued to encourage me into the better plan God had for me. You are the reason I’m writing today and did not give up on life 20 years ago. You never have given up so I could not . You are the reason I could make one more day of the life I had, unlike my brother, who killed himself. You all have been my anchors.

To those who chose to exploit my every mistake and maximize each thing I did to make sure all the right people could get the gossip, I forgive you. To those who have accused me, abused me or did anything to bring me harm, and you know who you are , family and friends alike I totally hold nothing against you and have no anger.

Most of you had never experienced the pain and suffering and fear in your whole life that I did before I was a teenager. You knew that. You knew of my circumstances, yet you chose to use them against me. That is done. I forgive.

However , as things got better, and continue to do so, I must inform you that my band wagon is full. It has no room in case I hit a home run or become very successful. My band wagon is full of all those that rolled their pants up time and time again to step in the dirty mud I was in to lift me out and wipe me off. All the while taking no concern for their needs.

Its full of those who called at midnight almost knowing my thoughts to remind me that all that matters In this life is what God says about me in His Word. Man’s words are futile you said. But God “don”t  make no junk”  and he sure didn’t save my life over and over for nothing . He had a purpose. He judges the heart and He knew mine. He knew of my intentions and had mercy on me because of that. Yet my own friends, family even a spouse could not find it in their heart to forgive me. Yeah buddy is it full of those guys.

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 Its full of those who came to rehab or court with me to tell the judge of my heart and my efforts to make things better. Its overflowing with those who repeatedly believed in me regardless of what they saw , no matter how many times I fell they kept saying that’s just one fall closer to you standing tall. Its full of the people who were Godly enough to remember we are all in need of a savior. They even reminded me that they had struggles too and not to keep beating myself up . 

Man is it full, my band wagon is. I wish I could tell you that I had room, but due to the undying love from a good bunch of people, there is not even standing room. I hope you are thankful each day that you never had to walk through the horrors of addiction by 15, or major depression, abuse, neglect and suicide all in my home. I hope you thank the Lord that the worse thing you have had to deal with is which properties to sell when the market went bad.

You know what?

When that same economy got my family then me medically with a bone disease out of nowhere all at once, you were nowhere. I made it clear almost begged for help to feed my babies while I endured 7 hip surgeries. Nobody home now. I always thought that was so odd since you all were the one’s bragging about blowing 25k on a week vacation, or a 75k Porsche to add to your garage. Then I came asking for a loan of a quarter of your vacation and you cannot help, Wow. So be thankful you have never faced stress, or poverty, addiction and depression all the while everyone mocking you because you cannot provide. I would never wish it on any of you. I really would not.

I just want you to understand why on the day, when the day comes-and it will, I want you to know why my shoulder is not a welcome place for you to put your arm around, my neck wont need hugging then, and my back sure wont need any patting.. You see I got all these others..did I mention, the others that never left. Their arms are so far wrapped around me that I cannot spare even a hand, just like you could not spare a hand. So I love you family who mocked, friends who judged and anyone else. I am on my way now and want you to know I am doing better now. Heck I bet most of you would go out in public with me now, without fear of your reputation.  Imagine that. Yeah, so I am getting stronger every day I want you to know. I have plenty of friends and all the right people with me. I always did.  So I wish the best for you but I do ask one favor.

Be careful not to judge someone , ever. But be especially careful not to judge others when you have no idea of what they have been through and may be still going through. Just be gentle and try to avoid condemnation. I lost my brother to a self-inflicted gunshot wound because he could just not take another day. You don’t to be the person that causes someone to go ahead and load that pistol. Trust me, you would never forget it. Also trust me, because there was a time, when…well I will just say there was a time. One statement out of your mouth can be the final straw that breaks someone. Be a helping hand up not a cursing word down.

I am really feeling today like this is one of the most important posts out of my 700. Not sure why so strong today to me. Actually as I say that I realize that July 4th is when my brother killed himself. When I hear fireworks, I often feel like I am in that day again. During fireworks that year, one blast was a real one. From a pistol. My brothers. So whatever the reason, I truly believe that thousands of people all over the world need to hear this message. Hundreds of thousands. Share it, tell someone about it or just forgive someone today, out of your heart. God knows when its real.

Before I end this, I want to go out on a more positive or at least musical note…so I encourage you all to simply click on this song while your surfing now or whatever your about to do. Take this song and really let it sink in.. Its my man Tracy Byrd with a song called ” Find Out Who Your Friends Are” – You don’t have to like country to like this!

 

 

God Bless You All My Blogging Family.

TJ

 

What Are You Doing Here? On Taking The Next Step… Time To Execute!

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Well, here we are. We have discussed practically every issue in life on this blog in the last four years or so. We have laughed, debated, discussed, prayed and I think I even had a legitimate stalker . The very first mission of this and I hope any blog is to teach. To educate your readers on what it is your here for and especially the question ” what can you do for me”. Today I am going to do a part of my job that is not uncommon in my 20 years as a Social Worker. I am going to press you a little bit. Force you to quit sidestepping and avoiding your needs and issues.

Now don’t think of this as anything negative. Its just the natural progression of things. In my career I would have people make appointments come to the office for some need in the areas of mental health, behavioral health or addictions primarily. There are always exceptions but those were the most popular reasons they would make an appointment to see me.

Almost always on the very first visit I would introduce myself and ask them to tell me about why they were here. I cannot tell you how many stare-offs I had, lol. I would say ” you called me so tell me what I can help you with. ” I never figured out if it was people getting intimidated when they are in a setting they are not used to or what , but so many people forget or froze up.  I would usually give them some examples of why people came to see me and gradually somewhere in the list I would here a ” yeah that” or something to help me know where to start probing or asking questions. We always got moving at some point. Some in just a few minutes and some it took a little longer.

On this blog Don’t Label My Kid! I decided to start the educating on my homepage with mental health. I allude to the other areas I am an expert in but that is where I decided to begin, because all our other problems somehow are related to mental health. I then proceeded over the next 3-4 years to make sure I wrote at least 100 articles related to each area I serve.  I am not talking about specialty areas like parenting that I also assist and do workshops in,  but the main primary areas;  Mental, behavior and addictions.

Over 500 total articles on these areas. This is to find out where my reader’s needs are and to get feedback from you as well on any area . As you all well know I always mix in some humor, politics or other issues at random just to keep things from getting to dark and gloomy on here. (Some who pop in at the wrong time think this site is just a random topic site as my last 4 quick posts might have been about humor. lol) Even though I post about a wide  variety of topics , they are topics related to life. We are all in that game together.

Now, in this time I have enjoyed a good amount of feedback, comments and gotten a ton from you all about your situations now, past of something you wonder about. I have read and still go over thousands of comments from you all. I have not read anything I have not helped someone with many times over ( except maybe the stalker) .

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I have heard from the suicidal, the addicts, the parents who are ready to strangle their kids, the people of faith who ask me how I can still believe in God, then the burned out Christians. I have also gotten messages from people suffering with PTSD, abused wives, and people who have had experiences with sexual abuse. This has been especially popular since I have been writing about Father Gondek . People are much more likely to share if they are not alone. My point is, you are here for a reason. I  can assure you God did not lead you here to get more depressed or addicted. He did not bring me here to write about your struggles so you can leave the house every day with fresh depression. We are here for a change. It’s what I call a divine appointment.

The stage we are at now, is called Execution.

Execution is where action takes place. It is where you quit playing around with your problem. You quit lust ” liking ” every post about your topic, you take the next step in your journey. It is the favorite part of work life, as I get to use my gifts and help people in general solve problems. How though? What do you do – even if you wanted to take the next step to help? Well, there are three possible answers.

 You are getting your first assignment in moving forward with your issues. You should write this date down on your calendar  as the day you ” executed “-

Before you can execute you have to select one of the following scenarios that best fits you

1- I have never reached out for help

2-I have reached out but no progress ( gave up )

3-You are currently trying things but have not got anywhere or don’t know if your counsel is right, or the money you would spend is worth it.

Now, I want you to select the one that describes you best. Usually one of those is it. If not no problem we can identify it. So make your selection. Great.

Now – as a consultant I take on three roles, depending on which of the above fits you.

If you are #-

#1-I am your  ADVISOR– I will start by accessing your need, identify the best care plan and follow you through the process as needed.

#2-I am your INTERVENTIONIST-I help you resume your attempts by picking up the pieces of whatever you did gain or learn, and reconnecting , but with the appropriate services.

#3- I am your COACH- I act as support to what you think you may want to try, and am someone to stand along side of you as you navigate the process and coach you as is necessary to keep you on he right track.

Your 2nd assignment today is to figure out whether I am your Advisor,your interventionist, or your coach.  So, which one?

Here is the moment of truth. You pick up the phone or email me to identify what you are in need of. I have broken it down so you can easily identify your needs from me.

(Although I am very good, I have yet learned to read minds of my followers.)

Touch base to get a Plan Of Care started now!

Tim@dontlabelmkid.com

Dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com

Cell- Txt- Call- 386-675-7549

*Now a few important things have when you contact me

1- if it involves a child, any and all IEP or special class information from school. Also any mental health official diagnoses or medications they are on or have ever been on. I don’t need copies but I need you to accurately tell me the report. If you are needing help for yourself I just need your past and current mental health diagnises

2- If you are an addict or have a loved one is and you need help – DO NOT GET ANY HELP UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME . PERIOD. Many organizations today get paid to fill beds- not make it a good fit for the client. Also if you walk into a rehab with no knowledge of the process and what you really need, you or your friend’s success rate is about 24%

Again- Any addicts reading or if you are trying to help one get help. CALL ME first. It is critical that you have an understanding of what rehab REALLY means. It’s not what you think.

Tj Petri BSW

Advisor, Interventionist, Coach

Don’t Label My Kid!

When Holidays…Are Not Holidays…Just Another Day My Way Folks…

Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.

You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.

Holidays in my family have never been  ” holidays”.  I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday.  As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.

For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.

As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.

What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.

To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused,  physically abused addicts,  pedophiles,  domestic violence victims,  violent offenders,  wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next,  but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.

All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day.  Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.

It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.

Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.

What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ”  work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying.   Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject.  But what should Tj do. I will tell you.

Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .

You are correct,  but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute,  this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?

So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers,  migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of  a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.

Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as  drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick

I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?

Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.

I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;

“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”

That was it! Can you say it, and mean it?

Tj

Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Actually Breaking Into The Entire WordPress Blog -Cast Live Feed To Bring You History In The Making! Come Hither And Bring The Family ….

http://wp.me/p7hi1Z-a12

Your Freedom In 60 seconds my brothers and sisters

 

I am literally shaking right now in awe and I am hoping to make it through this break without a complete breakdown of blood boiling excitement.

We have just gotten confirmation that our world and those who have been enslaved to the addictions in this world which has caused millions of lives to be ruined, are TOTALLY FREE of its reach anymore. Recent discoveries about telling your mom you have a problem and crafty moves like refusing to give up on HOPE- is all that is really involved.

Yes – you can believe It! Hundreds have confirmed by their ” likes”  and this has  now been verified..  after billions of dollars and studies,  and  decades spent trying to break this code-  the mystery of addiction has been solved.

While  scientists have been researching genetics and the like over the years in laboratories and researching socioeconomic backgrounds to try and find any link to freedom from addiction-  it turns out by just a few easy steps it can be done. It has been right in front of us all this time. Its actually being reported in my ear piece from central command that pill bottles are falling from the sky as well as alcohol bottles, presumably tossed from  bloggers in high story apartments and high rises who have received our breaking news already..

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Those in treatment facilities that have been in bondage to this are rising up and walking away. http://wp.me/p7hi1Z-a12

As you may have noticed by now just by looking around your office, everyone is taken aback that this hundreds years old mystery had been solved and revealed right here on WordPress, and best of all, it will take 1 minute of your precious time to scan and conquer your lifelong addiction..

Elders and Statesman and well-known actresses are now actually stopping their activities to witness history being made here on WordPress…

To think , in one minute, you too will have the key that unlocks addiction. As it says in the manual here- you just don’t lose hope. You tell another you have a problem. It turns out that admitting you have a problem is actually the FIRST step! Who would have thunk? Ladies & Gentleman, may I present your key to freedom in a 1 minute read…click and be free..

http://wp.me/p7hi1Z-a12

My Pain- And How I Use Writing To Self Medicate. As A Matter Of Fact I Am Trashed Right Now…

**Note-this post was voted in the top 5 best reads of all posts on WordPress for this day June 16th 2017 – ( by the DLMK team)


 

I am using right now . Just so my junkie friends know I am keeping this legit.

Lately I have found myself writing a little more than usual. I just have felt much more at ease when I am entrenched and entranced in a post I am working on. It may sound odd but even when I am just breaking to do regular daily things that we all do like using the restroom, some chores, maybe a meal now and again , I feel that kind of urge to hurry and finish so I can get back to my blog.

It’s not healthy. I am a counselor, an adviser and consultant on mental health, behavioral health and addictions and have been for 20 years and pretty darn good at it I might add. I do not have issues with balance, and stress, or addictive patterns anymore. Or do I? I realized today ( which happens to be my birthday ) – Oh, thank you!  Anyway I realized that I have to deal with this. So I stared at the laptop for a few hours today but refrained from posting. I abstained to prove that I have it, and it does not have me.

Who am I fooling. The only difference between me today and me 23 years ago, is I am using writing and reading others writing as my fix, my medicine to mask the pain or stress I have. Back in the gap, I would have just popped 4-5 mg of Zannys ( xanax) maybe an oxy 80mg and slammed a few shots to ease my pain.

 It’s truly the same idea. Maybe I have achieved a certain level of maturity in that I wont reach for the pills and booze now, but my keyboard is taking the place of it.

 

I am writing about this for two reasons. First because as a recovered addict, I’d feel like a hypocrite if I did not share when I struggle and make others feel like they are weird because they have these type issues come up. Second, because the therapist needs therapy right now. I need help to break this open and get to the bottom of it. There is great revelation and healing that can come from expressing feelings, whether through the written word, the spoken word, or any other way one can get things out in the open.

I once worked for a psychiatrist who after just a short while entrusted me with completing all of her initial assessments. It’s a big deal because that means each new patient who came into her office did not meet with her, but me. I conducted what is called a psycho-social assessment which was a 10 page interview process that is designed to give the clinician doing the assessment enough information to make an official diagnoses from the same DSM-V that the doctors use.  I would make my decision and then pass it to the doctor to review . After a short time she just signed whatever I gave her. It was a high compliment.

One day we got to talking about our lives and personal family histories and all. After sharing a few things that had happened, were happening and may happen she was speechless. She could not understand how I even made it as far as I did , much less be so good. She named me ” the wounded healer”. To this day I see myself as a wounded healer.

So back to my problem now, I am aware that I am self-medicating. I have written enough posts already to carry me on for a year or more. I have no reason to keep on this marathon blog session. However the minute I try to lay my head down at night I realize I do not care for this uncomfortable silence in my brain. So within a half hour I am usually back up from my attempt to rest. I reach for this , and so the story goes. I hate it. I hate it that for 3 days I have closed my eyes for about 45 minutes per day if that.

Now the hard part to figure out which stress factor in my life has me right now. There are plenty to go around. Then the therapist in me wants to get all clinical and fancy like I am back at the shop with a new patient. Then I think thoughts like this ” Well I am sure since it is my birthday, my subconscious memory is playing old tapes about things I left undone, or as we EXPERTS call it  – ” unfinished business” in my life .

Then reality hits and in frustration I blurt out to my screen ” What a load of crap that is”.

Now I am still nowhere. Or am I ? Maybe by verbalizing this and sharing my true feelings. I  might get some relief. Or maybe it wont get me relief and poor me has to suffer a week or two of this. Either way I need a remedy to this. So in my case in my situation today I have chosen to do something different. Anything that might throw me off of this pattern I am in.

I made a decision.

My decision is to review my perspective a bit. I needed to reflect on some good things and quit buying into all the lies the enemy of my soul wants me to by into. For example what would I have thought 4 years ago when I had 16 followers and could not find the motivation to even post because I knew only a few would see it and out of those few maybe one or two might like it. Boy now those were hard times, I tell you what, compared to that I am in heaven right now. I can literally write a post about anything I want and know that a whole bunch of people from dozens of countries will see it in minutes. What the heck am I complaining about? Too much opportunity? Wow, poor me.

So you see what once would have been a dream to me — to have an audience and an abundance of things to share about somehow has been renamed in my brain to be a big problem. The amazing twists that our minds can out on us.

Now as I finish up this post, I am left with a different perspective. Now I am thinking – wow, what a roll I have been on, but I have got to mix in a way to get some sleep. It’s not healthy to not sleep, but it is healthy and just fine to roll out post after post with good content. I plan to keep it up until it naturally slows down, but never believe the lie that doing what I love to do is somehow stressful. Lack of sleep is my issue. Not blogging.

When I started this post I had no idea how it would end. Now I see that I am just fine and have much less to be stressed about then I thought. The sleep deprivation is likely causing the twisted thinking. My blogging is fine. Right on track with my goals and the reason I started this thing to share my experiences with as many as is possible.

I encourage everyone to share things when in binds like mine.  It matters not how you share but let another human in. It does two things.;  Resets perspective & identifies any changes you can make today. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the ride!

Quick Share – My Birthday Is Here! & Random Facts In My Mind…

Tomorrow is my birthday. Now I got that out-of-the-way.  That is an ” attention grabber” . The title is half the battle according to some. Read on…

I am not one to write all about myself much, but today ( the day before my birthday)  I figure I will make it up in this post. Just kidding but I do have a few things I have read on some posts on how to increase traffic, likes, and comments, that I want to share and if applicable give my take on.

The most recent tips were;

1- Not too long -1000 words or less in general with the occasional long read. ( I just need to trim my average about 500 words.) I can’t say whether it is right or not, but I will try it.

2- Catch the attention of the eyes.. photos, etc ( I have for sure noticed that the less text and more pics equals more likes) However you cannot eliminate text or no substance will be there. Enough to make it valid but not belabor the point. ( BTW belabor is a fairly new word for me. Picked it up off some old guy at the library last year and after I found out it was not about pregnancy, I dug it.

3-Like ( or love) what you write about This one is tricky for me since I like to write in general, not only things I am passionate about. But, I am pickin’ up what they are puttin’ down.

4-Keep on a certain track or direction. – NOT!  No Way. Deal Breaker for me. It could be my Ad-Hd or my constant random thoughts but the idea of never ever straying off path is, well…I would rather stick needles in my eyeballs.

As a matter of fact not to be rebellious but this is the perfect spot to introduce something I am going to start doing. Now. I have not been able to pin this down until an hour ago when I unplugged my radio from the wall, and it kept playing for like 4 seconds after the cord was out. Why? That defining moment in my life actually made me be able to articulate what it is I have been wanting to start doing once in a awhile.

A post about anything, A Seinfeld post. Just thoughts that may or may not be related that I am having. It happens all the time to me, but they are never all one subject so they never get posted.. Why not? I am going to do it just like I shared about the radio cord. That is true, it happened and it made me wonder. Would it not be nice if we can just type whats on our mind once in a while worrying if the body is the right length for the total word count and all that useless garbage.  ( ok not useless).

Here are a few samples. Real stuff I have thought for no good reason today already.

1- I used to be a dolphin trainer when I was going through college.

2-Why do so many people dig some of my posts but only a small percent take time to say why? I do.

3- I think Hillary and Obama should be on death row. I love Donald Trump, and think God sent him to salvage this country before Obama’s 8 year plan came into fruition and Hillary ushered us into full on Sharia law and  made this a muslim country.

4-My brother killed himself because this priest I have been writing about groomed and doomed him in high school. Now he has molested 6 others and nobody seems to give a damn.

5- I love Pizza and miss dirt bikes.

So it’s about 9 am and these are the things ( I remember) that have passed through my mind. Why should I spend hours trying to qualify each thought and make it into a full post? We would not do that if we were just having breakfast at McDonald’s right? We just stare at each other until we see something or think of something we want to comment on. I am just carrying it on here. That’s all. I think a lot of you will get it and like it.

Oh, one last tip I read about was use lots of reverse psychology.

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With that said, please do not like, comment, reblog or even think about this post after you read it. So NO LIKES. NO COMMENTS –  : } got that?   

Ok I am done. I am hanging up now. TTYL-

Tj

 

The Thousandaire’s Club!…7 Guaranteed Ways To Get To Work On Time EVERY DAY.. 3 Minute Read!

1- Get A Reliable Alarm Clock, And Whisper Your Desired Wake Up Time To It In Portugese At Bedtime Each Night.

2-  Roll Over 3x On An Orange In Your Bed Right Before You Get Up Each Morning .

3-While Brushing Your Teeth Each Morning , Look Directly In The Mirror And Boldy Say  ” I’m A Baller, And Ballers Always Make It To Tip Off”

4- Right As You Close Your Eyes Each Night , Burp The Phrase “Six Thirty”  6.5 Times .

5-Utilize A Wake-Up Service

6- Eat Prunes At Midnight

7- Massage The Toe On Your Foot That Represents The Hour You Need To Arrive At Work 3x After Your Last Bowel Movement.

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 Want to write for “Thousandaire Digest” ?

Simply Submit your post with a money order for $9.99  for your chance at a shot at a guest post!! You Can Do This!

Yo-Sup- Help- I Need An Ethics Gauge From My Fellow Bloggers…

Alright I will keep this short but I really do want the truth on this …so all my ” likers” who never take the time to write a sentence about WHY you liked or did not like my post, please as a special favor to me, just quickly throw your two cents in here. Just in case those of you who squeeze that cross pen until blood comes out are reading, I don’t get paid per like or anything if that’s what you are afraid of. I am actually stumped and just need you to tell me ethical or unethical.

Ok you may have noticed that a week or so ago I re-blogged one of those ” 2 minute read”  posts from millionaire digest to make a point. My point was that the paragraph which made up the whole post was comprised of like 3 tips on starting your day positive;

1- Brush teeth

2- Yoga

3- Refuse to allow negative energy

The reason I re-blogged it was because I noticed that the little hiccup of a post got 450 likes! I am slaving away to feed my people solid food that you can take with you like manna for the day,  for maybe 40-50 likes on a good day..

Honestly I was expecting to get some ” your jealous” comments which I did not! 

Actually I got almost as many likes on that as I do on some of  my better posts!! So a few days ago,  I test drove that machine one more time to be sure it was not a fluke. You all actually agreed with me that it was silly. 

I mean what 

Put your hands togehter for a one minute read entitled

” How to SELF-MOTIVATE- YOURSELF ( actual title)

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Well, I have a confession to make. The thought crossed my mind to continue to BLAST the same few Millionaire posts that I see each day with 5 sentences, and 450 likes, until, well,  I was hoping to irritate them soooo much, that they would re-blog my post to cut me down and get back at me.You thinkin what I am thinkin?

Numbers wise , Hmm.

Negative attention is better then no attention! 

There is a 30 second read for ya!

I figured if they did re-post mine to express anger, I would likely have the biggest day of my blogging career, since even 1/4 as many responses for me would be 100+ likes on one post! Who would turn that down? However I decided it was wrong and will not purposely irritate anyone.

But who is to  say there is anything wrong with me and my DLMK posse   ( you)  to make things interesting and see who can post the weakest post from any  day, with the most likes?

I know, curiosity killed the cat. But whats a little fun amongst a blogging family? I don’t want  to cut anyone down  in any comments. I am not asking for negative comments. I am simply asking if it would be wrong of us to start a little contest to see who gets the most love, for the least letters….

Feedback please….