“La Folla Femmine.”.

Catholic Pedophile Priests

“The Feminine Mob”





I have always had a tough time trying to describe the whole pedophile ring in the Catholic church. I’ve always known and millions have suspected what goes on in there but never able to prove it.  Before I go further, I am not saying ALL priests are pedophiles. As a matter of fact, a priest helped me in gathering this information

With that said, its time the world sees just how deeply involved all levels of clergy in some areas really are..

 Because of how ruthless they are in being willing to be to protect their sick hobbies at any cost, I even named them. I call them La Folla Femminine..

                  The Feminine Mob


After all the years of seeing what I have, one way I try to cope and take any comfort at all is to remind myself that it isn’t over.  The church can bully and hurt people to protect their child predators here on earth but the future outlook is not so bright.


               Matthew 18:6  (ESV)

but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,[a] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.


It may just  blow your mind to know what happens from the inside out in the Catholic church (in certain areas)  on a regular basis. The information we have provides some evidence of  things that have never been proven before although always suspected. 

This documentation is a model of sorts that the Catholic church uses to avoid accountability and consequences for what I believe is a huge pedophile ring that spans the globe and leads straight to the pope.

You might recall that father Albert Gondek first came into my life as he was very closely associated with my own brother 20 some years ago. My brother was another victim of this predator, and sadly the end result for my brother was suicide.  Just as it has always been until now, even evidence in writing did not interest the church and Gondek went off free of course. If you care to see what the predator looks like, click below.



(Did you look at him? I know – me too. Reminds me of certain types of clowns – you know the real creepy ones ? John Wayne Gacy comes to mind. )

After the incident with my brother I decided on a career in Social Work and kind of lost track of Gondek. Due to some very unusual events, I was connected with someone who just “happened” upon me on my blog, and also” happened” to be involved in Gondeks current parish. In a very short period of time we were able to fill in some gaps of time that placed Gondek in certain situations similar to my brothers. Between that information, and you all sharing the story, everything needed fell right into place.

As a Social Worker and a person who has experienced first hand the incredible apathy and disgusting  behaviors in the church, I  have always kept my eye on this problem but always came up with the same dilemma. 

Lawyers and money /millions of dollars over the history of the church has always won over anyone trying to raise awareness to these issues. To sum it up,  anybody who has spoken up or  attempted to bring it to light has either been bullied or bought out.

To date over six billion ( B) has been paid out  just to pay people off and settle with  them so they won’t speak up in court..

Those not  willing to take the bribe have suffered the wrath. Deportation,  the cutting off of food sources or income for their families,  exile from the local community and rumors of much worse things. In this particular case only one of the boys came forward out of the seven,  and  coincidentally  two weeks later  the Catholic church shipped him off to Mexico deportation .

Here is how slick  these guys are–

Check this out. After they got rid of the young man the spokesperson for the North Carolina diocese, who sent me the email you see in this post, made a statement something like this  ” Although we have no evidence, just an allegation from an incarcerated man, out of an abundance of caution Father Al is being moved to another state while we work with law enforcement to do a thorough investigation.”

He failed to leave out one critical piece of information He incarcerated the young man, in the deportation holding area.

And of course no investigation took place, no law enforcement was notified, nor was any agency.


The movie Spotlight  was a good door opener to get to the bottom of the real truth about the pedo-priest ring that I believe could be a majority in certain areas of the Catholic church.  Although they mostly uncovered records of older cases where people have covered things up and it wasn’t in real-time with real molesters and  real victims – it did serve as a tool to make the Catholic church at least cough up a tiny bit of information and sort of admit that maybe there were a few more pedo-priests than they thought. They came up with some sort of public announcement to pacify everyone.

  •  They opted telling the media they would put in place a committee to hold priests accountable. I know of no such committee.

  •  They also said publicly that they had a ZERO  tolerance in the area of pedophilia in the church..

  •  After reviewing all the records, I must say they were telling the truth about the ZERO tolerance.  They just left one critical part out.

  •  The ZERO tolerance was not for the priests but for the brat or who opened his mouth. You better believe there is a  ZERO tolerance for that..

  • Its bad news for the victim who chooses to make known the torment he’s experiencing by any member of   La Folla Femminine…


 When they are not busy painting each others fingernails – they are about the business of protecting their hobby.

 In a sense the movie was a victory for the church because the truth did not get exposed about the everyday functioning of this huge ring –  however it  did call for some action and accountability which now is an open door to show the truth of the extent of  it.

  In my opinion there should be a non-stop 24/7 investigative show just like COPS –    going  after all the priests still working and  molesting kids , every single day and night until it’s shut down.

The truth is it doesn’t matter if you had a trillion dollars or a trillion lawyers that’s not what drives this. There’s only one thing that can make the attention stay on this issue and that is the cameras of the media.

 If  just ONE affiliate  would keep the camera rolling after one incident and go to the next one and the next one and the next one they would be the first to spearhead something that could be the most effective positive change in the history of the church.




Unfortunately we have many  followers who are leading the way in the media . It will take a leader.

So my fellow bloggers, this is where the power of networking comes in and I need ALL of you to connect here.


If you all share this we can hit over a MILLION people just for starters…how about it?

Again the case is about Father Albert Gondek-Lexington, North Carolina- Our Lady Of The Rosary Catholic Church. Google that info you will confirm he was accused (again) in 2015- This case involved 7 boys and one who spoke up. We have all the neccessary statements, eye witnesses, living breathing people to testify of the hideous sex, drugs and intimidation scheme that Father Albert ran on young boys….disgusting.

He was recently rewarded for being a confessed predator with an early PAID retirement and no report to the law.. LETS MAKE THE LAW SEE IT AND THE MEDIA SEE IT.


As I said, it  has never been proven that pedophilia in the church is SUPPORTED…until now…

Many of you who helped me to put the word out about him in the last year will remember that we really needed some additional evidence and proof and some attention on this case. I shared with you the immediate results that all of you have gotten by blogging that post originally. 

One of the things you may be surprised about is the power the church has had to intimidate that even some law enforcement agencies seem intimidated by the church. 

Afraid to ruffle any feathers with full understanding that kids were being  raped  inside the very churches they drive by each day. Difficult to imagine.

It’s amazing to see  the Catholic church try to defend this problem by saying ” we’ve only had three or four hundred convicted pedophile priests” . There is good reason for that – it’s hard to convict a priest when the church protects them from the law and conceals the evidence.

Below is the link to the Bishops accountability page, where the church is supposed  to share with the public the status of the accused.

 As I just mentioned, the church officially came out with only 300 actual legit cases in a public statement recently.

What you are going to see when you have time to open this ( it’s NOT a 3 minute read) might shock you..rather then 300, their numbers range from 10-20k victims or “valid claims ” as they say. When you scroll through the lists, state by state or diocese by diocese you will think you are searching white pages of a major city.

There is more.  You see the author and editor of this site is non other then the Catholic church. Imagine, if they are willing ( only because they had no choice) to publish these pedo-priests- then God only knows how many truly exist? 

My instinct tells me it’s on the wrong side of 50% of priests , but if you count those who  aide and cover-up offenses of others, much higher.


Check this article from an actual real Cardinal. Truth. He himself advocating to get rid of the  many pedophiles in the Catholic church. You know, the ones  that the pope swears are not there.


If  you’ve been following this you’ll remember it wasn’t just one-but six or seven boys he molested over two a year period. I am skipping much for times sake, but here is the bottom line. The email you see on top of this post is the actual email I received just days ago from one of the head pedo-priests of the North Carolina diocese. He was responding to a request I made months ago for an update on the ” investigation. “



He assumed I was just like the restbegging 2f the planet and would take what he said as gospel. He had no idea that I was fully aware of what he did with the victim, by deporting him just 2 weeks after he opened his mouth about Gondek.

I have the information in part due to you all bye the way.

As you see, he boldly and pompously wrote me the email – revealing the consequence for Gondek – all the while with full knowledge of the crimes committed. Just another day at the office!

 So Gondek, after molesting 7 boys, and getting so busted that they could not keep him  in the church any longer, was “sentenced” to an early PAID retirement, with a promise to do prayer and penance.

At least that’s what he thinks. As I read his pathetic email, I was also scanning an important document detailing what occurred – names, dates, offenses committed, and a whole lot of ugly detail about what the freak Gondek did to these kids. . Much of it I will never be able to post. You get the idea. ..

I have all the details and am more then willing to lay it all out for the world to see..

 I forgot to tell him that part. Maybe he’s reading it here now!

Their party has to end some time.

I’m hoping  these pedo-priests will soon be pedo-prisoners . See how they enjoy the same treatment they gave the young boys..

Then again they may not mind. The important thing is that they can’t molest and hurt kids anymore when they’re locked up.


Since I cannot get the proper attention of media or law enforcement for this pedophile, with proof of at least 7 boys molested-

 Lets Do What We Do Best- Spread The Word!

I am asking each one of you to share, re-blog, send to contacts in high places, in low places, or wherever you see fit. Just get it out. Dont let this die off. Its time for the pedo-priest rings to go down.


                  LETS  BLOW IT UP!

Thanks in advance-






100% Guarenteed Best Parenting Advice -Period. If You Are A Parent- Read Now. I Doubt You Have Heard This…


I don’t recall ever being so bold as to proclaim that I have an answer that every single parent will find invaluable. I am going to put that out there today however. The reason is simple. I personally have lived it, its tried and tested and proven a winner in every venue I have worked in, lived in and taught in. Before I quickly share this, I feel under the circumstances I should at least give you a quick breakdown of my background in this area, so you know I am not blowing smoke from some Dr. Dobson book I just read.

My experience in parenting;

Live in foster parent to over 50 abused, neglected and very troubled teens. For over 4 years I had 6 living with me at a time, for anywhere from 7 to 12 months average. I was responsible to develop individual behavioral plans, treatment goals and teach social skills to each until they were ready to transition back into their home situation. In most cases I worked with the parents of the teens on parenting issues, planning and transition goals for both the parents and the teen.

Certified 4x by Father Flanagan’s Boys and Girls Town as a Family Teacher. I worked in the emergency shelter, group home as mentioned and in both boys and girls homes.

I was hired by the state, specifically the Department of Juvenile Justice to teach parenting to groups, and also lead groups to teens in the system.

I have managed/run several day programs, alternative schools for expelled youth, and while managing one school I was asked to train the entire teacher roster in central Florida on classroom management. Three counties worth, and using a skills and behavior management model that I developed.

The most recent alternative setting I was involved in was for kids who were expelled from public school, sent to the secure treatment facility for violent offenders-then expelled from there. I got them next. Sixty  kids from 8-18- many convicted felons. Gang members, one of which sadly was murdered one night after school near his home by a rival.  Within a year, using my own model for behavior and hiring a staff of 45 then training them, most were saying yes sir and doing well in school. Ready to transition back to public school.

I was nominated for Administrator of the year my first year- for that county. ( I hate awards and recognitions as I am not into it, and I am not in it for that). Nevertheless, my Executive Director made me attend the party at the Hilton Oceanside to announce the winner. I was the 2nd place guy, and the winner was a 20 year county judge who was retiring.


I also have 4 of my own. 2 boys -2 girls. Boys are up and out. My older son is in the Army reserves, a sniper/ weapons expert, full-time college student and full time worker as well. He took 30th in the nation out of 30k in 9mm marksmen and since then he has had many doors open, he chose military over law enforcement… ( he said he did not want to arrest his friends… : {  umm wait a minute, should I be worried about that statement, I remember thinking…what are his friends doing??? lol)

My younger son -19 is a professional bull rider and is currently around 20th in the world or so, and the current southern states champion in his circuit. He has made more money in the last year then I have in 10 years. I never made a lot, but when I was 19 I was begging for a 10 spot from my mom…so I am super proud.

My little babies are my heartbeat. 9&5 – I am not at all partial but I think they are at least in the top .0001% of cutest kids around….


Ok, enough about my experience. It was necessary in this unusual scenario, for credibility but please understand I am not bragging at all. I am an imperfect man who has made far too many major mistakes in my lifetime for my liking.

As matter of fact the advice I am sharing now was birthed out of me being forced as a young dad, to either try to hide my problems and mistakes from my kids, put on the old happy daddy face and pretend I have it all together, or keep it legit, and lay it ALL on the table for my then young boys to absorb and possibly judge me on.

Let me reiterate one thing. There is nothing as a parent, even with the experience, training and degrees that I did long enough and consistently enough to call myself a role model parent and stick my chest out. Quite the contrary actually.  I grew up with a father that actually introduced me to all the WRONG things, and ways at a very early age that cost me many good years. Not blaming anyone for my problems, but sometimes I wish I would have had a decent shot at the starting line. It took, and still is taking me decades to untangle some of the crazy webs that have been woven in my brain since 6-8 years old.

My understanding of the value of women, the importance of choosing words carefully as you cannot “un-hear” -and that little issue of being fed alcohol while barely in double digits then not understanding why I was in withdrawals for many of my high school years really messed me up.

So it doesn’t really matter who caused what, or who is to blame. Kids don’t care. It is what it is to them. What you see is what you get.

Now, I will tell you what I decided. I decided to gamble. I laid it all on the line. Came clean with boys. Depression, addiction, everything. Yes, I felt like a loser at that moment. I would never ever trade it though. Never.

So the heart of the matter is this; You are not perfect. You will, if you have not already take a fall….that can become public to your family at best.. I can attest as the chief of all sinners that there is very little you can do to dance your way around, avoid, disguise, and evade issues that you know very well your kids will find out about or already know. It has NEVER worked in my 22 years as a parent and 25 years in this field.

The very best thing you can do for the respect and trust of your family, is come clean. Sit down and talk about what you are struggling with, what you are worried about, take ownership. Not just that though, you need to share your plans to remedy, and invite them to be a part, if appropriate. In my case, the first time I had a sit down of this type, I shared my on-going struggle with addiction to alcohol, and then revealed my plan to enter into an inpatient program.

That was the best move I ever made. Not only did I have a giant monkey off my back, but somehow my kids respected me more. Because of that dialogue many years ago, we have this open door, no fear deal which allows them to talk to me about anything without judgement, and me to do the same. Nobody can use my past struggles against me anymore because I chose to put it out there myself..

I don’t know who this is for , but it must be important to someone as it has been burning a hole in my soul all night to get posted. You may not have the issues I did, maybe its totally different. It doesn’t matter, because the point of this post is to share a golden parenting tip, a sure fire way to be a winner of a parent. It ain’t by being perfect. Because not one of us is. It is by being transparent.

It takes a real ego check to do. Its difficult at first. Then freeing. 

All the years in all the programs, and schools and group homes I ran that I had such great success with had nothing to do with training, or education. Those things came in handy down the road. However the secret to my success with any kid I have worked with or my own kids, is nothing more then honesty.

I have taken and taught and trained on every possible theory in behavior and parenting. They all have some merit. They also all have one thing in common.

None work effectively, without complete transparency from the adult first. Kids give respect when it is modeled for them. Not forced respect either. Not they are afraid you will yell at them or beat them respect. I mean genuine respect, which unlocks the door for all the parenting books and ideas you want. Until you have that, its like sucking air through a very thin straw..


Hope this helps. It works!







No Offers To Help From The Vatican Yet- Hmm . I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

Check This Out- Heck We Could Work Full Time Jobs Forever Just To Shut This Down-

Go Big- Or- Go HOME!!!

Hmm-sounds fair. — Am I wrong here?  WOW-if it wont open I will fix- gotta go


Wow already 5 countries have hit me but sadly not Italy-

Oh, wait- that’s right they are trying to BAN police from knowing about any rapes. They promised to investigate- THOROUGHLY-


You all have got me so fired up my blood is boiling – and I feel like I am waking up from a 20 year coma. When this whole thing is said and done — don’t go anywhere because you will never ever ever believe how all the pieces through the years have made a way to this day. Now it is the rubber meets road and I feel the need for SPEED!

I don’t know exactly how this will specifically unfold but I am telling you now so whenever it does I want you see- the rest..of the story all the way back. I mean you will freak out.

Thanks again-


Romans 8:28 and Jeremy Camp- I still believe.

Those are the 2 things I spoke and listened to every day 20 years ago..that was just the beginning – and man I cant wait to see the ending.


Thank you thank you so very much for re-blogging my brothers story. To my amazement this has taken it to yet another level, making it harder for the pedi-priest to slide out of this deal. I NEED TODAY this.

A consultant, businessman, investor, with some media knowledge and who is interested in what may become a very big and wide open investigation to include national syndicated talk shows and all media. Its sitting on the table.

I have not a minute for posers or anyone who has any other intention then to expose the ENTIRE CULT of pedi-priests in general. Of course after watching my brothers killer be locked up. It may involve books media and much else. I have spent 4 years writing about all this praying that one day this freak and others would be exposed.

Please only contact me if you have resources, negotiation skills with media and publishing and other. Financially you will never worry about your investment as we will do this if an agreement is made that is suitable. I can sell my book tomorrow and get paid because my brother is the one in this case involved. But why stop there? I have the connections to put national deals that would turn on a national spotlight long term on ALL these guys.

So if I find the right partner, we will go that route and hopefully make a HUGE dent in this ring. If not I will sell my own story, be happy Gondek is locked up and move on.

We can nab him- and thanks very much.

Or..there are these guys-


Anyone else want to vomit?


That’s just the bottom line- me – right?? LOL

What is meant to happen will. Thanks to y’all who stepped up. It just took one and I am one step away from immediate and total focus on this. If I wait too long the next news story will get the chance I have. I have 24-48 hour window to at least solidify a partnership.  From there I can secure any national show I feel like it. That, would be awesome. So thanks and if you or someone in your crew that you trust and has what I need contact me 24 hours around the clock starting 6pm tonite. I will be lining up media as I talk to people and Y’all will understand if it works this way –

contact me by email or text first with any reservations-tjpetri16@gmail.com and text 386-675-7549- If you happen to know that you know that you know this is for you if you feel me -just call asap. Praying.

. If you already see and know and have experience in this and want in just call. I really just need a professional to handle all the negotiation and financials and things I don’t even want to know about. If you do your part the opp to pull in long term media to keep this crime exposed is also there. Its truly one of those one of a lifetime deals. The media has to stay with what is hot. Right this moment it is this. It wont be long.

Love you all for helping-





Does it matter how we “fix” kids, as long as they get “fixed” ?

Readers, here is an article written by a 19-year-old who describes his feelings about 2 different ways of bringing control and a sense of respect into one that was previously “out of control”- Read this carefully and then I will follow with my feelings, having done both with the same success rate, but with a very different looking-glass I see! Please read.

toughlove There is an age-old debate when it comes to schooling and parenting. Should we discipline children by enforcing punishment and obedience, or raise them through respect and understanding? I am about to share how one principal walks the first path, while another embraced the second. Our first principal is Dave Derpak. He took over Killarney Secondary School in Vancouver, Canada, in the summer of 2010. Vandalism, false fire alarms, locker break-ins and drug deals were common before his arrival. However, as of 2013, suspensions and absenteeism are down 30 percent, late arrivals dropped by 39 percent, the graffiti is gone and the prank fire alarms have all but stopped. Many are crediting Derpak for the betterment of the school, but how did he accomplish such a feat? In an article on The Globe and Mail.com, Derpak explained:

The students have to feel like you’re always watching. You have to play on the kids’ emotions. If you bring order to a place of chaos, my theory is, the rest will follow.”

 Each day, Derpak and his two vice-principals scoured the hallways, keeping in touch via walkie-talkies and developing code names for different parts of the school. Surveillance cameras were installed throughout the school. Derpak gained the support of students by buying sweatshirts for the girls’ hockey team and offering $500 to anybody who pointed out rule-breakers. One local school-board member commented, “He knows those kids. He knows their stories. He knows what they’re doing this weekend.”

Whether or not you agree with Derpak’s methods, let us look at our second principal, Jim Sporleder. His school, Lincoln High, was much like Killarney Secondary. In fact, one can argue it was worse. While Killarney is the largest secondary school in Vancouver, Lincoln High School is an alternative school where many of the students have come from places where they had been expelled. Gangs controlled the building, and many of the students have suffered from emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Despite these odds, Sporleder and his staff achieved an 85% drop in suspension rates, while cutting expulsions and written referrals by half. What may come as a surprise to most, is that Sporleder did not need cameras, bribery, sedatives, policemen, or SWAT team tactics. No, his methods are quite the opposite. Sporleder’s approach can be gauged through the following scenario. A student dropped the F-bomb towards a teacher and was sent to Sporleder for discipline. The kid had his defences ready for the usual, “How could you do that? What’s wrong with you?” and the boot out of school. Instead, what the teen received was kindness. “Wow. Are you OK? What’s going on? This doesn’t sound like you,” Jim Sporleder said. The teen’s calloused demeanour dropped, where he admitted his aggression stemmed from his alcoholic father’s broken promises. After he got a minor consequen(or punishment, depending on how you define the two words) befitting his menial ‘crime,’ the student apologized to his teacher on his own, without prompting from Sporleder. How often does a troubled student apologize without being forced to, and actually mean it? I believe it’s when they are helped to understand where their ce hostility stems from. “It sounds simple,” says Sporleder about his approach. “Just by asking kids what’s going on with them, they just started talking.” In the end, both principals achieved their goals. Derpak got his quiet school through fear and punishment, while Jim Sporleder got there with patience and communication. Many say that it doesn’t matter how an authority figure attains his or her goals, so long as the ends justify the means. In my opinion, the disparity between Dave Derpak and Jim Sporleder makes all the difference. One school has a totalitarian atmosphere where students feel like they’re potential criminals, while the other gives youth the trusting relationships that many of them never had. If all adults treated kids the way Sporleder does, perhaps many children wouldn’t rebel, because they would have nothing to rebel against. Unfortunately, that is not the way of our world. The words below come from one of Dave Derpak’s supporters, and they echo the sentiments held by most citizens:

“Whatever pyschobabbler invented the terms ‘self-esteem’, ‘student lead parent interviews’, ‘fuzzy math’, touchy-feely, rubrics not grades et al wouldn’t last a day in this school. Tough love does tame a blackboard jungle. It is so inspiring to see a principal willing to throw out all of the worst education fads. They must come to the realization that our young people should be disciplined in just this manner. Tough but fair. Its the only way to get a handle on the problems that were plaguing the school. Kudos to all principals who are enlightened enough to set aside all the (teacher union and school board) claptrap so these kids will stand a solid chance of landing a good education. Then they can move on to greater and better things in their lives.”

At the risk of sounding like a “pyschobabbler,” I disagree completely. Zero-tolerance is the opposite of fairness and no study has shown that a “might makes right” approach improves education. “Tough love” is for those who choose punishment over discipline because they’re too lazy or ignorant to explain anything. If all schools were run on empathy, kids might actually want to attend classes. Until then, I wish for schools worldwide to practice Sporleder’s approach, if only for a month. Luke Dang, 19, was expelled from school when he was 14. He now spends his time writing about youth rights, teenage depression, and compulsory schooling. He works at EQI.org

So there it is, straight from the mouth of a 19-year-old.

The two sides of how two men run their shows when it comes to alternative schooling. First off  does it even matter what a teenager thinks? I think it not only matters, but is really the answer we all have been searching for, if I am correct. We want to unveil the secrets of how these kids think, yet they are typically the last ones we consult! Ok now on to the article at hand.

I like to keep my responses or writings in general on point and stay on track , and I will attempt to do so here. First off I think that results in these 2 scenarios are useless. If we are looking to find the man who can get the human to perform the way we want for the duration of high school, then in my opinion it is a pointless goal. I always went into every situation as if I was going to change a life. I always did. I am not proud of this fact though because in my early years I was the potter and kids were my clay. I got them molded into my way of looking , acting, talking, or whatever the goal was and many times under my conditions, under my guidelines and with privileges tied to my strings I was successful.

I tried very hard and meant well, but failed to keep in mind the “rest of the world” that the kids would be facing when I was not pulling the strings, and the mean world, that does not have a pill and a counselor that pop out on every corner. The result was that the kids would leave my foster home or alternative school or program with a solid foundation of social skills and maybe even a sense of right and wrong to some extent. However in some situations they faced down the road of life, they got slapped very hard by the brutal reality of a cruel and apathetic world, which they were protected from to some extent.

Some ended up looking around for a counselor or person to guide them on their every move. The clinical aspect of some projects I was involved in was almost enshrined and given a position that made it almost impossible for the kids to function without in the real world without. No question that either way, all of the kids any of us served ended up with something they probably did not have when they came. They often came from the streets, gangs, broken homes, all of the above or whatever. Any skill set or tools they could attain would put them one step ahead of the kids they were around before.

However now I have had years to look back, and even still talk to some of the kids who lived in my group home 20 years ago.  I strongly feel a good service was done to them by pulling them out of abusive or abandoned situations. I never question that teaching them extensively how to use and understand social skills like Following Instructions . There are patterns that I see in my next 20 years of working with at risk children and their families, that evolved into more clearly directed and reality based thinking. Patterns that I learned and applied on the run as I found my way around the social worker and counselor’s pathway in the field of mental health. Many and dare I even say most of my most productive lessons that have produced fruit over the years came from a teenager I worked with. I am not discouraging higher education by any means, but as a parent and having lived more than half of my life in the mental health circles I must say my heart bleeds now a little thicker  that I have watched my own family suffer, and lived in the same places that some of the teens I worked with lived. I have known the pains of suicide in a family, and have shared in the terrible dark place of addiction with many people I love. Things change.

How this relates to the article about the two administrators is that since I have been also in the identical place they are, with the same challenges they have, I see from a unique perspective. I learn things everyday, and I do not think anyone has all of the answers. I do however firmly believe that just as I may be but a student in one field, I also may have become an “expert” in another. By expert, if you are checking my article for typos I think you may be on a different page than some of us are. I aim to please nobody, but to serve everyone in some small way and my idea of an expert is simply someone I know that has the truth about a certain situation.

This brings me a step closer to the main point and my take on the two schools. I have learned something very powerful in this world. You become much like those you spend time with. You lower the morality bar when needed, and raise it high and proud when called for, but to those we desire to be around, we will become almost anybody! The hard lesson I have learned by this truth  surfaced when I came to realize I was a pleaser. After spending a few years in shock about that, I came around to gain a valuable tool. I learned that I needed to find people who I liked and admired, and try to get as much time with them as I could! Then I might become one of them.

A person who had abandoned the temporary security of a job, or money, or pleasing all of the people all of the time, and embraced the idea of being who you are, learning all that you could learn from the people who had conquered the challenges I faced. Using the gifts you were given not the ones you wished you had. You see, jobs come and go, people come and go, money comes and goes, but the truth will always be truth. Going to bed with a clear mind and a content heart also beats laying down worrying how to be someone you are not, and how to please all the people. In some way, this all leads back to another topic, maybe not discussed as much, perhaps much more important though. That subject, is motives. Motives tell everything and leave nothing uncovered. They are the success of some and the doom for others.

This article was written by a 19-year-old. I have never met him but can safely assume from his age bracket alone that he will probably be likely to stand up for what he thinks is right and wrong. I remember when my boys were young, around 5 or 6 years old. They were so very impressionable. So trusting. If I said that the sun would leap over the giant giraffe at the zoo that night, the look in their eyes was never one of doubt, never debating in their mind as to whether I was lying or not. They trusted me. They would ask me questions like “will it hurt the giraffe?” and things that showed me they had no doubt in my word. It was good.

The other day I was talking to my youngest son Jesse about a bull riding competition he was getting ready for. For you with dropping jaws right now, the answer is yes I do let him  ride 1500 and 1800lb bulls to see how long until he gets bucked off or until he rides it out the full 8 seconds. When people ask me the”how could you let him question” on a Friday night, I usually respond with a “where is Johnny tonite” and we change topics. They do not always know where their children are, but they think I am nuts for having mine on dirt bikes at 4&6 and now bulls.

I rarely let it get to me, but if for even a milli- second I doubted myself for supporting him since age 10 doing this, one glance over at his eyes and I am fine. He is so memorized by those animals, so focused on getting the biggest baddest and meanest bull and riding it out. I know that he truly loves what he is doing. Because he loves it, he studies those that are older than him, that ride for the big buckles and in the big arenas. He has studied the safety and risk, the benefits and potential problems, and then over years, he has now decided to pursue it as a career (with a plan B of course) and a dream to chase. Jesse and I have ongoing joke about something that happened when he was about 10. For a long time, maybe two years or so, his brother Micah and I would be out at the store (usually somewhere Jesse wanted to go) and when we got to the check out counter and Jesse and Micah would put their items on the counter and then like clockwork there it was, that “look.” It was a certain type of innocent look that for almost 2 years Micah and I had fallen for since we were usually in a hurry. After the frozen look followed a light surprised “I lost it” and many frantic hand pats to check his pockets….”I lost my money!”

That was followed by a quick check of time and a “I got it Jess, just get in the truck” by me, and a head nod by his older brother. After 2 years or so, when Jesse was around 10, we had heard every possible excuse about where his money suddenly went, every story about how he would pay us back when we got in the car, because he was sure he left it there LOL! We let Jesse con us out of buying little 3-4 dollar items for a long time now, but this time was different. Looking back I do recall that 10 is right about when he met his first few cowboys and started going to rodeos, so it could have been that. Whatever it was this time was different and we all knew it. Jesse had his cowboy boots on and instead of delaying our trip by doing a 5 minute drama clip, he said nothing. He quietly walked to the register in front of us, put  down his items, pulled out his chain wallet (cowboy style) and paid the lady quickly and waited for us.

As we walked out into the parking lot, I ribbed him a little about finding his wallet, and he smiled but didn’t say much. We all just knew it, Jesse was growin up and there was not much more to it. From that time on he has never pulled the wallet trick. And I have seen many of those transitional moments where something important took place but you are not sure what! I allowed Jesse to do that for a long time with the wallet thing. I knew that I had already taught him what was right and wrong, and some would say I should have stopped it long before. I did not want to force his honesty. I was not on a power trip or an authority ride either. I was just a dad waiting to see if any of what I had sown in to the boy was going to bear fruit on its own or would I have to force the truth out of him. I was never the perfect dad, but an honest one. When I made mistakes, big or small I would come clean and do what I could to correct my wrong. I think my boys respected that. There was always a line, don’t get me wrong. Jesse and Micah did their fair share of testing my lines! However I have usually found that at the end of the day I am happy-that I let them make their own choices. Sure it was freedom within limits, and there were always things that were deal breakers no matter what the excuse. It was just nice to know that Jesse knew what was right, and at the right time, his true motives had to come out and that attempt at testing me had to go. Had I not let him have it his way for a while he would have never experienced the feeling everyone gets when they know they are not doing the right thing, but continue anyhow. Sometimes it is better to tell the truth and even if you end up on the wrong side of the story, people will usually respect you more for it. It also makes you human, shows that you are vulnerable , life can be tough, and even your messes can turn into messages for young kids and your failed efforts may be what a struggling teenager needs to hear at the moment in order to keep on trucking in their own situation.

In this situation as I see it, we have a thirst for power needing to be quenched no matter the cost to the child on the one side. I have said it once and maybe 1000 times if ever once, loved people love people and hurt people hurt people. You do not need to be Columbo to figure out why some people are doing the things they are. We all know about the high school football coach still working through some high school issues, acting all tough and making threats every time he can. We have all seen examples of what verbal or physical abuse does to people.Throughout my career and my life in general, I have become pretty good at identifying why people do what they do. I have met police officers who would give their lives to save another life, and I have met officers who could not wait for the moment to exercise their right to pull a gun on someone or thow them in jail. I have met the same nasty motives in every kind of person of any profession. I have seen the purest of motives very clearly, through the humility in a persons daily routine.

So if you ask me do I believe in discipline, I would prefer consequences that are natural and logical. If you ask if medicine is ok I would say if the child needs it. How about the psychobabble mentioned earlier? Well I think it is hard for a 25-year-old with no kids to advise on anything to do with  children , but sometimes a good long walk with a person who has faced similar challenges as you and beat them might be even better. What about the violent gang kids and all, they just need a good old-fashioned  whoopin, right? Probably not, but it might make the adult feel better to see it!

One time, on a project I was working on in Central Florida, I had just hired and trained a staff of about 30 teachers, 10 therapists, 10 assistants, and maybe 10 others to work with the most “violent and aggressive” teens in the state I was told. After a stack of files a few feet thick  full of labels and diagnoses as well offenses each child had committed was placed on the conference table, I was asked by one of the highest ranking officials in the state if I could have them all read before week’s end. I glanced up at the man, and said ” I prefer not to read these unless I have to sir. He leaned over the table and whispered to me, ” these are not children here for telling lies, I would strongly recommend you become familiar with their behavioral patterns.” I said “thank you sir but I prefer they get to know mine”.

I will spare you the details, but I had just taken on the biggest challenge of my career, written a specific behavioral program based on reinforcing the positive,  where students could earn the right to see the principal by being good, not by being bad. I had just convinced all 45 staff that we would be using mostly positive comments to the students  about 10 positive to each 1 negative and also we would treat each child with the utmost respect. I had just finished a comprehensive motivation system that went against every one I had seen, it commanded respect for students while asking staff to keep all comments positive. I wrote in the program different levels of positive behavior that could EARN the kids a lunch with the principal! People thought I was nuts. As a matter of fact I had myself evaluated before implementing this! LOL!

I had a hunch. Just a hunch, that if we showed true respect and trust in these kids, and modeled for them the skill expectations, and rewarded them if they did so by getting some one on one time with me or other staff, we would see change and quick. I believed based on my experience that kids wanted the attention of any adult so badly that they would do very bad things to get a little time with anyone for a variety of reasons. On the day of orientation, my staff all stood in the corner while the six-foot something 10th graders walked by! I had to remind them that they were in charge here. It was great fun though it was a test for many, myself included. Just a hunch, I had just a hunch but I believed in it so much that it became something tangible to me and then to others. Could we take the kids, expelled from public schools, expelled then from day programs, some that we saw on the news every now and again, and make them respect us? Only if we showed them how respect tasted.

A 16-year-old boy came in (most came to orientation without parents) and he was scarred up, ink all over, and I decided to show him around. Half way through the tour, he saw pictures and plants and a well waxed floor, but no time out or restraining rooms. He asked me where all those places were. I told him that we do not have them here because we do not use them here. He stopped in his tracks as the idea sunk in then began to walk with me again, and said one sentence “Oh, so we just can’t act out here” If I yelled any louder I would have scared the boy to death! I was yelling, and telling and calling for my staff to hear what this boy just said! He got it ! He understood! The expectation was there, and it was met with a casual but amazingly powerful response!Next I wanted to really make the kids wonder. Next we showed them a nice large computer lab. Plenty for all to use, but that was not what they were thinking on that first night at orientation. The very last thing they expected for kids with their history was for anyone to trust them with anything again. We took them by surprise and assigned a computer to each one. It was a silent moment with a room full of teenagers who could not figure this out. It was easy for me, and a great investment in their lives. Maybe a chance for them to witness unconditional love, trust and respect at a time when they deserved it the very least. Have you ever felt that from anyone that you have let down? It’s an awesome feeling, a second chance on the 81st try, a new light in the dark tunnel of life. That night, on the first interaction between staff and student, I watched and breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to work. I was going to get to witness a little magic and the only price we would have to pay was giving some respect to those who did not feel they deserved it, and some trust to those who thought they had lost all rights to being trusted years ago.

Just respect and trust. It came down to those two critical components to make a huge group of failures begin to feel like winners. The kids who were so very disrespectful all the years before, were now being treated as if it all never happened.

We had 90 kids and about 85% success rate. The school district superintendent called us Stonehenge, he did not understand how it worked, but saw that it did. I was even nominated for school district administrator of the year my first year! Kids were returning to their schools using words like “yes sir” and “thank you”. Amazing job my staff did and those kids did as well. It took everyone but it worked.  A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Even if you have 50 links, they have to all give what they can.

Shortly after our first year I noticed the company I worked with to do this project was asking lots of questions about what we did, and suddenly wanted my written plan and numbers of students transitioning back to their zoned schools and all these details. I did not mind that part, but there was something missing. They were not happy for the kids, and the way they had turned themselves around. As a matter of fact they seemed disturbed.

It was just a few days later when I became disturbed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew what I was doing was right. The district was all over it, nothing but rave reviews from parents and everyone. Everyone, except the people in south Florida in the accounting department. They were losing money to the tune of 18 thousand dollars per year for each child we sent back to their zoned school. You know I was going to finish that story, but just cannot let what was a very sweet victory for those kids go out on a downer here. The point I really need to emphasize here, is that it is possible to take the kids with the worst background on paper you may have ever seen, and using a few simple tools begin to give them new hope.

It has been done and will be done over and over again, providing that every staff member is on board with the theory. That the staff know it may mean total humiliation on their part to make a point to a hardened heart. It would mean even if they did not understand the vision, they trusted the leader. Staff that could get to watch miracles happen, so long as they were ok with getting their “hands dirty”so to speak. When it comes right down to it, we end up back at motives again.

People in the human services profession in general should never choose that option if there may be an issue with why they are doing the job. Policeman, teachers, therapists, and many other positions of authority are unusually affected if they have impure motives. The teachers that steal a child’s trust away by committing an inappropriate act, the policeman who has power/ego problems. They are everywhere. In every profession there are the true and the counterfeit. Try to find the ones who make it obvious they will do whatever it takes to change a life. Look for the ones with the glimmer in their eye when you even talk about what good may come out of this. Identify the rare trait of humility, the guys who do not have an ” I love me wall” in their office. Humility can easily copied, but never duplicated. The less people talk about themselves the more I want to know. If people are too busy patting themselves on the shoulder, what makes you think they will make time for you to have the one left? I do not really know the two men that are running these 2 schools. I have never met them. I would be interested in seeing some of the fruit of their labors. More importantly, and my final answer, is that there is respect and trust shown, and that lives are being changed. Lives, not temporary behavioral modifications. Thats not hard at all. What trumps all other victories, is when you see that the child you have invested in is now investing that into someone else. if you have a goal to “get them through” high school, I think its unfair to the student. If you have a goal to teach them life skills and how to use them in everyday living, then you can actually begin to teach kids. After all, that is why we came, is it not? To teach things? Teach the unteachable to learn, 

and teach him to give and you will have invested in a life. Help a student learn to take orders to get through a certain period in their life is not building a foundation for them. It is just a way of passing time. I still talk to many of the kids who were teens when I met them and it is always the greatest compliment when someone says that something I did changed their life. I do not hear it often, but I never forget when I do. We all make mistakes along the journey. Never let fear stop you from trying something that may turn out very good for others…after all, you would never really know unless you gave it a shot, would you?

If I had to pick based on the little I know of these two schools, I would say No to the power team, and a maybe to the other. If I were to guess who had the appropriate motives, I would say the school who has the therapist on every corner. That may come back to bite when the child hits the real world, but it seems like the hearts are good. What I would really need to know who is going to succeed on either side, is to see what both schools have incorporated into the lives of the kids AFTER they are out of school. What stays and pays dividends? You ask me, I say respect and trust must be given to be earned with these kids. I think given the right scenario anyone can change a life for 3-4 years. How many can change one forever during the 3-4 years? I want to see those kids paying for their stuff at the store because it is the right thing to do, not because they had to when at a certain school. My Jesse, and thousands of other kids I have been worked around did it! They were taught how, given the trust to know when to make a change, and made the change on their own. I hope other kids get that same chance in their educational career. Loved people love people. Hurt people should not be running children’s lives. Just my two cents.