Don’t ask me why – but one of my bucket list items was to do a ” Superman ” on my Honda CR250 Dirt Bike while this song blasted…. weird I know – but it is what it was…lol- but the song is awesome for anyone to start their day! Note – When the video comes on you may have to press ” skip ad ” after 5 seconds….
Well I did not want to let the cat out of the bag, but during my off time at the Dont Label My Kid! Executive studios, I have been building my machine to race with the big boys here in Daytona. Heres a look at my the kind of machines I will be putting my life on the line with here in Daytona-
I need your support on this! …
Joke of the day – What are the most common last four words a redneck says before he dies?
Two pictures. One is a picture of a very familiar post to any Florida beachgoers with the exception of certain regions. Without going into detail, the sign warns people who drive in beach sand past a certain point that they may be fined and/or imprisoned if they are caught. If you are unaware, the sea turtles have much power on Florida beaches. Power which prohibit s beach front residents from even turning on their porch lights if they shed light on the beach. This is to protect the nesting habits and confusing of sea turtles during their season. People who consider themselves to be turtle activists actually have been known to lay down in front if moving vehicles on the beach rather than see a turtle egg crushed.
Lay down, like your physical body on the sand. In the way of vehicles that weigh maybe 2000lbs. ( See below ).
Suppose I was to go out one night with 20 high beam flashlights and start chucking sea turtle eggs against the condo walls. Then get into my truck and drop it into 4-Wheel Drive to kick up the nests I couldn’t get to.
Do you have any idea what would happen to me? Besides the real possibility of 5 years in prison, the total irreparable damage to my reputation and fines, I would probably need police protection from some of these lovers of the loggerheads.
Skip to next photo. In this scenario we the people pay millions of dollars of tax money annually to places like Planned Parenthood. Of course they are quick to point out that these include rape victims, and cases where the mother could lose her life.
What they don’t care to share is that those cases represent only 1-3% of all abortions. So the other 95+ % of abortions we pay for are for non life threatening abortions.
By the way if you have different figures please do step forward and give your numbers. Who knows I could be way off . Maybe only 85% of non life threatening abortions are paid for by the public.
Would it matter?
Then I would have to start laying out numbers of how much the ” fetus” parts go for on the black market. God only knows who would get their jollies by being the proud owner of 2 baby eyeballs. Maybe toes are your thing. Whatever the case if you wanna go let’s go big and lay out the entire picture. I’m anticipating about , well let me think – Zero responses. I will publish every one unless you request otherwise.
In closing I want to make sure that my point is about truthful statistics, honesty in reporting , and perhaps some long needed accountability.
It is in no way a judgement or intended to accuse anyone of sinning any worse than someone else. I am not the judge or the on that. Consult Pastor Matt on that ! He is the resident spiritual advisor. I am the chief of all sinners and if not for the blood of Jesus Christ there I go straight to hell.
But hey- There is a time when somoene has to man up and say what is really happening. Before you even think of judging me, know this- I am the proud owner of a turtle that I got for my daughter several years ago. That right, I love me some turtle too. No hater emails please.
Let’s call a spade a spade. If it bothers anyone to talk about baby legs going for 1k$ on the black market then let’s figure out why it bothers us, but don’t pee on me and tell me it’s raining. I’m soaked already..Peace
When it comes time to intervention in your life or your children’s life, it is not something to take lightly. It’s not like going to a grocery store and decided afterwords you want to go to several more stores before buying. All mental health workers from therapists to doctors are trained in their particular flavor of how to find something wrong with you. This is how they get paid. Go to a psychiatry office you will walk out with a script and a diagnoses. The odds are better than not that you will leave with a new label of some source that like it or not will attach itself to you for life.
Go to a psychologist and you will likely get some reason that you need to come 1-2x per week to get to” what is underneath all this” and spend a ton of money to lay on a couch or sit in a chair for a long time to be reminded of how miserable your life was/is.
Go to a behaviorist like myself and you will likely get a plan of action using behavioral techniques and rewards to attempt at changing behavior. You always go to the least restrictive first. In this case the behaviorist. You NEVER want to have you or your child locked up or labeled for life because you didn’t do your homework. If you have not read my homepage, go back now and read it to get an understanding of how the system works. You may be quite surprised. The main page article called “Mental Health Is Driving Me Crazy” is the post to read or this may not make as much sense. I promise you won’t regret it.
I have spent more than 20 years of my life working with troubled kids, teens and their parents in every possible demographic. I have not only been a part of the professional team but was fortunate to move up quickly in 9/10 companies. After spending many years on the front lines and just as many in management, I was blessed to be asked to start a school in Florida for expelled felons. These students had not only been expelled from public school, but then got themselves kicked out of the alternative school where kids must go if they get expelled from public school.
I was asked if I could do anything to help them and I knew with my Boys Town training and my hands on experience I could do it. I did and I won awards and all . But the most important task I had to train our teachers was to catch the kids doing something right all day each day instead of a day full criticism at an already over medicated and tired group
I named this blog over four years ago Don’t Label My Kid! for a reason. It was not just a cute title to me. It was symbolic of what clearly is one of the top issues we need to addressed, labeling people in general.
Over the next 4 years I targeted a certain audience to reach. Those are families in need of assistance but many times have no clue what to do. Usually they see a television show with guests that have all got the same disorder Parents look to neighbors, friends and sometimes strangers for feedback on how to cope and deal with the problems they have with their teens.
Many parents could not explain the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist much less figure out on their own whuch to see. Parents and their kids just going whichever way the wind blows. Whatever place the therapist or teacher told them to go not considering the permanent label and scar it could leave. Its just blindly leading people to their own slaughter. Dont be a part of your own child’s social demize. Let us help develop a family plan of action. We offer hourly rates that are much less than you would pay in an office as we dont have the overhead of buidlings etc.. We will work with you from beginning to end. All you need to do to get on the road to recovery for your family is look at menu of our team and determine who will best suit your needs. Then contact us asap before the damage gets too bad.
Having been in and around the circles of addiction, depression and all behavioral and mental health issues in my career allowed me to understand the nuances and many differences between the way one doctor does things compared to another.
Now is the time to act when they are under 13 or 14 although it is still workable at 18 if they are willing. Children as young as 8 years old are being drugged today, dont let this be the case with your loved ones.
Here is the point of this little post. Don’t pretend there is no issue. Address all the issues as directed by someone who actually has worked and lived it and has education as well.
Don’t try this at home people. Its above anyone’s head who has not been trained extensively on the topic. This is why we have a team with Dont Label My Kid! A team that has 100+ years combined experience in all areas from addiction to behavioral health to spiritual guidance, natural healing and all things mental health. Leave this part to the professionals in this field who have also raised our own kids., or you risk being a willing part in labeling your own child for life.
Discuss your options today for coaching, consulting and anything else you see on our front page menu.
Read Pastor Matt’s bio, as well as Jenny, Mike and Mine to see who would who of us could best help then lets started. You know what they say about the definition of crazy is right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Contact me -firstname.lastname@example.org or in emergency 386-675-7549
It takes extraordinary people to reap extraordinary harvests in life. Achieving success does not come easy, perhaps the most successful people I know have had the most failure of any one I know . Here is one of my favorite athletes giving his take on success and failure.
” I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. i have lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed. I can accept failure everyone fails at something. But I cannot accept not trying. ” – Michael Jordan
We cannot operate on the idea that many people do, the idea that all the successful people got “lucky” in life, or that the world owes us something and we are tired of waiting on it. The world owes us nothing. Pressing on during dark times, not operating in what it ” looks ” like in our circumstances and what goes on around us. Not everyone is willing to do the work that it takes to be successful. Not everyone is willing to suffer the hardship it requires to reach and achieve the goals you have. Ben Franklin once said ” The harder I work, the luckier I get “. There comes a time in all of our lives when we are fed up. Done trying and burned out. This is the critical moment that will determine the future, as we all have to decide to press on in pain and darkness when no hope is in sight, or just quit and let the world have it’s way with us, being tossed back and forth by the waves of society, living an emotional roller coaster. Listening to what Oprah is saying instead of doing what we are dying to do. Paying attention to the unstable ways out in this world, or grounding yourself in your dream.
Definition: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering
” The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people “- Randy Pausch
” Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up “- Thomas A. Edison
Perseverance is not getting knocked down 19 times, it is getting up on the 20th. We often have the idea that the people who are successful in or eyes have not suffered, have not been broke, hungry, hopeless, helpless, depressed, angry, frustrated, scared, worried, tired, drained. We think we are the only ones who suffer from these trials. No, it is not the case. If we want success we will encounter these obstacles. Never fool yourself into thinking that there is a short road to success. Persevere!
It is critical that we are viewing things from a proper perspective. One time when my children were all young, I was experiencing very intense financial hardship. I was broke, and I had gotten so focused on my finances that I did not pay much attention to my children as much as I had. One day I was driving around, and heard an interview on the radio. The guest on the phone was a man who had just recently won around 10 million dollars in some kind of clearinghouse. The radio personalities were celebrating, cheering him, they had background sound effects of whistles and bells, but the man did not seem to be as excited as they were. As they waded through an interview with him, it came out that this man had recently lost his 8 year old son to cancer. The radio people fumbled to find words, and then one announcer consoled the man, expressing his empathy about his loss. He followed that with this statement. ” I know you would give the 10 million back to have your son back, and am so sorry to hear this “….there was a short pause and the man, barely able to utter words, emotionally and tearfully said these words- ” Have him back? (crying)..I would give that 10 million dollars back just to have a chance to say goodbye “. These words changed my perspective in one minute. I turned around and went home, to hug my healthy children, and my perspective was reset. Have a proper perspective!
Start thinking as you desire to be. Say words that encourage your dream to happen. Speak things like ” I am looking forward to doing the book. I am looking forward to my promotion, I am excited about the new doors opening for me. I can do this!” The most important lesson so far I have learned in life regarding this topic, is this; If you can learn to be content in any circumstance, in any situation whether happy or sad, rich or poor, you can do anything. Stop thinking that the dream you have is going to give you contentment. Contentment is a learned trait. You learn to be content, no matter what is going on, you choose to stay positive through dark times!
There will always be haters. It seems the closer we get to success, the more haters appear. They are the ones that gave up at the brick wall you pushed through. They feel uncomfortable with you moving up and out, while they will remain status quo. It is easier for them to tear you down then to push you forward. Believe in yourself when nobody else does. View resistance as a step closer to success, nobody takes time to tear down someone who has agreed to stay in misery! They will try to pull you back down to that place because it would be lonely without you. They know they have given up, but you have not, and there may be resistance even from family or friends. When you achieve success, you will clearly remember those who believed in you all the way up. Those people, are called friends.
Those are some real ways to prepare yourself for success. You need to see yourself in the position you want to be in. Call things that are not as though they are. Picture you doing what you are striving for. Dwell on it. Never be intimidated and never be ashamed. I was about 25 years old, and was a speaker to several hundred people on the topic of training trainers for at -risk youth. I was about to get up and go to the podium, when it happened. The voices whispering in my ear ” You cannot do this” ” You have never spoken to this many at once” ” You will be nervous” . Now just to clear the record, they were not real voices! LOL! They were the whispers of doubt coming to me because I was doing something for the first time. I was slightly slowed, but trying to pull it together, when my friend seated next to me at the table pulled my arm back to him gently, as I was about to walk away to speak. He sensed the nerves. He leaned over , whispering in my ear as all of the people looked on. They could not hear what was being said, but I sure did and it gave me a new perspective on things. He said casually, and with a smile to me ” Hey man, act like you have done this before!” It may not seem like a powerful inspirational statement to you, but it was what I needed that day. I looked out at the audience, and the thought came that I was up there for a reason! I was right where I should have been, when I should have been there.
I am right where I should be today, because I did not stop at the brick wall to give up. You have a brick wall to face too. Press through it and leave the others behind. After all, thats the only way you will stand out, is by finishing strong, breaking cycles of negativity and learning contentment right now. You are right where you should be, for such a time as this! Never give up.
Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj
Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?
Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.
So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.
Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.
Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.
Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?
What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.
OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.
But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?
Maybe because coaching works.
Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.
Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years ” or ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.
Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.
Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction. Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.
Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.
Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.
Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.
Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.
Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.
I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.
Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…
I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.
This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.
When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.
Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.
Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back
email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
About 10 years ago during one of my creative mania/ weirdest cycles I came up with these 3 ideas that I thought would be absolute hits and make millions If I only had an investor. You know what, I still see more than ever that they would be awesome. However, out of the three, the one that is the strongest is once I am going to share briefly.
The reason I am sharing it publicly is two-fold. One, so I have proof it was my idea. In case some visitor from Turkey comes on my site and steals it up. WordPress not only tracks who looked at what articles and where you live but much more. I’m pretty sure that they can trace whoever steals my idea to the driveway and also tell the cops what color shirt you were wearing when they read my post. The moral of the story, don’t mess with my inventions.
The second reason is just to get any feedback, and take names and numbers of anyone who might want to be an investor. So here me out. This is not a joke, as sad as it is , I think what I am going to show you would burn it down. Totally blow up and be very big.
We all know the lengths people go to just avoid loneliness , correct? You know, go to Starbucks to ” work ” when we could ” work” at home but we don’t want to be alone..Or purposely planning things around others schedules when you know you will run into them, then act all surprised. This is what they tell me anyway,I mean I never had a problem. I do have friends. So I don’t know first hand but I hear things. People talk..
I am all about self- esteem. So what better way to raise someones esteem then to have a constant reminder that the are not alone! All for the stroke of a check or a swipe of a debit card once a month!
So here is the deal just plain and simple. Its called;
TJ’s Rent A Friend
Feeling lonely and down, but are tired of hoping the doorbell will sound, or the phone will ring? Your lonesome days are over! At TJ’s Rent A Friend we have hundreds of Friend Fillers just dying to meet you! Yes that’s right. No more lonesome nights and weeks without any companionship. We have fillers in all 50 states ready to become your best friend-NOW! Wipe the tears away, put that spring back in your step, and get ready for that phone to be a ringin- .
We offer three packages for your pleasure
1-The “quick filler fix” -19.95$ / Month
A–A 10 minute inbound call to you each Monday Wednesday and Friday.
B-A monthly authentic note from your filler to check in ( these are perfect to leave around the house so any visitors can catch a glance )- your self-esteem skyrockets!
2–The “Oh So Close We Are” Package-29.95$/Month
A—1-Call at noon each day 15 minutes in length.B A weekly note for your mailman to deliver and for you to leave lying around the house in the event a family member stops by.- they start a stackin’ and your self-esteem starts a jackin’!
B-Two times per month your friend filler will make a call to a contact of your choosing and pretend they were trying to get a hold of you because they need ” expert” advice! ( you see how its working now)
3- The Extreme ” Test Me – I’m Your Bestie” Package– 39.95/month
A- A call each day at your desired time.
B- Weekly Letter that we will purposely address to the neighbor of your choice, so they HAVE to walk it over – ( see us working?)
C- One in-person meet for lunch per month at the diner of your choice, and you may bring a script no longer then 3 paragraphs that you want your bestie to say out loud for all the patrons to hear. Some examples our satisfied clients use are ” Girl, tell me how it is that my phone sits idle while you can barely keep up with yours?” or ” Honey if you keep writing those best sellers you will never find time to date!’
But its your choice. Its your rep.
Ok my blogging family. Look at the woman pictured in this post. She is a recent new customer at TJ’s. I think its safe to say we all can almost see the tears rolling down her cheeks as she got her first day of friend fillers. I think her quote sums it up.
“I made a friend today”.
Does it get any more pure than that? Look at the jaw, the confidence rising up..priceless.
Now let’s get real. I am looking for some feedback. Too high too low on price, or not enough variety? I am almost ( almost) sure that all of you are about falling off your chairs thinking ” How in the world does he come up with this stuff” But I assure you friends you also are gifted. I am not alone. Seek out your gift and before you know it – you will be posting stuff like this – who knows maybe better!
Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.
You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.
Holidays in my family have never been ” holidays”. I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday. As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.
For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.
As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.
What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.
To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused, physically abused addicts, pedophiles, domestic violence victims, violent offenders, wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next, but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.
All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day. Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.
It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.
Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.
What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ” work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying. Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject. But what should Tj do. I will tell you.
Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .
You are correct, but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute, this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is. Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?
So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers, migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.
Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick
I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?
Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.
I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;
“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”
Tomorrow is my birthday. Now I got that out-of-the-way. That is an ” attention grabber” . The title is half the battle according to some. Read on…
I am not one to write all about myself much, but today ( the day before my birthday) I figure I will make it up in this post. Just kidding but I do have a few things I have read on some posts on how to increase traffic, likes, and comments, that I want to share and if applicable give my take on.
The most recent tips were;
1- Not too long -1000 words or less in general with the occasional long read. ( I just need to trim my average about 500 words.) I can’t say whether it is right or not, but I will try it.
2- Catch the attention of the eyes.. photos, etc ( I have for sure noticed that the less text and more pics equals more likes) However you cannot eliminate text or no substance will be there. Enough to make it valid but not belabor the point. ( BTW belabor is a fairly new word for me. Picked it up off some old guy at the library last year and after I found out it was not about pregnancy, I dug it.
3-Like ( or love) what you write about This one is tricky for me since I like to write in general, not only things I am passionate about. But, I am pickin’ up what they are puttin’ down.
4-Keep on a certain track or direction. – NOT! No Way. Deal Breaker for me. It could be my Ad-Hd or my constant random thoughts but the idea of never ever straying off path is, well…I would rather stick needles in my eyeballs.
As a matter of fact not to be rebellious but this is the perfect spot to introduce something I am going to start doing. Now. I have not been able to pin this down until an hour ago when I unplugged my radio from the wall, and it kept playing for like 4 seconds after the cord was out. Why? That defining moment in my life actually made me be able to articulate what it is I have been wanting to start doing once in a awhile.
A post about anything, A Seinfeld post. Just thoughts that may or may not be related that I am having. It happens all the time to me, but they are never all one subject so they never get posted.. Why not? I am going to do it just like I shared about the radio cord. That is true, it happened and it made me wonder. Would it not be nice if we can just type whats on our mind once in a while worrying if the body is the right length for the total word count and all that useless garbage. ( ok not useless).
Here are a few samples. Real stuff I have thought for no good reason today already.
1- I used to be a dolphin trainer when I was going through college.
2-Why do so many people dig some of my posts but only a small percent take time to say why? I do.
3- I think Hillary and Obama should be on death row. I love Donald Trump, and think God sent him to salvage this country before Obama’s 8 year plan came into fruition and Hillary ushered us into full on Sharia law and made this a muslim country.
4-My brother killed himself because this priest I have been writing about groomed and doomed him in high school. Now he has molested 6 others and nobody seems to give a damn.
5- I love Pizza and miss dirt bikes.
So it’s about 9 am and these are the things ( I remember) that have passed through my mind. Why should I spend hours trying to qualify each thought and make it into a full post? We would not do that if we were just having breakfast at McDonald’s right? We just stare at each other until we see something or think of something we want to comment on. I am just carrying it on here. That’s all. I think a lot of you will get it and like it.
Oh, one last tip I read about was use lots of reverse psychology.
With that said, please do not like, comment, reblog or even think about this post after you read it. So NO LIKES. NO COMMENTS – : } got that?