Parents Who Have A Child With A DSM Diagnoses ( AD-HD?)- And The School Issues…

 

Your.

I have read so many stories about parents frustrated that their child is not getting treated according to the needs they have when it comes to IEP time or even classroom management. I have so much to inform you about but I cannot do it in one post so I will focus on the main issues.

1- IEP meetings are frustrating. One thing you as a parent need to know is that is that it is NOT you job to provide and suggest what is needed for your child. The obligation is on the staffing specialist from the school board. Will they offer this? Of course not. you will sit in the meeting and look like an idiot unless you redirect the responsibility to the staffing specialist and the school board. You hold them accountable for what they have implemented for your child and his or her disorder.

Do not sit there and act like your kid is bad and the consequences are deserved if the school is not doing their job. So if your child is disciplined, you need to ask them what they have put in place to avoid the behavior that occurred. What teacher training has your child’s teacher gotten to insure minimal issues? How has the school implemented necessary tools to deal with the disorder your child has?

If you just sit back and let them tell you how much a behavior issue your child is without holding them accountable for what they have done, you are really in the wrong.

I will post more on other issues but this is an important one so make sure you know it is the school board’s responsibility to put in place measures to help your child.

tj

Why We Believe What We Do? You Sure About That? I Bet Not…

I have always been fascinated with finding out why people believe the things they do. Working as a behaviorist only made that desire to know stronger because I got to learn so much about why we do and say and believe the things we do. It amazes me even still 20 years later how a sa society we just ” assume ‘ that whatever we hear or see on television or in the paper is gospel truth. How far from the truth that really is. Actually we likely are being played most of the time we read or see something in the media, which is known as ” spin”.

However here now I am talking about things we personally have adopted as truth. For example if you have followed me for any time and read my home page about mental health and the DSM with all of its ” disorders”  you know  that even though that book all the doctors use to diagnose us with disorders and medicate us is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Health disorders, there is not 1 single statistic in it!

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Every single ” disorder” in there was made up by a group of doctors who get together every 4-5 years and just make new ones up, then take a vote to see if it should be added or not the DSM. Its 100% theory. Not a scientific fact for any mental health disorder in there. Now that you know that, how might you feelings change when you take little Jimmy to the psychiatrist and the doctor says he has ” intermittent explosive disorder” and “anti-social personality disorder”- and writes him for an anti-psychotic drug? It happens by the thousands each day. How many parents do you think question the whole thing, or bring up the fact that they are all blind guesses anyhow? Not too many. They do not know. Unless someone like me ( who they like none too much) puts it out there for the public to see the average person just assumes that if a doctor said it is real, it must be.

Actually just the other day this older lady approached me and asked ” Do you think Bi-polar can go away? ” 

I looked at her shakng my head and said ” I dont know ma’am , Im not even sure when it got here”.

I am not focusing on mental health now though. Take almost anything we do , habits or whatever, they came from somewhere. I tell the story of a young bride who was cooking up Easter dinner with her mom one year. The mom took a big knife and cut the end of the ham bone clean off. So the daughter says, ” why did you do that”? Mom looks at her funny and says ” Oh I don’t know honey that is just how we have always cooked our ham and it’s always good” ! So a few minutes later the mom cannot shake that question so she picks up the phone and calls her mom. She asks her mom why they cut the ham bone off the ham before cooking it. The grandmother says ” Oh honey how do I know it must have been part of a recipe or something”. Now both the daughter and mother are even more curious, so they decided to call the great-grandmother and ask her. They get her on the line and ask her too, ” Granny why is it for 60 years we cut the ham bone off the ham each year at Easter before cooking it?”

The great granny pauses and says ” Honey I don’t know why y’all are cutting the bone. We cut the bone because our pan was too small to hold it.

jehovah witness

A few years ago I was approached by a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses outside of a grocery store. As dedicated as ever, they politely asked if they could share their message with me. I said sure and let them go through what they had been trained to say over at the kingdom hall. When they got near the grand finale they reminded me that the bible actually says in Revelations that only 144,000 people will be going to heaven. Next they offered me a spot, if I became a Jehovah’s Witness. So I looked at them and said, ” can you tell me what year the Jehovah’s Witness religion was founded? They glanced at each other than took a quick peek at their notes. The first guy said ” yes sir, around 1850″. I said ” Ok, but let me ask you, did all the millions and millions of people who were long gone before 1850 go to hell? Not a one was a JW.”

They had not got the training on that one so they quickly mounted the shiny bikes and headed for an easier target. The point is these guys were sincerely trying to do good and make a difference but had no clue as to why they were saying what they were saying.

This happens in our lives each day and we all fall for it at some point in our lives. When is it time we do our own research and homework? Maybe our way of thinking is kind of like the ham bone story. Or maybe we are 100% set in our beliefs on something that we truly only believe because grandpa told us.

Sometimes the issues are harmless like the ham bone, and it’s really not a big deal if we are a little off . On the other hand , some of what we profess may have consequences here on earth, or worse yet eternally. I highly recommend knowing why you believe what you believe When it’s all said and done, there are some things we will not be able to blame on granny or grandpa when we should have done the research as adults.  Some things we should be very sure we know that we know that we know we have the truth. What are those things in your life?

TJ

You Or Your Children Need Help. Something Has To Change. Psychiatrist? Psychologist? Therapist? Police ? ( if in danger) What To Do Before Blindly Talking To Anyone For Intervention.

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Boy and girl (5-7 years) tying mother with rope in living room

When it comes time to intervention in your life or your children’s life, it is not something to take lightly. It’s not like going to a grocery store and decided afterwords you want to go to several more stores before buying. All mental health workers from therapists to doctors are trained in their particular flavor of how to find something wrong with you. This is how they get paid. Go to a psychiatry office you will walk out with a script and a diagnoses. The odds are better than not that you will leave with  a new label of some source that like it or not will attach itself to you for life.

Go to a psychologist and you will likely get some reason that you need to come 1-2x per week to get to” what is underneath all this” and spend a ton of money to lay on a couch or sit in a chair for a long time to be reminded of how miserable your life was/is.

Go to a behaviorist like myself and you will likely get a plan of action using behavioral techniques and rewards to attempt at changing behavior. You always go to the least restrictive first. In this case the behaviorist. You NEVER want to have you or your child locked up or labeled for life because you didn’t do your homework. If you have not read my homepage, go back now and read it to get an understanding of how the system works. You may be quite surprised.  The main page article called “Mental Health Is Driving Me Crazy” is the post to read or this may not make as much sense. I promise you won’t regret it.

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management

I have spent more than 20 years of my life working with  troubled kids, teens and their parents in every possible demographic. I have not only been a part of the professional team but was fortunate to move up quickly in 9/10 companies. After spending many years on the front lines and just as many in management, I was blessed to be asked to start a school in Florida for expelled felons. These students had not only been expelled from public school, but then got themselves kicked out of the alternative school where kids must go if they get expelled from public school. 

I was asked if I could do anything to help them and I knew with my Boys Town training and my hands on experience I could do it. I did and I won awards and all . But the most important task I had to train our teachers was to catch the kids doing something right all day each day instead of a day full criticism at an already over medicated and tired group

I named this blog over four years ago Don’t Label My Kid! for a reason. It was not just a cute title to me. It was symbolic of what clearly is one of the top issues we need to addressed, labeling people in general.

Over the next 4 years I targeted a certain audience to reach. Those are families in need of assistance but many times have no clue what to do. Usually they see a television show with guests that have all got the same disorder Parents look to neighbors, friends and sometimes strangers for feedback on how to cope and deal with the problems they have with their teens.

Many parents could not explain the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist much less figure out on their own whuch to see. Parents and their kids just going whichever way the wind blows. Whatever place the  therapist or teacher told them to go not considering the permanent label and scar it could leave. Its  just blindly leading people to their own slaughter. Dont be a part of your own child’s social demize. Let us help develop a family plan of action. We offer hourly rates that are much less than you would pay in an office as we dont have the overhead of buidlings etc.. We will work with you from beginning to end. All you need to do to get on the road to recovery for your family is look at menu of our team and determine who will best suit your needs. Then contact us asap before the damage gets too bad.

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Having been  in and around the circles of addiction, depression and all behavioral and mental health issues in my career allowed me to understand the nuances and many differences between the way one doctor does things compared to another.

Time Frame

Now is the time to act when they are under 13 or 14 although it is still workable at 18 if they are willing. Children as young as 8 years old are being drugged today, dont let this be the case with your loved ones.

Here is the point of this little post. Don’t pretend there is no issue.  Address all the issues as directed by someone who actually has worked and lived it and has education as well.

Don’t try this at home people. Its above anyone’s head who has not been trained extensively on the topic. This is why we have a team with Dont Label My Kid! A team that has 100+ years combined experience in all areas from addiction to behavioral health to spiritual guidance, natural healing and all things mental health. Leave this part to the professionals in this field who have also raised our own kids., or you risk being a willing part in labeling your own child for life.

Discuss your options today for coaching, consulting and anything else you see on our front page menu.

Read Pastor Matt’s bio, as well as Jenny, Mike and Mine to see who would who of us could best help then lets started. You know what they say about the definition of crazy is right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Contact me -tim@dontlabelmykid.com or in emergency 386-675-7549

tj

Pull Them Up Or Go Home? The Saggy Pants Syndrome..

How would you all feel if it was your son in the picture with ” pants on the ground”? 

In all seriousness should kids be allowed in school or in any public place to wear pants below their bum? One problem with sending them home is we would have to have the same treatment for all plumbers..lol

We All Have Labels. Some Self-Diagnosed And Some Given To Us. The Question Is Which Are Valid? This Should Help You Decide..

Even as I write this post I think of my youthful years, and how very important it was to be approved by others in what I said, did, even how I dressed. Amazing the effort I put in, but looking back, I did not get much in return. I may be the only one who did that….hahahaha! I suspect we all at some time have done this. As a matter of fact, I think we still do it as adults.

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Of course there are codes of dress and hygiene and speech that sort of go without saying, literally. I am referring to the other stuff. The fact that adults panic before going into a big meeting, or giving a big presentation. Those of us who get nervous when trying to express how we feel about something, fearful we might offend someone. Why?

More than not,  believe it has to do with insecurity and the absence of confidence in ourselves. It causes people panic attacks, difficulty speaking, awkward body language, and a myriad of other problems. I think we would all agree that we each have areas that make us a bit more anxious than usual. That in and of itself is just part of who we are, however when it becomes burdensome, it needs to be addressed. I know some may be thinking they have a “disorder” and they cannot help it. In some cases, it could be a real medical issue, but in many it is an issue that can be traced back to someone or something. Rather than try to explain why we do what we do, I will give 2 examples of how this can happen.

1- The “ham bone” story;

A young woman and her mother are preparing the Easter ham and as the mother cuts the bone off of the ham, the daughter asks ” why do you cut the bone off?” A little taken back, the mother responds calmly with ” well honey, that is just how we do it”. As they continue on, the mother quietly picks up the phone and calls her mother, and asks her why they cut the bone off of the ham, as the young daughter listens eagerly. Mother hangs up the phone a minute later when the daughter asks what the response was. Mother says ” Oh darling, she says we have always done it this way” so they start on the green beans. Finally the young daughter says “Mom, lets call great granny and ask her!”…reluctantly mom agrees and calls her great-grandmother and asks the same question. She hangs up the phone, waits for the question from her daughter which is already coming, and says this; ” Your great great grandmother said she does not know what we are doing it for, she just did it because back 50 years ago they did not have a pan big enough to hold the bone!”

2- When I was an administrator at a school for teenagers who had been expelled from public school, I ran across one 17-year-old who was extremely loud, threatening and violent. When I pulled him into my office and calmly asked him why he acted like that, he quickly named off a few ” anger disorders” he had been diagnosed with. Hmm, I thought…he has been sold a bill of goods that he has no control over his anger. So I did the smart, rational thing and gave him the keys to my truck. I asked him to go wait in the truck until I got there in a minute, and we would talk more as I ran a few errands. Of course he looked at me like I was nuts, but it was a moment of truth and I had to take it. A few minutes later we went to a large department store, a library, and a fast food chain. He followed quietly behind me, careful to adjust his behavior according to the setting we were in. (hint, hint).

When we arrived back at the school, I asked him one question – ” Hey, just curious why you did not knock out the check out guy at the store, or yell at anyone in the library, or even cuss a few times when someone bumped into you at the burger joint?”

He looked up, looked around, silent for a minute, then threw this at me; “Mr P., I cannot do that in those places, I will get in trouble!” About a minute later a smile came across his face, and he said ” so this school is like one of those places, right?” I smiled and said “Exactly”.

He was an honor student who rose to the top of the promotion program faster than any other student. He was able to realize that labels are not always correct. He controlled his anger, it was just his choice where he did it!

I learned very much about labeling and the harmful effects it can have on the average kid who has been repeatedly told they have this or that problem. They begin to believe it and act it out. By the way, this is a certain group, not everyone. I am aware that medical issues do actually interfere with behavior sometimes! Hope you learned as much as I did about why we do what we do!

 

Before You Give Up – Read This.

Just When I Wanted to Quit…

 

It takes extraordinary people to reap extraordinary harvests in life. Achieving success does not come easy, perhaps the most successful people I know have had the most failure of any one I know . Here is one of my favorite athletes giving his take on success and failure.

” I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. i have lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed. I can accept failure everyone fails at something. But I cannot accept not trying. ” – Michael Jordan

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We cannot operate on the idea that many people do, the idea that all the successful people got “lucky” in life, or that the world owes us something and we are tired of waiting on it. The world owes us nothing. Pressing on during dark times, not operating in what it  ” looks ” like in our circumstances and what goes on around us. Not everyone is willing to do the work that it takes to be successful. Not everyone is willing to suffer the hardship it requires to reach and achieve the goals you have. Ben Franklin once said ” The harder I work, the luckier I get “. There comes a time in all of our lives when we are fed up. Done trying and burned out. This is the critical moment that will determine the future, as we all have to decide to press on in pain and darkness when no hope is in sight, or just quit and let the world have it’s way with us, being tossed back and forth by the waves of society, living an emotional roller coaster. Listening to what Oprah is saying instead of doing what we are dying to do. Paying attention to the unstable ways out in this world, or grounding yourself in your dream.

Perseverance————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Perseverance- function: noun

14th century-

Definition: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering

(Miriam-Webster, Inc.)

” The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people “-   Randy Pausch

” Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up “- Thomas A. Edison

Perseverance is not getting knocked down 19 times, it is getting up on the 20th. We often have the idea that the people who are successful in or eyes have not suffered, have not been broke, hungry, hopeless, helpless, depressed, angry, frustrated, scared, worried, tired, drained. We think we are the only ones who suffer from these trials. No, it is not the case. If we want success we will encounter these obstacles. Never fool yourself into thinking that there is a short road to success. Persevere!

 

Perspective-

It is critical that we are viewing things from a proper perspective. One time when my children were all young, I was experiencing very intense financial hardship. I was broke, and I had gotten so focused on my finances that I did not pay much attention to my children as much as I had. One day I was driving around, and heard an interview on the radio. The guest on the phone was a man who had just recently won around 10 million dollars in some kind of clearinghouse. The radio personalities were celebrating, cheering him, they had background sound effects of whistles and bells, but the man did not seem to be as excited as they were. As they waded through an interview with him, it came out that this man had recently lost his 8 year old son to cancer. The radio people fumbled to find words, and then one announcer consoled the man, expressing his empathy about his loss. He followed that with this statement.    ” I know you would give the 10 million back to have your son back, and am so sorry to hear this “….there was a short pause and the man, barely able to utter words, emotionally and tearfully said these words- ” Have him back? (crying)..I would give that 10 million dollars back just to have a chance to say goodbye “. These words changed my perspective in one minute. I turned around and went home, to hug my healthy children, and my perspective was reset. Have a proper perspective!

 

Start thinking as you desire to be. Say words that encourage your dream to happen. Speak things like ” I am looking forward to doing the book. I am looking forward to my promotion, I am excited about the new doors opening for me. I can do this!” The most important lesson so far I have learned in life regarding this topic, is this; If you can learn to be content in any circumstance, in any situation whether happy or sad, rich or poor, you can do anything. Stop thinking that the dream you have is going to give you contentment. Contentment is a learned trait. You learn to be content, no matter what is going on, you choose to stay positive through dark times!

Resistance-

There will always be haters. It seems the closer we get to success, the more haters appear. They are the ones that gave up at the brick wall you pushed through. They feel uncomfortable with you moving up and out, while they will remain status quo. It is easier for them to tear you down then to push you forward. Believe in yourself when nobody else does. View resistance as a step closer to success, nobody takes time to tear down someone who has agreed to stay in misery! They will try to pull you back down to that place because it would be lonely without you. They know they have given up, but you have not, and there may be resistance even from family or friends. When you achieve success, you will clearly remember those who believed in you all the way up. Those people, are called friends.

Those are some real ways to prepare yourself for success. You need to see yourself in the position you want to be in. Call things that are not as though they are. Picture you doing what you are striving for. Dwell on it. Never be intimidated and never be ashamed. I was about 25 years old, and was a speaker to several hundred people on the topic of training trainers for at -risk youth. I was about to get up and go to the podium, when it happened. The voices whispering in my ear ” You cannot do this” ” You have never spoken to this many at once” ” You will be nervous” . Now just to clear the record, they were not real voices! LOL! They were the whispers of doubt coming to me because I was doing something for the first time. I was slightly slowed, but trying to pull it together, when my friend seated next to me at the table pulled my arm back to him gently, as I was about to walk away to speak. He sensed the nerves. He leaned over , whispering in my ear as all of the people looked on. They could not hear what was being said, but I sure did and it gave me a new perspective on things. He said casually, and with a smile to me ” Hey man, act like you have done this before!” It may not seem like a powerful inspirational statement to you, but it was what I needed that day. I looked out at the audience, and the thought came that I was up there for a reason! I was right where I should have been, when I should have been there.

I am right where I should be today, because I did not stop at the brick wall to give up. You have a brick wall to face too. Press through it and leave the others behind. After all, thats the only way you will stand out, is by finishing strong, breaking cycles of negativity and learning contentment right now. You are right where you should be, for such a time as this! Never give up.

DLMK

 

You Can Believe What You Say More Than What You Think. Which Way Is It Going For You?

I was thinking recently about the world. The way people act, the things people say and the way people treat each other in general. Of course it is part of my career and background to identify how people see themselves. I am talking not just about areas I happen to be educated in or any special training. I am talking the basics. If you are a person who believes in God, you read the Bible then you may call it sowing and reaping. You may like to call it mind over matter, or aligning yourself with the universe, whatever the case it matters not for this topic.

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I am talking about actually speaking and believing in what you have decided to pursue. For example, in my work and counsel to families over the years, I address behaviors and words, and the link between them. Whatever behavior is causing a problem had to start as a thought, right? So somewhere between the thought and the action was a decision that had to be made. In my case, I often teach parents that pointing out negative behavior all of the time to their children will never produce a change for the better. Then they usually look at me funny and ask what they should be doing. This little tiny nugget that I learned when I was a young college student has proved to change lives in a matter of days. In this scenario, the nugget is that positive reinforcement is the only way a parent will see improvement that is meaningful in their child.

What? Usually I hear something like this ” I never see them doing anything good!” So now we are at the key area that a parent will either accept, learn and change, or they will resist and continue down a failing path and become more stressed and see more problems some even resulting in health issues by now. So lets take the route to improvement right now, and say we are all parents and we all want to see a change in behavior in our kids. What would need to happen is this;

We would all need to adjust our thinking a bit to line up with what will produce good results. Staying with our scenario, we all would begin to ” catch our kids being good”- I know, it is totally against the flow, which psychology says is about 15 negative comments to every positive comment we give to our child. That is about average in an average home, and usually goes something like this ” Stop talking back!”- ” Clean your room!”- ” You better watch your mouth” and on it goes until we have racked up a dozen or so negative comments in a matter of hours. So we need to change our thinking to stop with the critical comments, and begin to train ourselves to listen and watch for what you DO want to see, and jump all over it with simple praise, such as ” Thanks for having your room clean, it looks great!” or ” Thanks for using a calm voice when we talked earlier, it really helped me understand what you were trying to say”. I think you get the idea, we want to take the 15:1 ratio and turn it around, by exchanging one type of comment for another to attain desired results. The reality is, the only way humans change behavioral patterns is by positive and consistent reinforcement of the desired behavior. That goes for us adults too by the way. Think of your workplace, or relationships; would it not be wonderful to get 10 or 15 positive comments to every 1, on an average? It really is not difficult, and it produces quick and lasting change for the better. However even parents I have shown this to, maybe 50% actually do it. The other half live in misery and complain, while the answer is in their reach.

So I use that example, although very abbreviated, and not a complete summary as a model for the topic of this post. We have got to understand that we ( to a certain extent) actually decide our own outcomes by how we decide to do 3 things.

1- How we think.

2- How we behave.

3-How we use words.

Think on things that are in line with your goals, speak in a way that lines up with your goals, and act as if you are already there. Sound too simple? It really is very easily explained. We have to address the root problem, which is how we think. If I am driving around town all day and I keep thinking about robbing a bank, I am going to end up at a dead-end road, as it is neither realistic, legal, or productive. I use this as a random example, but insert your worries, your heavy thoughts that want to repeat like a tape over and over…

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Now we have to make the decision to think on something more in line with our goals. Whatever that looks like for you, think on it. Dwell on it. Purposely focus on the things that the ingredients you need to achieve your outcome. Wasted thinking, or “stinking thinking” accomplishes nothing good and is likely to cause you even more stress. Next, what we say is CRITICAL to accomplishing what we will see as outcomes. It matters not if you are alone or with friends, if you allow words to come out that contradict the thoughts you have trained yourself to think, you have to start all over. So say things like ” I am excited for what is happening!” or ” Good things are going on” instead of the traditional ” Life sucks and I am tired” or ” I think I will have a heart attack”. You may be surprise at how many people actually fulfill their own verbal commands.

Finally, make the necessary practical decisions that must occur for you to see your dream. In other words, stop doing things that are counter-productive to what you want, and purposefully do the things that you have identified as mandatory for success. Put yourself around people who already possess what you want. Stay away from those who are going the opposite direction. Believe in yourself, and do NOT believe everything you think. Only believe the thoughts that line up with your goal. Most other interference comes from the media, the radio, and our natural wanting to loathe in self-pity. Cut it out. Shut the television off. Refuse to give in to what others say about your situation. Most times, when people see that you are not out to impress or conform to their ways, they get fearful and try to pull you back down into misery with them, as we know misery LOVES company. Its lonely going the positive route, not many choose it. Get used to it. If you are worried about what others will think about you, then you have a self-confidence issue, and address it. Refuse to “need” anyone, but allow yourself to enjoy the company of those who are supportive of you and your goals. Refuse to think negative, as it only leads to talking negatively, which will bring you right to acting negatively. You are trying to leave there, remember? LOL!

Finally, I laid this foundation for everyone, so that I can take a real life example of someone who is living in success at a very young age, because he chose to go against the grain. Persevering,  is falling down 19 times, and getting up again on the 20th. Ben Franklin once said ” the harder I work, the luckier I seem to get!”. Think on that statement for a minute, it is powerful.

tj

An Example Of Why We Are Giving Away Americas Control All Due To The Loss Of An Election..

The Definition Of Desensitization

 

I have paid close attention to every accusation, attack, and attempt at bringing the Trump train down since the election started. I am here to remind everyone that almost every attempt at doing so has failed, resulting in even more idiotic accusations which so far have been proven false and ended with yet another tempter tantrum with an even wilder attack on Trump and anyone on the right in general. However in order to truly put an end to these ridiculous attempts at changing Americas mind, we must understand the method behind the madness.

In this case I am sharing Glamour magazines new pick for ” woman of the year”.

https://www.glamour.com/story/women-of-the-year-2017-solange-knowles

To date it has probably one of the top 5 of the most bold and crazy effort at a subject called “Desensitization”.  Please pay close attention to this word as it relates directly to this matter.

I am going to give you the meaning of two words that I believe are the foundation for where we are in our battle against sharia law, and abuse of women in general that happens each day more and more. Here they are;

1 Projection- In psychology, projection is defined as; “a theory in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities ( both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others

2- Desensitization-In psychology desensitization is defined as ; ” the diminished responsiveness to a negative , aversive or positive stimulus after repeated exposure to it”

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One of the behaviors we have seen consistently from the losing team here is temper tantrums. If you are a parent you know all about these.

Fine if you wont let me play I am taking my ball and going home.”

Now there are many options on how to play a losing hand. One is to just make it a mission to talk bad about the winner and if a chance to trip them up comes your way, you will take it even though the shows already over, just because a sore loser. However if the key players are not just sore losers, but more on the anti-social side – this is now the beginning of a war in the mind’s of the losing team.

This looks more like ” Fine if you wont let me play I am taking my ball and going home” with a part two ” And I am going to take you down however I have to no matter  what the voters said. You better watch your back Jack”.

Now you have constant personal attacks and efforts to downgrade the winner so you feel better about yourself. In this method, wild and absolutely crazy accusations are made on the winning party. This is not about expecting to convince everyone that what you’re saying today is true, because it’s usually too crazy. These attempts at personal lives, or a book on why the loss took place are designed to establish and continue to keep that little door open in the minds of the people and take whatever collateral damage you can get while reloading with another campaign to follow. If they cannot reverse the entire group at once they at least are launching their effort to desensitize….which as you recall means to minimize a horrible situation and make people more accepting by shouting from housetops, ( or CNN, The Washington Post, etc).

This is where America ( except the Trump train) has and is really dropping the ball. We are now allowing things to take place legally here that most would never have even discussed 10 years ago because it’s so ridiculous. While this is softening the hearts of people who just vote like robots and don’t think about right and wrong we also have that other word projection kicking in.

Remember this is when someone who is committing hideous behavior actually succeeds in numbing people by accusing the other side, the winning team of doing the very thing they themselves are guilty of. Now these are going on stronger than even today by people like Hillary and like the link you can read at the top of this page where Glamour magazine named a rabid supporter of sharia law and sings its praises as this years ” woman of the year “. Yes its true. The cutting off of limbs for woman who disrespect their men and the murder of others like the one I posted before this who wore western clothes so was hacked to death by her loving husband.

Why am I telling you this? Because this is a huge part of where we are dropping the ball. We are a desensitized nation. We have let some major players in some dangerous games who have all the leg room they want.   I am trusting that the pattern will continue, that Trump will continue to be untouched by even some of the nastiest attacks.

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Every now and again Trump will take an opportunity to rub the salt in the wound, but hey if that’s the worst he does, he is excelling…

tj

 

Will You Stop Kidding Yourself And Acting All ” Professional” Mr. Cocaine? And You -” Ms Writer” -Do They Know You Have Your Own Head Doctor? LOL You People Pretending You Are Worthy…Pathetic

I have seen many of negative and depressing things in my life. Depression, Addiction, Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Incarceration, Divorce, Trauma, Disease, loss of family etc.

suicide family

That is just in my own family. Lots of failure as far as the family unit growing up. I carried the guilt for that failure long into adulthood. As if it was my fault. 

 

Professional Career

My career in social work and mental health in the corporate world spanned over 20 years included being a foster parent for 40 troubled teens, starting a school for expelled violent youth, outpatient therapist, program manager for several programs from adults with the most severe disabilities anyone has seen, a senior center and another program for expelled youth in gangs where we scanned each kid right off the bus for weapons.

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I was hired by the state to teach a program called BRIDGES  which was a weekly group I led full of teens that were somehow involved in the Juvenile Justice system and on off days I taught parenting for the parents of those teens. Its only been in the last 4 years that I have called myself a blogger when I started this blog.

I have written off and on for many years for companies I worked for and things like that but nothing I called my own  until 4 years ago when this blog was launched.

Almost everything I did and do in the area of kids, families, juvenile justice and mental health has been successful.  ( I am just soo great) I am not bragging, there is a reason you need to know this. This is my gift, we all have gifts and if you’re doing something that absolutely has no interest to you and makes you hate working, you are not within the gifting God gave you.

Due to my family situation growing up, and having been through major depression, addiction, many surgeries for a bone disease, divorce and much more at work I was instantly effective in certain groups. Although I had not been through everything life can throw at you, I still found success at every single place or population I worked with because I did not try to step outside of my gifting.

Except once and I really do not want to talk about it. 

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The Point Of Telling You About My Background.

I hope that the people who need to be reading this and if you know somebody who needs it you will share. People who are currently feeling hopeless or have struggled with it most of their lives. People who are constantly put down about how good or bad they are doing in comparison to someone else, or some people are constantly challenging your credibility to do what you do.

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In my life when I was working on places that serve addicts and mental health patients I was harassed mainly by people who did not like me. They knew I recently had been in a short term rehab for addiction and they began to use it against me in ways that became hurtful . Even worse I really had nobody to reverse what they saying! On paper it did look weird that the teacher became a patient . The problem was that  I began to believe what they were saying. I did not know how to rise above it. Because on paper, it was true!

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This experience I had  with just one man absolutely changed my life and the way I looked at myself. It will do the same for anyone who listens carefully to what I am saying. It’s a powerful lesson in self-worth. Especially if you have a checkered background full of events the world might call you a loser for being a part of. Especially if you have given up on any more success in life due to your past failures. Its a new day!

This post, if received and accepted and not just tossed aside as if it were just another self-help article to get you through today will change you. It’s a life changing, encouraging and hope giving truth to anyone who has been hopeless for a long time and lost any belief in yourself due to the verbal abuse of a spouse, the downgrading talk you allow at work or any other place and by the negative thoughts we have all experienced at some point. Seeing your true position or option for that position is available to anyone anytime. Just like anything though you must want it, and need it. If you feel like hopelessness and depression has been good to you in some way then wait a little while . Come back and read this in 6 months.

 

There is a point in this where a spiritual decision must be made.

If it scares you that I may mention God in this post, don’t run, I promise its not a judge, or beat you over the head with the bible post. So get back over here before you try and sneak off to the next post.

This is not a Christian website and the reason is for times like this. Whether you are a Christian or not we all get to this point of how freedom of sadness is needed and how hope can be restored. The two groups may settle on different methods but we all end up here. We all have to hang on to something when times are tough, when we are struck with tragedy and hope evades us. That is why we have gambling, alcohol. drugs, porn and all these things that actually destroy lives but we cling to them as if no other option is available.

Here is a secret not many people are able to process; for everything God made, the enemy, satan has made a counterfeit for.

As you go through your days and encounter people in your life, try to recall what the original plan was for that situation and you will see a pattern begin to develop. Marriage, respect, god and many other things. For a period of time God has allowed the prince of darkness or satan to rule the earth. However as a believer in Christ we don’t have to take his punishment like the rest of the world does. He will come at us all the time, but we are instructed how to deal with those attacks in God’s word.

Now, whether any of us like it or not, that Word of God is there, it has never once come back void and according to it there is no other way to salvation then what it says – through the blood of Christ. (John 14:6) Even science is catching up with the bible and the scientists who used to talk about Lucy, the missing link are bowing their knees to Christ as they see the evidence in their arena of every single detail being uncovered while watching with their own eyes.

One excellent little book I recommend is by a scientist named Josh McDowell. He was actually so sick and tired of hearing Christians talk about the Bible and Jesus, he actually set out on a scientific mission with his team to prove once and for all that Jesus, the bible, and all the hokey Kumbaya stuff was a joke and he would personally and scientifically prove it. I’m not sure at what part of the mission it occurred, but at one point in it, Dr. McDowell is said to have bowed to his knee and and asked for forgiveness from the Lord and told his team that the evidence of Christ being who He said was so overwhelming that he was kidding himself. He wrote a short book, called  More Than A Carpenter which is maybe a two hour read, and now is the founder of Josh McDowell international ministries. You can just google his name and his many sites and testimony will come up. 

This is one area all of us must either turn from or cling to. There is no in-between , as a matter of fact in that word God himself says he hates lukewarm believers and he will spew them out of his mouth  -hot or cold but no luke -warm .

I say this to encourage you before you turn it away , take another peek..think it through before you abandoned it.. After all what if it is true? Once you have died and must face the Lord, there are no spiritual mulligans.

As a matter of fact this post itself makes you aware of the Gospel and you are officially put on notice. You have been told the truth and what you decide to do from here is on you.

I lived a life of feeling that I was nothing but a failure and my mistakes in the past were just going to pave the way to a miserable part two in my life. It did not matter what was happening around work or anywhere else. I could not find the peace that comes with being ok with who you are. I also had over the years an ex-wife who made sure that the entire world knew what I was struggling with and just made it even more impossible to believe in any hope. Suffocating on my own prediction of failure. All of this happening while I was a Christian!

Then one year I could not take it and I spent a lot of time reading about these issues in self-help books., motivational speeches and the like. Still no change.

I did know enough to know that all the voices I had been hearing my whole life telling me I have no business speaking to this crowd, or I am fooling myself thinking I can be a good leader, after all look at all my problems- the voices were not coming from God. I had this misconception that God was reminding me over and over that I was UNWORTHY. Basically I made too many mistakes to dig out of this one. No way for me to rise from this pit and be successful after all my life problems. It was not until 10 years ago a bible believing Christian listened to my feelings and challenged me with this question.

” The Bible says that there is no one worthy, not one. Who do you think you are thinking you can accomplish worthiness in God’s eyes anyways? Are you saying God is a liar?”The man went on to remind me that If I was going to call myself worthy before God, it could only happen by believing in the finished work of Christ at Calvary, where He took our position as sinners and our consequence. That is the only way we can wake up feeling worthy. He also pointed out a few scriptures about how not God but the enemy of our souls is the ” whisperer” . We do not have to even acknowledge the enemy as Christians. We are instructed in the bible how to deal with him. We know that we belong to someone greater. 

That lesson basically cured me of my listening to the bad voices and many times if a voice did come back I would simply speak the truth of God’s Word. I might say  There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit (Romans 8:1) I was not going to give any credibility to any negative voices anymore because I just found out a secret I am NOT WORTHY on my own. By I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

This entire issue was about making a decision which side of the spirit realm I would listen to . After I decided to believe in what God’s word said, I had nothing but hopeful thoughts each time I read the word.. God is for us not against us. The idea that anything was ” too late” was straight from the pit of hell.

Let me interject something here.  Non-believers need a change to. If they choose not to accept the promises of God’s Word and deny Christ is needed for heaven,  then help is still needed .Many will stop as soon as we discuss the bible, and say

” Fine for you but I worship pineapple plants and the stars.  Maybe its more like ” Hey man, 58 trillion years ago a fish grew legs and began to walk on land. The rest is history!

Usually non-Christians resort to adrenaline related activities , setting new financial goals for themselves and anything that may give them a sense of a new horizon or task to go after. The problem with those, is that they are only a temporary fix. I personally have a friend who does not enjoy his life all, rich as he could be. He has an oceanfront home. Two years after it was done he was not happy so he had a 20 seat movie theatre built inside. That should do it right?  Not when you chose money a sa way to have security.

It’s likely that they will be back in a year looking again. Some Christians who know better will not hold on to the Word and its promises very long and relapse into hopelessness, but the good news is that there are usually plenty of other Christians around who can help get the people who slid out of the Word back into it soon.

This is the reason I began to feel ” worthy” to do anything-even with my baggage and critics. That issue was resolved now. Yes, I am unworthy. However Through Christ I can do all things. I began to read about each of the most praised followers of Christ. Quite frankly their resumes were pretty sketchy, just like mine. But they were humble and willing to let God change them and no longer bound to fear. 

 

 

So what in the world does all this mean. In simple terms? Well, we all have this dilemma. We have to make a decision whether we want to believe what God says about you in His word, or to put that whole enchilada aside and go it on your own. In other words, make a decision to actually find out what this word has to say about who you would be/ are as a follower of Christ. This means what your authority and position is on earth, where you rest your security, what your potential is, the understanding of the fact that as a believer you also have eternal security, what the consequences are for those who reject God and His word –

Jesus said “whoever turns their back on me, so I will also turn my back on him” – 

I was not there to see what His expressions were, but since He also said ” I am the way,, the truth and the life, no man shall see the father except through me” 

That right there is one of the most frightening verses in the bible to me. It does not take Colombo to figure out that if you rejected the only one who can allow you into heaven, it cannot end well.

This may shock you, but I did not write the bible. Just like everyone else there came a point where I needed to make a call on it either way. So that is a non- negotiable with God.

How about the title of this post? How does God play into all the negative feelings , voices and people trying to beat us down. Well, its great news! You have a new boss, and He says you are awesome. No matter what your past is like He is willing to make you one of His. Remember who Jesus went to minister to while on earth. Not the Billy Grahams or the people who had it all together. He hung out with the prostitutes, the drunks and thieves. The ” religious ” people were none too happy about it either, they thought they were the only ones worthy of His presence. The great news in this message is that Jesus is looking for humility, not perfection. As a matter of fact the bible says the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. That is another way of saying rejection of Christ.

It is a great feeling as a believer to know that no matter what the past held, its washed away in the blood of Jesus. The bible says He cast our sins as far as the East is from the West. That is something to wake up for! Whats even more amazing, is that God not only forgives you, to the point where you could not care less about what others say about you- and also he will use you for His purposes.

Each time I am able to share the truth of the Gospel with someone or write about it- It is hard to believe He is actually using me, a broken down sinner for His purposes! See, in the old state of mind of fear, insecurity, and all, we barely felt worthy to do what little we were. In the mind as a believer you get to have unlimited purpose and not a care about what anyone says because God is paving the path of your life.

So as I close ,will ask 3 things.

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A Guest Post From Founder Darlene McRoberts of www.heresyourhopesite.wordpress.com Challenges Us On Where We Are Really At….

Hows Your Spiritual Tenacity? Your About To Find Out

 

https://wordpress.com/post/dontlabelmykid.wordpress.com/24456

 

 

 

 

So Whats It Going To Be? Therapy Or Coaching? Do You Even Know The Difference? You Should.

Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj

 

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management
The words Time to Evaluate on an ornate white clock, counting down to the moment a manager will perform an evaluation, review, assessment or reevaluation of a worker, property or process

Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?

Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.

So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.

Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.

Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.

Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?

What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.

OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.

But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?

Maybe because coaching works.

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Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.

Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with  ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years  ” or  ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.

Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.

 

Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction.  Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.

Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.

Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.

Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.

Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.

Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.

I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.

Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…

I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.

This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.

When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.

Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.

Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back

dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com or tim@dontlabelmykid.com

Emergency Crisis Line- 386-675-7549

TJ

 

Society Today Demands That We Find Each Other Disrespectful- Or At Least Act Like We Do..

This may be a cartoon, but the point is there. The new way to be ” bad ” is to be always on the lookout for any word, any look or any sound that can be misconstrued as disrespectful. Then to drop everything like you have such a wicked temper that it is necessary to run up on someone and say ” why you be disrespecting me B ? “

Then the showdown begins . The sad part is for 90% of these kids it’s a total act . They don’t care about someone bumping into them in a crowded hallway. Or someone dropping a water bottle that lands on their foot. It does not bother them if someone made them drop their textbook by accident. But now they are have to remember to make sure it is known that not only did it bother them, but it will not go unpunished. Otherwise it will backfire and the kid will be see as being soft, weak and having been punked out.

 All they are doing is whatever it takes for them to do to get by without being labeled weak. It is unacceptable to be seen as weak, primarily because you then have opened the door to being punked out on a regular basis once everyone finds out you are soft. It is a sad testimony but it is not just kids either. Full grown men are posing for this too. Whether in Wal-Mart or at the library – everyone is on guard all the time. Worse yet it has now become common for women to get involved.

The most unattractive thing ( besides gold teeth) on a woman, in my opinion is one who can take me in a fight. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to see two mothers with small children get into a shouting match in public and start making physical threats. The kids are shaking, the women start showing their ghetto ( usually learned from some rap song-not from living there) and before you know it weaves and fuzzy slippers are flying.I hate seeing anyone get hurt male or female. I am a big guy, but I have never picked fights and always do everything to deesculate a situation.

With the exception of defending myself or someone touching my children I have excellent self-control. It has never mattered whether I was bench pressing 400lbs at the time or if I was not even working out. I don’t change on that issue. I dont like to hurt people and I dont like to see anyone get hurt. I am the guy at the store who you bump into and I say “sorry are you ok” . It has too much personal response cost for me as far as memories of a violent home go when I was young.

So what is the answer? The answer is to not be afraid to model the opposite type behavior in public. Do something nice for the person that bumps into you. Show your kids how smooth things can be if you give a little. You don’t have to be a doormat and you certainly dont have to sit like some whipping boy and never stick up for yourself. In most situations that would never be required.

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The difference between escalating a situation is most times in our response. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it. Its our choice. It really is up to us to start modeling appropriate social skills for people especially our kids. In today’s world the risks for bullying in middle and high school is not just a black eye and a wounded ego. It is absolutely destroying me as a parent and as a social worker for 20 years to see the consequences of todays schoolyard ” punk “. First off there are just as many girls harassing and stalking other little 12-13 year old girls as there are guys..

The apathy in some kids today is unprecedented. Just yesterday I posted a story of 4 teens only 8-9th grade who watched a 31-year-old disabled man drown in a retention pond. Why you ask did they not walk over to the little pond and help? They were too busy filming it for YouTube. While he went down begging for help, they mocked him and told him was going to die. He did. No charges files against the kids as there is no law against not helping someone dying.

When asked about it, the prosecutor was taken back, and just responded  ” I never thought we would need a law for this “. Cyber bullying is so rampant today that even young children around 10-12 years old are attempting suicide at an unreal rate. A few years ago here is Florida a 12-year-old little girl was being cyber bullied by 3 girls who she used to be close with.  She jumped into a stone quarry to her death. What must hurt feel like that makes a 12 year old jump to her death? Whatever is happening we all need to step up and model change. Teach social skills. Educate your kids about the impact of bullying. This whole thing is really getting to me. It is actually making me fighting mad.

TJ

 

Parenting 2017- The Quickest Most Effective Move For Major Behavior Change- ( Video Post 1:45 )

 

Quick And Easy Behavior Modification

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Open Letter- To The Bridges I Have Burned….Please Everyone Take A Moment And Read This…Everyone, No Matter Who You Are…Make This Day Different .

* This is a very serious topic that has destroyed millions of lives. I know we joke often here but I’ve never been more serious in my life then here. Please consider this and how it pertains to your life. Maybe you have been withholding, or maybe someone has denied you of forgiveness. No matter which , this Is for you.

I hate bitterness. Boy do I hate it. Its like fire coming up burning through your soul. So many years ago I realized what God says about it. He says bitterness comes from not forgiving others who have harmed you. As a matter of fact one man put it like this “

“Withholding forgiveness from others is like drinking a bottle of poison and thinking someone else will get sick.”

It’s all true people. Like or not , we suffer not them. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Those are two different things. Be very aware though that the best thing you can do for your own health is to forgive anyone and everyone who ever harmed you. You don’t have to call them. You can do it all at once verbally before God from your heart. Feel the release.

I have made mistakes. For some reason my sins and errors have always been outward ones. Things that everyone could see. Some of who knew we were both guilty of sin but mine was more easily detected , had mercy . You continued to encourage me into the better plan God had for me. You are the reason I’m writing today and did not give up on life 20 years ago. You never have given up so I could not . You are the reason I could make one more day of the life I had, unlike my brother, who killed himself. You all have been my anchors.

To those who chose to exploit my every mistake and maximize each thing I did to make sure all the right people could get the gossip, I forgive you. To those who have accused me, abused me or did anything to bring me harm, and you know who you are , family and friends alike I totally hold nothing against you and have no anger.

Most of you had never experienced the pain and suffering and fear in your whole life that I did before I was a teenager. You knew that. You knew of my circumstances, yet you chose to use them against me. That is done. I forgive.

However , as things got better, and continue to do so, I must inform you that my band wagon is full. It has no room in case I hit a home run or become very successful. My band wagon is full of all those that rolled their pants up time and time again to step in the dirty mud I was in to lift me out and wipe me off. All the while taking no concern for their needs.

Its full of those who called at midnight almost knowing my thoughts to remind me that all that matters In this life is what God says about me in His Word. Man’s words are futile you said. But God “don”t  make no junk”  and he sure didn’t save my life over and over for nothing . He had a purpose. He judges the heart and He knew mine. He knew of my intentions and had mercy on me because of that. Yet my own friends, family even a spouse could not find it in their heart to forgive me. Yeah buddy is it full of those guys.

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 Its full of those who came to rehab or court with me to tell the judge of my heart and my efforts to make things better. Its overflowing with those who repeatedly believed in me regardless of what they saw , no matter how many times I fell they kept saying that’s just one fall closer to you standing tall. Its full of the people who were Godly enough to remember we are all in need of a savior. They even reminded me that they had struggles too and not to keep beating myself up . 

Man is it full, my band wagon is. I wish I could tell you that I had room, but due to the undying love from a good bunch of people, there is not even standing room. I hope you are thankful each day that you never had to walk through the horrors of addiction by 15, or major depression, abuse, neglect and suicide all in my home. I hope you thank the Lord that the worse thing you have had to deal with is which properties to sell when the market went bad.

You know what?

When that same economy got my family then me medically with a bone disease out of nowhere all at once, you were nowhere. I made it clear almost begged for help to feed my babies while I endured 7 hip surgeries. Nobody home now. I always thought that was so odd since you all were the one’s bragging about blowing 25k on a week vacation, or a 75k Porsche to add to your garage. Then I came asking for a loan of a quarter of your vacation and you cannot help, Wow. So be thankful you have never faced stress, or poverty, addiction and depression all the while everyone mocking you because you cannot provide. I would never wish it on any of you. I really would not.

I just want you to understand why on the day, when the day comes-and it will, I want you to know why my shoulder is not a welcome place for you to put your arm around, my neck wont need hugging then, and my back sure wont need any patting.. You see I got all these others..did I mention, the others that never left. Their arms are so far wrapped around me that I cannot spare even a hand, just like you could not spare a hand. So I love you family who mocked, friends who judged and anyone else. I am on my way now and want you to know I am doing better now. Heck I bet most of you would go out in public with me now, without fear of your reputation.  Imagine that. Yeah, so I am getting stronger every day I want you to know. I have plenty of friends and all the right people with me. I always did.  So I wish the best for you but I do ask one favor.

Be careful not to judge someone , ever. But be especially careful not to judge others when you have no idea of what they have been through and may be still going through. Just be gentle and try to avoid condemnation. I lost my brother to a self-inflicted gunshot wound because he could just not take another day. You don’t to be the person that causes someone to go ahead and load that pistol. Trust me, you would never forget it. Also trust me, because there was a time, when…well I will just say there was a time. One statement out of your mouth can be the final straw that breaks someone. Be a helping hand up not a cursing word down.

I am really feeling today like this is one of the most important posts out of my 700. Not sure why so strong today to me. Actually as I say that I realize that July 4th is when my brother killed himself. When I hear fireworks, I often feel like I am in that day again. During fireworks that year, one blast was a real one. From a pistol. My brothers. So whatever the reason, I truly believe that thousands of people all over the world need to hear this message. Hundreds of thousands. Share it, tell someone about it or just forgive someone today, out of your heart. God knows when its real.

Before I end this, I want to go out on a more positive or at least musical note…so I encourage you all to simply click on this song while your surfing now or whatever your about to do. Take this song and really let it sink in.. Its my man Tracy Byrd with a song called ” Find Out Who Your Friends Are” – You don’t have to like country to like this!

 

 

God Bless You All My Blogging Family.

TJ

 

What Are You Doing Here? On Taking The Next Step… Time To Execute!

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Well, here we are. We have discussed practically every issue in life on this blog in the last four years or so. We have laughed, debated, discussed, prayed and I think I even had a legitimate stalker . The very first mission of this and I hope any blog is to teach. To educate your readers on what it is your here for and especially the question ” what can you do for me”. Today I am going to do a part of my job that is not uncommon in my 20 years as a Social Worker. I am going to press you a little bit. Force you to quit sidestepping and avoiding your needs and issues.

Now don’t think of this as anything negative. Its just the natural progression of things. In my career I would have people make appointments come to the office for some need in the areas of mental health, behavioral health or addictions primarily. There are always exceptions but those were the most popular reasons they would make an appointment to see me.

Almost always on the very first visit I would introduce myself and ask them to tell me about why they were here. I cannot tell you how many stare-offs I had, lol. I would say ” you called me so tell me what I can help you with. ” I never figured out if it was people getting intimidated when they are in a setting they are not used to or what , but so many people forget or froze up.  I would usually give them some examples of why people came to see me and gradually somewhere in the list I would here a ” yeah that” or something to help me know where to start probing or asking questions. We always got moving at some point. Some in just a few minutes and some it took a little longer.

On this blog Don’t Label My Kid! I decided to start the educating on my homepage with mental health. I allude to the other areas I am an expert in but that is where I decided to begin, because all our other problems somehow are related to mental health. I then proceeded over the next 3-4 years to make sure I wrote at least 100 articles related to each area I serve.  I am not talking about specialty areas like parenting that I also assist and do workshops in,  but the main primary areas;  Mental, behavior and addictions.

Over 500 total articles on these areas. This is to find out where my reader’s needs are and to get feedback from you as well on any area . As you all well know I always mix in some humor, politics or other issues at random just to keep things from getting to dark and gloomy on here. (Some who pop in at the wrong time think this site is just a random topic site as my last 4 quick posts might have been about humor. lol) Even though I post about a wide  variety of topics , they are topics related to life. We are all in that game together.

Now, in this time I have enjoyed a good amount of feedback, comments and gotten a ton from you all about your situations now, past of something you wonder about. I have read and still go over thousands of comments from you all. I have not read anything I have not helped someone with many times over ( except maybe the stalker) .

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I have heard from the suicidal, the addicts, the parents who are ready to strangle their kids, the people of faith who ask me how I can still believe in God, then the burned out Christians. I have also gotten messages from people suffering with PTSD, abused wives, and people who have had experiences with sexual abuse. This has been especially popular since I have been writing about Father Gondek . People are much more likely to share if they are not alone. My point is, you are here for a reason. I  can assure you God did not lead you here to get more depressed or addicted. He did not bring me here to write about your struggles so you can leave the house every day with fresh depression. We are here for a change. It’s what I call a divine appointment.

The stage we are at now, is called Execution.

Execution is where action takes place. It is where you quit playing around with your problem. You quit lust ” liking ” every post about your topic, you take the next step in your journey. It is the favorite part of work life, as I get to use my gifts and help people in general solve problems. How though? What do you do – even if you wanted to take the next step to help? Well, there are three possible answers.

 You are getting your first assignment in moving forward with your issues. You should write this date down on your calendar  as the day you ” executed “-

Before you can execute you have to select one of the following scenarios that best fits you

1- I have never reached out for help

2-I have reached out but no progress ( gave up )

3-You are currently trying things but have not got anywhere or don’t know if your counsel is right, or the money you would spend is worth it.

Now, I want you to select the one that describes you best. Usually one of those is it. If not no problem we can identify it. So make your selection. Great.

Now – as a consultant I take on three roles, depending on which of the above fits you.

If you are #-

#1-I am your  ADVISOR– I will start by accessing your need, identify the best care plan and follow you through the process as needed.

#2-I am your INTERVENTIONIST-I help you resume your attempts by picking up the pieces of whatever you did gain or learn, and reconnecting , but with the appropriate services.

#3- I am your COACH- I act as support to what you think you may want to try, and am someone to stand along side of you as you navigate the process and coach you as is necessary to keep you on he right track.

Your 2nd assignment today is to figure out whether I am your Advisor,your interventionist, or your coach.  So, which one?

Here is the moment of truth. You pick up the phone or email me to identify what you are in need of. I have broken it down so you can easily identify your needs from me.

(Although I am very good, I have yet learned to read minds of my followers.)

Touch base to get a Plan Of Care started now!

Tim@dontlabelmkid.com

Dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com

Cell- Txt- Call- 386-675-7549

*Now a few important things have when you contact me

1- if it involves a child, any and all IEP or special class information from school. Also any mental health official diagnoses or medications they are on or have ever been on. I don’t need copies but I need you to accurately tell me the report. If you are needing help for yourself I just need your past and current mental health diagnises

2- If you are an addict or have a loved one is and you need help – DO NOT GET ANY HELP UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME . PERIOD. Many organizations today get paid to fill beds- not make it a good fit for the client. Also if you walk into a rehab with no knowledge of the process and what you really need, you or your friend’s success rate is about 24%

Again- Any addicts reading or if you are trying to help one get help. CALL ME first. It is critical that you have an understanding of what rehab REALLY means. It’s not what you think.

Tj Petri BSW

Advisor, Interventionist, Coach

Don’t Label My Kid!