You may not realize this, but I am actually a fan of yours. I listen to you on the radio when Tom Brady and I play golf! Its ” The Donald” here! Seriously I appreciate what you are doing to help children and do check in occasionally. Today my purpose for writing may be both shocking and a little different. Now that the election is over I can finally let this out-
Believe it or not, back in the gap, Hillary and I went together for a short while -I mean as teens. At the time I had a thing for making music and I broke up with her to head to Tennessee to see how I would do. I didn’t do very well at first and word got through to me through Hillary’s IPAD that she was mocking me all over town.
It hurt, but I stuck with it, and as a personal favor for myself, I would like you to play a little tune I wrote about the years since then….so please. could you please dedicate my song ” how do you like me now” to her? It just feels right. This ones for you Hillary-
( Oh and thanks Toby Keith for making it sound right)
Dear President Elect Trump- We had no idea! Enjoy! DLMK Staff~
Long time reader, first time writer. I just want to ask your opinion on something. Do you think the Obamas are going to TRASH the place on their last night at the White House? I heard their media consultant JAY-Z was coming in town for the bash. Just wondered what you thought.
Leroy in Texas
We have no reason to think any trashing, bashing and destroying will be going on there. If there was any slight hint of this type of behavior, it could have been last week when Obama mentioned that he was going to INSURE his legacy lived on as he ” bounced” out of the White House- Don’t rely on me anyhow I haven’t checked my latest Urban Dictionary for the latest meaning on ” bounced” in months.
I hate living in crisis. I thought all people did until I started in the counseling/ coaching field 20 years ago. I found actually that some people have grown up in such a crazy environment with violence and fear all the time, that when a little peace time comes, they feel uncomfortable. Now after many years of coaching I have learned that before any help getting up and out of ruts can be offered, people need to be made aware that they have grown comfortable with dysfunction and be forced into a decision; should I stay or should I go?”
After a decision has been made to move into a life of peace, the work begins, but there is no point in even starting if a person feels unable to move on. These days healing and new beginnings move along much quicker with the methods I use because my job is to get people well. I don’t want you to keep coming back to my office each week, so we can re-hash the misery in the past, keeping wounds fresh all the time. That’s how many therapists make a living. Keep people un-well and keep the bills coming. After all, if all the patients got well, how would this type of therapist pay his bills?
I prefer to help people into the decision-making process, and if they choose to get on with their life, to help them up and out of their rut with the support I feel they need on their end, which is usually free. It is much simpler, less painful, and much less costly than the traditional – go to your therapist, lay down on the couch and get analyzed to death method. I have written over 300 posts here and get an unbelievable amount of feedback on how, where, who, and all of the questions that go with getting started in the healing process, dealing with issues like depression, suicide, addiction, divorce, abuse, and dozens more issues people are suffering with.
It is disheartening to look a the amount of people claiming to want help, then compare it to the actual number who follow-up with me. Much of it is due to that comfort factor I mentioned earlier, but the bottom line is that we as humans are procrastinators. We avoid doing anything until it slaps us in the face so many times we have to address it. I started this projected to help people on-line as I have in person for 20 years. I make getting well much less painful than some ways.
I never turn anyone away for any reason other than refusal to comply. I work with adults, teens, entire families, and every possible population you can think of. After 3 years of doing this, I am not feeling that a very high percentage of those reaching out saying they need help are actually following through with our plans. The success rate of the people I work with is very high with 8/10 saying they have moved on into a self supportive stage without the need for weekly consulting from me ( after just a few months)
It’s the initial pulling the trigger, making the move, making contact that is the struggle. So as we start a new month here, I am going to challenge every reader, follower, visitor, client, or contact of mine to help a friend or loved one make that first move. Be there when they cannot find a reason to even lift the phone up and help lift it. DO SOMETHING.
If you have a coach/therapist that you use and prefer then use them. If not, connect them to me by this email address firstname.lastname@example.org– I will respond personally very soon and get started. Every person has a different need, there is no cookie cutter method so after we all talk ( you can be in on the first call if they wish) then we will come up with a plan that works for all!
Make November a new start for someone. Excuses are weak and old, we all know someone to help. I challenge all of you to take the first step. Leave your contact info and good time on the email and we will get moving!
I can’t remember the amount of times I have heard someone say ” I could never forgive them for that” or ” Ill never forgive him/her for that”. On the surface it sounds reasonable, especially after you hear the circumstances involved. Sometimes it is sickening and disgusting what people have done to others. At first it sounds plausible to put up the ” unforgiven ” sign by their names and move on, thinking that somehow we have hurt them back.
In reality, it is we who suffer from being unwilling to forgive. Holding onto our forgiveness is one of the most destructive and hateful things we can do-to ourselves. Before I go any further I want to answer a question that I know some of you are thinking. The question being ” why should I forgive them, I will never forget what they did”. Forgiveness and forgetting are two separate issues. I can forgive my father for some horrific things that have affected me and mine into the 2nd generation. However I will not forget, and I would never put myself or anyone else in the position to be hurt by him again.
Forgiveness does not = tolerance. Forgiveness does not = acceptance. Forgiveness does not = erasing the memory. Forgiveness to others means we deliver the same thing to others that we want so badly from the ones we have hurt. Forgiveness to others means the forgiveness we ask God for can flow through us into other people and that we can enjoy the same forgiveness from God that we want sometimes to withhold from others. In the case of forgiveness it really makes no difference if you acknowledge God or not, it is a law in place just like gravity. We cannot change the consequences of gravity whether we like it or not. I hate the fact that if I walk to close to the edge of my roof, I will fall and get injured or even worse. Does this change the effects of violating gravity? Of course not.
So how does forgiveness compare to gravity anyway? It is relevant in the sense that we are made to love and forgive, not to hate and keep account of other’s wrongs. Therefore if we go against that truth and hold back on forgiving, we end up getting clogged up inside like a stopped up toilet. Everything about it is crappy. We may not understand why we are feeling so angry and irritated, and why we feel so bitter. It is because withholding the forgiveness we were meant to give means it stays within us. It dwells in us and becomes bitterness, anger and many times physical illness. In order to release any clogs in our own feelings and enjoy the Grace we get to enjoy from God, we must release what we are holding in the form of un-forgiveness to make room for our own forgiveness to be realized.
You have all seen people who mourn the death of a loved one, to the point that they die still in mourning. Many times they wear only black until the day they die even. The loss didn’t just kill the loved one, but them too. There is a time to mourn, and a time to dance and a time for everything. Not any of those events are to last forever in this world. Just as we have seen the mourning that seems life long of another human, we have also seen the lifelong bitterness in one who has never forgiven others on something. They literally eat themselves away with the cancer of anger inside. That clogged up hole in our soul just wont allow us to enjoy the forgiveness we ask of others and of God. There is a conflict of interest here.
WARNING!RELIGOUS ALERT! RELIGOUS ALERT! WARNING!
The words God, sin, and Jesus appear in the following paragraphs…just giving warning -Read at your own risk! Lol
Lastly, and this is geared for believers in Christ or those considering Christ, who of us is without sin? I surely don’t want to stand before God and weigh out my sins against another’s and hope I had less..
The bible says there is ” None righteous No not one”. We all need forgiveness. How can we possibly go before God daily and ask for forgiveness, but carry a backpack full of hatred and un-forgiveness in our own spiritual backpack? I think I know the answer. Some of us truly believe that some sins are worse than others, and we get to decide who deserves forgiveness. The truth is, not one of us could ever do enough to ” earn ” forgiveness from God. The whole reason Christ came and died in our place was so those who accept Him and ask for forgiveness can have a way to stand before God one day with full knowledge that He sees us through the blood of Jesus, not through the list of sins we had.
BTW-There is no sin that cannot be forgiven by the blood of Jesus, except for refusing Him ( Blaspheme of the Holy Spirit)
The thief on the cross next to Jesus never had time to ask forgiveness of anyone he hurt or stole from. He never had time to do a bunch of good deeds to level out his sin scale. His only hope was to turn to Christ and ask Him to remember him and forgive him. The answer might offend many of us who still think we are ” good” people or ” better than most” because we really want to believe we have a secret pass to heaven because we didn’t murder or commit any ” major sin”. Jesus simply said to the repentant thief ” I say to you today you will be with me in paradise”
Hold on just a minute Lord, we may think. That is not fair! I lived a good life and he did nothing good. It just isn’t fair. Do we really want fair? The Lord said that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God eternal life. You see, sin is a disease we all have, like cancer. Some people’s disease presents in outward ways, like a thief, or an addict. These are the more likely to be judged by the ones who sin is a little more secret. Then there are the ” secret sinners” who love to point out others visible sin while they themselves may be involved in much more vile sin themselves. The bottom line is we all have sin. If we want fair, it is death, according to God. If we want eternal life we accept the gift of the cross and ask God and thank God for the forgiveness that we already posses as a child of the King.
The death on the cross should have been and should be ours. He made a way out for us.
You need not go right to the person who hurt you and have a celebration while telling them you forgive them. You can simply say to God
“ Lord, anyone who has ever accused, abused, neglected or affected me in a hurtful way, I release them by forgiving them, and therefore release myself from stopping up my own forgiveness from flowing daily that Ineed so much from you.”
Maybe it will be a long time if ever that you say it face to face, although it is recommended if possible. Even if you just tell God and from your heart release them from un-forgiveness, you will begin to notice a weight lifted.
There is one other option. We can roll the dice and when we die- argue our case before the Lord. We could just tell Him thanks for the cross thing, but, I’m good and whip out a list of good deeds…
As for me I think I will take the easy way out. Take the free gift and be thankful every day for it. It doesn’t give me a license to sin and does not make me a better person then others. I am not even close to being able to get myself into heaven.
But I do know someone who can, and did take care of that.
Drop the weight inside you today and forgive. Then you can move on with your life.
First off, I want to mention that addiction is a very big part of today’s world, and recovery options are a plenty. Having been through the nightmare myself, and growing up around it, I will say that this article is not just an objective viewpoint. I have done my 30 in 30, my 90 in 90 and all the things that go with it over a decade ago when I was a drinker. I will share personal experiences as well as hard data that shows how people do little more than become better alcoholics and drug addicts while following secular 12 step programs. I exclude religious 12 step programs because the success rates are much different in many that rely on God for assistance.
So before you quit reading, I am simply pointing out facts, not my opinion here. When I was attending AA meetings, al I can recall is confessing out loud that I was stricken with this disease and I could not help myself. I was more convinced that ever that it was a hopeless cause and I would be a heavy drinker for ever. Yet I still obeyed the rules and went to the meetings faithfully, and hung out with 50 or 60 other depressed people awaiting their turn to confess out loud that they were a hopeless addict.
I have done a few pieces on this blog on why WORDS have the power of life and death in them. This, in my opinion, has 100% to do with why these programs fail at miserable rates, some say as high as 95%. Some even higher. Even the 1 person out of 100 that may end up clean has always attributed the victory to an outside support, such as a spouse, or God, or something other than earning plastic chips for staying clean another month. Am I really saying that NA and AA is a complete failure? I will let you read the article with the data to support it, so you can decide….please do take the time to see some of these amazing statistics on the subject. Again, this is not my opinion, so do not shoot the messenger! However if you or someone you care about is in a 12 step program, you really should read this and share with a s many as you can. It may just help them out of the ” addicted to meetings ” cycle. please do share your comments and experiences, of course using supporting data provided, as a baseline. Thanks for checking this out and I hope and pray many will be affected and enabled by reading this!
If you are getting a divorce, thinking about it, or you have already you should know that children internalize the act in many instances. Here are some guidelines on how to reinforce a more accurate view from the children who live through this process. What to say when the chips are down..