Let Me Introduce Our Newest Team Member- Cherie Zack! Women’s Coach & Marriage Expert!

Everyone please take time to read Cherie’s bio below. We are so very happy to have a specialist in her area of service on board with great experience and education on coaching women and marriage situations. She is involved in a plethora of outreaches including a podcast, radio show and of course her counseling/ coaching. We will be making much more available to you on how to access her shows or podcasts and services in general. Her contact info is at the bottom of this page. Please welcome her and feel free to call on her with any questions about your situation!

tj


If I had the chance, I would sit down with you, make you a cup of tea and spill my mistakes in marriage. In essence, I would share my story with you. I wouldn’t stop there though. I know that it’s only because of God’s mercy that I have a thriving marriage and family today.

Bill and I have been married for twenty-four years and we honestly look forward to loving each other for as long as God gives us. It wasn’t always this way though. Four years into our marriage Bill told me in a phone call that he wanted a divorce. I had received salvation just a few months before this and he felt I was changing too much for his liking. He didn’t enjoy me any more and was no longer happy in our relationship. I hung up the phone and went straight to God with it. In that pivotal moment of my life, God asked me a powerful question,

“Will you run or will you stay and fight?”

Run is what I always did when things got to hard emotionally for me. I ran to music and hid in it for hours. Or I would run away literally ending the relationship that was being impacted. But this time was different. This time God was asking me if I would stay. I wanted to stay. I wanted to fight, but I didn’t know how. I had failed so many times before. My past includes a divorce and 3 children that were hurt by my failures. God promised me that He would teach me how to fight but it would have to be His way and not my own. I said yes and He started me on the journey that I have called Boot Camp for so long.

That day started a fight I had never walked through before. During my own personal boot camp my heart was shattered. My faith was tested. My identity was ripped to pieces. It seemed that nothing was safe. Even then, I still chose to stay in the fight because God had given me a vision of what my marriage could look like at the end of my journey. Bill fought against me with everything he had within him. He yelled at me more than he talked to me. He made me feel like I was worth nothing and my life had no value with him. He attacked every area of me including how I was raising our children and the type of wife I was becoming. One day in a fit of anger he threw his wedding ring out the door and told me, “My life ended the day I married you!”

These were days I just wanted to stop fighting and run away. My heart could not take any more. Giving him what he wanted had to be easier than what I was enduring. It was on one of these days that God said the following words to me,

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Those words turned into thousands instantly as the Holy Spirit began to teach me what they meant. This happened many times over the course of my fight for my marriage. What I learned is so valuable that my marriage was saved!!

Can you relate to me on some level? Have you been through something like this in your own marriage? Have you thought about giving up and giving in? I want to encourage you to stay in just a little longer. The ending of your marriage doesn’t have to happen. If you are willing to give God a season of your life, I am willing to counsel you on how to stand strong and fight the way God has designed us to. Today, Bill and I are strong and our life is full as God has used my season of Boot Camp to teach me many more lessons since then.

My background ~

I knows what it’s like to be an imperfect wife and I’m well aware that my past would have been my future if it had not been for God’s intervention in my life and my obedience to follow His voice. I wasn’t always obedient. I resisted God in the beginning because He was asking me to change first. I felt enough change was happening in me and Bill was the one God needed to concentrate on. What I didn’t know then is God wasn’t just teaching me how to fight for my marriage He was getting me ready to fight for marriages all over the world. My mission is to challenge you to take a stand for your marriage and then teach you how God has designed us to love our husbands during the challenges we all face in marriage. My marriage is a living testimony of God’s “Grace Grace” (Zechariah 4). Your marriage can be turned around and restored as well. But you have to be willing to listen to voice of the Holy Spirit and change as He directs you to. He will ask you to do some hard things (I have a long list myself). Change is good, especially when God uses it to draw us closer to Him.

No matter where your marriage stands, I want to encourage you that God is big enough to not just help you stay married but to also teach you how to enjoy a blessed marriage for a lifetime. I know that I have to be very candid in sharing everything I have learned through trial, error, and prayer to turn my strained and struggling marriage around. I can help you through it. You just have to willing to try. I have been counseling wives for more than 10 years now and have witness God redeem and restore many marriages. Their fight wasn’t easy but they stood firm in their faith and God and

Work With Me

So, what is your story? Would you like to learn how to fight for your marriage? Or grow deeper in your walk with the Lord? Maybe break free from your past and strongholds? I would be honored to work with you. I am certified biblical counselor and certified Biblical Life Coach. I’ve been counseling and training women for more than 10 years and have witnessed God redeem and restore many marriages. I would be honored to work with you. Click HERE to check out my session rates and more.

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Why Dont We Call On The Lord For Healing In Relationships? Great Post I Am Sharing Here…

http://bayart.org/incredible-shrinking-marriage/

UPDATE#2 – FATHER ALBERT GONDEK PEDOPHILE- IF YOU HATE CHILD MOLESTERS -STOP HERE! URGENT! PREDATOR PRIEST- NORTH CAROLINA_

“La Folla Femmine.”.

Catholic Pedophile Priests

“The Feminine Mob”

          YOU ARE NEEDED RIGHT NOW!

        UNLESS YOU ARE PRO-PEDOPHILE-READ THIS.

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———————

I have always had a tough time trying to describe the whole pedophile ring in the Catholic church. I’ve always known and millions have suspected what goes on in there but never able to prove it.  Before I go further, I am not saying ALL priests are pedophiles. As a matter of fact, a priest helped me in gathering this information

With that said, its time the world sees just how deeply involved all levels of clergy in some areas really are..

 Because of how ruthless they are in being willing to be to protect their sick hobbies at any cost, I even named them. I call them La Folla Femminine..

                  The Feminine Mob

                                                                               .”.

After all the years of seeing what I have, one way I try to cope and take any comfort at all is to remind myself that it isn’t over.  The church can bully and hurt people to protect their child predators here on earth but the future outlook is not so bright.

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               Matthew 18:6  (ESV)

but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,[a] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

_____________________________________________________________________

It may just  blow your mind to know what happens from the inside out in the Catholic church (in certain areas)  on a regular basis. The information we have provides some evidence of  things that have never been proven before although always suspected. 

This documentation is a model of sorts that the Catholic church uses to avoid accountability and consequences for what I believe is a huge pedophile ring that spans the globe and leads straight to the pope.

You might recall that father Albert Gondek first came into my life as he was very closely associated with my own brother 20 some years ago. My brother was another victim of this predator, and sadly the end result for my brother was suicide.  Just as it has always been until now, even evidence in writing did not interest the church and Gondek went off free of course. If you care to see what the predator looks like, click below.

 

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/ckysag/picture50801635/ALTERNATES/LANDSCAPE_1140/Rev.-Albert-J.-Gondek-OSFS

(Did you look at him? I know – me too. Reminds me of certain types of clowns – you know the real creepy ones ? John Wayne Gacy comes to mind. )

After the incident with my brother I decided on a career in Social Work and kind of lost track of Gondek. Due to some very unusual events, I was connected with someone who just “happened” upon me on my blog, and also” happened” to be involved in Gondeks current parish. In a very short period of time we were able to fill in some gaps of time that placed Gondek in certain situations similar to my brothers. Between that information, and you all sharing the story, everything needed fell right into place.

As a Social Worker and a person who has experienced first hand the incredible apathy and disgusting  behaviors in the church, I  have always kept my eye on this problem but always came up with the same dilemma. 

Lawyers and money /millions of dollars over the history of the church has always won over anyone trying to raise awareness to these issues. To sum it up,  anybody who has spoken up or  attempted to bring it to light has either been bullied or bought out.

To date over six billion ( B) has been paid out  just to pay people off and settle with  them so they won’t speak up in court..

Those not  willing to take the bribe have suffered the wrath. Deportation,  the cutting off of food sources or income for their families,  exile from the local community and rumors of much worse things. In this particular case only one of the boys came forward out of the seven,  and  coincidentally  two weeks later  the Catholic church shipped him off to Mexico deportation .

Here is how slick  these guys are–

Check this out. After they got rid of the young man the spokesperson for the North Carolina diocese, who sent me the email you see in this post, made a statement something like this  ” Although we have no evidence, just an allegation from an incarcerated man, out of an abundance of caution Father Al is being moved to another state while we work with law enforcement to do a thorough investigation.”

He failed to leave out one critical piece of information He incarcerated the young man, in the deportation holding area.

And of course no investigation took place, no law enforcement was notified, nor was any agency.

 

The movie Spotlight  was a good door opener to get to the bottom of the real truth about the pedo-priest ring that I believe could be a majority in certain areas of the Catholic church.  Although they mostly uncovered records of older cases where people have covered things up and it wasn’t in real-time with real molesters and  real victims – it did serve as a tool to make the Catholic church at least cough up a tiny bit of information and sort of admit that maybe there were a few more pedo-priests than they thought. They came up with some sort of public announcement to pacify everyone.

  •  They opted telling the media they would put in place a committee to hold priests accountable. I know of no such committee.

  •  They also said publicly that they had a ZERO  tolerance in the area of pedophilia in the church..

  •  After reviewing all the records, I must say they were telling the truth about the ZERO tolerance.  They just left one critical part out.

  •  The ZERO tolerance was not for the priests but for the brat or who opened his mouth. You better believe there is a  ZERO tolerance for that..

  • Its bad news for the victim who chooses to make known the torment he’s experiencing by any member of   La Folla Femminine…

                                       

 When they are not busy painting each others fingernails – they are about the business of protecting their hobby.

 In a sense the movie was a victory for the church because the truth did not get exposed about the everyday functioning of this huge ring –  however it  did call for some action and accountability which now is an open door to show the truth of the extent of  it.

  In my opinion there should be a non-stop 24/7 investigative show just like COPS –    going  after all the priests still working and  molesting kids , every single day and night until it’s shut down.

The truth is it doesn’t matter if you had a trillion dollars or a trillion lawyers that’s not what drives this. There’s only one thing that can make the attention stay on this issue and that is the cameras of the media.

 If  just ONE affiliate  would keep the camera rolling after one incident and go to the next one and the next one and the next one they would be the first to spearhead something that could be the most effective positive change in the history of the church.

ARE WE GOING TO LET THIS PREDATOR WALK JUST LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS?

delay

 

Unfortunately we have many  followers who are leading the way in the media . It will take a leader.

So my fellow bloggers, this is where the power of networking comes in and I need ALL of you to connect here.

                   LETS BLOW THIS UP SO IT CANNOT BE IGNORED.

If you all share this we can hit over a MILLION people just for starters…how about it?

Again the case is about Father Albert Gondek-Lexington, North Carolina- Our Lady Of The Rosary Catholic Church. Google that info you will confirm he was accused (again) in 2015- This case involved 7 boys and one who spoke up. We have all the neccessary statements, eye witnesses, living breathing people to testify of the hideous sex, drugs and intimidation scheme that Father Albert ran on young boys….disgusting.

He was recently rewarded for being a confessed predator with an early PAID retirement and no report to the law.. LETS MAKE THE LAW SEE IT AND THE MEDIA SEE IT.

 

As I said, it  has never been proven that pedophilia in the church is SUPPORTED…until now…

Many of you who helped me to put the word out about him in the last year will remember that we really needed some additional evidence and proof and some attention on this case. I shared with you the immediate results that all of you have gotten by blogging that post originally. 

One of the things you may be surprised about is the power the church has had to intimidate that even some law enforcement agencies seem intimidated by the church. 

Afraid to ruffle any feathers with full understanding that kids were being  raped  inside the very churches they drive by each day. Difficult to imagine.

It’s amazing to see  the Catholic church try to defend this problem by saying ” we’ve only had three or four hundred convicted pedophile priests” . There is good reason for that – it’s hard to convict a priest when the church protects them from the law and conceals the evidence.

Below is the link to the Bishops accountability page, where the church is supposed  to share with the public the status of the accused.

 As I just mentioned, the church officially came out with only 300 actual legit cases in a public statement recently.

What you are going to see when you have time to open this ( it’s NOT a 3 minute read) might shock you..rather then 300, their numbers range from 10-20k victims or “valid claims ” as they say. When you scroll through the lists, state by state or diocese by diocese you will think you are searching white pages of a major city.

There is more.  You see the author and editor of this site is non other then the Catholic church. Imagine, if they are willing ( only because they had no choice) to publish these pedo-priests- then God only knows how many truly exist? 

My instinct tells me it’s on the wrong side of 50% of priests , but if you count those who  aide and cover-up offenses of others, much higher.

http://www.bishop-accountability.org/AtAGlance/USCCB_Yearly_Data_on_Accused_Priests.htm

Check this article from an actual real Cardinal. Truth. He himself advocating to get rid of the  many pedophiles in the Catholic church. You know, the ones  that the pope swears are not there.

http://www.newsbusters.org/blogs/culture/callista-ring/2017/01/23/young-pope-accidentally-confirms-catholic-doctrine-attempt

If  you’ve been following this you’ll remember it wasn’t just one-but six or seven boys he molested over two a year period. I am skipping much for times sake, but here is the bottom line. The email you see on top of this post is the actual email I received just days ago from one of the head pedo-priests of the North Carolina diocese. He was responding to a request I made months ago for an update on the ” investigation. “

 

 

He assumed I was just like the restbegging 2f the planet and would take what he said as gospel. He had no idea that I was fully aware of what he did with the victim, by deporting him just 2 weeks after he opened his mouth about Gondek.

I have the information in part due to you all bye the way.

As you see, he boldly and pompously wrote me the email – revealing the consequence for Gondek – all the while with full knowledge of the crimes committed. Just another day at the office!

 So Gondek, after molesting 7 boys, and getting so busted that they could not keep him  in the church any longer, was “sentenced” to an early PAID retirement, with a promise to do prayer and penance.

At least that’s what he thinks. As I read his pathetic email, I was also scanning an important document detailing what occurred – names, dates, offenses committed, and a whole lot of ugly detail about what the freak Gondek did to these kids. . Much of it I will never be able to post. You get the idea. ..

I have all the details and am more then willing to lay it all out for the world to see..

 I forgot to tell him that part. Maybe he’s reading it here now!

Their party has to end some time.

I’m hoping  these pedo-priests will soon be pedo-prisoners . See how they enjoy the same treatment they gave the young boys..

Then again they may not mind. The important thing is that they can’t molest and hurt kids anymore when they’re locked up.

 

Since I cannot get the proper attention of media or law enforcement for this pedophile, with proof of at least 7 boys molested-

 Lets Do What We Do Best- Spread The Word!

I am asking each one of you to share, re-blog, send to contacts in high places, in low places, or wherever you see fit. Just get it out. Dont let this die off. Its time for the pedo-priest rings to go down.

 

                  LETS  BLOW IT UP!

Thanks in advance-

tj

 

 

 

   

100% Guarenteed Best Parenting Advice -Period. If You Are A Parent- Read Now. I Doubt You Have Heard This…

 

I don’t recall ever being so bold as to proclaim that I have an answer that every single parent will find invaluable. I am going to put that out there today however. The reason is simple. I personally have lived it, its tried and tested and proven a winner in every venue I have worked in, lived in and taught in. Before I quickly share this, I feel under the circumstances I should at least give you a quick breakdown of my background in this area, so you know I am not blowing smoke from some Dr. Dobson book I just read.

My experience in parenting;

Live in foster parent to over 50 abused, neglected and very troubled teens. For over 4 years I had 6 living with me at a time, for anywhere from 7 to 12 months average. I was responsible to develop individual behavioral plans, treatment goals and teach social skills to each until they were ready to transition back into their home situation. In most cases I worked with the parents of the teens on parenting issues, planning and transition goals for both the parents and the teen.

Certified 4x by Father Flanagan’s Boys and Girls Town as a Family Teacher. I worked in the emergency shelter, group home as mentioned and in both boys and girls homes.

I was hired by the state, specifically the Department of Juvenile Justice to teach parenting to groups, and also lead groups to teens in the system.

I have managed/run several day programs, alternative schools for expelled youth, and while managing one school I was asked to train the entire teacher roster in central Florida on classroom management. Three counties worth, and using a skills and behavior management model that I developed.

The most recent alternative setting I was involved in was for kids who were expelled from public school, sent to the secure treatment facility for violent offenders-then expelled from there. I got them next. Sixty  kids from 8-18- many convicted felons. Gang members, one of which sadly was murdered one night after school near his home by a rival.  Within a year, using my own model for behavior and hiring a staff of 45 then training them, most were saying yes sir and doing well in school. Ready to transition back to public school.

I was nominated for Administrator of the year my first year- for that county. ( I hate awards and recognitions as I am not into it, and I am not in it for that). Nevertheless, my Executive Director made me attend the party at the Hilton Oceanside to announce the winner. I was the 2nd place guy, and the winner was a 20 year county judge who was retiring.

 

I also have 4 of my own. 2 boys -2 girls. Boys are up and out. My older son is in the Army reserves, a sniper/ weapons expert, full-time college student and full time worker as well. He took 30th in the nation out of 30k in 9mm marksmen and since then he has had many doors open, he chose military over law enforcement… ( he said he did not want to arrest his friends… : {  umm wait a minute, should I be worried about that statement, I remember thinking…what are his friends doing??? lol)

My younger son -19 is a professional bull rider and is currently around 20th in the world or so, and the current southern states champion in his circuit. He has made more money in the last year then I have in 10 years. I never made a lot, but when I was 19 I was begging for a 10 spot from my mom…so I am super proud.

My little babies are my heartbeat. 9&5 – I am not at all partial but I think they are at least in the top .0001% of cutest kids around….

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Ok, enough about my experience. It was necessary in this unusual scenario, for credibility but please understand I am not bragging at all. I am an imperfect man who has made far too many major mistakes in my lifetime for my liking.

As matter of fact the advice I am sharing now was birthed out of me being forced as a young dad, to either try to hide my problems and mistakes from my kids, put on the old happy daddy face and pretend I have it all together, or keep it legit, and lay it ALL on the table for my then young boys to absorb and possibly judge me on.

Let me reiterate one thing. There is nothing as a parent, even with the experience, training and degrees that I did long enough and consistently enough to call myself a role model parent and stick my chest out. Quite the contrary actually.  I grew up with a father that actually introduced me to all the WRONG things, and ways at a very early age that cost me many good years. Not blaming anyone for my problems, but sometimes I wish I would have had a decent shot at the starting line. It took, and still is taking me decades to untangle some of the crazy webs that have been woven in my brain since 6-8 years old.

My understanding of the value of women, the importance of choosing words carefully as you cannot “un-hear” -and that little issue of being fed alcohol while barely in double digits then not understanding why I was in withdrawals for many of my high school years really messed me up.

So it doesn’t really matter who caused what, or who is to blame. Kids don’t care. It is what it is to them. What you see is what you get.

Now, I will tell you what I decided. I decided to gamble. I laid it all on the line. Came clean with boys. Depression, addiction, everything. Yes, I felt like a loser at that moment. I would never ever trade it though. Never.

So the heart of the matter is this; You are not perfect. You will, if you have not already take a fall….that can become public to your family at best.. I can attest as the chief of all sinners that there is very little you can do to dance your way around, avoid, disguise, and evade issues that you know very well your kids will find out about or already know. It has NEVER worked in my 22 years as a parent and 25 years in this field.

The very best thing you can do for the respect and trust of your family, is come clean. Sit down and talk about what you are struggling with, what you are worried about, take ownership. Not just that though, you need to share your plans to remedy, and invite them to be a part, if appropriate. In my case, the first time I had a sit down of this type, I shared my on-going struggle with addiction to alcohol, and then revealed my plan to enter into an inpatient program.

That was the best move I ever made. Not only did I have a giant monkey off my back, but somehow my kids respected me more. Because of that dialogue many years ago, we have this open door, no fear deal which allows them to talk to me about anything without judgement, and me to do the same. Nobody can use my past struggles against me anymore because I chose to put it out there myself..

I don’t know who this is for , but it must be important to someone as it has been burning a hole in my soul all night to get posted. You may not have the issues I did, maybe its totally different. It doesn’t matter, because the point of this post is to share a golden parenting tip, a sure fire way to be a winner of a parent. It ain’t by being perfect. Because not one of us is. It is by being transparent.

It takes a real ego check to do. Its difficult at first. Then freeing. 

All the years in all the programs, and schools and group homes I ran that I had such great success with had nothing to do with training, or education. Those things came in handy down the road. However the secret to my success with any kid I have worked with or my own kids, is nothing more then honesty.

I have taken and taught and trained on every possible theory in behavior and parenting. They all have some merit. They also all have one thing in common.

None work effectively, without complete transparency from the adult first. Kids give respect when it is modeled for them. Not forced respect either. Not they are afraid you will yell at them or beat them respect. I mean genuine respect, which unlocks the door for all the parenting books and ideas you want. Until you have that, its like sucking air through a very thin straw..

 

Hope this helps. It works!

 

tj

 

 

 

 

No Offers To Help From The Vatican Yet- Hmm . I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

Check This Out- Heck We Could Work Full Time Jobs Forever Just To Shut This Down-

Go Big- Or- Go HOME!!!

Hmm-sounds fair. — Am I wrong here?  WOW-if it wont open I will fix- gotta go

 

Wow already 5 countries have hit me but sadly not Italy-

Oh, wait- that’s right they are trying to BAN police from knowing about any rapes. They promised to investigate- THOROUGHLY-

SCOUTS HONOR!- OH WAIT CANT USE THAT ONE-

You all have got me so fired up my blood is boiling – and I feel like I am waking up from a 20 year coma. When this whole thing is said and done — don’t go anywhere because you will never ever ever believe how all the pieces through the years have made a way to this day. Now it is the rubber meets road and I feel the need for SPEED!

I don’t know exactly how this will specifically unfold but I am telling you now so whenever it does I want you see- the rest..of the story all the way back. I mean you will freak out.

Thanks again-

tj

Romans 8:28 and Jeremy Camp- I still believe.

Those are the 2 things I spoke and listened to every day 20 years ago..that was just the beginning – and man I cant wait to see the ending.

ATTENTION! NEED JUST ONE MORE PIECE! LETS FINISH THIS RIGHT!

Thank you thank you so very much for re-blogging my brothers story. To my amazement this has taken it to yet another level, making it harder for the pedi-priest to slide out of this deal. I NEED TODAY this.

A consultant, businessman, investor, with some media knowledge and who is interested in what may become a very big and wide open investigation to include national syndicated talk shows and all media. Its sitting on the table.

I have not a minute for posers or anyone who has any other intention then to expose the ENTIRE CULT of pedi-priests in general. Of course after watching my brothers killer be locked up. It may involve books media and much else. I have spent 4 years writing about all this praying that one day this freak and others would be exposed.

Please only contact me if you have resources, negotiation skills with media and publishing and other. Financially you will never worry about your investment as we will do this if an agreement is made that is suitable. I can sell my book tomorrow and get paid because my brother is the one in this case involved. But why stop there? I have the connections to put national deals that would turn on a national spotlight long term on ALL these guys.

So if I find the right partner, we will go that route and hopefully make a HUGE dent in this ring. If not I will sell my own story, be happy Gondek is locked up and move on.

We can nab him- and thanks very much.

Or..there are these guys-

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=picture+of+priests+being+arrested&FORM=HDRSC2&adlt=strict

Anyone else want to vomit?

 

That’s just the bottom line- me – right?? LOL

What is meant to happen will. Thanks to y’all who stepped up. It just took one and I am one step away from immediate and total focus on this. If I wait too long the next news story will get the chance I have. I have 24-48 hour window to at least solidify a partnership.  From there I can secure any national show I feel like it. That, would be awesome. So thanks and if you or someone in your crew that you trust and has what I need contact me 24 hours around the clock starting 6pm tonite. I will be lining up media as I talk to people and Y’all will understand if it works this way –

contact me by email or text first with any reservations-tjpetri16@gmail.com and text 386-675-7549- If you happen to know that you know that you know this is for you if you feel me -just call asap. Praying.

. If you already see and know and have experience in this and want in just call. I really just need a professional to handle all the negotiation and financials and things I don’t even want to know about. If you do your part the opp to pull in long term media to keep this crime exposed is also there. Its truly one of those one of a lifetime deals. The media has to stay with what is hot. Right this moment it is this. It wont be long.

Love you all for helping-

tj

 

 

 

You MUST Love Your Elders!

You MUST Love Your Elders!

My grandmother and grandfather having a disagreement years ago about where they should go for dinner. Gramp says ” Pat , you just said you wanted to go to Wendy’s for the senior special”. Grandma responds ” Well I changed my mind now get my coat! ” Gramp ( as he walks toward closet) ” I’m not getting your coat until you make up your mind” – Grandma ( with her back to gramp brushing her hair ) ” John, quit fussing we will be late for the senior discount” – Gramp ( taking her coat off hanger)- ” Ok fine.,, You know now that you are 80 I should trade you in for a couple of 40’s…”— Grandma ( laughing) ” Oh really? And what would you do with them?” (laughs out loud)- End of argument…

That’s a memory that sticks in my head from when I was a young man sitting in my grandparents living room waiting for them to take me out to eat. That was their type of arguing. As a matter of fact, that was about as bad as it got for those two. Married 58 years and in love until the day they dies. My grandmother prayed all of her life that she would die before her John so she wouldn’t have to live without him. Gramps worked for the same company for 50 years, and after about 25 years, he got a nice bonus each year. He spent it the same way every year. He told my grandma to pick 2 of her friends and he sent the 3 on a cruise to some exotic place, just so she could have some time with the friends that she had to leave behind when they married and moved. Until the day they went to heaven, grandma had about 25 old fashioned picture albums with the fold out plastic covers stacked under their dining room table, one for each year she took her friends on a cruise. It was a memory for both of them; a reminder of how much they meant to each other.
They retired and enjoyed golf 3x per week, bowling 2 nights per week and times around the organ listening while gramps played on the other nights. I was often around just hoping gramp would take me bowling with him, or golfing. I just wanted to hang out with him.
When we got home from whatever we were doing, grandma always had something ready for us to eat like chicken and dumplings or another great meal.
I was in my early 20’s when they passed on. Grandma got her wish in a sense, as gramp died first but she lost her memory right around that time. Whenever she asked where he was, I just said ” Oh he must be painting ” and she continued with what she was doing. I still think she knew somehow though, because it wasn’t very long after that she fell ill and passed away.

What a life they had. I mean they weren’t wealthy but they had enough. They were so in love even after , well especially after 50 years that it was astonishing. While the rest of the world was divorcing they were finding something special to do together. The money they did have saved they burned through it little by little on things they felt like doing. Just the way it should be. Everyone was happy about that except their only son; he was a little upset that their lives were outlasting their money. He seemed to have based his entire life on their dying and leaving him the stocks that he knew they had accumulated over 50 years on the same job.

Gramp has written hundreds of checks to him over the years to help him out and buy a car here and there, but he wasn’t about to let hos bride be deprived in their retirement so he treated her like a queen. They were very much in love.
After gramps funeral , daddy-o came a runnin to their house to begin the search for the stock certificates. The couches were tore up, the pillows ripped apart and the clothing in the closet shredded- he was on a mission to get what he thought was his. Well it turns out that gramp did have a little something tucked away for him. It was at dads last stop, gramps bank. Dad was sure that the safe deposit box was full of those stocks. Instead he found 3 metal boxes. As he opened each one, he found hundreds of neatly stacked canceled checks all made out to himself…from the last few decades. That was his inheritance.
Gramp sure got the last word on that one!
I write all this to paint a picture of two people that shaped my views of life and continue to make an impact on me and my decisions. I respected them and I showed it.

Today I have noticed that there does not seem to be any respect for elders, just verbal abuse and irreverence. Its hard for me to watch because I never even thought about being disrespectful to my grandparents. For one thing, they commanded respect in everything they did. You could not poke any holes in their lives because they lived honorable lives. You had to respect them. However even if they lived terrible lives, I knew it was my job to respect them.

I had my little jokes about them (lol) gramps mainly. For example my brother in- law and I many times played golf with gramp when he was getting up there in years. It was not uncommon for gramp to hit the ball 6 or 7 times just to get to the hole and then proudly yell over to us, ” That’s a 4!” That always made our day, but we would never disrespect or embarrass him by questioning his score. We just didn’t. Period.

Oh, and you may have noticed the picture I added here with the elderly man driving . That’s another memory I have of gramp- the old ” its green so I better slow down move” – It used to make me crazy and all the drivers behind us too. I would glance at gramp driving and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything because to him it would meant disrespect. Besides that I still wonder if maybe he didn’t do that on purpose just to hear the cars behind him honk! LOL!

I don’t see much respect being offered in todays world and its a shame to see the way people disrespect the elderly. Maybe sometimes we feel they don’t deserve it. That’s not our call though-so lets just err on the side of respect. Show an elderly person that you appreciate that they have made it this far in life. Tell them they look nice, offer to hold a door. If you must, nod your head when they yell ” that’s a 4 ” on the golf course. It may be the last 4 they get to call out, so let it count.

tj- DLMK

Couples- Do You Have a Nail In Your Head? Watch and See!

This is one of my favorite clips about communication between couples and by far the one I have viewed the most. It is short, funny, every couple, and every therapist should have this handy to show. It is short, and LOL funny. I promise it will not disappoint!

Kids and Divorce- Tips on what NOT to say…

If you are getting a divorce, thinking about it, or you have already you should know that children internalize the act in many instances. Here are some guidelines on how to reinforce a more accurate view from the children who live through this process. What to say when the chips are down..

http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/challenges-children-face-divorce-3/#!