A shared post from Anne @ Aussie Christian Freedom.
Sometimes are too hard to believe, too ugly to imagine. So you just forget that thought. In this case a few nurses listen as a Vet begs for help, and cannot stop laughing. All caught on tape…sad
Just click the link below for some very quick training on therapeutic modalities!
I hope you will enjoy the flashback of Bob Newhart and the slight difference in his technique for therapy. It may be good if we had a few more like him around!
This post is just a few months late. However along with Pastor Matthew Winters, and Mike Carey -Jenny has her own area of expertise that has proven to be an incredible resource for many people and you all need to know about it as we grow into a whole new realm of what we call a ” social media presence”. You can click the link on top for her overview, but I want to make something very clear to all who are reading this. Jenny and her magazine called All4uraddiction.com has built up a very healthy audience which includes 10k actual subscribers.
Pastor Matt and his wife Jennifer Winters
Matt has his profile listed under our main menu as well as several ways to reach him
Mike Carey is at Alternativesolutions4health.com
(also listed under our menu with the rest of the team.)
The reason for her success is that her magazine provides resources in many areas of treatment. Addiction and all the things that can go along with it. She has built this whole thing in 4 years while also working her other job. Knowing what it is like to pump out articles for 4 years and connect with others, I have the utmost respect for what she has done. Together along with our team we plan to turn our opportunities as we grow into potential chances to build your site as well. We have always operated as a team because understand that the demand is very large. For one example, Facebook experts recently posted and article stated that there are currently more than 50k people seeking treatment for addiction related issues. Think of that huge amount of people and how much All4uraddiction.com can help through her hundreds of contacts?
The same thing can occur with your particular area of expertise. We can help you do it!
For now please click on the magazine address above and see what is accessible in her magazine. That can be your business or cause because let me tell you folks people are looking from anything you can think of from pet supplies to service oriented sites like finance and the like.
I know you will enjoy and share the magazine with your contacts. Remember that by sharing this you move can give a reach of 10k more people you can reach- instantly. The problem is if nobody if seeing what you have, they will buy from who they can see. Make yourself known!
Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj
Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?
Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.
So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.
Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.
Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.
Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?
What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.
OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.
But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?
Maybe because coaching works.
Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.
Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years ” or ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.
Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.
Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction. Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.
Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.
Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.
Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.
Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.
Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.
I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.
Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…
I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.
This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.
When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.
Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.
Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back
email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
Emergency Crisis Line- 386-675-7549
(*Note this is part 2/3 in a post about Faith, and how it pertains to Addiction and Mental health. Please see home page for the part one posted two days ago.)
The first part of this post was about determining who is going to be in charge in your life, and your circumstances whether good, bad or ugly. This part of the post for those who have chosen to surrender it all to the Lord Jesus Christ, whether that be years ago, recently, or just now as you have read the first post on this. ( If you have just received Christ or rededicated yourself as a result of this post, please leave a comment so I can reach out to you personally)
*I have added a 3rd and final post which will be the final post after this one.
Now that you who are reading this likely know who your ” Captain” is in Jesus, what exactly does this mean for your situation in mental health or the addiction you have been fighting for 15 years? Just because you are a Christian, now all things will get better and your diseases will disappear? What are these “promises” I keep hearing about?
Maybe these are some of the questions on your mind. I am going try to answer the most important ones, and answer them from my personal testimony and life experiences . My goal is to let you in on the reality of what God does and does not promise when it comes to our sickness and addictions, and also what you can truly expect from trusting 100% in God’s Word for every circumstance you find yourself in.
I am going to make some statements that might sound a little different then some you have heard about the topics we discuss. You see I am not theorizing here. Everything I tell you is something I have walked through personally in almost every case, and in the rare instant I did not, I either worked with a population who fit in that group or have special training in the area. I have been labeled or diagnosed both officially and unofficially with more than 6 ” disorders ” ranging from PTSD to Major Depression to Addiction . All the while I was getting trained as a Social Worker and working in the field as well. I got my share of experience. I like to think of my time in rehab and at meetings, along with half a dozen doctors, as ” internships ” to help me be a great Social Worker. Yeah, I like to.
For the entire time I struggled with trauma as a young child to addiction beginning as a teen, I would have always considered myself a Christian. I had no problem believing that I was a sinner who needed a savior and that Jesus took care of that at the cross.
Mom prayed & kept a journal each morning. Years later I realized the impact it had.
I understood bits and pieces of the Christian life an even saw great examples of faith in actions through my mother, who was always ( and still does) up at the crack of dawn sitting on the couch having her devotional time, and always writing more and more in her prayer journals. I also witnessed enough of real Christians to know that God was real and there was a difference in those who were faithful believers and those who were still chasing ” the fish learned to walk and became a man 50 billion years later ” stories, or in those who simply did not feel the need to make God a priority at the time.
As I entered adulthood I was very fortunate to have a few key people who God put in my way to get me from point A to point B. Then He put 1 or 2 very unique people that were more of mentors and still are. I described my life as a teen a someone who was a Christian, and knew God was real and all. Honestly other than the fact that we went to church, I never saw or felt much of a difference between me and the non believer. Really until I was in my late 20’s or so I thought there was one benefit of being saved -heaven. Don’t get me wrong, I was not complaining! I just did not see any other benefits other than eternal life with God.
When I went to college for social work, my brother had recently killed himself without any warning and also I had lost both my grandparents. So we had 3 funerals kind of close together for people who were in my very small inner circle of family. I went in kind of starting a new chapter in my life as I was also starting a 5 year career at Father Flanagan’s Boys Town. Somewhere between baggage of my childhood, my ongoing addiction issue, the pressures of a new job and college were really getting to me. So, what did I do?
I got married and started a family to add to those things! Wow. I really had it out for myself.
About 5 years into my career and after I graduated from college, I felt something beginning to crack in me. I was trying to handle all the pressures which already were overwhelming, I could not without wanting to use alcohol to cope. Then came the divorce and not being with my 2 boys each night anymore. That tore me apart.
So many pressure laced things were happening to me, some self-induced and some just life, that I rarely could ever even speak to anyone about it. They would become so overwhelmed by just me sharing a few examples that I could tell they were not ready to hear all of my real struggles. On top of that my ex is 100% narcissistic and totally used each one of my failures to somehow make her a victim or regain the spotlight in any way possible. Little things like getting arrested for DUI were impossible to hide from her. Imagine. She had word out that I had been running with the mafia or something. At this point in my life I was absolutely stripped of anything I had ever had, material or emotionally, and could not put one foot in front of the other. I ended up in my first alcohol/ drug rehab. ( oh, I mean internship).
Realizing that the Word is 100% true and it never lies. Ever.
Through a series of events God aligned me with the person who would serve as a spiritual mentor in a way I was not used to. My mother demonstrated faith to me. This friend of my mother’s was brought to me for an entirely different purpose. I was going to see how a person lives their lives according to Gods Word. This lady had and still has been disciplined enough to spend several hours each day studying the Bible.
I remember calling her many many times asking for advice, which she refused to give. The answer always went like this ” Well, you know what the Word says about that ” – I was like ” Oh no I don’t ! I would not even know where to look. You mean they talk about real life stuff in there? ” That was around 20 years ago, and it was the beginning of a life long journey I am still on . It was as if one day that dusty old Bible of mine came alive and became relevant and very important to my decisions. After a year of her mentoring me, it occurred to me that ALL of life’s issues are answered in there. Man I could have saved myself some real heartache! Even though this post is about mental health and addiction, I assure you that the Word of God is absolutely infallible and always the best resort for any life decisions.
Our Words and Gods Word They Must Line Up
Once we get to the place where we have the revelation deep down that the Word really is God breathed, we must also understand that we must know that Word in order to activate it. When you and I became believers, every promise in that book is available to us and us only. The problem is, just as with any gift given us, if we do not reach out to take it and use it, it is of zero value. So it goes with the bible. Now that you got all of the above, it is time to find out where in this Word my needs right now are addressed. My worry, my anxiety, my addiction, etc. These are all addressed and we have specific instructions. Lets take worrying for example. One of my favorite verses on this topic is in Proverbs 3:5-6 ” Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight “.
So when you start worrying you now have an alternative to go to. A real life (not mind over matter) word from God on how to handle it. Next you must learn to substitute the promises God gives for all the negative self talk like ” I am sooo worried I think I will have a heart attack ” You would be shocked at how many people speak their way into sickness because they refuse to control their tongue. It is critical that once you know the specific word for your situation, you recite it aloud whenever you can to remind yourself of the truth. Of what God says about your situation, regardless of how it looks either.
The final post will be on specific scripture and promises for those sick, including addiction and mental illness. The final post is your blueprint for freedom from bondage – Gods way and His timing. I will post it no later than Sunday, two days away.
Here is the Home Page for Don’t Label My Kid! If you are not a follower you can start following by clicking the follow button on this page. Also please sign up for the newsletter we started on this page! This page will give you a decent overview of what the site is about..
When I first became a father and my kids got to be toddlers there were a lot of mini – crisis type situations. You see as a new parent who was trying to be the best parent I could I began to ” anticipate ” their problems and began to comfort them for things they hadn’t even cried about yet.
many times looking back I think they must have wondered If I was I was in need of some comfort by my over reactions to their little bumps and bruises. You see most times that I jumped up and made a big thing of a little blood or a bump , my child raced over to me. I was more likely to go to them basically to alert them that they should be angry right now , perhaps some crying is in order…lol
I know it sounds crazy but I think we have all been there. Some just on ” first baby syndrome” ” but many act this way for the whole childhood.
Thankfully due to my career and education I was alerted that I was doing this all wrong. I also learned that the so-called ” concerned parent ” was not always an innocent party. Believe it or not there are parents that use their children as tools get sympathy and attention for themselves. The ones you see in Wal-Mart, dragging a kid by the wrist, screaming and yelling, and the mother or father is talking out loud at the child and neither of them are listening to each other. And nothing is getting accomplished.
Many times the adult chooses to keep it public rather than take it to the restroom , just to get that ” people are seeing me suffering ‘ rush. They are the ones who instead of whisking the child to a restroom or outdoors, just kind of smile and tilt their heads at other adults in the store, seemingly trying to make eye contact with someone who will feel sorry for them as the shrieks from the toddler reach glass breaking levels. That is more of a sickness like Munchausen syndrome, where mothers use their babies to draw attention to themselves by pretending they have many disorders and diseases that they do not.
For the purpose of this post I am speaking to non Munchausen moms or dads. People who just were not taught about how to stretch your child and make them as independent as possible.
Instead of meeting them at the point where they had clearly shown they were not capable of bouncing back on their own, I jumped in to the rescue and saved the day. I even noticed other parents who also had toddlers handling it differently , and kind of expecting their kids to sort through most of these tantrums or minor accidents without coddling.
How insensitive, I remembered thinking. He’s just a little rug rat, an ankle biter! What do you expect from him?
That question ” what do you expect from him ” actually became an anchor of sorts for me as I matured a bit. These parents were not neglecting their children . They were setting boundaries. They were teaching them how to be as independent as possible for their ages. They understood that the more coddling and intervention now, the more likely that you just bought a one way coddling ticket all the way through childhood and even into adulthood.
So I will give you one example that I think is universal and was critical in me figuring out how to respond. It is what I call the ” how should I act now ” stare. Now pay close attention because this is a very short window of time. This stare is when a child falls and bumps their head, or another child says something mean or steals their toy ..something along those lines…
It goes down pretty quick so you must be on guard. It is the 15-30 seconds or so RIGHT AFTER the fall, the comment, or the toy is taken. It’s a very temporary pause in your toddlers thought process where they are considering just how they should feel about what just happened. It consists of a slow head turn to locate you then a direct scan if you right to the bulls-eye, your eyes..it will be your eyes that determine how they respond. Your lips are next. How you look and what you say in 99% of cases will totally dictate your child’s response to the little crisis.
If you are guilty of being a wide-eyed loud mouthed run to your child parent you need you reset and fast. Or your child will be so dependent on other people at each little problem they have that they won’t have much chance of succeeding in anything they do..
If you know the child is not poisoned or at risk of losing a limb, you need to play it as down as much possible and respond as if they had asked for some kool-aide. My rule of thumb was to always do one unrelated task before going to their side to investigate. Such as say to your child “do you all need some help over there?” Alright honey let me finish this page in my book and I’ll come check it out.” Or if they run to you and you know it’s not extremely painful or life threatening, you tell them to sit down next to you until you finished.
One way to tell if you’re at the point of no return in this scenario is if you get what I call the ” open but silent mouth ” treatment …this is where they have you locked in on the eyeballs but maybe they are facing another direction but turned to look at you needing guidance on whether to let out a huge shriek, or just return to playing because your eyes say its OK.
Now if you are one of those moms who runs and shrieks and screams every time any little thing happens and you’ve already trained them to do the same. All hope is not lost…
But it does require a specialized behavioral plan for in home to reroute those behaviors and retrain your child’s brain and we do that here.
The important part to remember about this post is that to a great extent, you control how your child will respond to just about any circumstances . You train them how to respond by your actions and by how you model the reaction to the situation. If you find yourself in needing that dramatic flare and major league episode every time anything occurs with your toddler or child, it’s most likely that you are one looking for attention, not them.
There is no reason your child should not be able to bump their elbows and be bleeding from both arms and not calmly walk over to you and ask you to get a band-aid.
Everything depends on your reaction to the situation. Set your child up for success in this world. Long after your gone, nobody is going to jump in and be jrs. savior..
We read each others posts, look at pictures , but very few of us actually know each other. It would be hard to say that you like someone based on their writing, since that is not who they are…
But, and I realize this may be off of the beaten path a tad, but what if you were a blog!
Imagine you were a blog for a moment and you had to pick out a ” blog crush” – but unlike other crushes- you get to pick 3 blog crushes.
Who would be 3 of your top blog crushes?
For me , I like a blog with a good heart, one that keeps themselves up, has their priorities in order and appearances never hurt. Also some sort of clear purpose or mission.
I am for sure not just lookin for some eye candy alone either… there is more too an attractive blog than outward looks..and no easy blogs..you know the type, two likes and a comment and their yours. Hussies.
Spiritual blog is hard is also a draw for me .
Oh and by the way there are no LGBT or gay blogs so any blog crushes are purely platonic and without any reference to sexuality.
My top 3 (although many come to mind ) are
1- mewhoami- keeping perspective
2-gottafindahome- incredible mission for homeless
3-hunt4truth- objectively and persuasively speaking about topics that are important.
Now remember we are not having crushes on people, since we don’t know one another . Strictly blog crushes…
Lastly , why do you think you selected the ones you do. In the end , they are likely blogs most like you yourself., blog!
“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”
Well, here we are. We have discussed practically every issue in life on this blog in the last four years or so. We have laughed, debated, discussed, prayed and I think I even had a legitimate stalker . The very first mission of this and I hope any blog is to teach. To educate your readers on what it is your here for and especially the question ” what can you do for me”. Today I am going to do a part of my job that is not uncommon in my 20 years as a Social Worker. I am going to press you a little bit. Force you to quit sidestepping and avoiding your needs and issues.
Now don’t think of this as anything negative. Its just the natural progression of things. In my career I would have people make appointments come to the office for some need in the areas of mental health, behavioral health or addictions primarily. There are always exceptions but those were the most popular reasons they would make an appointment to see me.
Almost always on the very first visit I would introduce myself and ask them to tell me about why they were here. I cannot tell you how many stare-offs I had, lol. I would say ” you called me so tell me what I can help you with. ” I never figured out if it was people getting intimidated when they are in a setting they are not used to or what , but so many people forget or froze up. I would usually give them some examples of why people came to see me and gradually somewhere in the list I would here a ” yeah that” or something to help me know where to start probing or asking questions. We always got moving at some point. Some in just a few minutes and some it took a little longer.
On this blog Don’t Label My Kid! I decided to start the educating on my homepage with mental health. I allude to the other areas I am an expert in but that is where I decided to begin, because all our other problems somehow are related to mental health. I then proceeded over the next 3-4 years to make sure I wrote at least 100 articles related to each area I serve. I am not talking about specialty areas like parenting that I also assist and do workshops in, but the main primary areas; Mental, behavior and addictions.
Over 500 total articles on these areas. This is to find out where my reader’s needs are and to get feedback from you as well on any area . As you all well know I always mix in some humor, politics or other issues at random just to keep things from getting to dark and gloomy on here. (Some who pop in at the wrong time think this site is just a random topic site as my last 4 quick posts might have been about humor. lol) Even though I post about a wide variety of topics , they are topics related to life. We are all in that game together.
Now, in this time I have enjoyed a good amount of feedback, comments and gotten a ton from you all about your situations now, past of something you wonder about. I have read and still go over thousands of comments from you all. I have not read anything I have not helped someone with many times over ( except maybe the stalker) .
I have heard from the suicidal, the addicts, the parents who are ready to strangle their kids, the people of faith who ask me how I can still believe in God, then the burned out Christians. I have also gotten messages from people suffering with PTSD, abused wives, and people who have had experiences with sexual abuse. This has been especially popular since I have been writing about Father Gondek . People are much more likely to share if they are not alone. My point is, you are here for a reason. I can assure you God did not lead you here to get more depressed or addicted. He did not bring me here to write about your struggles so you can leave the house every day with fresh depression. We are here for a change. It’s what I call a divine appointment.
The stage we are at now, is called Execution.
Execution is where action takes place. It is where you quit playing around with your problem. You quit lust ” liking ” every post about your topic, you take the next step in your journey. It is the favorite part of work life, as I get to use my gifts and help people in general solve problems. How though? What do you do – even if you wanted to take the next step to help? Well, there are three possible answers.
You are getting your first assignment in moving forward with your issues. You should write this date down on your calendar as the day you ” executed “-
Before you can execute you have to select one of the following scenarios that best fits you
1- I have never reached out for help
2-I have reached out but no progress ( gave up )
3-You are currently trying things but have not got anywhere or don’t know if your counsel is right, or the money you would spend is worth it.
Now, I want you to select the one that describes you best. Usually one of those is it. If not no problem we can identify it. So make your selection. Great.
Now – as a consultant I take on three roles, depending on which of the above fits you.
If you are #-
#1-I am your ADVISOR– I will start by accessing your need, identify the best care plan and follow you through the process as needed.
#2-I am your INTERVENTIONIST-I help you resume your attempts by picking up the pieces of whatever you did gain or learn, and reconnecting , but with the appropriate services.
#3- I am your COACH- I act as support to what you think you may want to try, and am someone to stand along side of you as you navigate the process and coach you as is necessary to keep you on he right track.
Your 2nd assignment today is to figure out whether I am your Advisor,your interventionist, or your coach. So, which one?
Here is the moment of truth. You pick up the phone or email me to identify what you are in need of. I have broken it down so you can easily identify your needs from me.
(Although I am very good, I have yet learned to read minds of my followers.)
Touch base to get a Plan Of Care started now!
Cell- Txt- Call- 386-675-7549
*Now a few important things have when you contact me
1- if it involves a child, any and all IEP or special class information from school. Also any mental health official diagnoses or medications they are on or have ever been on. I don’t need copies but I need you to accurately tell me the report. If you are needing help for yourself I just need your past and current mental health diagnises
2- If you are an addict or have a loved one is and you need help – DO NOT GET ANY HELP UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME . PERIOD. Many organizations today get paid to fill beds- not make it a good fit for the client. Also if you walk into a rehab with no knowledge of the process and what you really need, you or your friend’s success rate is about 24%
Again- Any addicts reading or if you are trying to help one get help. CALL ME first. It is critical that you have an understanding of what rehab REALLY means. It’s not what you think.
Tj Petri BSW
Advisor, Interventionist, Coach
Don’t Label My Kid!
Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.
You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.
Holidays in my family have never been ” holidays”. I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday. As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.
For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.
As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.
What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.
To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused, physically abused addicts, pedophiles, domestic violence victims, violent offenders, wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next, but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.
All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day. Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.
It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.
Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.
What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ” work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying. Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject. But what should Tj do. I will tell you.
Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .
You are correct, but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute, this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is. Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?
So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers, migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.
Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick
I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?
Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.
I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;
“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”
That was it! Can you say it, and mean it?
I am not stressed. I am feeling good. Petri at Don’t Label My Kid! wrote a post today on 3 easy ways for a worry free life – 2 minute read... Everyone knows he is the best wordsmith on WordPress!
I’m good. I am feeling much better..
Who am I kidding- I hear Kermit the frog now. And That Petri Is Nuts. Who Am I Kidding… Nurse! Nurse!
1- Get A Reliable Alarm Clock, And Whisper Your Desired Wake Up Time To It In Portugese At Bedtime Each Night.
2- Roll Over 3x On An Orange In Your Bed Right Before You Get Up Each Morning .
3-While Brushing Your Teeth Each Morning , Look Directly In The Mirror And Boldy Say ” I’m A Baller, And Ballers Always Make It To Tip Off”
4- Right As You Close Your Eyes Each Night , Burp The Phrase “Six Thirty” 6.5 Times .
5-Utilize A Wake-Up Service
6- Eat Prunes At Midnight
7- Massage The Toe On Your Foot That Represents The Hour You Need To Arrive At Work 3x After Your Last Bowel Movement.