Addiction Series 2018 – Should An Addict Own All That They Caused? And To What Extent? For Families Of Addicts…

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If you are or have ever suffered from an addiction and fought the disease until you felt like you would never win, you understand that you were not the only one affected. As a matter of fact the impact on loved ones is traumatic. It destroys relationships and hurts everyone involved. But addiction is a disease, so should that fact play into it? Would you be angry at your family member if they had cancer or diabetes and it took a toll on the whole family?

This is a question that goes into the minds of every family and every addict. It’s a very difficult question to answer, but there are some absolutes either way.

First there are no addicts that don’t regret the pain they caused. There are no addicts that don’t wish they could take all the pain and suffering that they’ve caused and make it go away. Some may vocalize it and verbalize it in different ways and others may not even talk to other people about it but that’s the truth.

Next, there are no families of addicts who don’t have some resentment towards their loved one for the pain that they’ve suffered. No matter whose fault or whether it is a disease or not, it does not make the pain any easier to bear.

So how should the addict feel about that pain that they’ve caused others while fighting the disease they have? And what can they do about it if anything? They need to do something and here’s why;

Addiction unlike other diseases often has behaviors associated with it that drastically and dramatically affect family members and loved ones.

Like stealing, lying, cheating,  even physically harming others. These are some behaviors that do not often occur with other diseases like cancer or many others. Two things must be in place in order for this to work. First there must be a genuine desire on behalf of the addict to help heal those that they harmed. Second there has to be a willingness on behalf of the hurt people to forgive and to genuinely forgive. If those two components don’t exist there is no possibility for a new start for that family.

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In groups like AA and NA ( which I am not a big fan of) there is a step to ” make amends” with those you have hurt. However saying your sorry is rarely enough. There needs to be a mutual willingness to work together to heal a sa family. This can occur through therapy effectively. It can also help tremendously if the family of the addict comes to terms with the fact that nobody wants to be an addict. They must also come to terms with the fact that addiction has been scientifically proven to be a disease. A great resource for families to understand the details of this is the Recovery Research Institute.

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I encourage all families to study this site and become educated on addiction before deciding how to address the addict in your family.  It is the leading tool for cutting edge information on the disease of addiction.

So does the addict have an out, because it is a disease? Is this what I am implying? No I am not at all. I am saying however that it is a two-sided street to recovery for the family affected by addiction. If you are a family that relies on guilt, shame, embarrassment, or similar tactics, you are likely driving your loved one closer to suicide than being able to quit their addiction.

Any addict would do anything possible to avoid and eliminate pain they have caused their loved ones. But they must be given the opportunity to help in the healing process. You, as a family must engage and become familiar in what to do, how to talk to your addicted loved one, and what boundaries to draw and what ones not to.

Even is an addict gets clean, if there is nothing but resentment and anger from their family then no healing is possible.

During the course of serious addiction there may be good cause to remove the addict from the house due to any threats of harm to the family or other issues. That may have to be part of the process. That does not mean there won’t be a day that you all can be reunited. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

Addiction is a cruel and dirty rotten disease. It takes no prisoners and steps on anyone in it’s path. It can literally break hearts without even trying. It is straight from the pit of hell in my opinion and it hurts way too many people today. The sadder news is that the success rate of addiction treatment centers ion the USA is around 10%. Yep – you read right, 10%.

It takes alot of work and effort for the addict to get well because we do not serve them very well. And groups like AA tend to reinforce to the addict that they are powerless to do anything about their addiction. That is why they also enjoy a 10% success rate. I will note that faith based rehabs and treatment centers do actually have rates of success as high as 80% but not all are willing to allow God into their recovery.

I am not telling you to feel sorry for the addict and ignore their destructive behavior patterns. I am telling you that  they want out as much as you want them out. So treat them like the diseased person they are. I cannot tell you how harmful to the recovery of an addict when they have no family support. I have sat in groups both as a patient long ago and as a professional for 20 years and listened to addicts cry about how their family has given up on them. You know what? Most of them give up on themselves too.

So although this is a brief post when it comes to addiction, I think its worth leaving it right here because this is such a critical part of helping an addict to het through recovery. Family support. When you go to the Recovery Research Institutes website you will find all kinds of resources like what language to use when talking to an addict, and many other valuable tools that can expedite recovery,

Remember, nobody – not one person on this earth wants to be an addict.

Peace

TJ

 

 

My Own Recent World Of Pain… And Depression…Ever Had Someone Bring Up Your Past To Hurt You?

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I’ve been out awhile. I could not tell you how long. Don’t care either. I’m surprised I ever returned to Blogging. My life has been peppered with trauma. In my immediate family we’ve walked through addiction,. Depression, suicide, domestic violence, you name it. I don’t know if you ever ” get used ” to the trauma..However you do learn to cope,

The issues at hand this last week or two were especially troubling to me. Much like the sudden suicide of my brother, and death of both my only grandparents, there was and still is a certain finality about the whole thing.

If you’ve ever lost a loved one unexpectedly, you know that the feelings that troubled you were very different then the typical feeling ” blue” or down. There is a certain finality, a certain heaviness of heart that is present. Those heavy burdens do not rest at night so you can. You cannot shelve them so you can do your job well, or be there for your family. In that sense they are a paralyzing set of feelings.

The emptiness that comes with betrayal, unforgiveness or other human behavior can be as severe as the trauma of having your brother shoot himself in the head after being molested by his catholic priest. I know this for a fact because I have lived through both. This time was different though. I don’t recall ever feeling the way I did ( and still do honestly) before with any family problems, marriage issues or even divorce.

I knew right when this thing started to take its toll that it would need to be published . I didn’t want to publish it, not then, not now not ever. That is how feelings work. They try to get us to believe that we are in charge of what will happen in our future.

So, there were a couple of issues (still present) that appeared to start at the same time. I feel like the one that would most easily be related to by my fellow bloggers would be the issue in my life that has to do with unforgiveness.

I am learning the price of unforgiveness. The cost of refusing to allow God or anybody to help you be able to forgive someone who hurt another. I’m not refusing to forgive anyone.

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The thing is the forgiveness was refused to me by a loved one. Things that happened over the years, situations I have had to work through with depression, addiction etc. have now resurfaced over a decade later and from my own family. Most of my family was supportive of me when I tried to get help in several rehabs, spent years trying different meds for major depression, even though I knew most meds for depression do more harm than good. I didn’t know what else to do. I didnt ask to be an addict anyways. But boy am I paying the price for it regardless.

If you are an addict or former addict you likely have run into it somewhere by somebody, Here is the thing to consider; there are only a handful of people who are close enough to you to have the goods on you in such a way that even if your life has totally changed, they can reach into their memory tool belt and start reminding you in great detail just how much damage you did by each individual season in your life.

If you are like me and have been through depression, addiction and 7 hip surgeries which sapped me of everything I had financially , emotionally, physically and spiritually then you have people out there somewhere that at any given moment could bring memories up and hurt you.

In many ways that is what is going on in my life but with a slight twist. The root reason any person would bring up the past would be unforgiveness, However beyond the unforgivness, some might even take offense when you are having even a tiny bit of success in your life. Why should you get to enjoy a moment in your life until you have suffered as long or longer as the people you hurt along the way.

Now we are in an entire different category than just unforgiveness. We are seeing much more than unforgiveness but the bitterness which comes from unforgiveness. That bitterness wants to hurt and tear down as much as possible. In my case it took me many years after I was doing better to even forgive myself and anyone who knows me will tell you that is how I have been all my life. Much harder on me than anyone could ever be. So when a person you love who has known you a very long time or even a sibling decides to reopen those wounds for you believe it takes a special person to enjoy distributing that kind of pain.

The incident this time was especially final. For lack of a better term I just mean it was much different from a quick reference to the past to make a point . The shock for me was that I could tell by the way the play by-play came so naturally with exact times and dates of every error I ever made . In

Perhaps all these years I was fooling myself about having been forgiven. Whatever the case I was totally caught off guard and more significant than that I felt wounded to the point of becoming physically sick. I have not slept or felt normal in two weeks. So in the past weeks I have thought it all through and a question kept popping in my head. ” How come I have never allowed anyone in my life to have that much power over me with their words, but that day I melted like candle wax.”

The answer came in a few minutes and was simple. Not many people in our lives have that kind of power, meaning not just details of wrong, but the ability to make it personal to them and accuse you of robbing them of quality of life. There are always a few people ( usually family members, spouses etc) who have a much greater stash of weapons in their tool belt of memories.

Many people may ” know” about your problem maybe it was even on the news. Who cares, look at Bill Clinton. He has absorbed truthful and embarrassing accusations with proof that he was guilty yet he never even thought of stopping public spotlight. None of the people who ” knew” had the right authority or tools. However, can you imagine if he had not had Hillary trained as well he did? She had and still has the power to drop him in a New York second if he steps out of line again. Fortunately for him, she is as greedy as he is, and has ridden his coat tails all the way to where she got.

My point is that we are always vulnerable to someone. On the other side of the coin if I had to name one lesson I learned during this, is I found out that as a Christian, my security is not 100% in Christ as it should be. My concern should be for His reaction to my life, not any human. It’s just very hard when you have a small circle of family that has the ability to make things hurt more with their words than the average person.

We have all made mistakes. Do not let someone control your emotions by reminding you of your past.

TJ

I Have Experienced This In Real Life , Losing My Brother To Suicide. Never Take Loved Ones For Granted…Watch This Reminder…

Don’t be in the wrong end of a phone call like this man gets…

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Mental Health Is Driving Me Crazy!

Source: Mental Health Is Driving Me Crazy!

Here is the Home Page for Don’t Label My Kid! If you are not a follower you can start following by clicking the follow button on this page. Also please sign up for the newsletter we started on this page! This page will give you a decent overview of what the site is about..

TJ

Parenting 2017- How To Save Your Family – And Keep From Losing Your Child To This World’s Ugly Face…

The worst thing I’ve seen in my years of teaching parenting is not the continual failures. Its the absolute unwillingness for most parents to reach out for coaching or help befire something big does go down with your child. It frustrates me because after 45 foster kids, and four of my own, as well as having worked with thousands , I think I have a little something to offer. 

Here’s the truth, as hard as it may sound; someone is going to parent your child. Its going to be either you, or Facebook. They will learn how to think and  how to walk, dress, talk and act from Snapchat or Instageam if they are not getting it at home. 

As a random example Im going  to ask you a question  ..In the age group of 11-17 of children who have social media accounts, what percent do you think  are exposed to hard core pornography whether they were looking for it or not? Think about it  for a minute while I note one other issue. 

Positive to negative interaction and self esteem

If you talk to your child about what they are doing wrong more than what they are doing right, don’t expect any change in behavior , but do expect a low self esteem in your child. Just like you and I respond to positive feedback better then negative, kids are no different.  

The average parent makes 1 positive comment to every 10-13 negatives. In order to change behavior patterns, you need at least 8 positives to each critical.  Why? Very simple. Positive reinforcement is the only way to change behavioral patterns. Nobody, including us adults, ever change our behavioral patterns based on criticism.

There are so many very simple tips and ideas for parenting,  to save your children from the world and the things that are out there right now.  You can salvage, even if you made mistakes, it’s never too late, but if you need help you’ve got to reach out-  and that’s what we do here. It is so frustrating to see parents struggle with anything from what kind of doctor to go to , to why they are getting no cooperation from their children and a myriad of other issues, but refuse to ask for help. Its plain old pride. Get over yourself already. This is not about you. If you love your child you will do what it takes to see them up for success.

And that’s what  I’ve done for 20 years, so if you are a person who’s got a child or children and you don’t know what to do next. reach out for Parent Coaching at Don’t Label My Kid! No matter what the situation , its never too late. 

Ninety Percent. That’s the answer the the question about kids and porn on social media. Shocked? Well, do you have a filter on your kids accounts? Do you go over their accounts with them and have their password? Something to think about. That number isn’t going down until parents do something.

When my truck breaks down, I take it to a truck mechanic. I can scream at it all week but it is not getting better without a person who has a gift to work on it. Its the same with kids. We all have certain gifts . Maybe you are an accountant. Good with numbers. 

Not me. I would go nuts in that job. Its not my area. Take the human body. arms, legs, fingers, elbows, etc. What if we were all thumbs? How would we operate? We could not. So it goes when we each need help.. So don’t delay reaching out for any help you need. 
Tj


For Parent coaching contact me at Tim@dontlabelmykid.com.


My Pain- And How I Use Writing To Self Medicate. As A Matter Of Fact I Am Trashed Right Now…

**Note-this post was voted in the top 5 best reads of all posts on WordPress for this day June 16th 2017 – ( by the DLMK team)


 

I am using right now . Just so my junkie friends know I am keeping this legit.

Lately I have found myself writing a little more than usual. I just have felt much more at ease when I am entrenched and entranced in a post I am working on. It may sound odd but even when I am just breaking to do regular daily things that we all do like using the restroom, some chores, maybe a meal now and again , I feel that kind of urge to hurry and finish so I can get back to my blog.

It’s not healthy. I am a counselor, an adviser and consultant on mental health, behavioral health and addictions and have been for 20 years and pretty darn good at it I might add. I do not have issues with balance, and stress, or addictive patterns anymore. Or do I? I realized today ( which happens to be my birthday ) – Oh, thank you!  Anyway I realized that I have to deal with this. So I stared at the laptop for a few hours today but refrained from posting. I abstained to prove that I have it, and it does not have me.

Who am I fooling. The only difference between me today and me 23 years ago, is I am using writing and reading others writing as my fix, my medicine to mask the pain or stress I have. Back in the gap, I would have just popped 4-5 mg of Zannys ( xanax) maybe an oxy 80mg and slammed a few shots to ease my pain.

 It’s truly the same idea. Maybe I have achieved a certain level of maturity in that I wont reach for the pills and booze now, but my keyboard is taking the place of it.

 

I am writing about this for two reasons. First because as a recovered addict, I’d feel like a hypocrite if I did not share when I struggle and make others feel like they are weird because they have these type issues come up. Second, because the therapist needs therapy right now. I need help to break this open and get to the bottom of it. There is great revelation and healing that can come from expressing feelings, whether through the written word, the spoken word, or any other way one can get things out in the open.

I once worked for a psychiatrist who after just a short while entrusted me with completing all of her initial assessments. It’s a big deal because that means each new patient who came into her office did not meet with her, but me. I conducted what is called a psycho-social assessment which was a 10 page interview process that is designed to give the clinician doing the assessment enough information to make an official diagnoses from the same DSM-V that the doctors use.  I would make my decision and then pass it to the doctor to review . After a short time she just signed whatever I gave her. It was a high compliment.

One day we got to talking about our lives and personal family histories and all. After sharing a few things that had happened, were happening and may happen she was speechless. She could not understand how I even made it as far as I did , much less be so good. She named me ” the wounded healer”. To this day I see myself as a wounded healer.

So back to my problem now, I am aware that I am self-medicating. I have written enough posts already to carry me on for a year or more. I have no reason to keep on this marathon blog session. However the minute I try to lay my head down at night I realize I do not care for this uncomfortable silence in my brain. So within a half hour I am usually back up from my attempt to rest. I reach for this , and so the story goes. I hate it. I hate it that for 3 days I have closed my eyes for about 45 minutes per day if that.

Now the hard part to figure out which stress factor in my life has me right now. There are plenty to go around. Then the therapist in me wants to get all clinical and fancy like I am back at the shop with a new patient. Then I think thoughts like this ” Well I am sure since it is my birthday, my subconscious memory is playing old tapes about things I left undone, or as we EXPERTS call it  – ” unfinished business” in my life .

Then reality hits and in frustration I blurt out to my screen ” What a load of crap that is”.

Now I am still nowhere. Or am I ? Maybe by verbalizing this and sharing my true feelings. I  might get some relief. Or maybe it wont get me relief and poor me has to suffer a week or two of this. Either way I need a remedy to this. So in my case in my situation today I have chosen to do something different. Anything that might throw me off of this pattern I am in.

I made a decision.

My decision is to review my perspective a bit. I needed to reflect on some good things and quit buying into all the lies the enemy of my soul wants me to by into. For example what would I have thought 4 years ago when I had 16 followers and could not find the motivation to even post because I knew only a few would see it and out of those few maybe one or two might like it. Boy now those were hard times, I tell you what, compared to that I am in heaven right now. I can literally write a post about anything I want and know that a whole bunch of people from dozens of countries will see it in minutes. What the heck am I complaining about? Too much opportunity? Wow, poor me.

So you see what once would have been a dream to me — to have an audience and an abundance of things to share about somehow has been renamed in my brain to be a big problem. The amazing twists that our minds can out on us.

Now as I finish up this post, I am left with a different perspective. Now I am thinking – wow, what a roll I have been on, but I have got to mix in a way to get some sleep. It’s not healthy to not sleep, but it is healthy and just fine to roll out post after post with good content. I plan to keep it up until it naturally slows down, but never believe the lie that doing what I love to do is somehow stressful. Lack of sleep is my issue. Not blogging.

When I started this post I had no idea how it would end. Now I see that I am just fine and have much less to be stressed about then I thought. The sleep deprivation is likely causing the twisted thinking. My blogging is fine. Right on track with my goals and the reason I started this thing to share my experiences with as many as is possible.

I encourage everyone to share things when in binds like mine.  It matters not how you share but let another human in. It does two things.;  Resets perspective & identifies any changes you can make today. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the ride!

Have Any Of These Thoughts Run Through Your Mind?

Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

  • Life is not worth it
  • I hate myself
  • I have screwed things up too much to be fixed now.
  • Nobody likes me/ I have no real friends
  • Everyone else is doing well but me
  • I wonder if anyone would even miss me
  • Addiction sucks and I will always be stuck into this hell.
  • What would be the best way to kill myself, gun? Jump off a bridge?
  • I am so depressed, it’s never going to get better.
  • What would God do or say to me if I did off myself?
  • Nobody understands the pain I am in, I cannot explain it.
  • Why does all the bad stuff happen to me?
  • Where is God?
  • Nobody in my family loves me anymore anyways.
  • I am useless. Worthless.
  • I have no purpose in my life
  • I am not good at anything.
  • I wonder if a lot of people would come to my funeral.
  • I cannot go on its too painful
  • I wish I could talk to someone, but I am scared they might judge me

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These are a partial list of questions that have run through my own mind in the past which prompted me to reach out for help, in several areas. Even with all my education and experience, I still suffered through the same pain and hopelessness that many others do.

The difference in me now, and then is I did have someone who like me had been through the same stuff, and was a professional in the field as well. He was able to lead me to the right resources to get the right help with nobody knowing until I wanted them to know.

Folks, that’s what I am here for today. I am choosing to spend the rest of my career helping people and entire families get through some big hurdles. I can help you its 100% confidential, and I promise  will save you thousands of dollars in fancy offices with lots of suits walking around. If you are having any of those thoughts or similar,like I used to, then get in touch with me email tim@dontlabelmykid.com or if its urgent call my cell 386-675-7549.

Don’t forget your friends and family who might need help if you don’t. Please share this with your readers if you don’t mind so I can get the word out that death is not the answer. Suicide is not the solution, and addiction does not have to own them.

Again- Please take a minute to share this with your people as I cannot reach but my only group.

Peace & Hope

TJ

How To Parent Like A Boss- But Not Act Like One…

I spent about a third of my career living with and working with some of the most severely troubled kids as far as behaviors go. My task was to turn the behavior around so these kids could actually function in public settings. Not to just ” get by ” but to excel.

I was able to do so at a very high rate of success no matter what the family situation, or the life circumstances, as long as the kid could understand what  we were trying to accomplish. As long as they could function independently. For those with borderline IQ and developmental issues, I accomplished the same results but with a different system.

For now anyway I will share about how I worked with just your average kid. I’m going to lay out some tips for you to take control of your home and in such a way that everybody feels like they won..

I’ve written quite a bit on tips for parenting and different ideas. However I’ve not gone into a lot of detail on specific plans simply because I’m not sure that I will have an interactive audience and that people will appreciate what I’m going to lay out. So I’m going to try this today and see what the response is like – if you feel that it’s helping you and you’d like to hear the rest of the story ( which is not going to happen in one post) please let me know through your comments that you would like to hear the rest. This is something that took me over a decade to learn by experience and it’s not something I can lay out in one post but I can give you a great idea of how to change what you’re currently doing enough that it will make a difference in your life, in a short series.

I’m going to go ahead and call this an in-depth series on parenting and if it goes well we will  make it an ongoing series with the intent for you to ask questions and I answer questions according to your specific need and situation.  If I feel that it’s not drawing enough interest I will change it from in-depth-series to a drowned one. That is totally up to you.

The information I’m going to share with you will include information that I was paid by the state to train parents on, to train entire school districts of teachers on,  to work in home with families on,  as well as my five years as a living foster parent to around 35 teenagers.  I also have 4 kids of my own ages 6-22.

I’m going to start by naming a few basic fundamentals that must be in place before anything will be successful.

1- As a parent yelling and screaming at your child is about the worst thing you can do no matter what the circumstance.

body language

 

2-Your interactions with your child on a daily basis should include at least 10 positive comments to every 1 negative or criticizing statement. ( Yes it’s possible) The reason for this is simple; negative reinforcement ( yelling or putting one down NEVER changes behavior patterns for more than a minute, and hour, a day if your lucky. If you want real change, you need to identify what it is specifically you want to see happen from your child, tell them, and then wait. Keep waiting. Wait until you  ” catch them ” doing what you wanted. Now its high praise time. You don’t need to buy them an xbox or anything, just some verbal praise reminding them of what they did so well. Keep training your brain to catch them doing what they are supposed to , and keep reminding them that you noticed and giving them an age appropriate token of appreciation. For example a 7-year-old might like a hug. A 15-year-old might like a comment like,  ” you are really impressing me, keep this up and maybe we can talk about that ( enter whatever thing they have been bugging you about getting) soon!

3- Without specific skills and expectations for your child it’s impossible to succeed because there is no mutual understanding. Don’t assume your child can read your mind. Always incorporate the skills I will teach you into your daily dialogue with you child. I am going to provide you with a bunch of social skills to incorporate into your home. These should become common to hear in your daily conversations. There are dozens we can add but start slow with the major ones.

4- Do away with terms like ” be good ”  or ” don’t be bad” . Your idea of good maybe totally different then your child thinks of good as. Train yourself to start Identifying​ specifically what you expect . For example instead of  ” Jimmy , you be good while we are gone ” , say ” Jimmy please don’t forget to finish math, make your bed, and follow instructions of the sitter.”

5- Never, ever say  ” because I said so, that‘s why “- because – well just dont.

On of the major problems parents have is not keeping things realistic. Especially in issuing consequences. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a parent say to their 10-year-old something like this – ” you keep on screwing up like this boy and you can forget about summer baseball league.

WHAT? This just in…10 year old kids have an attention span of a few minutes. You think they can connect on that kind of consequence when they are still thinking if they will get ice cream for dinner? Keep it real, and age appropriate. By the way, if the kid does comprehend that baseball might be out, whats the point of trying at anything now? Now you lost him for good.

The trick to all these pieces is to weave them into a motivation system that you design for your child that is permanent – a system that you both know backwards a forward and leaves 100% of the outcome up to the child. It’s all their choice. In a well-developed system, there is no power struggle, no yelling, at all. Simple, because the options are laid out beforehand clearly for the child. If she wants to earn x, she does this. If she does not care to follow any instructions she issues herself a consequence. No shocking angry threats, just a simple choice for the child, and they no what the outcome will be whether they do the right thing or not.

I have already gone further then I intended to without even knowing if people want and need what I have to say. Maybe you have parenting all figured out. You may not need me. However if you don’t fall into that group and like the rest of us you have struggled before, then I need you to make it known. Tell me through your comments what your area of need is and if you will benefit from this type teaching. Let me know that you will be involved in this series or not. I will not continue if nobody is willing to share that they need help.

Skills for today to start incorporating into your home.

1-Following instructions

A- look at the person

B-say ok.

C- complete the task 

4-check back when finished
2-Accepting No

A-look at the person 

B-say ok

( No eye rolling, body language or mumbling)

Problem
Solving

Teach your child to use the SODAS method when they cannot  make up their minds on an issue. Role  play with them on this method so when  nobody is around to discuss a problem with your child has a way to make the right choices.

S-situation

O-optiins

D-disadvantage

A-advantage

S-solution



If you need more specific and personalized information then what you see in the series, that is when you contact me for a personalized plan of care. 

 I have never turned anyone away for not being able to pay some sky-high fee. I will gladly help you put a system in place that is perfect for your family.

Contact me at tim@dontlabelmykid.com to set up a virtual appointment and discuss a personalized plan of care for your situation.

For now – lets see if you all need what I have to offer. Please make yourself known.

tj

 

 

Identity Crisis- For Reals..Pops.

Sometimes there are no words..only visuals can truly explain an issue of concern…

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wp-1495473459075. He’s down wit’ da truth, for reals.

I am seeing more of this everywhere I go. It matters not what the race and color, its interchangeable.

 

Another Body … Just Another Bum.. A Drunk Most Likely… Should Have Made A Life For Himself. Right? No. That Could Be Us…. { Turning The Corner- Don’t Label My Kid! Lets Do It!} 2017- Taking It Up A Level..We Need Each Other..

Mental Health. Looks like this pretty much , right?  I took this picture 2 days ago. You know why? I assumed when I contacted the law to pick the body up they may want some documentation of when and where I found the guy.  Not that its any big deal, I see these bums all day long here in Daytona. Heck You and me could have ended up like that if we didn’t make the right choices, right? Whatever. Who are we kidding. But for the grace of God, there goes me.

In this case I got to walk away feeling better then I initially thought. You see, when I realized he was stiff, and smelled bad I just instinctively went to see if he had any ID to give the law. I was quite shocked when he about jumped when my hand touched his jacket pocket. He was alive! Sort of. Mike, as I later learned was his name was so scared I came to hurt him that he was shaking, I sat down with him and told him it was all good and I help people like him. I am a social worker. I help all people. No matter the age, race, issues, addictions, etc.

I know you cant see all that well in this picture as far as his age and all, but after we had talked awhile he shared a little about his life. Take a guess as to his age? Just do it, ball park.

Mike is 51.

I was able to offer him some options that he never knew were there. I know because that is my gift. We all have gifts, and in my case I have the ability to identify what people need to make their situation the very best it can be. I have done it for my entire career as a clinical social worker. I have worked with teens, parents, mental health patients, addicted folks, poverty stricken, violent people, even the most seriously developmentally disabled people in the world, literally. I have been called on to improve the quality of life for those who are deaf, dumb, blind, and aggressive. Can you imagine? The people in that arena that I ran programs for were abused so badly as babies that even though many were born ” normal” they had some of the most evil parents and caregivers you could imagine. Tossed in dumpsters as babies left to die, left on the hot Florida beaches as infants simply because the mom or dad was too lazy to bring them to a fire station or another outlet who would gladly have taken them in.

I started a school for 60 felons, ages 11-18. Gang members, 12 year old kids running crack at 3am on school days for their own parents. I lived for 5 years with 45 teens who were sexually abused very severely. Every group of people I worked with I was so thankful to have a God given gift to see through the outside and meet the true need on the inside. Now, before anyone thinks I am bragging – it could not be further from the truth. I am so  ” ungifted ” in some areas that men should be – lol- I remember a time when I had my young boys with me in my truck and I noticed my wipers were bad. I could not see through them. I stopped at the Auto Zone , ordered up 2 wipers in a manly voice…and spent the next 30 minutes in the parking lot trying to figure out how to put the blades on until my 7 year old son took pity on me. He installed them in 5.

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If you have followed me long you will note that although I share my personal struggles, and trials, I have never laid out an ” I love me post” about my accomplishments in my gifts. One reason is because I realize it is a gift. I can help anyone, in any situation, no matter what the circumstances. I just don’t feel comfortable bragging about something that I was given. Oh, believe me – I can hang with the best of the braggers. I have the degrees, the awards and all that jazz. I could not even tell you where any of them are right now. I don’t care. I care about educating people and helping them save time, money and stress.

What I love most about what I do is I know every single job duty all those people and more have. But I don’t have to become each one. I sure can steer you to who will actually help you and who wants your money. I can tell you that in many cases I have not been able to get to the parent or family in time before they got taken for a ride to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars and more. That’s the reason I am so determined to hold providers of mental health, addictions, behavioral health, and juvenile delinquents accountable for what they do. I know what they should be doing – but you don’t. I am not a psychiatrist, but if you have ever read my home page ” mental heath- its a crazy business” you know I do not mince words. Why? I know the truth.. Do want to know how many doctors or psychologists, psychiatrists have written me nasty letters over the 4 years I have been slamming them? ZERO.

I am sharing this for a reason. I am hanging my shingle again. For 4 years I have poured my heart out on here about my entire life. Its time to help you all get to where you need and want to be. And I am asking you to trust your family or personal needs into my care. I make the same promise I have kept my entire career. I will NEVER leave you broken. An I will certainly never leave you broke.  I don’t discharge my families when they go through a rough patch financially. I love using my gift. You may have noticed I have never taken a dime for any thing here, I do not sell ads like some. This audience that you all are was hand picked. I have never connected to the internet, other then this WordPress sight.

Last check this blog has had visitors from 65 countries ( that I know of ) and followers from at least 25 that I know of. That’s not my doing. It is no accident. You all are here for a reason. I am here to help.

When Mike Carey came along and was willing to join with this mission, I was and still am ecstatic. Why? Because Mike and I share a similar passion. We both love to use our gifts to help others. We both will never leave anyone hanging until they are well.  I am gong to show you a real life example of how God has already used Mike in my own family. Most of you know I have 2 grown boys, and 2 baby girls. Well, babies to me, they are 5 & 10.

This is my baby Shelbi..

My baby had 72 sticks with a needle that her doctor insisted on to test for allergies. For nothing. Next up he said – blood work! No. No way.. But what can I do? Better late then never – I called our resident gifted man in the healing of diseases. He said ” you took her where” ? ( made me feel even lower lol) –  No more he said , get her on the phone with me tonight for a minute or two. I was thinking to myself-  Hello!! What was I thinking? Tonight Shelbi said hello to Mr. Mike for about 2 minutes, and 10 minutes later he says ” oh she has some poisoning in her system and a viral infection. Go to your local health food store and get 2 items ( like 5 bucks each) and in 7 days it will be gone.

HUH?? What? Why did I forget the other people I have sent to him who had major diseases go away? Anyways no blood work and that’s  Mikes gift.

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If you need physical healing – take advantage of  this gift right in front f you . If its healing in any other area, call on me. I work on a case by case basis, until the job is done. I want you all to take this email address down.

Dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com – to help with Tj-

that is your direct line to me. I will be adding a toll free number as well but for now get me there. I will develop with you what I call a  “Plan of Care ”

There is NO issue you can throw at me that I havent done a hundred times. Confidentially we will put it all in place and work it out financially It sure would make me feel good if you all would entrust your needs to Mike and I. I thank you in advance . .

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With all we are trying to accomplish through this platform of Don’t Label My Kid!  It would really make a big difference if you all would commit to utilizing the gifts that Mike and  I have- for your own family. so that we can keep on helping others and continue trying to do what we do ..put pedophiles away -heal families -help addicts-  bring families together and just grow spiritually , emotionally and physically.

God Bless you all . Please Step up for this..

Tj

100% True Funniest Parent Story I can Remember…About My Own Child.

My older son is 22 and a sharp shooter in the Army, full-time college student and full time worker. I am praying he never reads this, and am fairly confident he wont. He does not take much interest in my writing.. ( I know, I don’t get it either). For the purpose of this story I will call him ” stinky “. It takes place in a quiet southern town about 50 miles northwest of Orlando Fl. in about 1995. In a grocery store called Publix.

Stinky was 2 years old and riding on the kid part of the shopping cart, you know – the part where they just stare at you until something on the shelf catches their eye, they lunge for it, you swerve, they cry? Yeah that type deal. Well Stinky and I were at about the half way point of our shopping trip when I noticed a slight scent coming from the same vicinity that Stinky was sitting. At first I panicked of course but then as a new first time dad would do, I ignored it and reminded myself that I had out a ” pull up” on him right before we came in the store.

This was right when pull-ups had come out, and were a true Godsend, just in case. We went about another aisle down and I noticed the scent was getting stronger and I admit I began to worry a little. Not knowing what exactly to do in the middle of this giant store, I began to slow my roll and let the others pass me by while strategically heading to the diaper/wipes/paper towel isle. As I approached this isle, I happened to glance down at the newly waxed tiled floor of the grocery.

We got a problem.

I remember thinking to myself that I had not recalled seeing any little brown dots peppering the tiles before. I quickly grabbed the nearest bag of paper towels, ripped them open and leaned down, to wipe-the dots off the tiles around me. I remember going in reverse, and wiping up a few tiles behind us as well. It was then I realized that I had no idea this breadcrumb poop trail had been going on. I just remember ripping through the paper towels and making sure I grabbed ” Bounty ” the “quicker picker upper”. Within seconds I found myself going into a kneeling position, one hand on the cart ( pulling backwards) and one hand full of paper towels wiping poop drops as I went backwards dodging other shoppers and acting as if I was looking for my contact or something.

Within a minute I was zipping back at high rate of speed, weaving and bobbing between other shoppers. I was good. So good that within about 4 minutes and 2 rolls of Bounty, I had reached the end of the trail..finally. I wiped up the last splatter and casually made my way to the men’s room. You see, new parent or not, I am a smart cookie. I remembered to bring an emergency outfit and pull-up for such a time as this. I am not bragging here, but within 5 minutes my boy and I were calmly exiting the men’s room as if nothing had gone down..er, well you get it .

As I calmed down we shopped some more, and finally decided we had all we needed. I gave myself a little mental pat on the back for handling it as well as I did. We rolled up to the checkout counter and waited our turn. I think I was playing peek a boo or something as we waited. Heck I thought, nobody needs to know about this one. It was our little secret. So finally the line died down, and we pulled up and began unloading our groceries. The checkout girl was kind enough to help and we began to toss things on the belt. About 2 minutes into it, I noticed the girl making a funny face and she began to cough. Not the ” I have a cold ” cough, but a sickly and frowning face type of cough. Within a minute she began to let out a quiet but audible shriek and then said then she said these words ” What is that smell?”

I’m cool – I mean I cleaned it all up. I thought.

As it turns out, dad forgot to check one spot- the spot directly below the kid’s poop shoot in the cart. As it turns out I guess the girl happened to pullout a package of ground beef from directly below Stinky. The package had little brown droppings on it. Before I could get her attention, she was on the store loudspeaker begging for assistance on isle 4. It went something like ” clean up on isle 4 ” and by the time she had run her big mouth all over the speaker, a parade of bag boys, and a few managers had made their way up to see and smell what went on.

I remember a collective ” ooh gross ” from the customers in line behind me while scattering to another line, me begging to pay the bill, and stinky just smiling through it all. What started as a proud daddy and son shopping day,  ended as a walk of shame to the parking lot in slow motion. A group of bag boys were sent to follow us and retrieve the cart so they could rinse and scrub it. I humbly put Stinky in his car seat and we drove off into the moon-light.

To this day I cannot eat raisinets or milk-duds. I know, I know its gross.

tj

How About Puttin Your Hands Together In Prayer  For My Nephew Nick As He “Rolls” Into Alabama This Fall?? 

I know my sister Pam would appreciate a whole bunch of prayers this mothers day as she sends her ” baby ” Nick off to college. He is ” AllEverything“- lol– The grades, the looks,  Homecoming King, Scratch golfer, Captain Of Mens Volleyball team- but most importantly good people like his mama and daddy.

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I am hoping to comfort her worries by letting her see a show of my fellow bloggers around the world that they would be willing to launch a prayer or two for Nick’s overall well-being, safety, and a hedge of protection from the dark forces trying to take our kids out of the light these days…

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So if you consider yourself a praying person please like and say a prayer for Nick’s Alabama future. If you’re not a praying person yet, how about starting today? I truly believe we need to start using our networks as prayer coverings for each other. Lets start here and now !

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My data shows bloggers from 65 countries have been on this site..how many can I get an ” Amen” for Nick for today” In ANY language!
Thanks!

TJ

 

2017 Series -Getting Through The Dark Times; Faith It ‘Til Ya Make It!

 

In the last 4 years I have written about many topics from parenting to depression, addiction to PTSD, medication, suicide, therapy  and so much more. It seems like a lot but as I have always said, I don’t speak on anything that I haven’t lived through personally or at the very least studied professionally. In the beginning I thought writing about so many different types of issues would make it seem like life is filled with nothing but bad stuff. However  I learned two important things in the last four years; I am not alone, and people need to hear from others who can relate.

So far I have mostly  discussed all the different types of problems and medical mental health struggles and family issues that exist. And there’s plenty to discuss no doubt. . Up until now, I have not really delved into how we deal with these issues as we go through these dark trials. Its imperative that we have some way of staying grounded during these times we walk  through the valley.

 It’s very important that we have some sort of an anchor to keep us from drifting too far away from reality when we feel so lost in such darkness, and with so few friends. As most of you have understood, if I shared my life experiences, some of these times are gone through very much alone and there are not many people around that can relate. Unless you really search. And most of the time we don’t feel like searching for anything when we’re barely able to wake up every day and get dressed. Having been through very traumatic times that caused depression, and nightmares and loneliness and sometimes the inability to function normally. I can understand the darkness that prevails if we allow it to.

 There’s a few things in my life that I can honestly say, are the only reasons that I am here today, both physically and mentally spiritually and emotionally. I know that if it took those things to keep me saying then all of you also had to have some way that you’ve coped something that held you together. and some? To that you’ve used to make it to the point, we are able to even write about it today on a blog. The truth is professionally I’ve seen that it isn’t a very high percentage of us that are able to make it even this far- in fact we are a  very blessed group of people to have come through what we have and able to share it with other people. Speaking of sharing it with other people that is a critical piece in healing. It isnt always about us -the spotlight can’t always be on us even in our dark times and the truth is some of the ways out of these dark times the very quickest are by reaching out to others and pulling them up with the knowledge we have.

Sometimes when you need a friend the most you got to go and be a friend to someone. . Sometimes when you need encouragement the most you need to go and encourage someone. And even sometimes when you need financial help, you need to reach out to someone who you know could use what little bit you have and help them.. The point is as tempting as it is when we are in these dark times, the worst thing we can do is send out invitations for a pity party. I have always found some good advice from a guy that sings a song full of truth abut these times. I would like to share this song with you and I’ve shared the one with lyrics so you can read along… Please take 3:38 minutes out and watch it…at the end of this post. It may just resonate with you somehow…( you may have to click on it to play it)

So as I kick off the on going series on how we have made it to the point we are, I would ask that you all share any advice that you have. I shared all the problems lol- now I need help with looking at many solutions. I am leaving this wide open, and welcome any guest posts on the topic. Like I said – the more you share the more therapeutic it is.

So lets see where this goes y’all

If You’re Going Through Hell..

Friday!- Time For ” Mike’s Corner”

Mike Carey- Website

Mike’s Corner– Little Known Facts About Your Health..

Did you know that low back pain, a common problem worldwide, is often referred pain from somewhere else on the body? As a matter of fact it is rarely a problem with the back. Usually it is coming as a result of the Occipital bone being out. Because the Occipital bone is part of the skull, most chiropractors cannot adjust it. However there are 2 herbs that have a frequency that will cause to go back into place very quickly!

Mike

Alternativesolutions4health.com

silverwood08@gmail.com

 

 

Private: Invitation Only–Please Join Us In The Fight To Provide Effective Services To Those Suffering. Tj & Mike

**This information is intended for the recipient and nobody else. Please lets keep this in house.. Greetings , You all are in for some very exciting news!  If you have received this invitation you are a part of a special group of people. You are special to us in that you are followers of Mike […]

 

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_T8zNEl5CBkbEs3WmZoZHZnQ2c/view?usp=drivesdk

Above and below are 2 different ways to hear Tj  give his   personal greeting and update. In order to hear it you may have to load the open. If neither will work for you just skip it I will be doing these regularly.

udio- TJ greeting and update of the Dont Lablel My Kid! Projects(I

**This information is intended for the recipient and nobody else. Please lets keep this in-house..

Mike Carey alternative Solutions 4 Health & Tj from Dont Label My KId!

I made a quick audio update ( both links above, but had a few problems on one of the times I tried to open, you may have to download first but if its more than a few minutes just let it go, as it is jut an update and I will be dong these from time to time…tj


Greetings ,

You all are in for some very exciting news!  If you have received this invitation you are a part of a special group of people. You are special to us in that you are followers of Mike Carey – Alternative Solutions 4 Health, or TJ -(Dont Label My KId) and Mike have teamed up! That’s right we are joining forces to reach some goals and accomplish some things that have never been done before. We want you all along with us. Much is happening in the way of change and we have some exciting things in the works.

We want the people who have been supportive of us to get some too.

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(Notes- It has come to our attention that a fairly large group of bloggers were included in this private invitation who may or may not be followers of Don’t Label My Kid! Or Mike Carey .)

(After checking into it we found that you all actually are  considered by  WordPress to be followers of Don’t Label My Kid! via what I call the ‘ “undercover follower” method lol which I actually learned  is an option that I was unaware of. The other possibility is you register  so much on the site you are considered followers.

Either way you are blood.

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Just come on home – make it official-go click follow on this site. You do have to do that to take part so if you could make sure you all are ” legal” by like tomorrow we can stop the confusion…..And now we return to our regular programming. .)

With  Mike’s incredible knowledge and gifts in areas of  health and the mission of DLMK to serve a huge group of people worldwide who are desperate for help in the areas of mental, behavioral health and addictions it seemed a match made in heaven to team up and meet the needs of the total person in ways that have never been done. AS4H and DLMK have one thing in common.

Success rates that are at least double or more of many of the options available. That is not to say there are not very talented people working in our areas because there is. We have a unique chance to make sure that all components that a person may need in treatment, we can help with and using the same team, same model and same philosophy. Not all have that advantage.

Beliefs in how and who in treatment are absolutely identical. Both are believers in getting to the root issue; both believe in as natural of a healing as is possible; both are  committed to a return to normalcy asap. Sadly the country we live in supports financially those who keep people sick. It pays very well.

The goals of physical treatment centers and other care is already in the works. As matter of fact we will be talking with a major insurer in Florida about helping fund treatment centers! At this moment right now we have a goal to get services out to the world through virtual means. Mike can do what he does and the whole team can each help in reaching out to the world. However one thing holds us back.

It is very expensive technical work to build a portal  as we will using the Don’t Label My Kid! site as a platform. The site today has followers from 60 countries. The cost to make this happen is huge but not as a team. You are part of our team. It’s not a one-sided team and that’s why nobody else but our followers got invitations. As we succeed, you succeed. Why pay an outside investor a ton of money to help us when we can work together and meet all of our needs?

With that said – in order to reach who we need to reach we will need help.  So we are asking that you take a hard look at what is in front of you right now and consider getting involved to the extent that are able. We think no matter what level you are supporting us he return will far outweigh any monthly investment. When we need to add some service providers to our database who do you think we will utilize?

That’s right – you.

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In closing I will give a quick example or two. The placement of your blogs name on a separate page on the website goes to anyone at any level. Think about this. How much would it cost for a newspaper as or magazine/radio ads -100? More ? Even then you must hope and pray that people hear or see your ad at the very time they need your service.

Our followers are made up of people like you same demographic. That’s gold. The potential reach for your name in a day could be 500k- you see DLMK has followers that have 100k each!  So it’s a great deal. Please jump in, Today is the kick-off let’s do it up!

                               Here is our Commitment to You –

**For those come on board now, we will do something to show you our appreciation. We provide care for the total person here . We make sure that whether it’s a general doctor, a psychologist, an addictions specialist or any other type of care, that we have the best of the best.

So, to those who become any level as a founding member -we have you covered for any crisis needs in your immediate family. Free.

The 3 subscriptions are below are simply select what is best and sign up…

(We do have a few limited partnerships available. These are NOT for the average blogger or small business owner . The investment and commitment are much greater and suited for large set ups. People looking make some high level career advances with other projects we are working on and things like that. They are listed after the 3 below.)

***THIS JUST IN- PLEASE READ*****Mike Carey and I just spoke Today is 4/29/2107  at 10:40pm Eastern Time.

Mike has told me to take away the hours of consulting that go with the package if you are a Founders Club Member…Instead, when you become an active member now AT ANY LEVEL– He said PUT NO LIMIT ON IT!!! This means by subscribing you are on Mike’s List Of Clients and you NEVER have to pay for his service..

He also said as a small token of his appreciation to those who are serving, or have served in the military Everything ( all of his services) are on the house and the same goes for those in Christian Pastoral ministry or retired from it. 

Finally, if you want to become a member but cannot afford 25.00$ / Month we will offer scholarships if you can provide proof

. We also exchange services for memberships-if you have a skill we can use, or a product we can use..

Thanks in advance for trusting us and becoming Founding Club Members !


Don’t Label My Kid!  & Alternative Solutions 4 Health Founders club

                                          ~ Status Options~

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25.00-  Official Member

1-Your Blog Featured on separate page with founders only

2-Access to private database of services

*** Note – If you are wanting to bump up to GOLD but cannot afford it? Bring us 5 new members at any level and you got it .

(They must become followers of either Mike, Tj or both to be eligible.)

Subscribe as Official Member

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50.00-  GOLD Member

1-Your Blog Featured on Separate page with Founders Members only

2-Access to private database of services

3-  Founders Group Member Tag for your Homepage

4- A free hour per month of consultation with any of  team! phone Email

Subscribe as Founders Gold Member


NOTE! Want to become a Platinum member without the extra 50 bucks? No problem, bring us 5 Gold members!


100.00– Platinum

1-Your Blog Featured on Separate page with Founders Members only

2-Access to private database of services

3-Founders Group PLATINUM Member Tag for your homepage

4-1 Guest post on the DLMK site per quarter to share your blog’s mission or post a blog of your choice (these will be highlighted and recognized as a Guest Post From Founding Member-available only to Platinum members)

5- 2 hours per month of personal consultation from an actual team member to help you identify the appropriate service for you or a loved one’s personal situation.via email or phone and if the situation calls for it.

100% confidential and no longer available to non followers.

Subscribe as Founders Platinum Member

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                    The Executive Access – Boardroom Access Partners

We are also offering an entirely different type membership. They are Limited Partnerships – meaning only 10 of each are being considered at this time. The positions are for those who are aggressively pursuing some specific goals in a business, career or any pursuit that would require high-profile connections or simply need  to do more than run a small business, and need the help of a larger group to help them to the next level.

We designed these slots with a few things in mind. One is to help some of our own followers achieve their goals, so in the future they can pay it forward and continue the mission that we have started. Another is to help us achieve our financial goals so we can begin doing what we do best, help others. The financial investment for the Executive is 500/monthly and the Boardroom is 1000/month. It is the highest level of commitment on both sides that exists.

In some ways these are open to what the two sides can do for each other. We have the advantage of being able to be flexible and creative.

The primary differences between the two is one has access to the board of directors on certain issues and has a voice and even a vote on issues related to the services fund-raising project. The Boardroom Access partner is that person.

There is a process to discuss either of these. If you are interested contact Tj to set up a phone conference -tim@dontlabelmykid.com.

occasionally we will have a need for a staff member and offer it out as a regular position. Right now we are looking to fill a few part-time executive assistant positions in exchange for platinum memberships .

We hope you find just the right opportunities so we can see you grow while we grow!

thanks Mike Carey and Tj Petri