Why God Didn’t Bless Me Yesterday… ( I Guess)

Some days you just know you aren’t going to have Gods favor , right? I mean our works performance is off, we aren’t careful with our mouth and so on. Yeah that was me yesterday. Just didn’t get enough right to win the favor.

Whew! Yesterday was rough. If someone accused me of being a Christian, I’m not sure there would have been enough evidence to convict me. And I am only sharing the stuff appropriate for public blogging…lol

Past

For example in the morning at a gas station some old man took it upon himself to point to the cross hanging from my rear view and to the harmless radar detector under it and tell me that one of them needs to go! So I exhorted ( biblical, right?) him and pointed out that perhaps he should go change his Hooters shirt before finger pointing.

After that an old AC/DC song with totally inappropriate lyrics came on- and yes I blasted it and sang every word. I also had my FISH symbol on the back window too,  so that’s like double sinning.

Ok now it gets ugly. For some reason every time I am starving and go through a drive through for a sandwich, I NEVER get a red light so I can get a bite. But when I’m in a hurry somewhere I get every red light made. I ended up saying a word that rhymes with STUCK, BUCK, DUCK. A few times. ( Don’t act all shocked either )
About an hour later some heathen in a new Corvette cut me off the road so I almost hit a tree. I kept my mouth shut and refrained from saying anything.
However, I did happen to run into him at the next light and gave him a friendly wave telling him he was #1 . I learned that wave from Dale Earnhardt of NASCAR and he was a champion so how bad could it be?
So I finally made it to church. I listened as the preacher talked about being saved by faith and not works. My itching ears were scratched.
That really set me free and I actually was ready to roll out early but before I could he went into the fruit of the Spirit and the witness of the believer as well as maturity of the believer.
Then he cracked open the book of James and read on the power of the tongue. I turned my MP3 player off for this part and I realized that there was some good news and some not so good news.

Good News!
1- I’m saved by the blood of Jesus not by my works. There is nothing I can do or say to make God love me any more, or any less!

More difficult news-

2- I am supposed to be different then this world. In it but not of it. Growing as a Christian is critical. There is no putting it on a shelf- you are either going forward and maturing or slipping back into the world.

I learned that it’s not about how many times we fall, but how many times we get up. It’s about not buying the lies of the enemy. It’s about remembering the promises of God no matter what it looks like.

When the enemy of your soul reminds you of all your sin, remind him that as a believer , God sees our sin through the blood of Christ. All He sees is the blood sacrifice of Christ. My Godfather used to have a pad of paper he would hand to each of us as we were growing up. He would tell us to write down every sin we could ever remember on the sheet, and assured us nobody would see it.

After we reluctantly wrote them down, he reached behind the notepad and flipped over what was a blood red plastic cover. He then showed it to us and asked us what sins we saw that we had written. None. The red cover had made them go away. That cover represented the blood of Christ, and how God sees believers in Christ.

We do need to keep growing though because each day that passes in this world the armor of God becomes more critical. If you aren’t familiar with the armor yet , then today is a perfect time to look into We do need to keep growing though because each day that passes in this world it!

Bottom line here is I was just as saved yesterday as any day. It’s not what I do for Him, but what He already did at the cross .

tj Continue reading “Why God Didn’t Bless Me Yesterday… ( I Guess)”

Open Letter To The Addict-Real Open.

Dear Addict-

You are constantly shunned and shamed by people who have never walked in your shoes. You have felt like you are useless, worthless and a failure because you have been unable to ” snap ” out of it like your family or friends tell you. You have sat alone many nights contemplating taking your life. The people judging you each day are usually actually doing sinful things in their own life, but somehow it makes them feel better about themselves to put you down. You are not sinning, you are fighting a disease.

The truth is that addiction does not discriminate and truth be told, one of the leading group of professionals who are in treatment for addiction- are Doctors! You wont hear much on that, but know your not alone. Your no dirtier they are. You just wont have the white jacket on at your NA meeting.

Why don’t people go to the cancer wards all over and tell the patients to ” snap out ” of it? After all if you should then they should -right? Your self-esteem is low and people use your weaknesses against you and even for their gain. The egotistical judges in this world who drive by a tired and depressed addict on the street like to name call and say get a job. You know that if you could somehow get help and get well, you would love to work. Its killing you that you have this chain of bondage around you each day.

confusion

Nobody knows your background, how you became involved in whatever it is you are stuck in. As a matter of fact we both know that most of the judges out there would never have made it even half the time you have trying to battle this. They have sometimes never experienced childhood abuse, violence, trafficking, or incredible loss. They may not have a family with a history of addictions that they have had to fight like you in silence. You isolate, you then take a chance and go out in public, but if you fail, you resort back to isolating and contemplating life.

You know what? Good news for you today! The same Lord that died and rose from the dead loves you. He died for you too. He isn’t mad at you. He is a judge of the heart, not the outward actions. He is the only one who can give freedom from bondage. Don’t let the world fool you into thinking that you are a sinner and they aren’t just because your struggles are visible. Millions of those same judges are at home at night looking at child porn and other disgusting things. God knows it, so don’t sweat the small stuff. Pull yourself up and get back on the horse. It isn’t about if you fall, we all fall. It is about how you respond. Don’t stay down. Never stay down.

Next time you look in dismay at your scarred up arms – Remember These Scars.

Your value and identity and hope is in Him, not the hypocrites criticizing what they don’t understand.

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Peace

tj

The Day I Saw satan…

I’ll never forget where I was on that day. I was at the office where I met with families. There was a little television that the receptionist kept on low. We only had around 5 therapists in the office that day and it was quiet.

It would prove to be an ominous quiet that I still feel. Suddenly a woman therapist burst out with a loud cry.

. The rest of us got up to see if she was ok. As we all reached the little area at the same time we looked up at what she was seeing on the television.

All I remember is staring at the screen in disbelief and my mouth open but no words could be found. Soon after I became physically ill and was trying not to throw up as I grabbed my truck keys . I had to go get my kids. After all nobody knew when and where this thing would end. My boys were just in elementary school back then .

I snatched them up and hugged their necks real hard. Being a social worker I have seen about everything. Worked with some mean and nasty violent people

This was different. I realized then that satan is alive and his demons were killing my people. I’ll never forget it. Even now I can’t find words to describe it. I only can get any comfort in thinking of the eternal swim in a hot lake that will occur. I remember feeling like I wanted to go home. To my real home. I’ve seen enough.

Tj

Tick Tick Tick….Not Looking Good Hillary..

http://www.westernjournalism.com/obamas-secret-8-billion-bribe-to-the-muslim-brotherhood/

http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/11/02/hillary-mistress-deception-judge-napolitano-breaks-down-newly-released-benghazi-email

https://conservativedailypost.com/breaking-judicial-watch-found-hillary-deleted-benghazi-requests/

http://conservativetribune.com/confused-hillary-benghazi-cant/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=PostTopSharingButtons&utm_content=2016-09-09&utm_

http://conservativetribune.com/trump-supporter-booby-traps-sign/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=PostTopSharingButtons&utm_content=2016-09-08&utm_campaign=websitesharingbuttons

http://americannews.com/students-replace-under-god-with-under-allah-in-pledge/

http://americannews.com/muslims-demand-army-change-its-dress-code-to-include-turbans-and-beards/

 

I do believe there is a pattern that began about, well maybe 8 years ago. Did Hillary agree to sell out America to Obama and muslims just so she would get his backing when it came time for her to run?? Wow. But I totally believe it. After all, she has been supporting all of his anti-American efforts all these years. Plus her last name is Clinton. Enough said. If you still haven’t seen the light ( and you need not be Colombo ) please take another look..

She and Obama should be imprisoned right now, instead she is running for president?

Just to be fair Trump is no angel. After all, he asked a muslim protester to be removed from his speech, so he must be racist. He also made a few off the cuff statements that he regrets. So, I see why the libs are so against him…

No I don’t. I think they have had way too much koolaid.

Hey its just my 2.

 

Tj

 

Mailbag! Questions Only WE Dare To Answer!

 

Dear DLMK-

Long time reader, first time writer. Regarding the coming elections, I have a serious concern about Donald Trump. His obvious motive for what he does is to use money to manipulate, cover up, and taint the truth about everything he does not care for. We cannot let this country ” buy ” itself into rules and pretend they are valid just so we don’t have to deal with reality- while also getting it both ways. In my opinion we are simply fooling ourselves. Shame on us.

Sincerely,

Mr. Thomas Scott

VP-Atheists Association of (SE) USA.

Running for President -Agnostics of America


Dear Mr. Scott-

Thank you for your letter and also for following us. In response to your question, we also concur that oftentimes people find it easier to spend millions or ignore obvious reason in order to have things appear their own way. It is for this very reason that you will have our vote when you run for the top position in the Agnostics of America org. You clearly have the ability to be a bit more flexible in these areas.

DLMK

 


 

Dear DLMK-

It is with a heavy heart and a broken spirit that I take these ruthless jabs from Donald Trump, just for a few votes. My husband and I have served this country with honor and integrity for decades, while Mr. Trump has gone bankrupt 6 times on his way to becoming a billionaire. During my husband’s time in office, he was known by even the secret service to make the most use of his office than any president in history.

I am also proud to say the secret service team said that during all the time working while my husband was president, he took tireless measures to make sure his family was safe. As a matter of fact one guard at the oval office said that nightly my  husband could be heard yelling ” watch out for Hillary” – ” Watch out for Hillary” –Now that’s a family man. It isn’t all about the fun and games Mr. Trump.

Signed,

H.Rodham Clinton ( 3x Candy Crush Champion)

 

 

 


 

 

 

Some Thoughts For Today..

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MAILBAG! THE QUESTIONS ONLY WE DARE ANSWER.

Dear DLMK.

As an American loving full on patriot my heart is breaking to see what we would be in for if Trump were to be elected president. He will build walls not bridges, endangering our relationships worlwide. His loose lips style will byte us in the end. Why do the American people even continue voting for him? Also on a side note, can you tell me what ‘ reply all ‘ and bcc mean?

Sincerely

H. Rodham Clinton


Dear H.Rodham Clinton,

Some people are beyond touch of the law. Thankfully the honest and truth seeking people like yourself are still out there. Btw, you accidently sent plans for the presidents emergency evacuation route with this email.

Sincerely

dlmk

————–”——

Dear DLMK,

Please help. I am hearing from the president that independence day is about making new friends and opening our arms (and armories) to all nations. My history book teaches something different. What to believe?

thanks

Texas

——-‘——————

Dear Texas,

According to our president, he has been terribly limited by what our forefathers put into writing.  He insists he needs to revise much of it. Fear not though,  rumor has has it his inner circle at the white house to make changes will include JAY-Z, LUDICROUS, and other brilliant authors.

dlmk

 

 

Hillary , -I Don’t Know How To Use A Computer-

Finally. We hear the reason why so many rules were  broken and security was breached by Hillary’s use of email. Simple enough, she just doesn’t know how to use a computer!  Geez,  Mrs. Secretary,  all you had to do was tell us in the first place.  It sounds very logical.

It was reported that at least 2 people offered help, according to these 2 public emails found in Hillary’s mailbox

Dear Hillary I would be glad to help you learn anything you need to about computers. I actually invented the internet.-Al Gore

Hillary,-  Honey, I have done extensive work involving desktops in the white house,  I will help if you like.-Bill C

She apparently declined help and now regrets it.

And with that I am going to list my top 3 Hillary lies and see if this should make the list.

1-” I was an integral part of the Ireland peace process”. ( One problem here- nobody there recalls seeing her at the table )

2-“Chelsea was jogging around the twin towers when 911 happened”. ( later we saw her on television discussing how she and her daughter watched it on television from their apartment.)

3-“We were flat broke when we left the white house.” ( the year after leaving. the Clinton’s reported an income of 12 million.)

I think it deserves a spot on this list.

 

 

Tj

Obama@Trump- You Dont Care About American Safety

Are You Serious Mr. President? 

The movie Wag The Dog with Dustin Hoffman comes to mind here.

The financier of the Muslim Brotherhood ( 3 billion ) and the one who has made every effort to take American gun rights, is now making yet another amazing accusation.

President Obama says Trump is not concerned with the safety of this country. Excuse me but was it not you Mr. President who stroked a 3 Billion dollar check to the Muslim Brotherhood a few years back? They used the funds for arms.

You have at the same time tried all you can to take the gun rights of Americans away.  Now when Trump shows concern about the violence with the muslim population you spin it into an anti-religious thing. I for one am glad to hear someone show actual concern for our safety, whereas I have seen nothing but what appears to be a purposeful stripping away of any power and rights we hold by you.

tj

Gun That Killed Teen Sold For 250k By Shooter.

Zimmerman Gets 250k For Gun He Killed Black Teen With – Sold As ” Piece Of History”

 

Just when I think we are making progress in society with all the race issues and the like I am silenced by something like this, that I have no words to explain they why in it.

I followed the George Zimmerman -Trayvon Martin trial pretty closely. I really didn’t know which way things would go, but it seemed like if breaks were to be had, Zimmerman was getting them. I am not saying he intentionally murdered Trayvon, I just mean that things seemed to have went his way a lot.

Zimmerman shot and killed 17-year-old Martin in his neighborhood while involved in a neighborhood watch program. Trayvon was in the area one night with a hoody and then the story is told about the two struggled and then the teen was shot. Of course during the trial, it didn’t help that the usual publicity seekers flew in for a day throw the race card in.However, even Al Sharpton and his ranting along with the riots that almost occurred didn’t change the outcome of the trial.

Zimmerman was found not guilty of the crime of murder. It was a shock to many, and things did go his way many times in the trial, but it is what it is. Its over. With that said, the thoughts of sadness still remain of a needless killing of another kid. People still talk about  this story, maybe because Zimmerman keeps popping up in the news for other unrelated crimes.

When it was a reported that he was allowed to keep, and sell the murder weapon at auction for 250k, heads really turned.  The buyer of the gun said it was a ” piece of history’ . It should be noted that Zimmerman is donating a portion of the money to a few black charities. For whatever that is worth.

I don’t know exactly what it is about this deal, but it does not feel right. I think it is really just pouring salt in the wounds and mocking the tragedy.

tj

l

 

Indonesia Says Castrate Or Kill Child Predators

Child Predators Finally Getting What They Need-

http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/25/world/indonesia-sex-abuse-chemical-castration/index.html

It is for sure the most difficult topic to think about and as a parent to imagine. I have seen a lot in this world. I even understand why people do the things they do sometimes. There are people who have been through very hurtful childhoods and do things in response to those experiences.

Taking an innocent child, powerless to help themselves, and forcing yourself on them causing unimaginable physical and emotional pain, for your own pleasure? It is just not anything I can find a reason to justify no matter what the circumstances. It seems to me that anyone with a human soul would first slit their own wrists than even consider the thought.

It has always been a mystery to me why predators are ever released from prison. The data is very clear that the repeat rate is very high. So I applaud Indonesia for at least making a move in the right direction. Better late then never.

 

tj

 

It Took A Bunch Of Bull-But I Get It Now.

 

jesse clous 9
Jesse-Cloud 9

Life is certainly a roller coaster and can blast us with some very hurtful things. We begin to dwell on them, convincing ourselves that we are the only ones suffering, We start preparations for a pity party we will throw. We start speaking only the negative in our lives and take the great for granted.

Sometimes if we take just a minute to see what has been going on while we have been pouting, we realize that it was us who took our eyes of what is important, it did not go anywhere.

18 years ago, my 2nd son was born. He has quietly been making his way to his goals and I have been keeping track and cheering him on. Today as I celebrate his graduation from High School, I am reminded of what has been going on behind the scenes. Turns out it is pretty good! Congratulation to my 2 time champion bull rider, who is living the dream he asked God to get to live many years ago. Today he is a professional bull rider heading to the big show- the ” Danged Old Rodeo” as Garth would say.

It is amazing how faithful God is to us-even through our tantrums.

I am mega- proud of you Jesse, and who you put first in your life. I love you son.

Dad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cigarettes Kill. Offended? So Does Homosexuality – Offended?

Many people think that saying homosexuality is wrong, is hate speech and have therefore adopted a tolerance toward the whole issue. Aside from the obvious scriptural teaching that says homosexuality and lesbianism is sin, consider some of these facts: Homosexuals average living twenty years less than their heterosexual counterparts.1 THINK OF THAT! The government mandates that health warnings be put on cigarette packages, and smoking, on average, takes ten years off a person’s life.2 That means that on average, homosexuality reduces a person’s life 200 percent more than cigarette smoking. If there was any objectivity on this issue, people would speak out against homosexuality twice as much as they do against cigarettes.

However, the homosexual community tries to portray their lifestyle as normal, like the traditional couple next door. That is an absolute lie. Statistics show that domestic violence among homosexuals is 300 times greater than traditional couples.3 Suicide is 200 percent greater, and depression among homosexuals is 50 percent greater than heterosexuals.4

Some argue that these statistics are so high because homosexuals are denied acceptance in our culture. But look at societies like the Netherlands where homosexuality has been legalized for years. The rate of psychiatric illness is statistically similar to countries that haven’t granted this recognition to homosexuals.5 Therefore, that argument dies.

In the states that have allowed homosexual marriages, such as Vermont, only about 25 percent of homosexuals have availed themselves of marriage.6 Think about this—43 percent of homosexuals have had sex with 500 partners or more in their lifetimes. And 28 percent of homosexuals have had 1,000 or more sexual partners.7 That is HUGE! They aren’t moral people who want committed relationships. These statistics show that the majority of homosexuals are not “normal” by any measurement but their own. Their lifestyle is not only destructive to themselves but also to society.

When the spiritual effects of homosexuality are factored in, this is one of the most destructive lifestyles possible. It’s not a hate crime to say homosexuality is wrong any more than it’s a hate crime to say smoking is hazardous to one’s health. It’s just the truth. If we truly loved those trapped in homosexuality, we would speak out on this issue.But those who are telling the truth have been branded as hate mongers when just the opposite is true. Those who endorse homosexuality are burying their heads in the sand of “political correctness” and encouraging destructive behavior.

Leviticus 19:17 says,

“Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.”

 

I am embarrassed for the bands like Springsteen, Pearl Jam , Maroon 5 and others who are loudly and proudly refusing to play in NC because of this transgender law. What they really are saying is ” We support your early death and depressed life” – If they only knew they would be ashamed. They are not helping anyone.

Walk In On My Kid ? You Just Saved A Bunch On Surgeries.

trans-restroom

It is truly amazing and sickening that any parent of a human child would be so heartless as to punish the kid for life. Pretending gender is a menu option like choosing your days clothes or picking out some things at the buffet.-

According to the American Pediatric Association, it is  child abuse to lead a child to believe that gender is a choice. It is a life sentence of painful surgeries and castration . A lifetime full of depression and a much greater chance  to be an addict and or suicide victim than the rest. I have seen crazy in these times we are in, but come on. You do not have to be Columbo to crack this one. 

Did you people just fall out of the stupid tree and bang your head on every branch on the way down? Go splash some water on you face. ( Use your own restroom). We all have issues, but this here, man oh man if you are ok with this, you really should check into your past family life As they say the apple does not fall far from the tree. Are you the same parents who let Uncle Stan spend some ” special” time with your little ones when he visits and tell her her just loves her alot when she finally asks what is going on?

 

 

God help these children.

Tj

 

 

3 Easy Ways To Make Parenting 50% Simpler..

There aren’t many things easy about being a parent. From the first public diaper failure as a baby, to the  gentle but convincing talks with your daughter’s new boyfriend about just how much your little girl means to you, while letting him know what a good shot you are in your own subtle way. Some things are just unavoidable, and things we all have to navigate through on our own. There are many things however that have already been tried and tested, and the methods that do and do not work are etched in stone.

Parenting is hard enough so why add extra burden when it is not needed? We do it everyday and spend the rest of our lives complaining about why it was so hard. So in this post, I am laying out 3 sure-fire methods that if implemented will take 50% of the average parent’s stress away quickly. These arent ” tips ” or ideas I came up with. The following are 3 ways that will change things for the better. I can guarantee it. The 3 I chose for this post are a few of many that exist. I would ask that those of you who are serious about getting change in your home, and do implement this-please share your success stories here. I know from the feedback I have received that thousands of you are looking for answers. Lets start here and and who knows, maybe a group for parenting will come of it. Maybe an on-going series. Let me know how it is going!

The “nuggets” as I call them are methods that I have gathered in the 20 years in the field of Social Work. In this 20 years I have been a foster parent to about 35 teenagers over a 5 year period. I have also worked in an outpatient setting for a psychiatrist, more of a clinical environment. Then I served as an administrator for an alternative school for expelled youth. Finally, I was asked to open a school for expelled youth, design a behavior program, implement a clinical component and hire and train 40 staff members to work with these youth. All of these kids had been expelled from public school, sent to a school for expelled youth, kicked out of there and the county was left with nowhere to send them.

Although not my only jobs, I consider them to be game changers in that I learned something significant enough to dare to share. Along with raising my own 4 children I have had a pretty well-rounded view of parenting. I also should add that the youth I worked with had very severe disabilities or disadvantages, physically and socially. Every diagnoses you can imagine from every demographic as well. With that said, I must point out that I stake no claim to invention of these methods. I do not want credit for creating something that I did not create. I do not claim to have all the answers, and just to cover all my bases, I am not a perfect parent, I have made more mistakes than many.

I am simply a gatherer of the scraps that have fallen off of the tables of the great minds. Over the years I have put the ones that work in one pile and the ones that don’t in another. I believe in sharing anything I can that will make other’s lives easier and I hope they will do the same. So if I some how come off as if I have got it all together, I do not. I have the same scars other parents have. I choose to view them and remind myself not of the hurt and the wounds, but as a reminder that I made it out , and the scars are proof.

Now let’s get started. This is for the serious and those willing to actually follow through with these methods, it is for the parent who has reached the point, you know the one. Something has to give.The first nugget is this;

1- Catch them being good.

I was facilitating a parenting class a few years ago when I asked the group to raise hands if they could think of 5 things that their child did that irritated them. Hands flew up so fast I felt a breeze. After that I asked the group to raise hands and share 5 things their child did that made them happy. Only one hand went up and she thought I had asked a different question so that hand did not even count. Silence . The reason is that we have all become excellent at finding what is wrong in others, but when it comes to finding what is right, we are generally stumped. Not all the time, but much of it.

The why and the how

Why? Why is it so important to start identifying and praising the good behaviors in your child? The cold hard facts are that kids are just like us adults. The more criticism they get the more beat down they get, and the less likely you will see any long-term change in their behavior pattern. The secret is this; instead of trying to  catch them being ” bad” – identify what you think ” good ” is, and start looking for them to do that. Even set them up for it once in a awhile. Instead of making 15 critical comments to them every day, try finding 15 things that are positive, things you want to see more of, and point those out each day.

For example if you never get any eye contact from little Johnny , start watching for anytime he does make eye contact, then offer a sincere word of praise, like ” thanks for looking me in the eye Johnny”. Begin to train your brain to see the behaviors you want to see instead of the ones you do not want to see. Eventually it will become second nature to see when your child does something you like them to do. The reason why this small adjustment brings huge change if done consistently? It is because it is a proven fact that negative reinforcement does not bring long-term change in behavior. Just as you do not feel more and more like giving your boss a hug when they tell you what a loser and how sloppy your desk is each day, nor does a child feel like pleasing the parent as they are shamed day after day.

The answer? The answer is quite simple. As mentioned earlier, select several behaviors you would like to see more of. Small and simple ones are fine to start. Make a point of catching them showing these behaviors, and quickly make it known that you noticed and you liked it. Do not buy them a new bike each time they do something good, but do make sure your words are genuine or they will know. The rationale; positive reinforcement is proven to change behavior patterns for good. It really is that simple.

#2- Define what ” good” and ” bad” are – what specifically do you want?

When I was 10-11 years old, I had a friend name Bobby. His parents were so cool. Every time I was over there his parents were cracking jokes, cussing up a storm and heck , they even thought it was funny when we cussed. Come to think of it his dad laughed when he caught us outside the back door trying to smoke one of the cigarettes we stole from him. He thought it was very funny. The problem was, is my mom did not, for some weird reason think the way Bobby’s daddy did. This led to some uncomfortable moments for me. I will leave it at that. Some specific expectations needed to be defined.

So what was ” good” to one set of parents was for sure not ” good” to another. At my age I just assumed that all parents kind of expected the same thing. I was wrong. Here is where this awesome tool of social skills come in. It is the most elementary sounding idea, with the most collegiate results. There are around 20-25 basic social skills although there may be 100 or more in print. For the purpose of this post I will take just 3 of the most basic ones and use them.

# 3 -Implement specific social skills ( start with these)

1- Following Instructions

a-look at the person

b- say ok

c- do the task

d-check back

2- Accepting No

a-Look at the person

b-Say Ok ( no eye rolling, loud voice , or comments other than ok)

3- Appropriately Disagreeing

a-In a calm voice, request to disagree

b- after 5 minutes and using a calm voice explain why you disagree

If you will sit down with your child (age does not matter)-and go over these skills with the steps as the new ” good” for everyone to go by, everyone will have something in common as a goal. It may feel childish at first, but trust me, these skills have saved me from losing more than one job early in my career when I did think I had all the answers!

From then on, whenever you give your child something they need to do, you may need to reiterate, or  label the skill in order to keep it fresh in both of your minds. This way when they do as you asked, you can give them praise for specific things they did, like looking at you , or doing the task. Once these praises and terms become the norm in your home, the frustration of what is ” good ” and ” bad” is taken out of the picture as it is clearly identified.

You tell Suzy to please clean her room by 5pm. She comes to you at 4:50pm and tells you she is done. You go back with her take a quick peek, and say ” Thanks Suzy you did an awesome job following instructions! You keep this up and I am going to have to talk to your dad about those new skates you want!”

(This is not a bribe, and is NOT used all the time, but just as a reminder to your child that the more she keeps doing as you ask, the more time you have to look into things she wants) Never paint yourself in a corner by trying to “buy” you child’s obedience. Not only does it backfire every single time on many levels but you lose their respect. (That is another post ..)

The nuggets above are fool-proof. Money back guaranteed. The idea of this post is to present some proven parenting methods to readers and see how many of you all will take a small bit of time out of your life, and implement these in your home. As I have said, I did not invent them, but I have lived them in at least 5 different settings. I have seen the other ways, and I can honestly say that by far these are the easiest and most effective methods I have encountered. Of the thousands of youth I have worked with, I can think of a small percentage of them who did not respond to these. They were children that had disabilities so severe that clinical intervention was the only way. From teenage gang members, to average teenagers with typical teen behaviors-from youth from a wealthy and healthy upbringing to those who came form the hard streets and were selling drugs by age 7, it makes no difference.

We all love to be praised. I love it when lots of people take the time to like my post or make a positive comment. No shame in my game! Praise works in any color, size, race or religion. It just feels good.

The information I have written here is hardly enough to call comprehensive. There is so much more that follows and works. This is a sampler. If you like it, let me know and more importantly, share your success stories. If we have enough parents really giving this a shot, I would like to create a group for those interested, and of course I will answer any questions you may have. The use of the methods I have outlined and will expand on in future posts, is not only valuable in that it shapes behavior. It is more then that.

Like most of us, who don’t have thousands of dollars to roll the dice on all kinds of psychiatrists, and counseling or double top-secret new Shock Therapy  – this is the very first place parents need to run to. You do not need special training, and it costs nothing . Not to mention the results are outstanding.

In closing, let me say again, I am not against doctors, counselors, or professionals in the field of mental health/social work. I work in the field! We need all of the above mentioned professionals. However we need to be careful to use the least restrictive method possible when addressing behaviors. After all we arent dealing with cars, or bicycles, we are caring for human beings and we arent guarenteed second chances for careless choices.

The purpose of this project is to being awareness to the damage already done, sometimes meaning life and death and prevent it from happening. especially in the name of money.

 

tj

 

 

i