TJ- Don’t Label My Kid!- Message to my crew. These Little Ladies Are Mine. Boys are up and out. When I look at them I thank God I even get to hold them. It should not be.
This post is about giving many others a chance to watch their babies grow up. Not many would have made it through what I did, and I believe the purpose for this was to make some changes so others could not suffer through certain things that can kill. So please take this to heart and lets do this thing. I don’t get to make the plans or set dates, but I am pretty sure this is an appointment we all need to be at. Thanks for taking a few out to read and do what you can. .. You may make it possible for a guy like me to be smiling down at his little girls like I am here, when he would not have made it before…
You all who have been here for a while already know that as a group some very cool things happen through this blog . Nothing anybody could have planned but just incredible events. Well, fasten your seat belts because here we go again. Last week I was looking around for just the right people to introduce to all of us as experts in their particular area of service. Lets face it, we are all here because some aspect of our lives are not where we would like them to be. You all have written and been very open about anything from suicidal thoughts to physical disabilities or like me a lifetime of hell with addictions issues. You remember I started last week our kick off on addiction and invited everyone to invite their families and friends who just didn’t get it. Cool right? I really want to offer every single person here the treatment they need whether it be PTSD or a fear of dinosaurs. You know why? Because as many of you may know, treatment in general sucks. It is not at all very successful, and just is a dead-end. I however, having a great resume on the rehab floor, and also as a social worker have had the answers to why. It’s not too complicated but much is about money. Greed. There are other things too and if I had the funding I would have offered REAL treatment from day one. But, I spent my last million a few years ago . Lol.
Well here is where the weird stuff we get as a group once in a while came in. In the last 3 days there has been an influx all over the media and in the treatment and mental health industry to pour out tons of money to start researching peoples experiences and issues with their failed treatment and actually consider making some changes. Wow! What a coincidence! That’s what we all have been talking about for 4 years. Hmm. Is anyone with me yet? We have the hard data compliments of WordPress.
So bottom line we are one of a very tiny group who has the opportunity that we do. That is to ask successful providers to give all of us the services we need and our family and friends too. My job is to find the very best 10 or 15 experts in every area we need to sign on to being here for us. I am talking virtual counseling all the way to 6 month stays out-of-state or country if needed. But that’s not the end. Personally I have been in 3 rehabs since age 23 or so. The first one sucked . The second one was a little better because I got some good drugs from other ” patients” – and the last was fair because staff let us sneak a pill now and then.
So do we all get why our country is falling apart? The treatment centers and treatment is sub-par and I am being generous. I went into this field hoping that a day like this would happen. Where we would have the upper hand. It’s here. But 2 things must happen.
1- I have to find and recruit the best of the best in each area we all need.
2 -You all need to share the news DONT LABEL MY KID! is a place that ANYONE who needs treatment can come. I will make sure nobody is turned away. That is handled by financial people who can split insurances and get grants or whatever. If you read what Charles on LinkedIn posted and I reposted here 50 THOUSAND PEOPLE on FACEBOOK alone are looking for treatment. Not 500. 50k. Why shouldn’t we be the ones to get the best providers on our team and have them get help through us? We could start hiring from within for admissions and case management jobs. Everyone of us can play a role in a trailblazing effort.
More importantly we can blaze a new trail of treatment for outpatient treatment centers so that people with the disease of addiction are treated like people with the disease of addiction. Not losers who don’t care. Do you know how many lives that could save? This little mystery blog we all met on years ago has already done more to change major issues than any reporters could. That’s just one case about that priest who molested my brother. That isn’t over yet either.
So if I know you all we can do this and make a name that nobody will forget. For the people needing treatment and by the people needing treatment. It is not about me. It would not be a grand accomplishment if I said look what I did. But if I could share the efforts and input and conditions of all of us and the world saw how it all happened, I have to believe we would see long-term change.
Do you know that even if you can get your loved one into a rehab, the chances of recovery are slim. Embarrassing even. You would think those places would do their jobs right? And most of them do try to rise above the average 35-40% success rate . As a matter of fact the top 10 highest rated programs in the country do in fact boast a considerably higher success rate then the other 90%.
The only difference in their programs ( besides up to 75,000$ higher price tag) is that some have an extra component to supplement the traditional 12 step method that AA and NA use. Perhaps even a doctor who himself is a recovered addict. The luxury centers in Florida , California often incorporate yoga, hiking and special fruit diets. Fruits and yoga instructors don’t come cheap. All that said we do have some very effective treatment centers in the USA. I suppose there are also a few Ford Pintos still running too. The point here is not that nobody cares or is trying, but it is to address the reality of the logistics, treatment methods, staffing available and many other factors that together present an epidemic right now as we are currently in a never before seen high rate of overdose deaths from opiates and heroin. Gone are the days of the Andy Griffith sticking Otis in the jail cell until he sobers up. It is dead serious and all over.
This may be the most important post I have ever written as the timing of all this gives us as a group an opportunity to make a dent or even spearhead a new way of thinking when it comes to treatment.
You all know I don’t keep track of numbers or stats and pay for publicity. The reason 4 years ago I didn’t even consider it was two-fold. First, I have lived the hell of addiction since age 12 due to exceptional parenting by my father. (NOT). The point is I know what it is like to want to give up. I know what it feels like to give it everything you got, and have people accuse you of being a slacker who didn’t care about anyone else. I know what its like to drive home from work excited that I had made up my mind not to drink that night and as my truck passed the ABC liquor store it automatically turned in all by itself.
If you want to talk opiates , or anything else have no fear I have been there too. Mine is addiction depression. Yours may be grief. It may be disease in your body. It does not matter. All can be treated.
So assuming you have the funding, the open bed, and the right circle of clinicians who are the decision makers in that tiny percentage of the programs, you may actually have as high as a 3/4 chance of remaining clean. At least for a year. Now as for the other 90% of programs that do not have that fruitful, ocean side venue with the possibility of a real live recovered addict as a role model to help treat them, the sad reality is that maybe 3-4 clients will stay clean for even a year. I personally think it is a horrible hope to stick any struggling addict in a system with results like that. I mean now you may be talking random philosophies of treatment for these citizens who just don’t take their lives seriously, and don’t care about the pain they are causing their families. Snap out of it. Grow up.
At least that’s how I felt when I myself found myself on a cold floor in withdrawals with a tiny mattress to lay on as I vomited and contemplated whether life was worth living. My first program I got lucky because the ” tough love shifter” who marched in like military generals demanding roll call and even exercise while you prayed your heart would not fail seemed to be there as a I began to come out of my life threatening symptoms of opiate and alcohol withdrawal. I remember one nice older lady who used to sneak us an apple or two even just to insure a healthy outcome. She may have known more than we all thought, since the crew I did time with all lasted weeks longer in our sobriety then some others. That at least gave our families an extra week or two to see us sober. It must have been pure bliss for mom and dad.
Not so much. The nextprogram AA though had a little secret that they were so proud of because it has been around for a century. You see they made it mandatory that we all spent an hour or two each day with al the other failures repeating publicly that we had no control over our situation. Thankfully they had a lifelong open door welcome policy to return after our ” treatment ” just to remind ourselves of our future -the same as it was that day. If it wasn’t for the hope of making it 30 days or even 60 without using and getting to be presented publicly with a poker chip for our good behavior, I may have never had the success I did of well over 3 months sober. Pure heaven. The only problem was I still felt like I was sick. Like I had well, almost like a real human who was productive in society would get, a disease.
Crazy me, here I go back to denial. I sucked it up like you do when you hold your breath. Until again I had to breath. Now that I look back I am being a little hard on the program, because after my first 30 days of peeing clean, I did get to go into a real public place like the working folk and play pool for an hour with the fellas. Heck the guard that brought us even went out for a smoke break once. It was like we were on parole!
So sure, after a few detox weekends , verbal tongue lashings and contract signings in front of the staff who had never been so disobedient to life as I , I eventually was set FREE! I will never forget walking out of the compound to see my own truck there and more importantly my two young sons. They must have been seen me as a role model. I honestly to this day do not think they ever saw the 20-30 slices up and down my arm to my wrist from trying to figure out how to bleed out while in my hellish withdrawals. I couldn’t even get that right. Nevertheless, I had learned to hold my breath longer now. I was as a clean as a whistle. Never stepped foot into another rehab. It was the darn jail cells that got to me though when I earned my first DUI. I didn’t care for it.
Thank goodness on my 2nd DUI the judge allowed me to check in to a 90 day inpatient program. Heck with good behavior, my superiors at my job an as a clinical social worker would never even know! This program was much different. I felt like a real human the while time. There was no television or computers. You spent all day working physical labor, the were fed well, but this place didn’t have the walk of shame hour each night. Instead mandatory church. Oh well, I guess it couldn’t hurt. I knew right away I was never going to score oxy and Vicodin’s like at the Miami place, but hey, I will try.
People that was when I was only 30. It took almost 10 more years to even stay functional. That’s unacceptable. I tried everything. I took the shame and guilt and accusations . You all know. So do you want to let it all go or seize a chance to show the kind of pain uneducated people cause others cause?
That’s it I am done. I got work to do.
Are you going to do your part?
Note* To reiterate, I never said that all treatment facilities are useless. What I am saying is due to sheer need, different treatment types, and financial issues, people are dying not living.
I spoke to the Executive Director Of the # 1 best treatment center in the USA last night about this. Asked his opinion. He understands the problem. Lets do this.
Toxic Judgement *** Update*** I apologize for the late start on Addiction 2017- I have been nursing a hangover and dealing with withdrawals. However tomorrow I will lead us on to victory! tj After you have read that post, do you know anyone who fits into any of […]
You managed to fool some into thinking that you had America and her best interest in mind when you were elected. I had doubts before you were elected, but decided to not judge you because you were a muslim.
But you had to go writing 3 BILLION dollar checks to people who hate us like the muslim brotherhood/ your alumni. You continued to attempt to dismantle piece by piece everything that made this country great. Not a coincidence. Yet you still had your sheeple following just as Hollywood is now. You cannot fix stupid.
For the rest of us, seeing what you have done this month by trying to piss off Russia and put our soldiers at risk – now that is a whole new level nasty stinkin jihad crap. Its laughable that you ordered yourself a medal of honor right before you try to start a war.
You should be executed instantly.
Thank God we now have a real man who is an American and God fearing.
President Trump has forgotten more about life then you and your brotherhood will ever learn combined. He is way ahead of you. It is a shame you got even a tour of our white house, much less pretend to be our leader. Don’t let your prayer cloth hit you on the way out.
So its been a very rough road for me in the last decade or two. Many times over did I wonder why the things that were happening were happening-and why those things that were not happening were not. I think everyone goes through that at some stage. It gets worse when you start itemizing the thing that have gone wrong in life. Our nature is to identify what is wrong with a situation or a person.
If you have kids you understand this. The irony with kids, is we can point out what they are doing wrong all day long and never see any real change in them. If we began to identify what it is we want to see them doing, than praise them when they are doing it we begin to see change. It’s a long proven fact that negative reinforcement never changes long-term behavior patterns for the good.
Occasionally I will be out at the store or doctors office and overhear people complaining about what they have to live with My immediate response is to shake my head and wonder how they would deal with what I have on my plate. After all, I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive and violent father who was kind enough to turn me on to alcohol at 13. By the time I was in high school I was a full-blown addict and didn’t know it. The next years it got worse as I had to figure out how to address it. Of course that major depression in the genes did not help. Then my brother and his suicide put another dark cloud over me.
After rehab, 20 different medications or so and trying to make it through college to get into social work, it all got better though….
Not so much. Since then I began a career after college in the field and all but still couldn’t shake the depression and temptation to self medicate. Of course all along even people close to me were starting to judge me as if depression wasn’t real. Meantime I am in the other room trying to figure out how much life insurance I had to leave for my wife and kids. If they only knew. Maybe you know.
After a divorce and the trauma of having to share time to see my little boys it just got worse. I have spent the last 25 years trying to stay one step ahead of addiction and depression and memories of my very abusive childhood. If that is all I had to deal with it would be plenty. Fast forward years and after remarrying I have two little girls to feed. I once again pursue the best work in my field to provide for them and enjoy real living. Just a few years into this, I was out of the blue diagnosed with a rare bone disease called AVN or Avascular Necrosis. Bone death in Greek. In the right hip and doctor says my hip is gone and I need immediate total hip replacement.
Huh? I am 45. I workout. I have kids. I have to work. What do you mean hip replacement? He assured me I would be up and back to work in a couple of months. He as well said a few years. I don’t have money to pay up all bills for that time. However I had no choice. Without the ugly and long version, the doctor and hospital decided I was the perfect candidate to do the surgery live on the web, moderated by 5 other surgeons. I guess to show the world how great they were at surgery. It turned out to be the biggest nightmare of my life. The hip failed 13 months later and began just falling off.. Dropping out socket. After this paralyzing event occurred 2x and I was taken by ambulance to the ER to have it jammed back in place, I called the doctor repeatedly but oddly Even enough no call back.
Short version, he acted as if he didn’t know me, rather than associate his world-wide debut on the internet with failure. I went on to have a world record 11 dislocations in 11 weeks. No help from doctor. Actually it became such a well-known story that some didn’t believe it was true. To this day it’s up on Dr. Earl Stevens website New Zealand. It’s at earlsview.com then just search Tim’s horror story. So thanks to the good doctor , I had my 7th hip surgery just 1 year ago. Lost everything we owned. No home, nothing. Turned down 2x for disability because I am ” too well-educated” which is against the law.
I have had 2 total hip replacements, a revision, bone grafts, core decompression, my jaw bone shaved and then those 11 dislocations. I am tired. I am broke. I wonder why. Just one break is all I need. I deserve disability. I paid in for 20 years. My failed hip has been in a lawsuit with 8000 others and they recently awarded the first 10 people 80 million each for their suffering but before I got excited my attorney said they might fight my case.
What? Fight my case but why? I don’t ask anymore. That’s how my life is.
So I told you those little tidbits which represents about 25% of my major issues so you know I am not blowing smoke. I have come to realize that I am not in control here. God had allowed this for His purposes, and there is no fighting that because He did allow it. Next I turn to His word and seek out how exactly I am to deal. First it was clear I am not the first to have trials.
1 Peter 1 6-7 – Explains what trials produce in us.
Romans 8:28 –Is a promise that God will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Hebrews 11 ( The hall of faith) – Describes how we are not to go by feelings or emotions, what we see or think. We walk by faith not by sight.
It is these things I have had to hold on to. It is very hard in today’s world because every single thing that happens in this world today is against what works according to Gods word. The world tries to talk us out of our faith every day. If you are not renewing your mind in real truth each day from Scriptures you will buy the lies of world.
(By the way all my atheist, Buddhist, agnostic, and universe worshippers you know the routine, just skip that bible part if it offends you. I am telling my story and for me its critical. No offense.)
Does any of this take away the pain? No. I have pain. I also have peace. Peace is the difference between panicking in trials and standing firm through them.
Anyways yesterday something else took my mind off of all my problems. I still have 2 kids at home. Girls. My little baby girl had to have surgery in her gums at the hospital .I could not be there so my family sent me a picture of her before and after. She is 5. These 2 pictures made me forget about some things and remember again what is important. I thought I would share them. It moved me for some reason to see her happy, and even though not really awake from surgery yet, she was safe.
I don’t know what your situation is. Maybe harder than mine. Remember, you have a reason to be where you are. You dont get to know all the details.
Here is the deal. Money comes and goes, jobs come and go, health comes and goes. Relationships come and go. Kids come and go. Feelings come and go. If you put your security in any of those you have just strapped yourself onto the roller coaster of a lifetime.
God is the same yesterday, today and forever and His word will never ever return void. I like that..
In he meantime grab who you can that you love. Focus on things you are good at. Start training that brain to catch the positive things about your life and you. It works.
ATTENTION ADDICTS- THIS ENTIRE SERIES IS DESIGNED TO SERVE YOU. HOWEVER PLEASE INVITE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO ARE NOT ADDICTS AS WELL.
THEY WILL ALL BE GETTING SOME EDUCATION-CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP ON WHAT REALLY GOES ON IN THE ADDICTS WORLD AND THE FACT THAT MOST OF THEM WOULD NOT LAST A WEEK IN THE ADDICTS WORLD. ( In a nice way of course)
Family members -and others can and do often sabotage the success of the recovering addict. Several reasons, but number one is they are ignorant of the disease. Snap out of it- grow up! I say to you cerebrally challenged folk, lets get a van full and go to al the cancer wards -room to room telling these people to get over it.
Treatment centerssuck-I have been there back in the gap. Got some good stuff there. Good connections-for the street life.
Depression and hopelessness- is real and those who keep condemning are grave diggers. This is not a Scared Straigth deal. It is a disease
FUTURE LIFE– is available but not likely with the lousy system we have. This series will start in a week or maybe 3 days after that. Once per week I wil introduce a new component of addiction and you all give feedback then we try to arrive at the best solution.
There is no set closing date for the group -I don’t care if it goes on for a decade or two. If we don’t get together and education the public and people who word with addicts, it is only getting worse.
The only person that this series would not apply to is the addict that does not care an has no intention of getting free of the bondage they are in. This is a waste of time. We are going to cut through some decades old BS that even well know places like AA have taught. We will look at the chances of an addict really getting free in this system, but we wont stop there.
There are solid treatment centers.
There are families who know how to treat an addict.
There is a way to get help for depression.
There is hope for a new tomorrow.
I am speaking from experience,..( I mean I have this friend…lol )
So if you dont follow me already, just know that everyone in here keeps it all real and legit , we all want growth .
Next update and final in a few days so please jusr tell all of your family and friends -other addicts to follow this blog-
Wow already 5 countries have hit me but sadly not Italy-
Oh, wait- that’s right they are trying to BAN police from knowing about any rapes. They promised to investigate- THOROUGHLY-
SCOUTS HONOR!- OH WAIT CANT USE THAT ONE-
You all have got me so fired up my blood is boiling – and I feel like I am waking up from a 20 year coma. When this whole thing is said and done — don’t go anywhere because you will never ever ever believe how all the pieces through the years have made a way to this day. Now it is the rubber meets road and I feel the need for SPEED!
I don’t know exactly how this will specifically unfold but I am telling you now so whenever it does I want you see- the rest..of the story all the way back. I mean you will freak out.
Romans 8:28 and Jeremy Camp- I still believe.
Those are the 2 things I spoke and listened to every day 20 years ago..that was just the beginning – and man I cant wait to see the ending.
Thank you thank you so very much for re-blogging my brothers story. To my amazement this has taken it to yet another level, making it harder for the pedi-priest to slide out of this deal. I NEED TODAY this.
A consultant, businessman, investor, with some media knowledge and who is interested in what may become a very big and wide open investigation to include national syndicated talk shows and all media. Its sitting on the table.
I have not a minute for posers or anyone who has any other intention then to expose the ENTIRE CULT of pedi-priests in general. Of course after watching my brothers killer be locked up. It may involve books media and much else. I have spent 4 years writing about all this praying that one day this freak and others would be exposed.
Please only contact me if you have resources, negotiation skills with media and publishing and other. Financially you will never worry about your investment as we will do this if an agreement is made that is suitable. I can sell my book tomorrow and get paid because my brother is the one in this case involved. But why stop there? I have the connections to put national deals that would turn on a national spotlight long term on ALL these guys.
So if I find the right partner, we will go that route and hopefully make a HUGE dent in this ring. If not I will sell my own story, be happy Gondek is locked up and move on.
What is meant to happen will. Thanks to y’all who stepped up. It just took one and I am one step away from immediate and total focus on this. If I wait too long the next news story will get the chance I have. I have 24-48 hour window to at least solidify a partnership. From there I can secure any national show I feel like it. That, would be awesome. So thanks and if you or someone in your crew that you trust and has what I need contact me 24 hours around the clock starting 6pm tonite. I will be lining up media as I talk to people and Y’all will understand if it works this way –
contact me by email or text first with any firstname.lastname@example.org and text 386-675-7549- If you happen to know that you know that you know this is for you if you feel me -just call asap. Praying.
. If you already see and know and have experience in this and want in just call. I really just need a professional to handle all the negotiation and financials and things I don’t even want to know about. If you do your part the opp to pull in long term media to keep this crime exposed is also there. Its truly one of those one of a lifetime deals. The media has to stay with what is hot. Right this moment it is this. It wont be long.
You may not realize this, but I am actually a fan of yours. I listen to you on the radio when Tom Brady and I play golf! Its ” The Donald” here! Seriously I appreciate what you are doing to help children and do check in occasionally. Today my purpose for writing may be both shocking and a little different. Now that the election is over I can finally let this out-
Believe it or not, back in the gap, Hillary and I went together for a short while -I mean as teens. At the time I had a thing for making music and I broke up with her to head to Tennessee to see how I would do. I didn’t do very well at first and word got through to me through Hillary’s IPAD that she was mocking me all over town.
It hurt, but I stuck with it, and as a personal favor for myself, I would like you to play a little tune I wrote about the years since then….so please. could you please dedicate my song ” how do you like me now” to her? It just feels right. This ones for you Hillary-
( Oh and thanks Toby Keith for making it sound right)
Dear President Elect Trump- We had no idea! Enjoy! DLMK Staff~
Long time reader, first time writer. I just want to ask your opinion on something. Do you think the Obamas are going to TRASH the place on their last night at the White House? I heard their media consultant JAY-Z was coming in town for the bash. Just wondered what you thought.
Leroy in Texas
We have no reason to think any trashing, bashing and destroying will be going on there. If there was any slight hint of this type of behavior, it could have been last week when Obama mentioned that he was going to INSURE his legacy lived on as he ” bounced” out of the White House- Don’t rely on me anyhow I haven’t checked my latest Urban Dictionary for the latest meaning on ” bounced” in months.
I hate living in crisis. I thought all people did until I started in the counseling/ coaching field 20 years ago. I found actually that some people have grown up in such a crazy environment with violence and fear all the time, that when a little peace time comes, they feel uncomfortable. Now after many years of coaching I have learned that before any help getting up and out of ruts can be offered, people need to be made aware that they have grown comfortable with dysfunction and be forced into a decision; should I stay or should I go?”
After a decision has been made to move into a life of peace, the work begins, but there is no point in even starting if a person feels unable to move on. These days healing and new beginnings move along much quicker with the methods I use because my job is to get people well. I don’t want you to keep coming back to my office each week, so we can re-hash the misery in the past, keeping wounds fresh all the time. That’s how many therapists make a living. Keep people un-well and keep the bills coming. After all, if all the patients got well, how would this type of therapist pay his bills?
I prefer to help people into the decision-making process, and if they choose to get on with their life, to help them up and out of their rut with the support I feel they need on their end, which is usually free. It is much simpler, less painful, and much less costly than the traditional – go to your therapist, lay down on the couch and get analyzed to death method. I have written over 300 posts here and get an unbelievable amount of feedback on how, where, who, and all of the questions that go with getting started in the healing process, dealing with issues like depression, suicide, addiction, divorce, abuse, and dozens more issues people are suffering with.
It is disheartening to look a the amount of people claiming to want help, then compare it to the actual number who follow-up with me. Much of it is due to that comfort factor I mentioned earlier, but the bottom line is that we as humans are procrastinators. We avoid doing anything until it slaps us in the face so many times we have to address it. I started this projected to help people on-line as I have in person for 20 years. I make getting well much less painful than some ways.
I never turn anyone away for any reason other than refusal to comply. I work with adults, teens, entire families, and every possible population you can think of. After 3 years of doing this, I am not feeling that a very high percentage of those reaching out saying they need help are actually following through with our plans. The success rate of the people I work with is very high with 8/10 saying they have moved on into a self supportive stage without the need for weekly consulting from me ( after just a few months)
It’s the initial pulling the trigger, making the move, making contact that is the struggle. So as we start a new month here, I am going to challenge every reader, follower, visitor, client, or contact of mine to help a friend or loved one make that first move. Be there when they cannot find a reason to even lift the phone up and help lift it. DO SOMETHING.
If you have a coach/therapist that you use and prefer then use them. If not, connect them to me by this email address email@example.com– I will respond personally very soon and get started. Every person has a different need, there is no cookie cutter method so after we all talk ( you can be in on the first call if they wish) then we will come up with a plan that works for all!
Make November a new start for someone. Excuses are weak and old, we all know someone to help. I challenge all of you to take the first step. Leave your contact info and good time on the email and we will get moving!
I can’t remember the amount of times I have heard someone say ” I could never forgive them for that” or ” Ill never forgive him/her for that”. On the surface it sounds reasonable, especially after you hear the circumstances involved. Sometimes it is sickening and disgusting what people have done to others. At first it sounds plausible to put up the ” unforgiven ” sign by their names and move on, thinking that somehow we have hurt them back.
In reality, it is we who suffer from being unwilling to forgive. Holding onto our forgiveness is one of the most destructive and hateful things we can do-to ourselves. Before I go any further I want to answer a question that I know some of you are thinking. The question being ” why should I forgive them, I will never forget what they did”. Forgiveness and forgetting are two separate issues. I can forgive my father for some horrific things that have affected me and mine into the 2nd generation. However I will not forget, and I would never put myself or anyone else in the position to be hurt by him again.
Forgiveness does not = tolerance. Forgiveness does not = acceptance. Forgiveness does not = erasing the memory. Forgiveness to others means we deliver the same thing to others that we want so badly from the ones we have hurt. Forgiveness to others means the forgiveness we ask God for can flow through us into other people and that we can enjoy the same forgiveness from God that we want sometimes to withhold from others. In the case of forgiveness it really makes no difference if you acknowledge God or not, it is a law in place just like gravity. We cannot change the consequences of gravity whether we like it or not. I hate the fact that if I walk to close to the edge of my roof, I will fall and get injured or even worse. Does this change the effects of violating gravity? Of course not.
So how does forgiveness compare to gravity anyway? It is relevant in the sense that we are made to love and forgive, not to hate and keep account of other’s wrongs. Therefore if we go against that truth and hold back on forgiving, we end up getting clogged up inside like a stopped up toilet. Everything about it is crappy. We may not understand why we are feeling so angry and irritated, and why we feel so bitter. It is because withholding the forgiveness we were meant to give means it stays within us. It dwells in us and becomes bitterness, anger and many times physical illness. In order to release any clogs in our own feelings and enjoy the Grace we get to enjoy from God, we must release what we are holding in the form of un-forgiveness to make room for our own forgiveness to be realized.
You have all seen people who mourn the death of a loved one, to the point that they die still in mourning. Many times they wear only black until the day they die even. The loss didn’t just kill the loved one, but them too. There is a time to mourn, and a time to dance and a time for everything. Not any of those events are to last forever in this world. Just as we have seen the mourning that seems life long of another human, we have also seen the lifelong bitterness in one who has never forgiven others on something. They literally eat themselves away with the cancer of anger inside. That clogged up hole in our soul just wont allow us to enjoy the forgiveness we ask of others and of God. There is a conflict of interest here.
WARNING!RELIGOUS ALERT! RELIGOUS ALERT! WARNING!
The words God, sin, and Jesus appear in the following paragraphs…just giving warning -Read at your own risk! Lol
Lastly, and this is geared for believers in Christ or those considering Christ, who of us is without sin? I surely don’t want to stand before God and weigh out my sins against another’s and hope I had less..
The bible says there is ” None righteous No not one”. We all need forgiveness. How can we possibly go before God daily and ask for forgiveness, but carry a backpack full of hatred and un-forgiveness in our own spiritual backpack? I think I know the answer. Some of us truly believe that some sins are worse than others, and we get to decide who deserves forgiveness. The truth is, not one of us could ever do enough to ” earn ” forgiveness from God. The whole reason Christ came and died in our place was so those who accept Him and ask for forgiveness can have a way to stand before God one day with full knowledge that He sees us through the blood of Jesus, not through the list of sins we had.
BTW-There is no sin that cannot be forgiven by the blood of Jesus, except for refusing Him ( Blaspheme of the Holy Spirit)
The thief on the cross next to Jesus never had time to ask forgiveness of anyone he hurt or stole from. He never had time to do a bunch of good deeds to level out his sin scale. His only hope was to turn to Christ and ask Him to remember him and forgive him. The answer might offend many of us who still think we are ” good” people or ” better than most” because we really want to believe we have a secret pass to heaven because we didn’t murder or commit any ” major sin”. Jesus simply said to the repentant thief ” I say to you today you will be with me in paradise”
Hold on just a minute Lord, we may think. That is not fair! I lived a good life and he did nothing good. It just isn’t fair. Do we really want fair? The Lord said that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God eternal life. You see, sin is a disease we all have, like cancer. Some people’s disease presents in outward ways, like a thief, or an addict. These are the more likely to be judged by the ones who sin is a little more secret. Then there are the ” secret sinners” who love to point out others visible sin while they themselves may be involved in much more vile sin themselves. The bottom line is we all have sin. If we want fair, it is death, according to God. If we want eternal life we accept the gift of the cross and ask God and thank God for the forgiveness that we already posses as a child of the King.
The death on the cross should have been and should be ours. He made a way out for us.
You need not go right to the person who hurt you and have a celebration while telling them you forgive them. You can simply say to God
“ Lord, anyone who has ever accused, abused, neglected or affected me in a hurtful way, I release them by forgiving them, and therefore release myself from stopping up my own forgiveness from flowing daily that Ineed so much from you.”
Maybe it will be a long time if ever that you say it face to face, although it is recommended if possible. Even if you just tell God and from your heart release them from un-forgiveness, you will begin to notice a weight lifted.
There is one other option. We can roll the dice and when we die- argue our case before the Lord. We could just tell Him thanks for the cross thing, but, I’m good and whip out a list of good deeds…
As for me I think I will take the easy way out. Take the free gift and be thankful every day for it. It doesn’t give me a license to sin and does not make me a better person then others. I am not even close to being able to get myself into heaven.
But I do know someone who can, and did take care of that.
Drop the weight inside you today and forgive. Then you can move on with your life.
When is enough really enough? I get home and the first thing I do is flip the light on, then I kick my shoes off by the door, I fix a large diet soda with ice, and hit the power button on the laptop to see what is new.
This is my routine when I get home from a day out. I am tired of routine, mundane living, so I mixed it up last week and kept my shoes on until after I had my drink, and left the light off. Sadly I did not feel the winds of change bursting through my veins, just left in the dark for the whole 5 minutes of the experience.
Small thinking equals small results. So I decided to make some even bigger changes and risk everything, change my thinking, change the way I see things, the way I view my family, my country, and other things that have an impact on my daily decisions. The thing is, change is a bit of work! As it turns out, it actually requires discipline and a reset of our brain every now and again.
People have written books on how to make changes in life, how to adjust to changes, how to adjust to the adjustments, and so on. Nothing wrong with that, but here is a thought on change- Change is all about what you decide to think, and what you direct yourself to dwell on. It is simply difficult, and hardly easy, change that is.
Socrates made a statement (so I hear) that the key to change is to focus on building the new , not fighting the old. I think there is much truth in this and we all can learn something about looking back at what went wrong so much. We focus on what did not happen instead of what can be, what should have been different instead of what we can make different. Its a problem with all of us, the pity party about the past and the lack of vision for the future. The changes we need to make do not require extensive study and books, they require discipline and resolve. We decide to view what may come about instead of what was once a maybe and we move forward. Sometimes we get so stuck in the past, looking back that we trip on our journey forward. Whatever you need change in, why not today, why not now? Waiting for a sign? Here is your sign- Just do it!