Teens with labels- ODD, ADD, ADHD, and anger management problems. Are they really powerless over the label?

One of the first days I served as an administrator for a school for violent, expelled, uncontrollable teens, I met a 17 year old who approached me and said he had ODD, and several other disorders. He was warning me , in his own way that he has no control, when he “goes off” he just loses control. Throws desks, hits anybody around, and would not be able to adhere to our guidelines of mutual respect and no physical contact with other students.

He left my office, and I thought about what he said, and made a plan. A plan to show him what he did have control over. The plan would call for me to catch him when he was in an irritated state. I waited a few days, and sure enough, I got a call that he was saying he was about to go off on everyone. At about 6 foot 6 and about 230lbs, he posed a real threat to others. I headed straight for his area, and asked him to come with me. He followed me to my office, wondering what was going on, when I grabbed my truck keys and asked him to go for a ride with me.

Ten minutes later we were walking through a Wal-Mart, discussing how angry he was, I asked him to tell me what set him off. We then went to a library, and he looked me and whispered “why did you take me here”? I leaned in, and whispered back, saying “to show you that you are in total control of your behavior. If you were not, you would have hit the check out guy at Wal-Mart and maybe tipped over a book shelf at the library”. After a few seconds he whispered back ” but you can’t do that kind of stuff in a library”. We talked for a little bit, and it did not take him long to figure out what the point of all this was. We got back to the school, we got out of my truck, and he glanced over at me ad said ” So this is my library, huh?

That student never had one episode again of even a verbal threat to anyone, because he himself realized that for many years he had just been living up to the labels assigned to him. Now, he was free to exercise control he had been told by many that he did not have. A trip to the library. That is what it took for one student to climb out of an old label and into a new way of life. The point is, people will usually believe what they are told about them repeatedly year after year, and in many cases begin to live and act according the labels they were given. If you know anybody stuck in the label trap, please contact me for personal help and support on how to shake labels that were assigned to you or the people you love.               http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

How do famous people with mental illness do it?

Is there a doctor in the house in Hollywood too?

http://www.popcrunch.com/13-celebrities-with-mental-illness/

Billy Joel, Brittany Spears, Donald Trump, Heath Ledger, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Mike Tyson and DMX just to name some on the list of the famous and mentally ill. From Bi-Polar disorder, to fear of germs, as it is with Howie Mandel and Donald Trump.

Somehow these people have managed to be very successful in spite of their mental health diagnoses. Did you know that Robin Williams uses humor to manage his Bi-Polar symptoms? How about Billy Joel’s depression? Does he use alcohol to help with depression or does is the alcohol causing the depression? After all, alcohol is a depressant, so which is it? Such are the dilemmas that mental health professionals face when diagnosing a patient.

A psychiatrist may say, you are depressed, here is some medicine. A psychologist may say, have a seat and tell me whats “underneath” all of this wrong thinking. A reality therapist may slap you on the back and tell you to get over it! So who do you listen to when it comes down to someone you love and deciding which route to take?

Do not roll the dice. Contact me and I will personally help you get to the appropriate resources, and support you as long as you need support. That’s what I do!

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

Do you believe what you think?

Do you believe what you think?

Did you know that a new study based on clinical studies has proven that 90% of what we think was adopted from someone else’s opinion? With that in mind, they also say we should always live by the 25/50/100 rule. Believe 25% of what you hear, 50% of what you read, and 100% of what you see. How can we know what if what we are hearing is true, and who defines truth in mental health? Take the terms good and bad for example. I have worked with kids who thought they were being good if they did not hit a teacher that day. That’s what they were taught. So, where do we set the bar for what is good and what is bad? Its a subjective concept when working with troubled children. If you have a crisis and do not know where to turn, contact me and I will work with you personally. You deserve real solutions if you have real problems! http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

Troubled Teens

Troubled Teens

Here is a link to a wealth of resources for those who are already aware and educated on a disorder or mental health issue, but need more resources. Although not many people are going to agree on each mental health issue, I believe exposure to everything is best. You may see me posting about other sites that offer similar services as I do on Don’t Label My Kid! However, I hope you will continue to follow this blog and use my services as well!

http://www.raisingtroubledkids.com/crisis-help-by-phone/

For help with any related situation, contact me, Tim at

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

Why we do what we do!

I used to have a routine every day after work. I would get my clothes for the next day, lay them out, take a shower, pick out the clothes for the gym the next morning, and then say hello to my family. I always did it in that order, until one day one of my kids walked by me and said hello, and started telling me about his day. 

I was helpless! Speechless. My son was violating my ritual, my routine that must get done before I get into family things. This felt weird, and usually when I got home everyone was busy doing something. Not this day. I was set in a routine, and was forced to decide between the routine or listening to my son. I did listen, and slowly made my way to my closet to complete my daily ritual. This time it was different , I realized how I had gotten into such a habit that it had overtaken me.

There is a story that I have heard, about a young woman and her mother cooking Easter dinner. As they were cutting the bone off of the ham, to put in the pan, the young daughter asked her mother why she cut the bone off. The mother stopped what she was doing, and smiled. ‘We always do it that way, honey” she responded. The daughter just would not give up and asked that they call grandma and ask her why we do cut the bone off of the ham. After a reluctant call to grandma, the mother hung up the phone, looked at the daughter, and said “like I said honey, grandma said we always have done it this way”. Still not satisfied, the young daughter insisted they call her great grandmother and ask her. “Surely someone must know why we do it like this!” she snapped. After debating for a minute, the mother finally gave in, and called her grandmother. After the question was posed once again, the great grandmother simply stated ” I have no idea why y’all are cutting the bone off! I did it because 40 years ago I did not have a pan big enough to hold the ham and the bone!”

Simple story, and funny. It also makes me wonder how many of us do things everyday because that is the way we know? Do we know why? Do we have any good reason to do what we are doing? Many times the answer is no. Just like Carey Hart had to remove previous limits to accomplish his goal, we also need to take a look at why we do what we do, and perhaps we might find out that we do not have to stick with mundane routines. Think outside of the ham bone today! What limits have you set on yourself?

Airtime

Airtime

This is a picture of Carey Hart, one of the greatest freestyle motocross riders ever. He created a trick called the “heart attack” and has won as many awards as you can in the sport. I wonder if he had any fear the first time he tried the trick? I mean, who gave him permission to exceed all expectations in the Motocross games? That is an interesting question. We will discuss the idea of breaking through barriors today. Stay tuned.

” Loved people …

” Loved people love people. Hurt people hurt people.” author unknown

So how do you feel? Loved, or hurt? How do our kids feel? This short quote speaks volumes about what is going on in our world today including parenting, bullying, and the way people view our society in general .The above quote will not solve all of life’s problems, but it sure opens up a whole new way of identifying why people may act the way they do. Is being a hurt person, and therefore hurting others, a disorder? Maybe a learned behavior? Stay tuned for more on the generational patterns we pass down to our children, and how it can give birth to bullying or how it can give birth to loving others.

We have anti-bullying campaigns blowing up everywhere. Is it really going to stop because some public pressure has popped up? I doubt it. How we treat others is many times a reflection of how we were treated, or at least our perception of how we were treated as we grew up. Should a child who was treated abusively be diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder because he or she is simply doing what was done to him or her? Is that avoiding the real issue at hand? These are things that are critical to think about when deciding to take a child who is acting out, in for any kind of evaluation. You may leave with medicine and a label. Once a label is in place, people tend to live up to the expectation that comes with a label. Am I saying that there should not be any diagnoses or psychologists, psychiatrists or medicine? Quite the opposite. I am pointing out just one of many factors to consider when deciding what the next step is for you.

Contact me if you would like help with a difficult situation.

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

Identity Crisis- A rising problem with kids today.

If you have noticed, social media now determines much of how a teen or even adult should dress, walk, talk, act, etc..

Back many years ago,there were bad guys, and good guys, and Cleaver type families and Brady Bunch types. Not so today. More and more, teens are spending less and less time with their families, who used to determine much of how one developed their belief system, their actions, and the respect shown to others. Today, we have gangs, not gangsters, thugs, and “wanna be” thugs”, emo, skater, stoner, and even the lesbian/gay movement has become somewhat popular at the middle school levels. Very different then it was a generation ago.

Why is this? There have been many studies showing the link between kids who do not have a solid family life at home, and the desire to find one outside the home. Here we are not discussing normal teenage changes, fads, and phases. We are talking about kids leaving the traditional family unit behind, and looking for that feeling elsewhere. In my time working one on one with hardened gang members, without fail, when asked, they would have loved to have had a “normal” family to turn to, but the gang life was the only way they could find the love and allegiance they longed for. This is very different from those families who just have a very busy life but still make time for the kids and family to spend quality time together. I am referring to people who have let their children decide who to hang out with, how to dress, where to go, and what language is acceptable, at a young age. The ages from 6 on up are important, but when 12 and 13 approach, we need to be very active and set boundaries that cannot be crossed. A child’s job is to test boundaries. Once we set boundaries it is critical to keep them.

I will use an example as evidence that this not only works, but is the true desire of any child to have boundaries in place by their parents and other authority figures. As an administrator of a high school in Florida, I decided to find out what kids really wanted form their parents. I must make you aware that the kids I was dealing with had all been expelled from public schools, for weapons, drugs, or gang affiliation. I had about 60 total students to work with. I had heard over and over how they hated their parents, they were never around, or they would often say their parents gave up on them anyways. I noticed however, that I and the other staff were treated with the utmost respect, and the very rigid rules, were for the most part upheld. I created a worksheet that listed 10 social skills and the steps to following them. For example, Following Instructions = Look at the person, say ok,  do the task, and check back with the adult. Hardly anything they were used to doing. After the worksheet was completed, I passed them out as a survey to all the students, asking to be honest, and put no names down. After it was completed, the surveys showed that about 90% of the students enjoyed having to adhere to these guidelines at my school, and the same percent wished their parents would have done the same! Amazing? Not really. It provides security for kids, when a parent sets firm boundaries, and holds them to those rules. Think of it this way..if you went to visit an under construction high rise condominium, maybe 100 stories tall, and at the top floor, the following scenario took place; You are 100 stories up, walking through a luxury condo when the broker says, “go look at the view from the balcony!” You walk to the glass door, take a step out, and realize their are no fences or rails on the balcony! You scramble back in out of breath and ask the broker what they were thinking sending them out 100 stories up with no protection from just falling right off of the edge! The answer you get, is  ” Oh, they have not installed those yet, they are purely cosmetic and the last things to be put in”. “What? I almost walked off the edge!  You should have rails before you show this “.

It’s about security. No small 4 foot rails would keep a person from falling over the edge if the person wanted to. It just gave them a sense of security. That is what kids want today. Security, not a parent that is a buddy. A parent that provides security.

For personalized help talk to me about you and the situation you have; click

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

 

 

Identity crisis!

Identity crisis!

Who am I?

I will post a few pictures of people we see all the time and then discuss what kind of person they might be. What type of person do you think this is? You will be surprised at the real truth behind why someone you care about may act one way with peers, and another way with you…

How to deal with my out of control child?

As I have mentioned, Don’t Label My kid is not just a phrase. It is a way of thinking, a way that every parent should be thinking as they speak to their child, and as they consider seeking medical help. Here is an article with some suggestions on dealing with children at home. It is fairly comprehensive, and authored by a well educated woman, who has experience working with children. See what you agree or disagree with and please post a comment on your thoughts. I will not always be posting information that is 100% in agreement with the Don’t Label My Kid concept. The idea is for you to find out what really works… I think my concept works with many other theories, but not all. You be the judge…

http://www.kidpower.org/library/article/7-strategies-for-managing-aggressive-behavior-in-young-children/

To get me involved in your personal situation, its easy. Just click on the following link;

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

 

Thank You!

Thank you to all who have contacted me about my new blog!

Don’t Label My Kid is not just a phrase, it is a mindset that should be embedded in every parent’s mind. It is a way of thinking, a rule we should all adopt.If you have ever questioned whether or not a loved one has a certain disorder that needs treatment, it is imperative that you educate yourself on exactly what the process is to become “eligible” for a diagnoses, and the consequences that are assigned to anyone who is.
The most common questions I have been asked over the years always start with ” Do you think my son/daughter is _______?”
Many people watch shows on television or read something in an article or even listen to advice from a friend, and attempt to diagnose a loved one based on whatever they heard or saw. This blog and my passion after watching this happen over and over for 20+ years is to help people identify root issues for unwanted behaviors, and thinking, and apply appropriate solutions for the issues. This goes against the flow in some mental health circles, as it is a business. Businesses need to make money. As sad as it may seem,every day thousands of kids, and adults are assigned labels by Mental Health professionals, or others that are inaccurate or driven by big producers of drugs who are daily convincing people that they need medicine through media and many other very subtle methods.
There is a time to see a psychiatrist, a time to see a psychologist, a time to see a therapist, and a time to seek out medication. Before you make the decision to do any of those, get information, in detail on the road you are headed down as you make a decision. As a Social Worker, I have seen every angle and have also learned not to believe everything I think….contact me for help with your situation at the link below…don’t waste thousands of dollars on endless dead-end roads. I can help you get directly to the resources you need, without wasting years and lots of money. Thank you all for such great feedback on this blog. Together we can conquer whatever you are facing!

Tim

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

#adhd, #mychild, #add, #hyperactive, #socialwork, #counseling, #childpsychiatry, #teenproblems

How does the doctor determine my child’s diagnoses? Autism is a great example…here is some truth that may be disturbing to parents of autistic kids.

Did you know that how and whether your child gets diagnoses with a disorder is based in part on money? Here is an excellent article about the way that autism may be “discarded” in some aspects from the DSM-V! The diagnoses itself may remain, but the spectrum is adjusted as to who meets the “new” criteria. Sadly, the reason for the cuts are due to the cost of caring for those with the diagnoses….so how will they get care?

http://vactruth.com/2013/03/09/changes-to-autism-diagnosis/

This is an excellent example of what goes on behind the scenes in the mental health field. The average person will accept a doctor’s diagnoses of ODD, AD/HD, ADD, BI-Polar, Anxiety, or any other label chosen for your child. However, the grounds for the diagnoses can be solely based on what money is available to fund coverage by the government for that label..confused yet? That is alright, most parents of kids with behavioral issues, or parents who ask questions like ” Is my child ADD or AD/HD” or” does my child need medicine for hyperactivity” have no idea what to do other than maybe see a doctor, who will make his or her decision on what their “bible” tells them. The DSM-V is the guide for making any diagnoses by a mental health professional. When you look at the criteria of most disorders, almost any child or adult can be fit into just about any one. For example, I once took the criteria listed to meet Major Depressive disorder, and made them into questions on a pamphlet. I then asked my staff at the time, of 50 teachers, therapists, and nurses to answer the questions but not put their name down. When I analyzed the data, about 85% met full criteria for the diagnoses of Major Depressive disorder…

If you think you may need some help figuring out what to do in your situation, I am available for as little as an hour of consultation, or months of help to see you through this very cloudy path. You deserve an honest answer, not a label to fund big drug companies who in turn may help doctors diagnose more people with certain labels, regardless of whether it applies in your case. Contact me for help.

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

Have you ever caught your kid being “bad”?- Shame on you! LOL!

Did you know that most parents have programmed in their brains to catch their child being “bad” or doing something they should not be doing?

Well, here are 3 facts that can change the way you think and the way your child behaves..

1- People in general do not respond to negative reinforcement (criticism) by changing their behavior patterns to please you.

2-The secret to getting a child, or teen, or even an adult to change behavior, is not to catch them being “bad”. The way positive patterns of behavior are established in us is through the use of positive reinforcement of the behavior you would prefer to see, not by constantly pointing out the wrong way.

3- How many positive comments in an average day do you think you make per day to your child, or children? How many negative?

The truth is, most of us have a ratio of somewhere between 10-15 negative comments for every 1 positive comment. The appropriate ratio to actually identify and change negative behavior should be around 10-15 positive comments for every 1 critical or re-directive comment.

Those are some things to really think about when raising children, or even running a business!

These tips are free. If you need personal and confidential advice or even long term access to me regarding your predicament, click on the link to access my services! http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim

 

Me and the baby!

Me and the baby!

I not only have worked and lived with thousands of kids of all ages, I have my own too! This is the baby in the family, she is 2 now. From there it goes like this; 6, 15, 15, 18! needless to point out, but I will anyway…I have had the chance over the years to work with my own children on some of the same issues I work with other kids on. This has given me a passion for the professional advice I do give, as I have seen in my own life how things REALLY work….! Read about my availability on my link below!

http://www.gofundme.com/HipTim