Foster Care Normalization. Is This An Oxymoron? Its Your Call . . . (Parenting 2017)

Normalization is a term that can be tossed around in certain circles when foster parenting is the topic. Some define it as the right of foster kids to have very similar opportunities as kids in traditional family homes. Not just material things, which most 14 year olds think they should have, such an X-Box and 2  hoodies. It means being able to attend groups, activities or school functions. just as their peers can and do. It means not lagging behind in anything in which they want to participate, due to their being in Foster Care.

The idea itself is wonderful, but how realistic is it to accomplish using State and Federal guidelines? We live in an ever-changing world with cultures that are very different from each other.  It is more important that a solid foundation is laid so the child has an adequate confidence level before worrying about whether they are getting into the same activities as everyone else. If I had to pick only one phrase in this whole entire post that one would retain for sure, it would be the following . . .

Normalization is achieved as a by-product of self-esteem and confidence. One cannot force normalization on old, beaten down souls in young bodies, without these strengths!

My work in live-in foster care was about six years and during that time I had over 40 teenagers, about six at a time in our home. Following those years, I spent most of my career working with the same population but in other venues.

In order to prepare for my career in foster care at Father Flanagan’s Boystown (beside my formal training in college as a social worker), I was trained 30 straight days before even being allowed to talk or speak with a child. Their program was probably the best I have ever seen as far as results go.  I believe this is due to the fact it was a family model as referred to in the industry. This model leans toward helping that group of people who are now together, function as much as possible like a family unit.  Our job depended on making sure that occurred. It was important that we would never be misconstrued to be an institutional-type setting, where a kid just felt like another number.

foster home

 

So whether you’re a foster parent to 1 or 2 or 8, at whatever age, the first priority, in my opinion, should be building foundations.  Help them acquire the tools needed (confidence and self-esteem) to become normalized.  A natural outcome will include a sense of ownership, (in your home/family), so they can call your home, their home.

I live in Florida so we get hurricanes almost every year. This year we had Irma, which crushed our state, covering the entire state with its 100mph+ winds and severe flooding. After it was safe to return home, I was again reminded of the difference between the stick/ wooden homes that were mansions and once huge and stunning but which now looked like they were kicked over like a wooden match book.

However, as we came back to our smaller, non-mansion home,  we had power, and just some flooding, no damage to our brick foundation . Build your foster family on the brick foundation that holds its own during the storm. Once you have the solid foundation, the other things will fall in to place.

In closing, here are 5  key tips I used on all of my foster kids, and my 4 natural kids. Whether you are a foster parent now, may become one soon or currently have only your natural children, these work across the board.  They pertain to normalization because no insecure kid will be itching to participate in any activities without the tools needed on the inside.

Building the inside up first gives way for that needed experience and confidence necessary to transition into normalized activities.   I hope you enjoy these tips.  I assure you, after 20 years in direct care and with my own four kids, they work!

God bless you all.

 

TJ-Dont Label My Kid!

  • www.dontlabelmykid.wordpress.com

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Here Is Step One Of A Family Plan For Normalization. Implement These Keys! We coach and consult for on going plans and interventions needed in all things kids and families. Just contact us at Dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com or call directly  at 386-675-7549- Tj

5 Keys To Being An Excellent Parent!

https://wp.me/p3NNQG-1Gr

 

TJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its The Weekend! Time For Some Priests To Reach Out To The Community! You Get The Idea. Always Looking To Mentor A Child When They Get A Day Off From The Wrecktory…

These guys are tireless. Even when they get off from their wrecktory for a day, here you are, seeing them out in the community trying to have a hand in really changing a young persons life..Volunteering for weekend playground monitors, helping with potty training in malls, and some even volunteer to watch the young kids while momma and daddy get to shop for a few hours. Those kids will never be the same just because of the giving hearts and hands of the ministry..

Can you imagine where those kids might be today had they not had the opportunities afforded them compliments of some of the Priesthoods finest?

II should be clear that according to the Catholic Churches own Bishop accountability log, only around 30k priests are even under investigation…so its clearly just a few bad apples, right?

http://www.bishop-accountability.org/

Will You Stop Kidding Yourself And Acting All ” Professional” Mr. Cocaine? And You -” Ms Writer” -Do They Know You Have Your Own Head Doctor? LOL You People Pretending You Are Worthy…Pathetic

I have seen many of negative and depressing things in my life. Depression, Addiction, Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Incarceration, Divorce, Trauma, Disease, loss of family etc.

suicide family

That is just in my own family. Lots of failure as far as the family unit growing up. I carried the guilt for that failure long into adulthood. As if it was my fault. 

 

Professional Career

My career in social work and mental health in the corporate world spanned over 20 years included being a foster parent for 40 troubled teens, starting a school for expelled violent youth, outpatient therapist, program manager for several programs from adults with the most severe disabilities anyone has seen, a senior center and another program for expelled youth in gangs where we scanned each kid right off the bus for weapons.

teen group

 

I was hired by the state to teach a program called BRIDGES  which was a weekly group I led full of teens that were somehow involved in the Juvenile Justice system and on off days I taught parenting for the parents of those teens. Its only been in the last 4 years that I have called myself a blogger when I started this blog.

I have written off and on for many years for companies I worked for and things like that but nothing I called my own  until 4 years ago when this blog was launched.

Almost everything I did and do in the area of kids, families, juvenile justice and mental health has been successful.  ( I am just soo great) I am not bragging, there is a reason you need to know this. This is my gift, we all have gifts and if you’re doing something that absolutely has no interest to you and makes you hate working, you are not within the gifting God gave you.

Due to my family situation growing up, and having been through major depression, addiction, many surgeries for a bone disease, divorce and much more at work I was instantly effective in certain groups. Although I had not been through everything life can throw at you, I still found success at every single place or population I worked with because I did not try to step outside of my gifting.

Except once and I really do not want to talk about it. 

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The Point Of Telling You About My Background.

I hope that the people who need to be reading this and if you know somebody who needs it you will share. People who are currently feeling hopeless or have struggled with it most of their lives. People who are constantly put down about how good or bad they are doing in comparison to someone else, or some people are constantly challenging your credibility to do what you do.

yelling man

In my life when I was working on places that serve addicts and mental health patients I was harassed mainly by people who did not like me. They knew I recently had been in a short term rehab for addiction and they began to use it against me in ways that became hurtful . Even worse I really had nobody to reverse what they saying! On paper it did look weird that the teacher became a patient . The problem was that  I began to believe what they were saying. I did not know how to rise above it. Because on paper, it was true!

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This experience I had  with just one man absolutely changed my life and the way I looked at myself. It will do the same for anyone who listens carefully to what I am saying. It’s a powerful lesson in self-worth. Especially if you have a checkered background full of events the world might call you a loser for being a part of. Especially if you have given up on any more success in life due to your past failures. Its a new day!

This post, if received and accepted and not just tossed aside as if it were just another self-help article to get you through today will change you. It’s a life changing, encouraging and hope giving truth to anyone who has been hopeless for a long time and lost any belief in yourself due to the verbal abuse of a spouse, the downgrading talk you allow at work or any other place and by the negative thoughts we have all experienced at some point. Seeing your true position or option for that position is available to anyone anytime. Just like anything though you must want it, and need it. If you feel like hopelessness and depression has been good to you in some way then wait a little while . Come back and read this in 6 months.

 

There is a point in this where a spiritual decision must be made.

If it scares you that I may mention God in this post, don’t run, I promise its not a judge, or beat you over the head with the bible post. So get back over here before you try and sneak off to the next post.

This is not a Christian website and the reason is for times like this. Whether you are a Christian or not we all get to this point of how freedom of sadness is needed and how hope can be restored. The two groups may settle on different methods but we all end up here. We all have to hang on to something when times are tough, when we are struck with tragedy and hope evades us. That is why we have gambling, alcohol. drugs, porn and all these things that actually destroy lives but we cling to them as if no other option is available.

Here is a secret not many people are able to process; for everything God made, the enemy, satan has made a counterfeit for.

As you go through your days and encounter people in your life, try to recall what the original plan was for that situation and you will see a pattern begin to develop. Marriage, respect, god and many other things. For a period of time God has allowed the prince of darkness or satan to rule the earth. However as a believer in Christ we don’t have to take his punishment like the rest of the world does. He will come at us all the time, but we are instructed how to deal with those attacks in God’s word.

Now, whether any of us like it or not, that Word of God is there, it has never once come back void and according to it there is no other way to salvation then what it says – through the blood of Christ. (John 14:6) Even science is catching up with the bible and the scientists who used to talk about Lucy, the missing link are bowing their knees to Christ as they see the evidence in their arena of every single detail being uncovered while watching with their own eyes.

One excellent little book I recommend is by a scientist named Josh McDowell. He was actually so sick and tired of hearing Christians talk about the Bible and Jesus, he actually set out on a scientific mission with his team to prove once and for all that Jesus, the bible, and all the hokey Kumbaya stuff was a joke and he would personally and scientifically prove it. I’m not sure at what part of the mission it occurred, but at one point in it, Dr. McDowell is said to have bowed to his knee and and asked for forgiveness from the Lord and told his team that the evidence of Christ being who He said was so overwhelming that he was kidding himself. He wrote a short book, called  More Than A Carpenter which is maybe a two hour read, and now is the founder of Josh McDowell international ministries. You can just google his name and his many sites and testimony will come up. 

This is one area all of us must either turn from or cling to. There is no in-between , as a matter of fact in that word God himself says he hates lukewarm believers and he will spew them out of his mouth  -hot or cold but no luke -warm .

I say this to encourage you before you turn it away , take another peek..think it through before you abandoned it.. After all what if it is true? Once you have died and must face the Lord, there are no spiritual mulligans.

As a matter of fact this post itself makes you aware of the Gospel and you are officially put on notice. You have been told the truth and what you decide to do from here is on you.

I lived a life of feeling that I was nothing but a failure and my mistakes in the past were just going to pave the way to a miserable part two in my life. It did not matter what was happening around work or anywhere else. I could not find the peace that comes with being ok with who you are. I also had over the years an ex-wife who made sure that the entire world knew what I was struggling with and just made it even more impossible to believe in any hope. Suffocating on my own prediction of failure. All of this happening while I was a Christian!

Then one year I could not take it and I spent a lot of time reading about these issues in self-help books., motivational speeches and the like. Still no change.

I did know enough to know that all the voices I had been hearing my whole life telling me I have no business speaking to this crowd, or I am fooling myself thinking I can be a good leader, after all look at all my problems- the voices were not coming from God. I had this misconception that God was reminding me over and over that I was UNWORTHY. Basically I made too many mistakes to dig out of this one. No way for me to rise from this pit and be successful after all my life problems. It was not until 10 years ago a bible believing Christian listened to my feelings and challenged me with this question.

” The Bible says that there is no one worthy, not one. Who do you think you are thinking you can accomplish worthiness in God’s eyes anyways? Are you saying God is a liar?”The man went on to remind me that If I was going to call myself worthy before God, it could only happen by believing in the finished work of Christ at Calvary, where He took our position as sinners and our consequence. That is the only way we can wake up feeling worthy. He also pointed out a few scriptures about how not God but the enemy of our souls is the ” whisperer” . We do not have to even acknowledge the enemy as Christians. We are instructed in the bible how to deal with him. We know that we belong to someone greater. 

That lesson basically cured me of my listening to the bad voices and many times if a voice did come back I would simply speak the truth of God’s Word. I might say  There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit (Romans 8:1) I was not going to give any credibility to any negative voices anymore because I just found out a secret I am NOT WORTHY on my own. By I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

This entire issue was about making a decision which side of the spirit realm I would listen to . After I decided to believe in what God’s word said, I had nothing but hopeful thoughts each time I read the word.. God is for us not against us. The idea that anything was ” too late” was straight from the pit of hell.

Let me interject something here.  Non-believers need a change to. If they choose not to accept the promises of God’s Word and deny Christ is needed for heaven,  then help is still needed .Many will stop as soon as we discuss the bible, and say

” Fine for you but I worship pineapple plants and the stars.  Maybe its more like ” Hey man, 58 trillion years ago a fish grew legs and began to walk on land. The rest is history!

Usually non-Christians resort to adrenaline related activities , setting new financial goals for themselves and anything that may give them a sense of a new horizon or task to go after. The problem with those, is that they are only a temporary fix. I personally have a friend who does not enjoy his life all, rich as he could be. He has an oceanfront home. Two years after it was done he was not happy so he had a 20 seat movie theatre built inside. That should do it right?  Not when you chose money a sa way to have security.

It’s likely that they will be back in a year looking again. Some Christians who know better will not hold on to the Word and its promises very long and relapse into hopelessness, but the good news is that there are usually plenty of other Christians around who can help get the people who slid out of the Word back into it soon.

This is the reason I began to feel ” worthy” to do anything-even with my baggage and critics. That issue was resolved now. Yes, I am unworthy. However Through Christ I can do all things. I began to read about each of the most praised followers of Christ. Quite frankly their resumes were pretty sketchy, just like mine. But they were humble and willing to let God change them and no longer bound to fear. 

 

 

So what in the world does all this mean. In simple terms? Well, we all have this dilemma. We have to make a decision whether we want to believe what God says about you in His word, or to put that whole enchilada aside and go it on your own. In other words, make a decision to actually find out what this word has to say about who you would be/ are as a follower of Christ. This means what your authority and position is on earth, where you rest your security, what your potential is, the understanding of the fact that as a believer you also have eternal security, what the consequences are for those who reject God and His word –

Jesus said “whoever turns their back on me, so I will also turn my back on him” – 

I was not there to see what His expressions were, but since He also said ” I am the way,, the truth and the life, no man shall see the father except through me” 

That right there is one of the most frightening verses in the bible to me. It does not take Colombo to figure out that if you rejected the only one who can allow you into heaven, it cannot end well.

This may shock you, but I did not write the bible. Just like everyone else there came a point where I needed to make a call on it either way. So that is a non- negotiable with God.

How about the title of this post? How does God play into all the negative feelings , voices and people trying to beat us down. Well, its great news! You have a new boss, and He says you are awesome. No matter what your past is like He is willing to make you one of His. Remember who Jesus went to minister to while on earth. Not the Billy Grahams or the people who had it all together. He hung out with the prostitutes, the drunks and thieves. The ” religious ” people were none too happy about it either, they thought they were the only ones worthy of His presence. The great news in this message is that Jesus is looking for humility, not perfection. As a matter of fact the bible says the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. That is another way of saying rejection of Christ.

It is a great feeling as a believer to know that no matter what the past held, its washed away in the blood of Jesus. The bible says He cast our sins as far as the East is from the West. That is something to wake up for! Whats even more amazing, is that God not only forgives you, to the point where you could not care less about what others say about you- and also he will use you for His purposes.

Each time I am able to share the truth of the Gospel with someone or write about it- It is hard to believe He is actually using me, a broken down sinner for His purposes! See, in the old state of mind of fear, insecurity, and all, we barely felt worthy to do what little we were. In the mind as a believer you get to have unlimited purpose and not a care about what anyone says because God is paving the path of your life.

So as I close ,will ask 3 things.

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A List Of 13 Things A Parent Should Never Do When Trying To Raise Mentally Strong Kids. See How You Rate. If You Dare..

After reading this article I couldn’t help but notice that out of the 13 items listed we all are guilty of some of them at some point in our life – there just is no way to avoid all of them. However I will say that some very good points are made especially in the areas of overprotection,  not holding kids accountable and things like that that many parents do not do appropriately. The author of this article has been an award-winning Forbes writer and psychotherapist who is often called on to speak about this issue so she does have some credibility and I would suggest you to go through these items and just see if there’s anything that stands out to you immediately that you’re not doing or you’re doing wrong. and take  just go with the major issues that stand out with you.

                           TJ
https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/15688-mentally-strong-kids-have-parents-who-refuse-to-do-these-13-things

Abortion, Depression and the Impact on Later Children | After Abortion

http://afterabortion.org/2011/abortion-depression-and-the-impact-on-later-children/

Policeman stops man who he thinks is his dead son. Wait And See What Happens..

Having a 22 year old son in the military myself, I cannot imagine how I would feel if we lost him. After reading this touching article I see how I would feel. I dont like it at all. Watch what happens when a cop loses his son, but thinks he sees his son in the truck he pulls over -a year after his funeral…

http://thenativepeople.net/2017/10/17/policeman-stops-man-thinks-dead-son-little-later-sees-whats-dashboard/

Did This Judge Fall Out Of The Stupid Tree And Hit Every Branch On The Way Down??

 You know I only got an hour or so of sleep last night. I must have read this wrong. No way a judge would assign custody of a kid to a rapist…someone click on it and tell me what I missed.

Your Kidding Right Judge?

So Whats It Going To Be? Therapy Or Coaching? Do You Even Know The Difference? You Should.

Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj

 

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management
The words Time to Evaluate on an ornate white clock, counting down to the moment a manager will perform an evaluation, review, assessment or reevaluation of a worker, property or process

Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?

Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.

So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.

Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.

Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.

Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?

What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.

OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.

But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?

Maybe because coaching works.

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Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.

Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with  ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years  ” or  ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.

Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.

 

Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction.  Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.

Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.

Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.

Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.

Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.

Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.

I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.

Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…

I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.

This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.

When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.

Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.

Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back

dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com or tim@dontlabelmykid.com

Emergency Crisis Line- 386-675-7549

TJ

 

The Most Powerful Statement To Me So Far This Year…

If you really think on it, most of the things we say and do to help others end up with some potential of praise for us. We thrive on patting ourselves on the back. Its just the way it is..Our Self centeredness.

The real question is- what will we do when we know NOBODY else is watching …

Yeah Buddy…that is how we can truly test.

Tj

The Tongue Has The Power of Life And Death in It…Are You A Murderer?

Have you ever met someone who just had a special talent for absolutely tearing people apart with their mouth? The vitriol spewed out like the lava from a volcano, just hot and hurtful as they could be?

You will remember them many years after because the wounds from those attacks don’t heal real quickly. The verbal exchanges almost always include a piece of very personal information that you willingly shared with them and now they are using your own trust against you by bringing it back up.

There are two reasons people get that mad, in that fashion and are oblivious and apathetic towards others, and here they are.

1- They have been very hurt themselves ..

2 – They have been very hurt themselves..

Why People Are So Mean

“Hurt people hurt people, and loved people love people.”- unknown

This is so true and applies to just about every situation involving the words we say. It would not matter so much if  words themselves were not so powerful.

I can think of 5-6 scripture verses off the top of my head about the power our tongue has.  We are not warned that wrong words may cause a little irritation, or make someone frown. Nope.

We are told  in no uncertain terms that this is life and death. The ability to completely destroy another’s self-confidence and break their will down..words are dangerous and you can see by the image in this post what God has to say about those who don’t control their tongues. The outlook is not too bright.

I was a hideous killer of people’s hearts when I was a teen. I remember saying things to people when I was angry and noticed the effect my comments were having on others. I was more shocked and confused then anything, after all this was common dinner table talk with my dad around. It meant absolutely nothing to me and i considered others weak. It was not until I was in my 20’s that I believe God showed me the big picture. I think He had mercy on me because up until then these unbelievable words I was spewing out meant nothing to me.

The important part is that as a result of my learning the truth about how my words got where they were, I had to pass by the places and things that I had so much built up anger about and start acknowledging them so I could work through my own healing. Otherwise not much would change. Remember the saying ” Hurt people Hurt people and loved people love people” If we remain in a state of a hurt heart, our words are not likely to change. That is where the grace of God and His healing of memories comes in.

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Hopefully statements like the one above wont be so common out of our mouths anymore. Whether you are the hurt one spewing out comments that tear people up inside, or you have been on the receiving end of the negativity, take action. Pray for the person who is hurting you but don’t put yourself in front of them too much until things change. If its unavoidable such as a spouse, then its time to come clean whichever side you are on and make some changes.

Are you a hurt person or a loved person? You measure that by your fruit. The words that come from your lips.

TJ

Sharia Kids Watch Dad Murder Mom – ” Its All Good “- She Deserved It…

Dad puts two in the chest of kid”s mom right in front of them..

Http://www.supportisraelnow.com/2016/03/17/watch-muslim-children-celebrate-the-murder-of-mommy-by-daddy-she-deserved-to-die/

Sexual Abuse On Kids & Its Relationship To Homosexuality, Transgender And Suicide….

Many people do not understand the significant connection between the act of sexual abuse and the lifestyles and choices that almost always follow the victim. 

As far as numbers go, I think people do believe them. Here is a common statistic-  80% of all those who commit sexual abuse on another have been abused, but not 80% of those who are abused actually abuse.

This is a true statement and very high percentage of abusers were abused, yet not many people comment or question it. So for whatever reason people don’t seem to either see or want to see the relationship between the child predator and the future of the abused. For the purpose of this post I am going to stay away from numbers , and simply explain in common sense terms why we have such a tremendous backlash from inappropriate sexual behavior. When a child or even preteen is taken advantage of sexually by a member of the same sex, they immediately have some additional baggage to carry and choices to make. When the child gets into his teens and his friends are hormonally drawn to girls, he may be unclear about that. Actually he may have some opposite feelings and be drawn to a man. Why? Simple. If you are 7 years old and some trusted male figure makes you feel like you have never heard about or dreamed about in a way you now know as being sexual, why would you look elsewhere?

So many times that’s where we see what people like to call experimenting or bi-curious. Many times they go with what they know, and that’s male on male. Now they are a  “homosexual”. 

Often times that will prove uncomfortable ( as it should ) and with the rise of gender reassignment we now have  another group  –  who being ” gay ” didnt work for. So they decided they must now be the sex which is opposite of what the physical evidence shows.

Now here are some facts . No matter which group a sexually abused kid ends up with,  the likihoid if suicide, drug activity and domestic violence is five fold of that of those in heterosexual relationships. The issue of not being sure about ones sexuality causes anger and anger leads to violence . These things lead to self medication and often, as in the case of my brother, suicide is the only way they see out of the pain.

Some, like he did -choose suicide as soon as they know something is wrong but can’t handle even thinking about the process of trying to figure it out. Some of the books I found in Danny’s room , along with the letters from the priest who actually molested him were entitled Search For Human Sexuality or books with  similar titles. . Very clear that he left very confused about how he should feel. 

The point is this; whether it be the horrendous pedophile rings in the Catholic church, or uncle Jonny who has been messing with us since we were little, there are no survivors who don’t at least have life interrupted, and for many its game over. 

For every vote you give to support the homosexual lifestyle , you are supporting the consequences if it.

Its time to quit acting.as if homosexual behavior is acceptable and start caring for victims. We have got to quit pretending one is a bigot if they stand up for truth while these kids being mass raped in church each day. 

Tj

Society Today Demands That We Find Each Other Disrespectful- Or At Least Act Like We Do..

This may be a cartoon, but the point is there. The new way to be ” bad ” is to be always on the lookout for any word, any look or any sound that can be misconstrued as disrespectful. Then to drop everything like you have such a wicked temper that it is necessary to run up on someone and say ” why you be disrespecting me B ? “

Then the showdown begins . The sad part is for 90% of these kids it’s a total act . They don’t care about someone bumping into them in a crowded hallway. Or someone dropping a water bottle that lands on their foot. It does not bother them if someone made them drop their textbook by accident. But now they are have to remember to make sure it is known that not only did it bother them, but it will not go unpunished. Otherwise it will backfire and the kid will be see as being soft, weak and having been punked out.

 All they are doing is whatever it takes for them to do to get by without being labeled weak. It is unacceptable to be seen as weak, primarily because you then have opened the door to being punked out on a regular basis once everyone finds out you are soft. It is a sad testimony but it is not just kids either. Full grown men are posing for this too. Whether in Wal-Mart or at the library – everyone is on guard all the time. Worse yet it has now become common for women to get involved.

The most unattractive thing ( besides gold teeth) on a woman, in my opinion is one who can take me in a fight. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to see two mothers with small children get into a shouting match in public and start making physical threats. The kids are shaking, the women start showing their ghetto ( usually learned from some rap song-not from living there) and before you know it weaves and fuzzy slippers are flying.I hate seeing anyone get hurt male or female. I am a big guy, but I have never picked fights and always do everything to deesculate a situation.

With the exception of defending myself or someone touching my children I have excellent self-control. It has never mattered whether I was bench pressing 400lbs at the time or if I was not even working out. I don’t change on that issue. I dont like to hurt people and I dont like to see anyone get hurt. I am the guy at the store who you bump into and I say “sorry are you ok” . It has too much personal response cost for me as far as memories of a violent home go when I was young.

So what is the answer? The answer is to not be afraid to model the opposite type behavior in public. Do something nice for the person that bumps into you. Show your kids how smooth things can be if you give a little. You don’t have to be a doormat and you certainly dont have to sit like some whipping boy and never stick up for yourself. In most situations that would never be required.

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The difference between escalating a situation is most times in our response. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it. Its our choice. It really is up to us to start modeling appropriate social skills for people especially our kids. In today’s world the risks for bullying in middle and high school is not just a black eye and a wounded ego. It is absolutely destroying me as a parent and as a social worker for 20 years to see the consequences of todays schoolyard ” punk “. First off there are just as many girls harassing and stalking other little 12-13 year old girls as there are guys..

The apathy in some kids today is unprecedented. Just yesterday I posted a story of 4 teens only 8-9th grade who watched a 31-year-old disabled man drown in a retention pond. Why you ask did they not walk over to the little pond and help? They were too busy filming it for YouTube. While he went down begging for help, they mocked him and told him was going to die. He did. No charges files against the kids as there is no law against not helping someone dying.

When asked about it, the prosecutor was taken back, and just responded  ” I never thought we would need a law for this “. Cyber bullying is so rampant today that even young children around 10-12 years old are attempting suicide at an unreal rate. A few years ago here is Florida a 12-year-old little girl was being cyber bullied by 3 girls who she used to be close with.  She jumped into a stone quarry to her death. What must hurt feel like that makes a 12 year old jump to her death? Whatever is happening we all need to step up and model change. Teach social skills. Educate your kids about the impact of bullying. This whole thing is really getting to me. It is actually making me fighting mad.

TJ

 

Is It Possible That A Few Punk Teens Could Actually Sit Back And Laugh While Video Taping A Disabled Man Drowning? Well It Did Happen…

http://wp.me/p165ui-lJC

But its legal.

Your Kindergartener- Coming To A Classroom Near You … Gay Marriage, Then Gender Identity & Oral Sex On The Menu Soon..

It almost seems surreal. It is surreal. I hope Jesus comes back soon. 

They dont even talk about straight marriage in kindergarten, or sex. Why the rush to jam.the sinful life down their throats? They afraid they don’t get enough in public each day?

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155787444830393&id=140647865392