Glass House Syndrome

Glass House Syndrome

We all have our rocks in hand ready to throw . The problem we have in society today is that we are too busy collecting rocks to break someones glass. We forget that rocks can ricochet and often end up cracking our own glass houses. The only difference between me and you, and people with the inability to see, or hear or use the spoken word effectively is by the grace of God. It is prideful to think that we are where we are due to our great efforts and talents. Although these are required to achieve certain types of success, it is only a small part of success. Success is when we guard one another’s reputation, cover up an offense, protect and promote growth in others.
I have seen many people fall, and usually pride came before the plunge. I have also seen many success stories, and have found in most cases, the people in this category spent most of their time catching rocks aimed at other’s houses. Lifting others up, not cutting them down. Insecurity breeds jealousy, and jealousy behaves badly. If we are going to prop up our big glass houses while holding a hand full of rocks, then we are working against ourselves, not others. I think it is time to take a look at professional humility today. Make today a day of releasing rocks and lifting others up. Quit trying to take others down and instead, build them up.

If you need a friend, go be a friend to someone. If you need a job, go help someone find a job. If you need encouragement, go encourage someone today. Make a point of it. Our world, and workplace would be a much more enjoyable place if people all operated in humility, not pride. Humility lifts a person up, while pride comes before a fall.Maybe we need to consider dropping the clenched hand full of rocks, and use the hands to help someone in need today. When you see another in a very bad situation, a very tough spot, or facing vulnerability, you can do one of 2 things; run to them, or run at them. Before you decide to run at them, make sure you don’t have any cracks in your own glass. You see, we all have cracked glass. We just try to make other’s houses look worse than ours. My kids went through that stage when they were 6-8 years old. What are we thinking by doing this as adults? Not much about others, that is for sure. Drop the rocks, and run to someone today. You will feel a great release of all that weight which comes by storing up stones. Who can you reach out to today?

Why Are Professional Adults Acting Like Jealous School Children?

Those who enjoy their own emotionally bad health and who habitually fill their own minds with the rank poisons of suspicion, jealousy and hatred, as a rule take umbrage at those who refuse to do likewise, and they find a perverted relief in trying to denigrate them.
Johannes Brahms

We have all seen it or lived with it. Workplace jealousy. Your own professional peers are tearing you down as you are moving forward in your career or excelling at your task. I have been in that position recently and many times in the past and I have found that a few things are effective in dealing with it. First. you must be aware of what you are dealing with. Jealousy is a mental cancer, and you are not going to talk someone into supporting you. It is their baggage, and we cannot change what they have packed.

William Penn said this; “The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves” We must realize that although they may not always present themselves in this way, People who have jealous tendencies are also suffering themselves. Although this may not make you feel any better about what they are saying or doing, it can take away some of the bitterness we might be likely to experience, Bitterness is to be avoided at all costs as it will lead to unforgiveness, which will end up holding us prisoner if we are not careful.

Finally, recognize jealousy for what it is; a compliment to your success. Embrace that as you continue to press forward, knowing that nobody is jealous of unsuccessful people so you must be doing something right! When possible, surround yourself with people who will lift you up and support what you are doing and who you are. These are the people that should make up your core group, not the jealous and insecure people.

i will close with this. To jealousy, nothing is more frightful than laughter. If you have to be around these people in your workplace, laugh. Just laugh your way off the path to bitterness, lest you end up on the wrong side of jealousy yourself.

 

People it is time to TURN the page on the past! Start your new life today!

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! NOW GET WITH THE PROGRAM!

We have all been wounded, scarred, hurt, let down, hopeless, helpless, broke, lonely, tired, weary, scared, depressed and the list can go on. That is part of life as we know it. Today I felt like I should post an encouraging but truthful nugget for anyone who is down right now for any reason. Listen- there is a time to weep, a time to mourn, a time to be sad and a time to review the past so you can learn from it. However 90% of people who go through this normal process in life get hung up on one or two areas, and it becomes an anchor, locking them into the emotional bondage of past events, or mistakes. The result of this is an endless circle of pity, shame, hopelessness, and lack of motivation. What if I told you that starting today, you are ordered to turn your head to the future. No looking back. Make a decision to be happy. Make a decision to forgive anyone who has ever accused, abused or used you. Turn the page and be free of the past, be emptied of the heavy weight you have been carrying…
How do you do this? It is a matter of discovering a few keys that not many people understand. I will share a few with you to help you stand up, brush yourself off, and move forward.

1- People come and go, jobs come and go, health comes and goes, feelings come and go, and money comes and goes. People come and go out of your life all the. here is the first key to moving forward- NEVER PUT YOUR SECURITY IN ANY OF THOSE THINGS. You are simply waiting for a fall if you do. Its going to happen. So, if you believe in God, I would recommend putting ALL of your security in Him, and who you are in Christ. He said He will NEVER leave or forsake us, and unlike the things I mentioned above, He is the same yesterday, tomorrow and forever. That is security! All those other things are fine to have in life, but as ” gravy ” if you will. You will find that if you focus on the relationship with Him, all those other things get put in right perspective and you will not obsess over any of them.

Next, TURN THE PAGE on the past. Have you ever tried to walk forward while looking backward? I recommend you try it once. You cannot do it. Neither can you dwell on the past and move forward in your life. Never stumble on something behind you. How do you do this? You wake up one day and make the decision that you are now looking forward. The things you say, the thoughts you allow in and the actions you take MUST be helping you to move forward. Negativity has no place in moving forward. Today, is the first day of the rest of your life!

Lastly, Put yourself around those who you want to be like. Stay away form, and cut ties to anyone is is a pity party lover. Bad news, and will try to keep you down so they do not have to make any effort to move forward. Misery LOVES company. Go find some people you admire, people with peace, and joy. You will become what you put yourself around. READ MY TEXT! YOU WILL BECOME WHAT YOU PUT YOURSELF AROUND! Choose carefully who you hang with, and what things you do. If you want a good snapshot of what you look like now in your life, just take a look at your circle of friends. That IS you. If you do not like what you see, then pull the trigger and make new connections.

I realize this a very brief post for such a deep topic, but I promise you if you will do those simple things right now, your life will change for the better very soon. Money back guarantee! Do not stay in bondage to the past. If you need help working through some things then seek out someone to talk to who will keep you on track. You are going to be what you say you will be. So choose words carefully and speak out loud the things you are looking forward to accomplishing. Positive speak brings positive results, negative talk brings negative results. By the way, I did mention God in this post, so if you were offended, you can cross that line out and insert ” palm tree” or ” the universe” or whatever it is you call God.
Listen, I am available by consultation to help anyone through this transition into a happy existence. You dont need to spend thousands of dollars on doctors to get this done. I am trained in social work and have helped thousands of people over a hump in their life.

You got this, now go do it! Contact me for phone or skype consultation, at tjpetri@ yahoo.com-

DREAM KILLERS! Some People Want You To Fail…

DREAM KILLERS! Some People Want You To Fail...

Do you have any dream killers in your life? People who constantly try and sabotage your success? They LOVE to see you fail? They are insecure and you need to cut all ties.

Are you the one sabotaging your own success? People do it every day. You get close to success, and you blow it up before you taste victory. That can be caused by several things, but one common cause is the ” I don’t deserve success ” complex. Usually brought on by being made to feel overly guilty about some things in your life, that you won’t forgive yourself for. It is time to turn the page, brush the dust off and press ahead to the next goal.

Contact me for help! tjpetri@yahoo.com

Having Problems with a Child? Need Help for an Adult? Contact Me Now! — tjpetri@yahoo.com

NEED HELP NOW?

If you or a person you know is facing challenges in the areas of behavior, mental health or associated issues, it is important that you finish reading this!

I help people who do not know where to get help. Here are just a few of the problems I help solve;

1   Behavior problems with children / adults

2-  Depression in children / adults

3-  Do I need a doctor? What kind?

4-” I think my son has bi-polar!”

5- What is the DSM-V ?

6- Do I need medicine for this?

7- How do I know when my child is depressed?

8–My kids are “out of control!”

9- My family member saw  a television talk show and is convinced they have _______________ disorder!

10- I am afraid to tell anyone  about our problem because it will ruin our reputation…

Do NOT spend thousands of dollars on several different methods of treatment before you even know where to look! You would not go to a Ford dealer if you wanted a Chevy, would you ? It is the same idea. There are many very qualified and effective psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists and other providers for you or children you have. You cannot know which to choose until you know what kind you need. I have spent a good part of the past 24 years helping people find appropriate care for their individual situations.I provide assessments that point to what your true need is,  and help you  locate the right resource for the need. Don’t spend years ” doctor hopping ”  while you or your loved one suffers.

Contact me for immediate assistance at  tjpetri@yahoo.com    I CAN HELP!

26 Seconds….Dropout. Every hour 120 teenagers drop out of high school in America. Our big little secret and what we are not addressing.

26 Seconds....Dropout. Every hour 120 teenagers drop out of high school in America. Our big little secret and what we are not addressing.

It is time to break the news. Not all high school kids are going to Harvard. Many wont make it past the 9th grade. They quit. The options are few for those kids, the chances of a meaningful life decreases enormously. So what are we doing about it? Nothing. I am aware of ” special programs” and alternative schools, those are not the answer but simply a band aide for those who simply cannot perform certain functions required to graduate. Many hit the streets looking for a life out there, and become less than model citizens. Perhaps it is time to quit trying to push a square peg through a circular hole, and deal with this. I submit that at least 10-15% of all high school students drop out, and the link I supplied will support that.
Has it occurred to anyone that these same kids who drop out because they are not able to grasp Algebra, may be gifted in other areas such as trades, arts and many other career options? Most will never realize their gift or skills, because the emphasis is on what they cannot do, not what they can do. We need more school to work initiatives and options for those at risk for dropping out. I see them pop up every once in a while, but it seems this is a silent topic, with few alternatives for teens at risk. Every school should have an option for switching gears from traditional curriculum, to a trade curriculum, that will graduate them prepared to work.

Opponents contest that all kids need the basic curriculum to ” get by ” in life. Really? What a joke. Lets start placing teens in areas of study that they are actually capable of accomplishing and quit this cookie cutter education plan. It is NOT working. Since I have been typing this post, 120 teenagers are now on the streets. They cannot get into trade schools without a G.E.D and obviously cannot meet the current requirements to graduate. This leaves grim options and futures for those kids.

I have worked with teens who could do the body work on my car on an expert level, but since they cannot understand and explain what an algebraic equation is, they are forced into the abyss of the streets and crime to survive. It is time to get real, and get these kids attached to the skills they are able to perform, and make a living at. Who ever uses Algebra anyway? Nobody I know. This is clearly a problem that only being addressed by “tweaking” standards or ” sliding” teens through the system without any skills. My take after 20+ years working with these populations, is that we need to un-bury our heads on this and set teens up for success. Might even empty some jail cells and save millions of taxpayer dollars, but then someone would have to do the math on that! Nobody likes math…

http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=16

The RTBASE Model for working with children and adults…

www.dontlabelmykid.com offers training on what we call RTBASE. It is a specific model used for 25 years to effectively teach people who really have no interest in learning. It is a formula of common ingredients that MUST be used in the order they are in. The results for teachers, therapists, all providers have been very successful for those who implement this model in their schools, behavioral centers, and any other setting. It is tried and proven, and is an available training which can be taught via telephone conference, Skype, in person or a myriad of other ways. For information on using our RTBASE model, contact us at tjpetri@yahoo.com and we will respond promptly.

 

INSECURE BOSS SYNDROME…..

I was shocked at the very idea of discontinuing a project I had successfully implemented. How dare you take this away from the clients it has served so well! This was my mindset many years ago, as a manager for a very large program serving people with very severe developmental disabilities. After all, I had just created and implemented a project that the clients enjoyed immensely, and that the many employees I supervised were ecstatic about. Why would my director order me to shut it down?

The first time something like this happened to me, I was just irritated, but did not think too much about it. As the years passed, however I noticed a trend, a pattern, a consistent roadblock to my success. I first looked inward, and evaluated everything I had done to see if maybe I made an error in my decision to implement these things to begin with. I questioned my professional skills, my educational background, my thought process and anything else you can think of.

Why were my superiors killing every good idea I had? Maybe it was my cologne. I wondered if I said something that may have offended them. I even had thoughts that maybe I just did not get it and I should look into another profession. I struggled with this problem during my first 10 years or so in the field, and was so frustrated I was ready to quit. It was not fair, it did not make any sense, and it was too often to be just a coincidence. Something that I could not put my finger on was going on, and I was not picking it up.

Then, one day I was talking with another group about a project they were doing, and I accepted the offer they made. I was excited but cautious, as I now had this stigma attached to me, unaware what it was all along, until that day…

That day when I sat down with my superior, and discussed my plans for the organization. I carefully explained what I thought should be done, all the while monitoring the body language and expressions of the boss. I finished my presentation and was ready for another pruning, another problem to come up. Nothing. I was practically asking for some negative feedback, as i had become accustomed to it at this point and at this level. My new boss smiled and said ” sounds great ! ” I could not accept that, it was too easy and it does not work this way in my experience. No power moves, no head games or anything. I tested this suspect new boss of mine and said something like ” Ok, I will take over from here then ” to see if the waves were as calm as they seemed. The answer I got back was amazing, it went something like this..” Sounds good! One more area I do not have to worry about! Just make me look good.”  It was a casual kind of statement, with laughter that I had not seen before. I heard my new boss make one last comment as we closed our meeting.  ” A good manager has nothing on their desk but a pen! ”

I quietly shut the door as I walked away to process this comment. I was given a green light! I was relieving an Executive of some major burdens and she did not question me at all. Weirdo, she must just do this on the first meeting, I am sure the hammer will come down at some point. The days and months passed by as I did my thing, and no static from the boss. As a matter of fact, the credit was given to me, when the praise came for success. That is what you call a secure boss”.

I had such insecure bosses in the years I started out, that I did not realize why they were blocking my efforts, criticizing my successes and picking my brain all the time. It all makes sense looking back, they were insecure and I was a threat. My intentions did not matter, my hard work was even less important, and my victories were cast in a dark shadow by the very one who had hired me to do this! Hard life lesson and professional lesson but worth writing about. I call in Insecure Boss Syndrome. If it becomes a future DSM member, I want the credit!

At any rate, if you are having the same problem, make a move. get out and get up. It is a terrible thing to waste all of your efforts to assist a certain population of needy people, only to have someone tear it down as you build it. Whatever you do, whatever profession, you have valuable skills that are worthy of being recognized. If you did not you would not be reading this. If you can relate, you may have a problem that will not remove itself. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and move out, to move up. Somebody will appreciate your skill set and dedication. Keep looking.

 

Formula for Success with Your Teens!

Here is a model that I came up with many years ago after working on the front lines with teenagers with every kind of issue you can think of. This is not a  ” magical ” formula that will instantly remove any problems, but I have seen it produce a 50% increase in positive behavior, or progress toward a set goal, in just a few weeks of implementation. This is the foundation, but each topic MUST be applied in the order that you see on here. The key to developing success when working with difficult populations may be surprising, but it has proven itself over and over for many years I have used it. If you confuse the order, you will likely not see progress. The actual training on this is fairly comprehensive, but as a starting point, here is the formula I call RTBASE ( Rightbase).

R- Respect

T- Trust

B- Boundaries

A- Application

S- Support

E- Evaluation

These are the components I have found must be in place to see true change and long term results. If you use the formula in any other order, you will likely see no change. There is teaching to be done on each component and how to develop each, but for now I am sharing a base or a foundation for a certain mindset to get into when having trouble teaching or addressing teens with problem behavior. See if you use any/all of these when YOU are working with or counseling others! You may be surprised!

DLMK

 

Are You Who You Want To Be? Why Not?

Are You Who You Want To Be? Why Not?

The tongue has the power of life and death. Our beliefs about ourselves also are critical to where we end up. Whatever fear is stopping you from getting from where you are, to where you want to be needs to be faced head on, in order to get to the next level.

We decide what we will be, not others. Most times, the faster you rise up, press through and make progress toward your goal, you will get resistance from peers or even family. If you are going to take the fast track to success, be prepared to ignore those that do not like the idea of you moving forward as they stay in limbo. It is part of the refining process to become an independent person who is not looking to others to validate you or your goals. Can you do this? Share any experiences you have had in this area….

 

Autism- Can you relate? Lets address it, not change the subject..

Over the years I have worked with many Autistic children, and adults. The spectrum is a wide one, and I have noticed that not many people really know how to handle a person with this challenge. Parents are crying out for help, teachers are writing them up for behavioral problems, and caregivers in general seem to be ready to throw their hands up in the air and give up on effectively working with this population. It may be do to the fear of the unknown, or should I say the fear of the misunderstood? Either way, the bottom line is that it requires extensive and comprehensive education and understanding to appropriately address people with Autism.

Recently I was in contact with someone who is “in the know” on this topic. If you have a loved one with Autism or know someone who does, this is a must follow through post. We change the topic, we throw out our own ideas, teachers get angry, parents are frustrated, clinicians are limited in what they can do. This leaves a giant hole for frustration and lack of valid care and treatment for those with this challenge. I am sharing the website of someone who has a proven track record of educating people who work with and have loved ones in this very specific area that we desperately need support in. Tom is an expert in this area, and I suggest you check him out and see what amazing things he is doing to further the quality of care for the Autistic.

www.tomcaffrey.com

Check him out, and share this information with your friends who are at the end of their rope, not sure how to handle what they are facing. Not many times can you access this level of expertise on this topic, so check it out!

 

DLMK

Executive Depression

Executive Depression

The Outside…Things look good on the surface. Is everything good inside? Today it is estimated that out of 50% of people who suffer from the criteria to meet a diagnoses of Major Depressive disorder, only 20% seek treatment. Is this due to a stigma attached to mental health issues? What would you say if someone in your circle revealed that they suffered from a mental health disorder? More importantly what you think? Many people try and ” fake it til they make it ” when it comes to these issues but it does not work. Stay tuned for more information on “Depression in the Workplace” at                                                                                          www.dontlabelmykid.com    (Shhhhhhhhhh! )

See the greatest hero to children ever. Its not any sports figure. 20 seconds long.

We are very quick to dub athletes, the wealthy, and many others as ” Heros”. Check out a real hero.

 

http://americanmilitarynews.com/2013/11/video-man-find-surrounded-people-saved-children-nazi-camps/

 

Thinking about giving up on your dream? Failed much? Not seeing any progress? Read this before you quit!

                                                                                Just When I Wanted to Quit…

 

It takes extraordinary people to reap extraordinary harvests in life. Achieving success does not come easy, perhaps the most successful people I know have had the most failure of any one I know . Here is one of my favorite athletes giving his take on success and failure.

” I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. i have lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed. I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I cannot accept not trying. ”  Michael Jordan

We cannot operate on the idea that many people do, the idea that all the successful people got “lucky” in life, or that the world owes us something and we are tired of waiting on it. The world owes us nothing. Pressing on during dark times, not operating in what it  ” looks ” like in our circumstances and what goes on around us. Not everyone is willing to do the work that it takes to be successful. Not everyone is willing to suffer the hardship it requires to reach and achieve the goals you have. Ben Franklin once said ” The harder I work, the luckier I get “. There comes a time in all of our lives when we are fed up. Done trying and burned out. This is the critical moment that will determine the future, as we all have to decide to press on in pain and darkness when no hope is in sight, or just quit and let the world have it’s way with us, being tossed back and forth by the waves of society, living an emotional roller coaster. Listening to what Oprah is saying instead of doing what we are dying to do. Paying attention to the unstable ways out in this world, or grounding yourself in your dream.

Perseverance————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Perseverance- function: noun

14th century- 

Definition: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering

(Miriam-Webster, Inc.)

” The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people “-   Randy Pausch

” Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up “- Thomas A. Edison

Perseverance is not getting knocked down 19 times, it is getting up on the 20th. We often have the idea that the people who are successful in or eyes have not suffered, have not been broke, hungry, hopeless, helpless, depressed, angry, frustrated, scared, worried, tired, drained. We think we are the only ones who suffer from these trials. No, it is not the case. If we want success we will encounter these obstacles. Never fool yourself into thinking that there is a short road to success. Persevere! 

 

Perspective-

It is critical that we are viewing things from a proper perspective. One time when my children were all young, I was experiencing very intense financial hardship. I was broke, and I had gotten so focused on my finances that I did not pay much attention to my children as much as I had. One day I was driving around, and heard an interview on the radio. The guest on the phone was a man who had just recently won around 10 million dollars in some kind of clearinghouse. The radio personalities were celebrating, cheering him, they had background sound effects of whistles and bells, but the man did not seem to be as excited as they were. As they waded through an interview with him, it came out that this man had recently lost his 8 year old son to cancer. The radio people fumbled to find words, and then one announcer consoled the man, expressing his empathy about his loss. He followed that with this statement.    ” I know you would give the 10 million back to have your son back, and am so sorry to hear this “….there was a short pause and the man, barely able to utter words, emotionally and tearfully said these words- ” Have him back? (crying)..I would give that 10 million dollars back just to have a chance to say goodbye “. These words changed my perspective in one minute. I turned around and went home, to hug my healthy children, and my perspective was reset. Have a proper perspective!

 

Start thinking as you desire to be. Say words that encourage your dream to happen. Speak things like ” I am looking forward to doing the book. I am looking forward to my promotion, I am excited about the new doors opening for me. I can do this!” The most important lesson so far I have learned in life regarding this topic, is this; If you can learn to be content in any circumstance, in any situation whether happy or sad, rich or poor, you can do anything. Stop thinking that the dream you have is going to give you contentment. Contentment is a learned trait. You learn to be content, no matter what is going on, you choose to stay positive through dark times!

Resistance-

There will always be haters. It seems the closer we get to success, the more haters appear. They are the ones that gave up at the brick wall you pushed through. They feel uncomfortable with you moving up and out, while they will remain status quo. It is easier for them to tear you down then to push you forward. Believe in yourself when nobody else does. View resistance as a step closer to success, nobody takes time to tear down someone who has agreed to stay in misery! They will try to pull you back down to that place because it would be lonely without you. They know they have given up, but you have not, and there may be resistance even from family or friends. When you achieve success, you will clearly remember those who believed in you all the way up. Those people, are called friends.

Those are some real ways to prepare yourself for success. You need to see yourself in the position you want to be in. Call things that are not as though they are. Picture you doing what you are striving for. Dwell on it. Never be intimidated and never be ashamed. I was about 25 years old, and was a speaker to several hundred people on the topic of training trainers for at -risk youth. I was about to get up and go to the podium, when it happened. The voices whispering in my ear ” You cannot do this” ” You have never spoken to this many at once” ” You will be nervous” . Now just to clear the record, they were not real voices! LOL! They were the whispers of doubt coming to me because I was doing something for the first time. I was slightly slowed, but trying to pull it together, when my friend seated next to me at the table pulled my arm back to him gently, as I was about to walk away to speak. He sensed the nerves. He leaned over , whispering in my ear as all of the people looked on. They could not hear what was being said, but I sure did and it gave me a new perspective on things. He said casually, and with a smile to me ” Hey man, act like you have done this before!” It may not seem like a powerful inspirational statement to you, but it was what I needed that day. I looked out at the audience, and the thought came that I was up there for a reason! I was right where I should have been, when I should have been there.

I am right where I should be today, because I did not stop at the brick wall to give up. You have a brick wall to face too. Press through it and leave the others behind. After all, thats the only way you will stand out, is by finishing strong, breaking cycles of negativity and learning contentment right now. You are right where you should be, for such a time as this! Never give up.

DLMK