Don’t You Dare. Unless You Been There. Just Dont…

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Don’t you dare tell somebody suffering from the disease of addiction that they need to “snap out of it” or think about their family- unless you been there. Do you understand that no addict has ever asked or wanted or desired to be in addict? Has it ever occurred to you that addicts at some point in their life  usually go through periods where they feel like they might as well take their life because they’re causing more pain then good?

Don’t you dare talk to the clinically -major depressed person and tell them that we all go through sad times and they need to fight through it and buck up- and just work their way through it. Have you ever been so physically- emotionally- mentally paralyzed you wanted to move and do things but you couldn’t even get your socks on and think straight and find any reason why you should even wake up the next morning? Have you ever had your children ask you how come you can’t work right now? How come you’re not working like everybody else and they think it’s because you’re lazy when they have no idea that you haven’t slept more than 30 minutes in a month?

Don’t you dare tell somebody they need to pray more and obey God and that’s why they’re having problems in their life when you don’t have any idea how much time they put into prayer and bible study or whatever to seek God in their life -probably more than you ever will even think about doing.

Dont you dare point your finger at someone who has lost everything because of a disease that put them in the hospital for years of surgeries and even had their own spouses walk out on them because they got sick due to no cause of their own. Have you ever felt so depleted that you feel like everything you try to do is 10x harder in life- then had the people who supposedly love you point their finger at you about the hardship you have caused- over and over? Then Dont.

Dont you dare coach someone on how to get re-established in the workforce and income when you have no idea that your 2 hours a day spent sending out resumes is a damn joke compared to the all night sessions for months with no sleep putting together resumes and sending out proposals – networking and doing 10x more than you to find work?

Just Dont.

Dont you dare take advantage of someone elses misfortune by exploiting them or pressing them for that 100$ they owe you- unless you have been through the same misfortune. If you are a parent dont you ever use your spouses situations to manipulate your kids into thinking that you just dont care. You are an evil person who will not go unpunished.

Had a few rough days? Maybe a funeral for a family member got you down? Dont you dare walk around claiming you have Bipolar Disorder because a few mood swings have come your way. Believe me – you dont want to know what that is really like. Unless you have sufferred to the extent and length of time of the other- keep it zipped.

Dont you dare question the PTSD symptoms of someone who has lived through more in a year than you have in your life. Why are the vets who come home totally disabled and suicidal condsidered heroes but you tell your loved one to ” buck up” and move forward?  Have you grown up in an alcoholic, abusive, violent environment and gone on to live through a family members suicide, full blown addiction, major depression that 20 different medications didnt touch, been struck down with a disease that put you in the hospital for 6-7 surgeries over 4 years that caused you to have to tell your kids they cant live in their house anymore? Then Dont.

I have lived through all of those things and let me tell you it sucks to have especially the ones you love and thought loved you bail out and mock your situation- compare you to others who have never been through any of it. Oh, and the above is only a shortlist- a partial listing of the things some of us have lived through. I dont ever talk about the REAL serious stuff- lest someone suggest I am looking for pity. I dont want anyones pity.

But I am not afraid to give an occasional reality check to those who need it.

Its really something to spend the first 20 years in your career working for peanuts but choosing a profession that is designed to help others. Making yourself available 24/7 for anyone who is suicidal or just needs help and then fast forward to a period in your own life when you walk through even darker and longer times than those you helped- yet those who even know this have the stones to criticize you.

If you are one of those people- here is a word of advice-

-STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE-

If you feel the need to address the issues in someone elses life that you are not familiar with-

Shut up and help.

Peace

tj

This Just In! Kid Behaving Nicely! It Still Happens!

Still Some Good Stock Around…

 

Click the link above. It will renew your faith in parents who still raise their kids right.

 

 

What A Shocker! Made Up Mental Health Diagnoses Booming In Florida! Someone Is Reading My Blog! Lol

Set Your Own Limits- Check Out This Slide Slow!

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6363033405004750848

This Is An Example Of Why Don’t Label My Kid! Was Formed.

So we’ve got a 7 year old 4 ft 60 lb child rolling on the floor with the teacher and now the child will be labeled with some psychiatric tag for life and medicated. That’s what Florida’s Baker Act does.

7 years old, cuffed and stuffed!

https://acenewsservices.wordpress.com/2018/01/29/miami-fla-mpd-report-police-have-arrested-a-7-year-old-boy-on-thursday-accused-of-hitting-his-teacher-after-he-had-his-food-taken-from-him-was-handcuffed-hospitalised-under-the-florida-men/

This Is How Things Should Be..Have A Child With A Disability? Look At This.

Many times we don’t even understand how much we label people with a disability. Sometimes it’s by looking the other way when we walk past , then sometimes it’s by striking up another conversation so nobody brings it up , or  sometimes even avoiding disabled people all together.

In treatment centers and facilities all across the world people that are able and willing and ready and excited to do things are laying in the bed somewhere  hiding out from the rest of the world because of their disability,  not by their choice but because they’ve been labeled and stamped.  That’s how they’re going to have to  live their lives unless somebody intervenes.

Here’s an example of what is possible. Not only is it possible it’s very likely that you could find a group of people like this that could run a restaurant or another type of store in any type of a workshop or facility where they help people with disabilities. But many times owners of businesses do not want them around because of the way that they act or the way that they walk even.

This story illustrates  the term ” normalization” – which occurs when mainstream society focus on the strengths that the disabled have, and use them in place of their weaknesses. We all have strengths and weaknesses,  the only difference between us and them is they wear theirs on their sleeve.

What’s true of every human being is we tend to  rise up to the expectations or lower ourselves to the expectations of the environment around us.

For example  if you’re screaming and yelling at your children on the way to the library usually by the time you get to that library door you make good and sure that nobody is  screaming when you walk in the library , because they dont  tolerate it.

It’s the same for  people with  disabilities. They rise to the  highest level they can and when put in the right environment  and whatever they cannot accomplish another can make up, but you’ll never know unless you raise that bar of expectations.

Click the link below to witness an incredible sight.

://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6355447346989400064

Tj

Don’t Label My Kid! – In The News!

dr john

When Dr John DeGarmo contacted me about possibly contributing a piece for his upcoming December Blog Posting, I was without words. It’s not often you get an invitation from the guru of your trade to actually share your expertise. With more accolades and accomplishments in the Foster Care field than anyone I have known, I was caught off guard to say the least. I can honestly say that Dr. John and his wife are the only couple I know of who have had more foster kids live with them than I.

I have had 45! To be asked to give my opinion on an issue that is constantly under scrutiny by state and federal regulators was very satisfying and meant a lot to me.

I am glad to share both a proud moment of his – him and his wife being recognized by none other than Good Morning America and a very proud moment for myself, being honored as the guest poster on his incredible blog. First watch the clip below of GMA rightfully recognizing Dr. John’s work, and then please take a moment to read my first published post on his website. I am looking forward to working with Dr. Degarmo on future endeavors to keep the voice of children in need of parents alive..

TJ

Good Morning America Recognizes The DeGarmos!

http://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/blog/guest-blog-normalization-for-kids-in-care-by-tj-petri

Visit Dr DeGarmos Site-  http://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/

Shop his store for a variety of his books, training materials, and look into his many webinars. He is also available for Foster Parent Coaching, and a myriad of consultative needs as well as conference leader/ keynote speaker at your next conference or gathering, The DeGarmos are trailblazers and their message needs to be heard!

 

Dont Pass This By Too Quickly If You Are On Anti-Depressants..And Please Dont Shoot The Messenger, But You Are Being Played…

Sometimes in life we miss the most obvious things,  even when they right in our face. The old saying ” you are so close to the foresst you cannot see the trees”  is true in many aspects of life and many of them have a direct effect on you and I.

Take the Catholic church and their well organized pedophilia racket. It’s so out in the open that the Catholic church even has a website to share with the public how big of an issue it is. Last time I checked in on their Bishops Accountability site they unashamedly posted just under 30k priests currently involved in a molestation accusation. Let me say that number again. 30 thousand priests ( and those are the ones the church is willing to talk about) So imagine what the true numbers might look like. From the Vatican down they are openly and proudly trying to make it illegal for police to know about any molestation allegations against priests!

One New York Bishop recently proposed to the New York Times that the age of consensual sex for priests and their little play toys and alter boys should be…..brace yourself…age 7.

He is asking that as long as the kid they molested is seven or older, its consensual sex. Im not making this up. No shame in their game at all. Not even hiding it. Yet how many devout Catholics will still be attending mass this Saturday or Sunday with their children. Im a parent folks, and if that is you let me just ask this ..

What Are You Thinking?”

But this post is not about pedoohiles, it is about something that is also being used as a tool to hurt people for personal gain. Im talking about the big drug companies who make anti-depressants. Folks let me ask that if you have not yet read my home page called ” Mental Health Is Driving Me Crazy” please stop here take 5 to read it as it is the entire foundation for this topic.

Now the article I’m sharing with you is just one of thousands from doctors all over the world. They are trying to clue the public in that they are likely being duped, when it comes to anti-depressants and what their true effectiveness ( or lack of) is.

Just like the pedopriest problem, this information is public and available to everyone, yet nobody seems to be paying attention. The doctors are not giving their ” opinions ” on drugs. They are stating statistical facts that the drug makers themselves are not even hiding. Its identical to the situation in the Catholuc church . Nobody is hiding the sin or wrong doing. We the public follow along each other like sheep being led to the slaughter. Never looking up to see what is going around us.

If you did not know this,  sheep are some of the dumbest animals in the world. If sheep are following in a line and the first one marches off the edge of a 200 foot cliff, guess what the others do? They follow it right off the cliff to their death!

We are no better folks. Its really time for us to start paying attention to things like these. Just like the sheep, gullible people walk off cliffs to their death, but it may be meds not the steep cliff that kills us.

Before you read this article I just want to point out again like I usually do that mental health is real,  depression is real and there’s no question about that. Many doctors like the one in this article will give you different avenues to deal with depression that don’t have to do with medication.

There are many many alternatives and I’m not saying that all medications are bad,  so hear me. I’m saying that in many cases they’re not only bad but harmful  and they could cause suicidal thoughts. There is full admittance by the manufacturers,  there’s no denying or even attempt to deny it.

I bet every single person that reads this post know somebody if not yourself that’s been on or is taking an antidepressant right now because antidepressants are going to be the second leading drug soon in the whole world prescribe so if that applies to you or a friend or family member share this with them or reblogged this so people can see what is going on.

It’s time that we start paying attention to what’s going around in the world around us. See what this doctor suggests you do if it applies to you or a loved one..

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/550098

We All Have Labels. Some Self-Diagnosed And Some Given To Us. The Question Is Which Are Valid? This Should Help You Decide..

Even as I write this post I think of my youthful years, and how very important it was to be approved by others in what I said, did, even how I dressed. Amazing the effort I put in, but looking back, I did not get much in return. I may be the only one who did that….hahahaha! I suspect we all at some time have done this. As a matter of fact, I think we still do it as adults.

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Of course there are codes of dress and hygiene and speech that sort of go without saying, literally. I am referring to the other stuff. The fact that adults panic before going into a big meeting, or giving a big presentation. Those of us who get nervous when trying to express how we feel about something, fearful we might offend someone. Why?

More than not,  believe it has to do with insecurity and the absence of confidence in ourselves. It causes people panic attacks, difficulty speaking, awkward body language, and a myriad of other problems. I think we would all agree that we each have areas that make us a bit more anxious than usual. That in and of itself is just part of who we are, however when it becomes burdensome, it needs to be addressed. I know some may be thinking they have a “disorder” and they cannot help it. In some cases, it could be a real medical issue, but in many it is an issue that can be traced back to someone or something. Rather than try to explain why we do what we do, I will give 2 examples of how this can happen.

1- The “ham bone” story;

A young woman and her mother are preparing the Easter ham and as the mother cuts the bone off of the ham, the daughter asks ” why do you cut the bone off?” A little taken back, the mother responds calmly with ” well honey, that is just how we do it”. As they continue on, the mother quietly picks up the phone and calls her mother, and asks her why they cut the bone off of the ham, as the young daughter listens eagerly. Mother hangs up the phone a minute later when the daughter asks what the response was. Mother says ” Oh darling, she says we have always done it this way” so they start on the green beans. Finally the young daughter says “Mom, lets call great granny and ask her!”…reluctantly mom agrees and calls her great-grandmother and asks the same question. She hangs up the phone, waits for the question from her daughter which is already coming, and says this; ” Your great great grandmother said she does not know what we are doing it for, she just did it because back 50 years ago they did not have a pan big enough to hold the bone!”

2- When I was an administrator at a school for teenagers who had been expelled from public school, I ran across one 17-year-old who was extremely loud, threatening and violent. When I pulled him into my office and calmly asked him why he acted like that, he quickly named off a few ” anger disorders” he had been diagnosed with. Hmm, I thought…he has been sold a bill of goods that he has no control over his anger. So I did the smart, rational thing and gave him the keys to my truck. I asked him to go wait in the truck until I got there in a minute, and we would talk more as I ran a few errands. Of course he looked at me like I was nuts, but it was a moment of truth and I had to take it. A few minutes later we went to a large department store, a library, and a fast food chain. He followed quietly behind me, careful to adjust his behavior according to the setting we were in. (hint, hint).

When we arrived back at the school, I asked him one question – ” Hey, just curious why you did not knock out the check out guy at the store, or yell at anyone in the library, or even cuss a few times when someone bumped into you at the burger joint?”

He looked up, looked around, silent for a minute, then threw this at me; “Mr P., I cannot do that in those places, I will get in trouble!” About a minute later a smile came across his face, and he said ” so this school is like one of those places, right?” I smiled and said “Exactly”.

He was an honor student who rose to the top of the promotion program faster than any other student. He was able to realize that labels are not always correct. He controlled his anger, it was just his choice where he did it!

I learned very much about labeling and the harmful effects it can have on the average kid who has been repeatedly told they have this or that problem. They begin to believe it and act it out. By the way, this is a certain group, not everyone. I am aware that medical issues do actually interfere with behavior sometimes! Hope you learned as much as I did about why we do what we do!

 

PTSD- How It Effects Soldiers As Bad Or Worse As Civilians…And A Great Story To See It In Movie Form.

By now everyone has heard of PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Although a long time back it was a term reserved for the diagnosis of very severe patients who had been exposed to some extraordinary events. These days 6 years old get the diagnosis when a spanking they got has been labeled abuse and therefore they suffer from PTSD.

Today I watched a movie with Samuel Jackson and a few others that were all in combat together in Iraq. Unlike the war movies I have seen, this was one of the best mental health sides of the truth that I ever have seen. In this flick, it does not end when the 4 who were from the same area leave for home. It does not end until you see how each one chooses to handle their PTSD here at home, in the real world. If  you are a coach or counselor of any type you need to watch this movie.

I think it will change even the most seasoned therapists, as this movie is so absolutely transparent in each of the people’s lives it brings life in you a whole new meaning to what PTSD is really all about.

 

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Home Of The Brave

If have any trouble getting on through the first link, I have posted a second to Tubitv ( 100% free to watch it there)

https://tubitv.com/movies/389507/home_of_the_brave

https://tubitv.com/home

 

 

Get Me Out Of My PTSD!

 

You Can Do Anything , As Long As You Use Your Head!

Put your hands together , this  really deserves a round of  appawse!  

Have Any Of These Thoughts Run Through Your Mind?

Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

  • Life is not worth it
  • I hate myself
  • I have screwed things up too much to be fixed now.
  • Nobody likes me/ I have no real friends
  • Everyone else is doing well but me
  • I wonder if anyone would even miss me
  • Addiction sucks and I will always be stuck into this hell.
  • What would be the best way to kill myself, gun? Jump off a bridge?
  • I am so depressed, it’s never going to get better.
  • What would God do or say to me if I did off myself?
  • Nobody understands the pain I am in, I cannot explain it.
  • Why does all the bad stuff happen to me?
  • Where is God?
  • Nobody in my family loves me anymore anyways.
  • I am useless. Worthless.
  • I have no purpose in my life
  • I am not good at anything.
  • I wonder if a lot of people would come to my funeral.
  • I cannot go on its too painful
  • I wish I could talk to someone, but I am scared they might judge me

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These are a partial list of questions that have run through my own mind in the past which prompted me to reach out for help, in several areas. Even with all my education and experience, I still suffered through the same pain and hopelessness that many others do.

The difference in me now, and then is I did have someone who like me had been through the same stuff, and was a professional in the field as well. He was able to lead me to the right resources to get the right help with nobody knowing until I wanted them to know.

Folks, that’s what I am here for today. I am choosing to spend the rest of my career helping people and entire families get through some big hurdles. I can help you its 100% confidential, and I promise  will save you thousands of dollars in fancy offices with lots of suits walking around. If you are having any of those thoughts or similar,like I used to, then get in touch with me email tim@dontlabelmykid.com or if its urgent call my cell 386-675-7549.

Don’t forget your friends and family who might need help if you don’t. Please share this with your readers if you don’t mind so I can get the word out that death is not the answer. Suicide is not the solution, and addiction does not have to own them.

Again- Please take a minute to share this with your people as I cannot reach but my only group.

Peace & Hope

TJ

How To Parent Like A Boss- But Not Act Like One…

I spent about a third of my career living with and working with some of the most severely troubled kids as far as behaviors go. My task was to turn the behavior around so these kids could actually function in public settings. Not to just ” get by ” but to excel.

I was able to do so at a very high rate of success no matter what the family situation, or the life circumstances, as long as the kid could understand what  we were trying to accomplish. As long as they could function independently. For those with borderline IQ and developmental issues, I accomplished the same results but with a different system.

For now anyway I will share about how I worked with just your average kid. I’m going to lay out some tips for you to take control of your home and in such a way that everybody feels like they won..

I’ve written quite a bit on tips for parenting and different ideas. However I’ve not gone into a lot of detail on specific plans simply because I’m not sure that I will have an interactive audience and that people will appreciate what I’m going to lay out. So I’m going to try this today and see what the response is like – if you feel that it’s helping you and you’d like to hear the rest of the story ( which is not going to happen in one post) please let me know through your comments that you would like to hear the rest. This is something that took me over a decade to learn by experience and it’s not something I can lay out in one post but I can give you a great idea of how to change what you’re currently doing enough that it will make a difference in your life, in a short series.

I’m going to go ahead and call this an in-depth series on parenting and if it goes well we will  make it an ongoing series with the intent for you to ask questions and I answer questions according to your specific need and situation.  If I feel that it’s not drawing enough interest I will change it from in-depth-series to a drowned one. That is totally up to you.

The information I’m going to share with you will include information that I was paid by the state to train parents on, to train entire school districts of teachers on,  to work in home with families on,  as well as my five years as a living foster parent to around 35 teenagers.  I also have 4 kids of my own ages 6-22.

I’m going to start by naming a few basic fundamentals that must be in place before anything will be successful.

1- As a parent yelling and screaming at your child is about the worst thing you can do no matter what the circumstance.

body language

 

2-Your interactions with your child on a daily basis should include at least 10 positive comments to every 1 negative or criticizing statement. ( Yes it’s possible) The reason for this is simple; negative reinforcement ( yelling or putting one down NEVER changes behavior patterns for more than a minute, and hour, a day if your lucky. If you want real change, you need to identify what it is specifically you want to see happen from your child, tell them, and then wait. Keep waiting. Wait until you  ” catch them ” doing what you wanted. Now its high praise time. You don’t need to buy them an xbox or anything, just some verbal praise reminding them of what they did so well. Keep training your brain to catch them doing what they are supposed to , and keep reminding them that you noticed and giving them an age appropriate token of appreciation. For example a 7-year-old might like a hug. A 15-year-old might like a comment like,  ” you are really impressing me, keep this up and maybe we can talk about that ( enter whatever thing they have been bugging you about getting) soon!

3- Without specific skills and expectations for your child it’s impossible to succeed because there is no mutual understanding. Don’t assume your child can read your mind. Always incorporate the skills I will teach you into your daily dialogue with you child. I am going to provide you with a bunch of social skills to incorporate into your home. These should become common to hear in your daily conversations. There are dozens we can add but start slow with the major ones.

4- Do away with terms like ” be good ”  or ” don’t be bad” . Your idea of good maybe totally different then your child thinks of good as. Train yourself to start Identifying​ specifically what you expect . For example instead of  ” Jimmy , you be good while we are gone ” , say ” Jimmy please don’t forget to finish math, make your bed, and follow instructions of the sitter.”

5- Never, ever say  ” because I said so, that‘s why “- because – well just dont.

On of the major problems parents have is not keeping things realistic. Especially in issuing consequences. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a parent say to their 10-year-old something like this – ” you keep on screwing up like this boy and you can forget about summer baseball league.

WHAT? This just in…10 year old kids have an attention span of a few minutes. You think they can connect on that kind of consequence when they are still thinking if they will get ice cream for dinner? Keep it real, and age appropriate. By the way, if the kid does comprehend that baseball might be out, whats the point of trying at anything now? Now you lost him for good.

The trick to all these pieces is to weave them into a motivation system that you design for your child that is permanent – a system that you both know backwards a forward and leaves 100% of the outcome up to the child. It’s all their choice. In a well-developed system, there is no power struggle, no yelling, at all. Simple, because the options are laid out beforehand clearly for the child. If she wants to earn x, she does this. If she does not care to follow any instructions she issues herself a consequence. No shocking angry threats, just a simple choice for the child, and they no what the outcome will be whether they do the right thing or not.

I have already gone further then I intended to without even knowing if people want and need what I have to say. Maybe you have parenting all figured out. You may not need me. However if you don’t fall into that group and like the rest of us you have struggled before, then I need you to make it known. Tell me through your comments what your area of need is and if you will benefit from this type teaching. Let me know that you will be involved in this series or not. I will not continue if nobody is willing to share that they need help.

Skills for today to start incorporating into your home.

1-Following instructions

A- look at the person

B-say ok.

C- complete the task 

4-check back when finished
2-Accepting No

A-look at the person 

B-say ok

( No eye rolling, body language or mumbling)

Problem
Solving

Teach your child to use the SODAS method when they cannot  make up their minds on an issue. Role  play with them on this method so when  nobody is around to discuss a problem with your child has a way to make the right choices.

S-situation

O-optiins

D-disadvantage

A-advantage

S-solution



If you need more specific and personalized information then what you see in the series, that is when you contact me for a personalized plan of care. 

 I have never turned anyone away for not being able to pay some sky-high fee. I will gladly help you put a system in place that is perfect for your family.

Contact me at tim@dontlabelmykid.com to set up a virtual appointment and discuss a personalized plan of care for your situation.

For now – lets see if you all need what I have to offer. Please make yourself known.

tj

 

 

Identity Crisis- For Reals..Pops.

Sometimes there are no words..only visuals can truly explain an issue of concern…

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wp-1495473459075. He’s down wit’ da truth, for reals.

I am seeing more of this everywhere I go. It matters not what the race and color, its interchangeable.

 

Gather ‘Round Folks! Mike Carey At His Best…

Mike’s Corner-

(This is a red letter post)

DID YOU KNOW? 

That water can be energized with just your mind.  It can also be purified at a distance.  Even more interesting is that a Japanese scientist ran experiments that proved that emotions can be carried by water.  He impressed emotions on the water by speaking to it.  Then he froze the water and took pictures of the crystalline content.  If the emotion was a positive one, it created a perfectly symmetrical shaped crystal.  Each crystal was different, depending upon the emotion.  Negative emotions only showed a confused and disarrayed structure.

Since the human body is made up of mostly water, consider the impact that you are having on a person´s health by the emotions you express.

Yeah – just that little tidbit…deep breath- and hold….deep breath – and hold..

Its true too! Only from the secret files of Mike Carey! LOL

 

( Late edit- I forgot to mention where you can reach Mike for help with your own personal health issues. silverwood08@gmail.com and his website is www.alternativesolutions4health.com)