At the end of the day it’s never the hurtful words of my enemies that get to me. At the end of the day it’s the silence of my friends that hurts the most.
At the end of the day it’s never the hurtful words of my enemies that get to me. At the end of the day it’s the silence of my friends that hurts the most.
Don’t you dare tell somebody suffering from the disease of addiction that they need to “snap out of it” or think about their family- unless you been there. Do you understand that no addict has ever asked or wanted or desired to be in addict? Has it ever occurred to you that addicts at some point in their life usually go through periods where they feel like they might as well take their life because they’re causing more pain then good?
Don’t you dare talk to the clinically -major depressed person and tell them that we all go through sad times and they need to fight through it and buck up- and just work their way through it. Have you ever been so physically- emotionally- mentally paralyzed you wanted to move and do things but you couldn’t even get your socks on and think straight and find any reason why you should even wake up the next morning? Have you ever had your children ask you how come you can’t work right now? How come you’re not working like everybody else and they think it’s because you’re lazy when they have no idea that you haven’t slept more than 30 minutes in a month?
Don’t you dare tell somebody they need to pray more and obey God and that’s why they’re having problems in their life when you don’t have any idea how much time they put into prayer and bible study or whatever to seek God in their life -probably more than you ever will even think about doing.
Dont you dare point your finger at someone who has lost everything because of a disease that put them in the hospital for years of surgeries and even had their own spouses walk out on them because they got sick due to no cause of their own. Have you ever felt so depleted that you feel like everything you try to do is 10x harder in life- then had the people who supposedly love you point their finger at you about the hardship you have caused- over and over? Then Dont.
Dont you dare coach someone on how to get re-established in the workforce and income when you have no idea that your 2 hours a day spent sending out resumes is a damn joke compared to the all night sessions for months with no sleep putting together resumes and sending out proposals – networking and doing 10x more than you to find work?
Dont you dare take advantage of someone elses misfortune by exploiting them or pressing them for that 100$ they owe you- unless you have been through the same misfortune. If you are a parent dont you ever use your spouses situations to manipulate your kids into thinking that you just dont care. You are an evil person who will not go unpunished.
Had a few rough days? Maybe a funeral for a family member got you down? Dont you dare walk around claiming you have Bipolar Disorder because a few mood swings have come your way. Believe me – you dont want to know what that is really like. Unless you have sufferred to the extent and length of time of the other- keep it zipped.
Dont you dare question the PTSD symptoms of someone who has lived through more in a year than you have in your life. Why are the vets who come home totally disabled and suicidal condsidered heroes but you tell your loved one to ” buck up” and move forward? Have you grown up in an alcoholic, abusive, violent environment and gone on to live through a family members suicide, full blown addiction, major depression that 20 different medications didnt touch, been struck down with a disease that put you in the hospital for 6-7 surgeries over 4 years that caused you to have to tell your kids they cant live in their house anymore? Then Dont.
I have lived through all of those things and let me tell you it sucks to have especially the ones you love and thought loved you bail out and mock your situation- compare you to others who have never been through any of it. Oh, and the above is only a shortlist- a partial listing of the things some of us have lived through. I dont ever talk about the REAL serious stuff- lest someone suggest I am looking for pity. I dont want anyones pity.
But I am not afraid to give an occasional reality check to those who need it.
Its really something to spend the first 20 years in your career working for peanuts but choosing a profession that is designed to help others. Making yourself available 24/7 for anyone who is suicidal or just needs help and then fast forward to a period in your own life when you walk through even darker and longer times than those you helped- yet those who even know this have the stones to criticize you.
If you are one of those people- here is a word of advice-
-STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE-
If you are or have ever suffered from an addiction and fought the disease until you felt like you would never win, you understand that you were not the only one affected. As a matter of fact the impact on loved ones is traumatic. It destroys relationships and hurts everyone involved. But addiction is a disease, so should that fact play into it? Would you be angry at your family member if they had cancer or diabetes and it took a toll on the whole family?
This is a question that goes into the minds of every family and every addict. It’s a very difficult question to answer, but there are some absolutes either way.
First there are no addicts that don’t regret the pain they caused. There are no addicts that don’t wish they could take all the pain and suffering that they’ve caused and make it go away. Some may vocalize it and verbalize it in different ways and others may not even talk to other people about it but that’s the truth.
Next, there are no families of addicts who don’t have some resentment towards their loved one for the pain that they’ve suffered. No matter whose fault or whether it is a disease or not, it does not make the pain any easier to bear.
So how should the addict feel about that pain that they’ve caused others while fighting the disease they have? And what can they do about it if anything? They need to do something and here’s why;
Addiction unlike other diseases often has behaviors associated with it that drastically and dramatically affect family members and loved ones.
Like stealing, lying, cheating, even physically harming others. These are some behaviors that do not often occur with other diseases like cancer or many others. Two things must be in place in order for this to work. First there must be a genuine desire on behalf of the addict to help heal those that they harmed. Second there has to be a willingness on behalf of the hurt people to forgive and to genuinely forgive. If those two components don’t exist there is no possibility for a new start for that family.
In groups like AA and NA ( which I am not a big fan of) there is a step to ” make amends” with those you have hurt. However saying your sorry is rarely enough. There needs to be a mutual willingness to work together to heal a sa family. This can occur through therapy effectively. It can also help tremendously if the family of the addict comes to terms with the fact that nobody wants to be an addict. They must also come to terms with the fact that addiction has been scientifically proven to be a disease. A great resource for families to understand the details of this is the Recovery Research Institute.
I encourage all families to study this site and become educated on addiction before deciding how to address the addict in your family. It is the leading tool for cutting edge information on the disease of addiction.
So does the addict have an out, because it is a disease? Is this what I am implying? No I am not at all. I am saying however that it is a two-sided street to recovery for the family affected by addiction. If you are a family that relies on guilt, shame, embarrassment, or similar tactics, you are likely driving your loved one closer to suicide than being able to quit their addiction.
Any addict would do anything possible to avoid and eliminate pain they have caused their loved ones. But they must be given the opportunity to help in the healing process. You, as a family must engage and become familiar in what to do, how to talk to your addicted loved one, and what boundaries to draw and what ones not to.
Even is an addict gets clean, if there is nothing but resentment and anger from their family then no healing is possible.
During the course of serious addiction there may be good cause to remove the addict from the house due to any threats of harm to the family or other issues. That may have to be part of the process. That does not mean there won’t be a day that you all can be reunited. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
Addiction is a cruel and dirty rotten disease. It takes no prisoners and steps on anyone in it’s path. It can literally break hearts without even trying. It is straight from the pit of hell in my opinion and it hurts way too many people today. The sadder news is that the success rate of addiction treatment centers ion the USA is around 10%. Yep – you read right, 10%.
It takes alot of work and effort for the addict to get well because we do not serve them very well. And groups like AA tend to reinforce to the addict that they are powerless to do anything about their addiction. That is why they also enjoy a 10% success rate. I will note that faith based rehabs and treatment centers do actually have rates of success as high as 80% but not all are willing to allow God into their recovery.
I am not telling you to feel sorry for the addict and ignore their destructive behavior patterns. I am telling you that they want out as much as you want them out. So treat them like the diseased person they are. I cannot tell you how harmful to the recovery of an addict when they have no family support. I have sat in groups both as a patient long ago and as a professional for 20 years and listened to addicts cry about how their family has given up on them. You know what? Most of them give up on themselves too.
So although this is a brief post when it comes to addiction, I think its worth leaving it right here because this is such a critical part of helping an addict to het through recovery. Family support. When you go to the Recovery Research Institutes website you will find all kinds of resources like what language to use when talking to an addict, and many other valuable tools that can expedite recovery,
Remember, nobody – not one person on this earth wants to be an addict.
This is likely one of the saddest cases of a baby dying that I’ve seen. This documentary tells the true story of a young mother who accidentally left her baby in her car seat for six hours while at work.
A tragic accident and horrible experience for these young parents only to be made much worse by being charged with will fully doing it and bring charged as a criminal for this incident.
One of the first things that came to my mind after seeing this, is how many times in my life, and probably yours too that I have been driving somewhere and for a few minutes I just felt like I had been unaware of all that was around me and how far I had driven with this ” blank period” of time that I seemed to have missed while either focusing on something else or just in the course of my usual routine gotten so used to going the same route that I didn’t realize that I had already driven so far.
At any rate, it’s tragic and I hope and pray the couple gets back on and has more children. I cannot imagine the hell they have been through. Let it serve as a reminder to us all that this could have been any of us.
Watch Stop All the Clocks on Tubi TV: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tubitv&referrer=utm_campaign%3Dandroid-sharing-amazon-giveaway%26utm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dandroid-social%26utm_content%3D24997513
Once in awhile, I see something like this my complaint hole goes empty. If this guy can do that, what is holding me back from my dreams? And you? It’s guys like these that reset my mind about how rough I have it sometimes..
I have always been fascinated with finding out why people believe the things they do. Working as a behaviorist only made that desire to know stronger because I got to learn so much about why we do and say and believe the things we do. It amazes me even still 20 years later how a sa society we just ” assume ‘ that whatever we hear or see on television or in the paper is gospel truth. How far from the truth that really is. Actually we likely are being played most of the time we read or see something in the media, which is known as ” spin”.
However here now I am talking about things we personally have adopted as truth. For example if you have followed me for any time and read my home page about mental health and the DSM with all of its ” disorders” you know that even though that book all the doctors use to diagnose us with disorders and medicate us is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Health disorders, there is not 1 single statistic in it!
Every single ” disorder” in there was made up by a group of doctors who get together every 4-5 years and just make new ones up, then take a vote to see if it should be added or not the DSM. Its 100% theory. Not a scientific fact for any mental health disorder in there. Now that you know that, how might you feelings change when you take little Jimmy to the psychiatrist and the doctor says he has ” intermittent explosive disorder” and “anti-social personality disorder”- and writes him for an anti-psychotic drug? It happens by the thousands each day. How many parents do you think question the whole thing, or bring up the fact that they are all blind guesses anyhow? Not too many. They do not know. Unless someone like me ( who they like none too much) puts it out there for the public to see the average person just assumes that if a doctor said it is real, it must be.
Actually just the other day this older lady approached me and asked ” Do you think Bi-polar can go away? ”
I looked at her shakng my head and said ” I dont know ma’am , Im not even sure when it got here”.
I am not focusing on mental health now though. Take almost anything we do , habits or whatever, they came from somewhere. I tell the story of a young bride who was cooking up Easter dinner with her mom one year. The mom took a big knife and cut the end of the ham bone clean off. So the daughter says, ” why did you do that”? Mom looks at her funny and says ” Oh I don’t know honey that is just how we have always cooked our ham and it’s always good” ! So a few minutes later the mom cannot shake that question so she picks up the phone and calls her mom. She asks her mom why they cut the ham bone off the ham before cooking it. The grandmother says ” Oh honey how do I know it must have been part of a recipe or something”. Now both the daughter and mother are even more curious, so they decided to call the great-grandmother and ask her. They get her on the line and ask her too, ” Granny why is it for 60 years we cut the ham bone off the ham each year at Easter before cooking it?”
The great granny pauses and says ” Honey I don’t know why y’all are cutting the bone. We cut the bone because our pan was too small to hold it.
A few years ago I was approached by a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses outside of a grocery store. As dedicated as ever, they politely asked if they could share their message with me. I said sure and let them go through what they had been trained to say over at the kingdom hall. When they got near the grand finale they reminded me that the bible actually says in Revelations that only 144,000 people will be going to heaven. Next they offered me a spot, if I became a Jehovah’s Witness. So I looked at them and said, ” can you tell me what year the Jehovah’s Witness religion was founded? They glanced at each other than took a quick peek at their notes. The first guy said ” yes sir, around 1850″. I said ” Ok, but let me ask you, did all the millions and millions of people who were long gone before 1850 go to hell? Not a one was a JW.”
They had not got the training on that one so they quickly mounted the shiny bikes and headed for an easier target. The point is these guys were sincerely trying to do good and make a difference but had no clue as to why they were saying what they were saying.
This happens in our lives each day and we all fall for it at some point in our lives. When is it time we do our own research and homework? Maybe our way of thinking is kind of like the ham bone story. Or maybe we are 100% set in our beliefs on something that we truly only believe because grandpa told us.
Sometimes the issues are harmless like the ham bone, and it’s really not a big deal if we are a little off . On the other hand , some of what we profess may have consequences here on earth, or worse yet eternally. I highly recommend knowing why you believe what you believe When it’s all said and done, there are some things we will not be able to blame on granny or grandpa when we should have done the research as adults. Some things we should be very sure we know that we know that we know we have the truth. What are those things in your life?
The Cycle Needs To Be Broken By Someone….How about you? Whether You are the ” Hurter ” or the ” Hurtee ” It Is Time To Quit.
Loved People Love People- Hurt People Hurt People.
My issue on this lady is how could she be such a cold and angry person to let her bride suffer for 5 months. If she was any good she would have come clean to her wife the first night. Not watch her bride knowlingly suffer that long. Cold hearted woman. Im surprised she didnt end up being served with divorce papers by now.
Have you ever met someone who just had a special talent for absolutely tearing people apart with their mouth? The vitriol spewed out like the lava from a volcano, just hot and hurtful as they could be?
You will remember them many years after because the wounds from those attacks don’t heal real quickly. The verbal exchanges almost always include a piece of very personal information that you willingly shared with them and now they are using your own trust against you by bringing it back up.
There are two reasons people get that mad, in that fashion and are oblivious and apathetic towards others, and here they are.
1- They have been very hurt themselves ..
2 – They have been very hurt themselves..
Why People Are So Mean
“Hurt people hurt people, and loved people love people.”- unknown
This is so true and applies to just about every situation involving the words we say. It would not matter so much if words themselves were not so powerful.
I can think of 5-6 scripture verses off the top of my head about the power our tongue has. We are not warned that wrong words may cause a little irritation, or make someone frown. Nope.
We are told in no uncertain terms that this is life and death. The ability to completely destroy another’s self-confidence and break their will down..words are dangerous and you can see by the image in this post what God has to say about those who don’t control their tongues. The outlook is not too bright.
I was a hideous killer of people’s hearts when I was a teen. I remember saying things to people when I was angry and noticed the effect my comments were having on others. I was more shocked and confused then anything, after all this was common dinner table talk with my dad around. It meant absolutely nothing to me and i considered others weak. It was not until I was in my 20’s that I believe God showed me the big picture. I think He had mercy on me because up until then these unbelievable words I was spewing out meant nothing to me.
The important part is that as a result of my learning the truth about how my words got where they were, I had to pass by the places and things that I had so much built up anger about and start acknowledging them so I could work through my own healing. Otherwise not much would change. Remember the saying ” Hurt people Hurt people and loved people love people” If we remain in a state of a hurt heart, our words are not likely to change. That is where the grace of God and His healing of memories comes in.
Hopefully statements like the one above wont be so common out of our mouths anymore. Whether you are the hurt one spewing out comments that tear people up inside, or you have been on the receiving end of the negativity, take action. Pray for the person who is hurting you but don’t put yourself in front of them too much until things change. If its unavoidable such as a spouse, then its time to come clean whichever side you are on and make some changes.
Are you a hurt person or a loved person? You measure that by your fruit. The words that come from your lips.