Tomorrow Is Not Promised…Say It Today.

Moms are not replaceable…they rarely get the love the give out so freely.

screenshot_20180513-1552161924496462.png

If you must take someone for granted in this life make sure it is not your mother. Mom, the one who believed in you when most had given up. The only person who walks toward you when you find yourself in a dirty mess while the rest fade into the darkness.

The picture here is of my mom and I this Christmas at a dinner. Pretty common right? Not in this case. One week before this picture was taken, my mom suffered a heart attack and had emergency heart surgery. I did not know if I would even see her on this earth again, never mind having a Christmas meal out with her after that

Today Is The Day.

Today, not tomorrow, tell your mom how much you love her and appreciate all the times she stood by you in the dark times and still managed to tell you convincingly that you would make it and that you will succeed. 

After all, you may not have that opportunity tomorrow…

Tj

 

I Was So – “Not Surprised” By This That I Forgot To Post It When It Aired!

Huge Bombshell Rocks Catholic Church!

 

 

For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. Ecclesiastes 12:14 

 

 

Well- Not really but I suppose to some who had been living with head buried under rock,  it may have been a bit shocking. To me, it was long overdue and just the tip of the iceberg. I still felt a little hoarse in my voice from years of proclaiming this very thing to anyone I could.

This truly was a wake-up call for me in another way, however.  I watched the Pennsylvania official list hundreds of priests busted and thousands of victims identified in just one area of the state. I remember watching it and not even shaking my head in surprise or flinching as he read of the most hideous, perverted, disgusting tools the worlds largest organized pedophile racket used to keep their system working.

Some of the examples were several pedo-priests ordering kids to stand naked in the shape of the cross, because Jesus did. They snapped pics and God only knows did what with them. Another example of the intimidation used was after children were sexually abused they were ordered to go to confession! This way they could bear the guilt and shame of the deviants.  Continue reading “I Was So – “Not Surprised” By This That I Forgot To Post It When It Aired!”

Addiction – 2018 – Watch This For New Hope Of Recovery For You Or Your Loved One…Don’t Miss This.

Hope For Addicts

There is no better way to get any hope of recovery from Addiction than to see that others have made it. If you are in any way connected to Addiction, watch this and restore your hope.

Wow. Just Wow. A New Low For Humanity. You Just Have To Read This.

If you cannot read this it has been removed from Facebook.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=145455469645188&id=100025422081280

Priests Can Even Kill And Get Away With It! Not Just Rape..

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/01/31/priest-killed-woman-who-came-for-confession-and-got-away-with-it-for-decades/

Redditch parents mourn third child’s heart death – BBC News – Parenting 2018

Just when we thought our role as parents was getting unbearable, we are given a strong dose of reality.. I’d like to see someone take the initiative and create a WordPress support for this family. It doesn’t need to cost money, but if anyone would like to coordinate a mass letter drive to send our prayers and support contact me tim@dontlabelmykid.com.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-42675124

Tj

Why We Believe What We Do? You Sure About That? I Bet Not…

I have always been fascinated with finding out why people believe the things they do. Working as a behaviorist only made that desire to know stronger because I got to learn so much about why we do and say and believe the things we do. It amazes me even still 20 years later how a sa society we just ” assume ‘ that whatever we hear or see on television or in the paper is gospel truth. How far from the truth that really is. Actually we likely are being played most of the time we read or see something in the media, which is known as ” spin”.

However here now I am talking about things we personally have adopted as truth. For example if you have followed me for any time and read my home page about mental health and the DSM with all of its ” disorders”  you know  that even though that book all the doctors use to diagnose us with disorders and medicate us is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Health disorders, there is not 1 single statistic in it!

cropped-dsm-cash-cow3.jpg

Every single ” disorder” in there was made up by a group of doctors who get together every 4-5 years and just make new ones up, then take a vote to see if it should be added or not the DSM. Its 100% theory. Not a scientific fact for any mental health disorder in there. Now that you know that, how might you feelings change when you take little Jimmy to the psychiatrist and the doctor says he has ” intermittent explosive disorder” and “anti-social personality disorder”- and writes him for an anti-psychotic drug? It happens by the thousands each day. How many parents do you think question the whole thing, or bring up the fact that they are all blind guesses anyhow? Not too many. They do not know. Unless someone like me ( who they like none too much) puts it out there for the public to see the average person just assumes that if a doctor said it is real, it must be.

Actually just the other day this older lady approached me and asked ” Do you think Bi-polar can go away? ” 

I looked at her shakng my head and said ” I dont know ma’am , Im not even sure when it got here”.

I am not focusing on mental health now though. Take almost anything we do , habits or whatever, they came from somewhere. I tell the story of a young bride who was cooking up Easter dinner with her mom one year. The mom took a big knife and cut the end of the ham bone clean off. So the daughter says, ” why did you do that”? Mom looks at her funny and says ” Oh I don’t know honey that is just how we have always cooked our ham and it’s always good” ! So a few minutes later the mom cannot shake that question so she picks up the phone and calls her mom. She asks her mom why they cut the ham bone off the ham before cooking it. The grandmother says ” Oh honey how do I know it must have been part of a recipe or something”. Now both the daughter and mother are even more curious, so they decided to call the great-grandmother and ask her. They get her on the line and ask her too, ” Granny why is it for 60 years we cut the ham bone off the ham each year at Easter before cooking it?”

The great granny pauses and says ” Honey I don’t know why y’all are cutting the bone. We cut the bone because our pan was too small to hold it.

jehovah witness

A few years ago I was approached by a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses outside of a grocery store. As dedicated as ever, they politely asked if they could share their message with me. I said sure and let them go through what they had been trained to say over at the kingdom hall. When they got near the grand finale they reminded me that the bible actually says in Revelations that only 144,000 people will be going to heaven. Next they offered me a spot, if I became a Jehovah’s Witness. So I looked at them and said, ” can you tell me what year the Jehovah’s Witness religion was founded? They glanced at each other than took a quick peek at their notes. The first guy said ” yes sir, around 1850″. I said ” Ok, but let me ask you, did all the millions and millions of people who were long gone before 1850 go to hell? Not a one was a JW.”

They had not got the training on that one so they quickly mounted the shiny bikes and headed for an easier target. The point is these guys were sincerely trying to do good and make a difference but had no clue as to why they were saying what they were saying.

This happens in our lives each day and we all fall for it at some point in our lives. When is it time we do our own research and homework? Maybe our way of thinking is kind of like the ham bone story. Or maybe we are 100% set in our beliefs on something that we truly only believe because grandpa told us.

Sometimes the issues are harmless like the ham bone, and it’s really not a big deal if we are a little off . On the other hand , some of what we profess may have consequences here on earth, or worse yet eternally. I highly recommend knowing why you believe what you believe When it’s all said and done, there are some things we will not be able to blame on granny or grandpa when we should have done the research as adults.  Some things we should be very sure we know that we know that we know we have the truth. What are those things in your life?

TJ

To All Those Who Are Grasping For Hope..Barely Hanging On, Listen This Song From One Of My Favorites- Jeremy Camp…

Here Is Some Hope- Click For Videoimg_2535-1

 

TJ

 

 

What Role Do Grandparents Play In The Raising Of A Child? Guest Post!

Guest Post by Jane Sandwood-

 

The Essential Role of Grandparents and Child’s Upbringing

Anthropologist Margaret Mead once stated that the connection between family generations is essential for strong mental health and stability of a nation. In today’s culture of multi-carer and single-parent homes, having involved grandparents will go a long way to help fill in the void for children. According to research from the Generations United Organization, studies claim that children living with their grandparents have greater benefits in mental health, socialization, financial stability, and overall health than the general population.  If you ask any adult to recall a fond memory from their childhood, chances are most of them will include their grandparents. For children, this special bond with their grandparent gives them comfort and strength that sticks with them far into adulthood.

Guidance in Parenting


Grandparents are the backbone and support of the entire family. In fact, about 7.8 million children in the United States alone live in households supported by grandparents. When both parents work full-time jobs, the grandparents are usually the ones who devote their time and energy towards the care of their grandchildren.

Benefits the Entire Family

According to research from Boston College, studies found that emotionally close ties between grandparents and adult grandchildren reduce symptoms of depression in both groups. Children who have a strong bond with their grandparents reveal to have a sense of emotional closeness and social support. A strong relationship will effectively model a healthy relationship and reduce the negative effects of their surroundings.

Source of Wisdom

As the elders, grandparents are the most experienced in raising children. However, most parents are unwilling to ask for help when they need it the most. Parents must look to grandparents in helping decide on major decisions and investments for their children and the entire family.

Child’s Playmates

Grandparents tend to have more patience and time on their hands, which allows them to become the child’s playmates. In many families, grandparents often watch their grandchildren when parents work or visit during the weekends. This allows parents to have someone they can rely on to talk about parenting and trust to watch their children when necessary.

There is no doubt that grandparents play a strong role in the mental health and upbringing of their grandchildren. The wealth of knowledge grandparents possess and the experiences they share cannot be found anywhere else. It is through them that children instill traditions, gain additional support and create values within the family.

img_2447-1

 

 

Here Is How One Veteran Got A “Thanks For Your Service” Token Of Appreciation- On Camera…Caution- Mature Viewers

Sometimes are too hard to believe, too ugly to imagine. So you just forget that thought. In this case a few nurses listen as a Vet begs for help, and cannot stop laughing. All caught on tape…sad

 

When Nurses Think Watching A Vet Die Is Funny

 

img_2543-1

 

 

Can Anyone Tell Me Where The ” Hope” Comes In With My Mental Health & Addiction World?

The times we look out a window and wonder what it is that all those people have in their lives that gives them the audacity to smile. Who said its fair that I have to avoid most people simply because I don’t have what it takes to return a smile or answer a question like ” how are you “.

I don’t even know how I will open my mouth at lunch to take a bite of a sandwich, that is if I eat today. 
It all seems kind of rude honestly. It seems like a sick pathetic joke that I have to fight myself just to get dressed and out the door to work while everyone else seems to be chirping away like birds in the spring. All the while I’ll bet I’m the only one who has to waste time on a shrink that does me no good. 

What a moron I am. Seriously . I’m at a crossroads these days about the whole  ” god ” thing as well. I feel on the brink of just pronouncing a “no god” allowed in my life statement out of  my anger, or maybe do like many are doing and turn atheist

The other day I was so angry at God that I played every song on Ac/Dc’s Hells Bells album 5x and played “Sympathy For The Devil” by Jagger and them like half dozen times. Maybe if God was real He could feel a little pain for once.

But that’s when my friend told me that he had the same feelings as I did months ago, and started meetimg with this cool new spiritual enlightenment group of people my age. They decide what “god” they will actually become! How awesome is that?


He told me that lots of people were trying to get in the group but he could get me in. He told me not to pay attention to the naysayers..they were just jealous.

When I told my shrink about my new found friends he starting asking me if I was hearing any voices or anything . Wow, this guy thought I made it all up! What a loser! I’m pouring my heart out and smiling for the first time in a year and he has to be the dream killer. 

Just a month later the group moved away but didn’t tell me. I’m so depressed . I’m not sure I have any reason to go on. I’ve no girlfriend, no family., no real friends, and all I want to do is go get high . 

I went down by the prairie path which is a little trail inbetween hundreds of acres of orange groves. That’s where you get whatever drug you need down here. The dealers basically set up shop in the middle and no cops can see them, hear.them or find them . Just too many ways out. I scored some zanny bars, a bag or two of H, and a few oxy 80s…

Then, I Bounced back home to a nice empty house to chillax..

I figured once I was good and ragged out all the pieces would come together for me. So I stayed high for 3-4 days or so. Noboby knew, my parents were on an anniversary trip and hell I’m 19 anyway. I can roll with whoever I please.


About a week later I felt the shake of a strong hand, and when I looked up from the floor I was passed out on, I saw my dad looking down at me with tears rolling down his face. He saw my needles other junk and smelled me since I hadn’t showered. I was ready for it all. The old ” get outta my house ” screams , and the belittling that I saw on television all the time between parents and their children.

But it never came. Just some amazing grace As a matter of fact, my father looked into my eyes and never took his eyes off  mine. He began to weep and put his arms around me. He asked me if there is anything he could do for me or get right now. I knew my father was a strong Christian and we never had any major fall outs before, but I didn’t expect this when he caught me using drugs in his house. I did not expect absolute 100% unconditional love and mercy. But I learned later on that its that very save unconditional live that should be drawing people to their heavenly Father.its the key that unlocks our desire to obey.

We embraced for several minutes without saying a word and soon my father said to go pack a bag. “I want to take you somewhere.”

 A little while later and we were off driving away in his jeep, I had no idea where we were going to go, but as we begin to drive, he began to explain to me. Where  you are, headed. he said ”  i’ve never had the problems that you have right now ” and dont know what it feels like.

But whatever you need and wherever we have to go, I’ll be by your side, I’ll never leave you from the beginning of this journey until it’s over. Hours later we ended up at a log cabin way up in the mountains that his buddy owned and let him use for the weekend. 

We spent some time there just him and talking about life about how we felt about God,  about problems and how today’s world is a very difficult. But again even though he let me vent about how I felt and how my problems felt so big-  he didn’t pretend to understand them but he was desperately trying to find somebody who did.

He made a promise to me that day that he wasn’t going to leave my side during the entire ordeal as long as it took for me to feel better. He was going to find somebody with inside information on the process of mental health and addiction. A person that could minister to me better than anybody else.

we spent quite a bit of time in that cabin and he did find me somebody that I could relate to and we did work through many of the issues-  it did make me feel a whole lot better. Not cured , but much better . Not finished yet but I possessed something I had not in a long time..

Hope

All the learning I did those weeks with the help of a person who had been through it, I can truly say that it was just a few paragraphs spoken by dad to me at the end of our trip that have stuck with me and saved me from falling into deep depression again..

Dad said this;

Money comes and goes, jobs come and go. Health comes and goes , cars too. Even relationships , spouses come and go while on this earth. Look for peace and hope in those and you will live a rollar coaster life. 

But the Lord is the same yesterday , today and forever!

If you put all your security, trust and hope in Him, you will never do without peace.

And now in closing I.present you all with the entire point of this post.

What, oh what can we offer to those in distress as told above if we ourselves don’t have the peace of the Lord to share? Nothing eternal, nothing any bigger then the latest mind over matter seminar , correct? 

The answer to the title of this post is HOPE.. For without HOPE where does the strength to go on come from ? 


Tj

 





When Holidays…Are Not Holidays…Just Another Day My Way Folks…

Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.

You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.

Holidays in my family have never been  ” holidays”.  I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday.  As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.

For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.

As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.

What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.

To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused,  physically abused addicts,  pedophiles,  domestic violence victims,  violent offenders,  wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next,  but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.

All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day.  Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.

It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.

Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.

What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ”  work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying.   Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject.  But what should Tj do. I will tell you.

Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .

You are correct,  but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute,  this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?

So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers,  migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of  a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.

Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as  drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick

I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?

Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.

I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;

“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”

That was it! Can you say it, and mean it?

Tj

I Feel So Guilty When I Discipline My Kids…Oh Yeah? Here’s How They Feel About You Then..

Many parents think they are building some kind of special, double top secret bond with their kid by not disciplining them.

The truth is, the respect factor for the ” cool ” mom or dad who lets their kid get away with anything, is down the drain. Will they  quit using you ? Of course not . They don’t mind using you but never will they truly respect you. Kids are no different then us, they want and need boundaries too. If you wont give them that to help them grow into responsible people, then click below for you parental label..

Heres Your Sign..

If you don’t have a backbone when it comes to issuing a consequence, grow one.

 

How To Parent Like A Boss- But Not Act Like One…

I spent about a third of my career living with and working with some of the most severely troubled kids as far as behaviors go. My task was to turn the behavior around so these kids could actually function in public settings. Not to just ” get by ” but to excel.

I was able to do so at a very high rate of success no matter what the family situation, or the life circumstances, as long as the kid could understand what  we were trying to accomplish. As long as they could function independently. For those with borderline IQ and developmental issues, I accomplished the same results but with a different system.

For now anyway I will share about how I worked with just your average kid. I’m going to lay out some tips for you to take control of your home and in such a way that everybody feels like they won..

I’ve written quite a bit on tips for parenting and different ideas. However I’ve not gone into a lot of detail on specific plans simply because I’m not sure that I will have an interactive audience and that people will appreciate what I’m going to lay out. So I’m going to try this today and see what the response is like – if you feel that it’s helping you and you’d like to hear the rest of the story ( which is not going to happen in one post) please let me know through your comments that you would like to hear the rest. This is something that took me over a decade to learn by experience and it’s not something I can lay out in one post but I can give you a great idea of how to change what you’re currently doing enough that it will make a difference in your life, in a short series.

I’m going to go ahead and call this an in-depth series on parenting and if it goes well we will  make it an ongoing series with the intent for you to ask questions and I answer questions according to your specific need and situation.  If I feel that it’s not drawing enough interest I will change it from in-depth-series to a drowned one. That is totally up to you.

The information I’m going to share with you will include information that I was paid by the state to train parents on, to train entire school districts of teachers on,  to work in home with families on,  as well as my five years as a living foster parent to around 35 teenagers.  I also have 4 kids of my own ages 6-22.

I’m going to start by naming a few basic fundamentals that must be in place before anything will be successful.

1- As a parent yelling and screaming at your child is about the worst thing you can do no matter what the circumstance.

body language

 

2-Your interactions with your child on a daily basis should include at least 10 positive comments to every 1 negative or criticizing statement. ( Yes it’s possible) The reason for this is simple; negative reinforcement ( yelling or putting one down NEVER changes behavior patterns for more than a minute, and hour, a day if your lucky. If you want real change, you need to identify what it is specifically you want to see happen from your child, tell them, and then wait. Keep waiting. Wait until you  ” catch them ” doing what you wanted. Now its high praise time. You don’t need to buy them an xbox or anything, just some verbal praise reminding them of what they did so well. Keep training your brain to catch them doing what they are supposed to , and keep reminding them that you noticed and giving them an age appropriate token of appreciation. For example a 7-year-old might like a hug. A 15-year-old might like a comment like,  ” you are really impressing me, keep this up and maybe we can talk about that ( enter whatever thing they have been bugging you about getting) soon!

3- Without specific skills and expectations for your child it’s impossible to succeed because there is no mutual understanding. Don’t assume your child can read your mind. Always incorporate the skills I will teach you into your daily dialogue with you child. I am going to provide you with a bunch of social skills to incorporate into your home. These should become common to hear in your daily conversations. There are dozens we can add but start slow with the major ones.

4- Do away with terms like ” be good ”  or ” don’t be bad” . Your idea of good maybe totally different then your child thinks of good as. Train yourself to start Identifying​ specifically what you expect . For example instead of  ” Jimmy , you be good while we are gone ” , say ” Jimmy please don’t forget to finish math, make your bed, and follow instructions of the sitter.”

5- Never, ever say  ” because I said so, that‘s why “- because – well just dont.

On of the major problems parents have is not keeping things realistic. Especially in issuing consequences. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a parent say to their 10-year-old something like this – ” you keep on screwing up like this boy and you can forget about summer baseball league.

WHAT? This just in…10 year old kids have an attention span of a few minutes. You think they can connect on that kind of consequence when they are still thinking if they will get ice cream for dinner? Keep it real, and age appropriate. By the way, if the kid does comprehend that baseball might be out, whats the point of trying at anything now? Now you lost him for good.

The trick to all these pieces is to weave them into a motivation system that you design for your child that is permanent – a system that you both know backwards a forward and leaves 100% of the outcome up to the child. It’s all their choice. In a well-developed system, there is no power struggle, no yelling, at all. Simple, because the options are laid out beforehand clearly for the child. If she wants to earn x, she does this. If she does not care to follow any instructions she issues herself a consequence. No shocking angry threats, just a simple choice for the child, and they no what the outcome will be whether they do the right thing or not.

I have already gone further then I intended to without even knowing if people want and need what I have to say. Maybe you have parenting all figured out. You may not need me. However if you don’t fall into that group and like the rest of us you have struggled before, then I need you to make it known. Tell me through your comments what your area of need is and if you will benefit from this type teaching. Let me know that you will be involved in this series or not. I will not continue if nobody is willing to share that they need help.

Skills for today to start incorporating into your home.

1-Following instructions

A- look at the person

B-say ok.

C- complete the task 

4-check back when finished
2-Accepting No

A-look at the person 

B-say ok

( No eye rolling, body language or mumbling)

Problem
Solving

Teach your child to use the SODAS method when they cannot  make up their minds on an issue. Role  play with them on this method so when  nobody is around to discuss a problem with your child has a way to make the right choices.

S-situation

O-optiins

D-disadvantage

A-advantage

S-solution



If you need more specific and personalized information then what you see in the series, that is when you contact me for a personalized plan of care. 

 I have never turned anyone away for not being able to pay some sky-high fee. I will gladly help you put a system in place that is perfect for your family.

Contact me at tim@dontlabelmykid.com to set up a virtual appointment and discuss a personalized plan of care for your situation.

For now – lets see if you all need what I have to offer. Please make yourself known.

tj