Storms Of Life- The Hurt And Healing. Where Did God Go? How To Be A Rock In The Midst Of The Thing That Is Ripping Others Apart…

This world can be harsh. Our circumstances can attempt to break us down. Whether you are a Christian or not, I am wrting this to offer to you the only way to remain unshakeable from any of life’s flaming arrows. Will we not feel pain or sorrow and never cry if we do what this article tells you? We still feel the pain, and cry sometimes.

Its our core, our spirit that can remain steady and strong.

If you are a Christian wondering why you feel so vulnerable when things seem to fall apart or you are a straight up anti-God soldier who claims not to need God, this is for both of you. For the Christian, you can learn about why you may be weak in your faith when bad things happen. For the soldier, drop your weapon for a few minutes and see if you might see how this could work and hopefully give it a shot.

Whether we are talking about some tragic circumstances in our own families like unexpected death or loss of income or a number of possible issues, we all have felt at one time or another that God surely must be punishing us. Unbelievers sometimes use these circumstances to affirm their non-belief in God.

Recently we have had some large-scale disasters like the wildfires in California and hurricanes in Florida that forced over a million people out of their homes, not knowing what they may return to. On a personal note I have been through wildfires, dozens of hurricanes and other natural disasters. I lost my brother to suicide and my grandparents the next year. My family has seen a bunch of personal tragedies and natural ones like these storms and fires I referenced.

 

This year though was the first time I have ever evacuated.  When hurricane Irma took over the entire state of Florida, everywhere you turned you saw people crying or pleading with God to take the storm away. You know what? That’s okay. The problems arise when believers don’t get the requested answer in the time frame they have allowed God to wipe these things out. No question people are genuinely hurting, scared. helpless and sometimes hopeless when these things happen.

The question to believers in Christ, is which way are we going to trust now. In our own understanding or in God, period? Here is the mandate from God’s Word;

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,  lean not on thine own understanding. In all our ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths”. Proverbs 3: 5-6 ( KJV)

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Now, before anyone gets irritated by this order from God because it does not seem possible at certain times, let me introduce a missing ingredient in being able to trust.

Faith

How do we acquire that kind of strong faith though? It surely does not come from reciting ” I have faith” all day hoping faith will enter into you. Faith does not come by mind over matter or manipulating your self into a false sense of faith.

Once again if we refer back to our life manual, the Bible, we are told that there is but one way for genuine faith to arise in us. Faith that will sustain us through anything.

Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. ( KJV)

Wait just a minute you may say” I have read countless Christian books, I pray, I try to do all I can to please God, I even leave tracts for my waiter or waitress  I should have strong Faith!

Good for you for choosing Christian books over romance novels or inappropriate magazines. Those are wise choices but don’t for a minute they give you lasting faith. You see- God never changed the rules about how legitimate faith is gained, it’s still by His Word. Yep, that means no other Christian anything has the power to do that. Now do not mistake me as if I was saying we don’t need Christian magazines, books, videos and all because we do. They can encourage us, keep us focused in the right direction, even provide us with an emotional spiritual high for a day or two. They keep us in touch with other believers which is a recomendation the apostle Paul made.

However, don’t mistake emotions for faith. So why am I emphasizing the true way to get real faith? Because lack of real faith is the number one reason people stay in crisis mode when problems come, walk away from the faith or never get involved. Maybe they have never been told what we are talking about. Whatever the reason they are drifting and doubting is because they do not renew their minds daily with the Word of God, the Holy scriptures.

What is the difference between you fueling  up only on Christian books and movies which can produce an emotional charge or maybe a temporary ” Jesus high” ? It’s the difference between real faith and manufactured powerless temporary faith. Lets see what the Bible says about what the power its own words hold for those who stay in it and keep renewing their minds everyday from it.

The word says this about itself-

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow: it judges the thoughts and attitude of the heart”-  Hebrews 4: 12 ( NIV)

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I challenge you to find any Christian publication other than the Bible that makes that claim about its contents. You wont. Not even the most famous Christian authors would even consider comparing their words to the power of ” the Word”.

I dedicate so much time to the Word of God and its importance in the midst of crisis and storms in our lives because those who obey the order on how to get real faith are the ones who really remain unshaken regarding God no matter what is going on. One other thing to note, is that in the bible you will find that every true follower of God had to come to crossroads at some point in life where they surrendered their own will and plans and decided to put it all into trusting God. Take Job for example. An honest, faithful man who God clearly allowed to suffer in almost every way he could. Lost his fortune, his family, even his health.

Job was frustrated and not happy about his situation but he decided nothing was going to take his faith away. He made the decision right up front to operate not on feelings, but Faith. So after the storms in his life, his life was put back together by God even greater than it originally was. Now that is faith. In today’s mindset you will likely not find too many Job’s in your life. Most people just get mad, give up, curse God, denounce God or even take their own lives because they decided to play the role of God and decide how things would end up. What was so different about JOb? Was he a better person than we are? Maybe God gave Him some superpowers that we dont have? Nope.

Only one thing kept Job so trusting in God that even when his own wife said he should curse God and die, Job said ” Even though He slay me, I will praise Him”

There is another scripture that Christians need to keep in mind as well. Romans 8:28 says ” All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose”

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Job understood God was not going to just abandon him. That’s why the man who makes our little problems look insignificant was unshakable in his faith. That faith to keep on and even have total peace is only found one way. Reading the word of God often to renew your mind ( if you have not figured this out yet, the world we live in does everything it can to talk us out of our faith.)

The only protection from being affected by that is to renew your mind before you walk out the door and face the world that wants you to walk away from God. That is part of the armor God has given us to be unshakable when everything seems to be working directly against you and your family and faith. He will not force us to stay in His word though. We have free will. If you go to Barnes and Noble and choose to cozy up with a good Anton Lavey ( church of satan) book, that’s your call and of course so are the consequences. So our choices in crisis are critical.

If you have grown children or even younger children you surely have noticed that in their first few years of life they never question what you say or do. If you hand them a bottle, they don’t spin the top off to inspect what you’re giving them. It could be poison but their childlike faith does not even tempt them to go against you or question you about any major decisions. If told your young kids they need to hit the basement now because a tornado was coming through, its doubtful they would pull out a weather radio to challenge your statement. That describes childlike faith.

Guess what that Bible says about what kind of faith is pleasing to God? You got it- childlike faith. Just like your kids never questioned you as a child, we are to have the same attitude with our heavenly Father. Once again, you cannot order childlike faith online or talk yourself into it. Faith comes from where again? The Word. Period.

As adults as we find discipline to renew our minds in the Word and experience true trust in God no matter what is happening, your friends, family, kids are witness to that peace you have unlike so many. That is the opportunity to share your secret with them, and they will believe you because sometimes you are the only calm one around and they notice it. The mindset we get from reading the truth all the time and building real faith goes a little like this-

People come and go ( death, divorce). jobs come and go, health comes and goes, riches come and go, friends come and go, but God- He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That is what you will have etched in your soul as you stay in the Word. It leaves very little room for trusting in any of those listed things. But your realization that God will never leave or forsake you and is always the same will provide you with an entirely new kind of faith in any circumstance.

It doesnt matter if you are an atheist today or a lifelong Christian who even ushers in the church. The Word of God is available to both. One is no better then the other but by their trust in Christ. We all need a savior. Not one of us is righteouss enough to land in heaven except by the finished work of Christ at Calvary and by the blood He shed for anyone who accepts His forgiveness. Nobody has a one up one the other. If you are an atheist now, but tonite you choose to invite Christ into your heart and ask for forgiveness, assuming you get in the Word right away faithfully you could be alot better off then a Christian of 20 years who chooses to keep his Max Lucado reads up to date but not too much time in the Word.

That is why this article is for everyone. No matter what your past has been or where you have been. Its all able to be washed away with that blood of Christ for the asking.

You know when I began writing this article, I considered adding some pictures of the massive storms and fires that are happening. Then I got my head straight and realized I was about to give glory and even more attention to the things that are tearing people apart. Thankfully I realized that this is a hope centered piece, not a piece for lots of people to glorify the bad things that hit us.

Thats why the emphasis has been on the awesome opportunity to overcome this world and its attempts at defeating us. What we need is more instruction on how to overcome this world according to God. Thats victory. When you choose that route you will find that the things that used to wear and tear you down are now like flys on your shoulder that you can swat off and keep moving forward in God’s Word and plan for you and yours!

Listen to this womans confidence. I guarantee it did not come to her by never missing Oprah. 

Whatever your storm, whether tragedy in your family, fires in your woods, or crazy rain and winds over the entire state, they all get smaller and smaller as the Word grows bigger and bigger in you!

Test it and see. After all God said not a word of His will ever return void…

TJ

 

 

 

 

Mikes Corner- Lets See How Much You Understand About Your Water…You May Not Be Thirsty For Awhile.

How Is Your Water- No Really?

 

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Sexual Abuse On Kids & Its Relationship To Homosexuality, Transgender And Suicide….

Many people do not understand the significant connection between the act of sexual abuse and the lifestyles and choices that almost always follow the victim. 

As far as numbers go, I think people do believe them. Here is a common statistic-  80% of all those who commit sexual abuse on another have been abused, but not 80% of those who are abused actually abuse.

This is a true statement and very high percentage of abusers were abused, yet not many people comment or question it. So for whatever reason people don’t seem to either see or want to see the relationship between the child predator and the future of the abused. For the purpose of this post I am going to stay away from numbers , and simply explain in common sense terms why we have such a tremendous backlash from inappropriate sexual behavior. When a child or even preteen is taken advantage of sexually by a member of the same sex, they immediately have some additional baggage to carry and choices to make. When the child gets into his teens and his friends are hormonally drawn to girls, he may be unclear about that. Actually he may have some opposite feelings and be drawn to a man. Why? Simple. If you are 7 years old and some trusted male figure makes you feel like you have never heard about or dreamed about in a way you now know as being sexual, why would you look elsewhere?

So many times that’s where we see what people like to call experimenting or bi-curious. Many times they go with what they know, and that’s male on male. Now they are a  “homosexual”. 

Often times that will prove uncomfortable ( as it should ) and with the rise of gender reassignment we now have  another group  –  who being ” gay ” didnt work for. So they decided they must now be the sex which is opposite of what the physical evidence shows.

Now here are some facts . No matter which group a sexually abused kid ends up with,  the likihoid if suicide, drug activity and domestic violence is five fold of that of those in heterosexual relationships. The issue of not being sure about ones sexuality causes anger and anger leads to violence . These things lead to self medication and often, as in the case of my brother, suicide is the only way they see out of the pain.

Some, like he did -choose suicide as soon as they know something is wrong but can’t handle even thinking about the process of trying to figure it out. Some of the books I found in Danny’s room , along with the letters from the priest who actually molested him were entitled Search For Human Sexuality or books with  similar titles. . Very clear that he left very confused about how he should feel. 

The point is this; whether it be the horrendous pedophile rings in the Catholic church, or uncle Jonny who has been messing with us since we were little, there are no survivors who don’t at least have life interrupted, and for many its game over. 

For every vote you give to support the homosexual lifestyle , you are supporting the consequences if it.

Its time to quit acting.as if homosexual behavior is acceptable and start caring for victims. We have got to quit pretending one is a bigot if they stand up for truth while these kids being mass raped in church each day. 

Tj

It’s Not Always Right To Write! Although I Could Be Wrong…

 

I saw a commercial the other day with a guy who was playing a novelist. In the commercial he is at the old typewriter just staring into space with his hands ready to type away and nothing but a blank page. He just kept on and on gritting his teeth and waiting for something to come to him. He was not enjoying himself. I don’t know how people do that. Just decide its ” writing ” time and take a seat. To me that’s like stopping at the restroom at certain times, regardless if it was the right time..lol

I am aware that some of you may do this also, and I am here to help you through that. You see if you have to knock on creativity’s door – it  cannot be natural. Setting a time to write but not having a spring in your step to get going is missing out on something. If you are not experiencing a creative cerebral takeover that you cannot wait to put into words then check yourself. Maybe it just is not meant to happen.

We have all finished a post and as we are wrapping it up we take a quick scan and go  ” why did I even bother “. That’s why I have 200 drafts. Nowadays I don’t even bother unless something earlier struck me, or I have something fresh on board. Basically  ” If it ain’t tight, I don’t write “. It feels so much better when you have that feeling that what you are writing serves some purpose.

I know that I am not always right. I have my share of posts that I think will bring the WordPress CEO calling to tell me how much he loved it but in actuality the like section is quite lonely. That is okay because I enjoyed writing it and that sure beat trying to finish a post quickly because you just are not into it. I am not saying to decrease your writing or not post as much. I think I am trying to tell you not to settle. Make yourself dig deeper until that burst of energy to get writing is back.

 I say only write when it is right and write when its tight!

TJ

Dance Like Nobody Is Watching…

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Sometimes you just have to do whatever it is you do and not worry about what others are thinking. Sometimes you just have to be whoever it is you are and not worry about and not worry about what others are thinking. Sometimes you just have to go wherever it is you need to go and not worry about other people are thinking. Sometimes you need to just need to say what it is you need to say and not worry about what other people are thinking…

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I Am So Excited! Please Join Us Wont You?

Our New Facebook Page! Follow Now Please!

 

I am so happy I could disco.

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As we draw closer and closer to doing online groups for parenting, addictions, mental health and other things -every move we make is another way to make ourselves more and more available to you. This time its the

Don’t Label My Kid! Coaching Team Page on Facebook.

Please click the link at the top of this page and you will have much easier access to the team and also pick up some new followers along the way since our goal is to reach all 150k of the people on r q

Why Dont We Call On The Lord For Healing In Relationships? Great Post I Am Sharing Here…

http://bayart.org/incredible-shrinking-marriage/

Talk About Times We Are Living In..Does Anyone Recall Anything About A ” Cashless Society” ? Well You Have Now….

http://www.wuc-news.com/2017/07/soros-ill-eliminate-cash-for-new-world.html?m=1

End Times Prophecy

Wow-This Is Very Encouraging For Anyone Who Has Faced Rejection Time And Time Again…. Check It Out.

Never Give Up! Look At These Guys!

Its hard to imagine that this could be true, but when Yuu see it is fact, it should encourage any if us who have been consistently rejected in dome area or areas of our lives. I guess the bottom line is 

Delay is not Denial.

When You Quit Having Therapy And Therapy Now Has You…

There is a time for everything, a season for all. We all choose when to insert which things into our lives and for how long. Sometimes, however if we are not careful we end up being dragged along in life by circumstances, people or things that we should have cut the cord on long ago. In recent weeks for some reason the issue of therapy has come up and several people have inquired of me my feelings about therapy. I enjoy it.

Actually this is not about me specifically, but about everyone.  Can too much therapy be a bad thing? Of course it can. As a matter of fact it is difficult these days to find a good therapist . You know why? Simple , you are their livelihood. Rarely will you find a therapist who hurries to get a treatment plan established, address and meet outcomes as soon as possible. It is usually a laid back and long process of  ” finding out whats underneath all that” followed by some testing or homework exercises and perhaps a referral for even more treatment.

So today in a very short and simple way, I want to remind you of what the role of therapy in your life should be. Generally speaking therapy is for a certain period of time to help you transition through a certain period in life you are struggling with. The particular area is not what is important, but your level of dependency on the therapist. If you have been on WordPress as long as I have you surely have run into posts about people who talk about how they have been in therapy 5 years now, and so on and so forth. Huh?

If you have been in therapy 5 years, unless for some very unusual circumstances – you will be needing a new therapist to get over the day when you leave you current therapist. Too much of a good thing can really hurt us sometimes. So what is the exact amount of time for therapy? According to my calculations 3 months 4 days and between 8-10 hours is perfect.

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Alright, I really don’t have a specific number of months or days so hold those applause. The truth is, you need to view your therapist like a cheerleader , someone simply there to help you reset your priorities if need be or restore confidence that has been lost. Therapy can be helpful for those grieving to go through a set grieving process and not to get lost in your grief.

Therapy is excellent for addicts transitioning out of rehab, as a step-down back into society. The point is, you use therapy to assist you back into normalcy asap. You should never exist and show up each week to just discuss your week and how much you spent at the grocery this week or how your kids are driving you nuts. These are everyday life happenings, and if you require assistance to function in a day-to-day routine, therapy is not going to cut it for you.

There was a term used back in the gap called  deinstitutionalization. The meaning in a nut shell was that the goal of any treatment but mental health in particular was to keep people out of their ordinary routines for as little time as possible, and by all means use the least restrictive measure possible. If someone did not need to be staying in an overnight facility for their own good, they go home like everyone else each night. The same applies in therapy. The least amount needed.

Don’t Label My Kid! as a team much prefers to coach rather than counsell if possible. Coaching is not quite as therapeutic as far as clinical tools go, but is many times a lot of times much more effective than traditional therapy. Why? A coach acts like a cheerleader for your cause, helping you identify your own strengths to support your own goals and gives you a hand up and in the right direction after a tailspin. Then with a nice ” shove off back in the right direction, you are sailing alone again, not dependent on another to make it thru every week.

If you really think about it, and I gave you a which would you pick if I gave you the choice; to lay on a couch each week so I , your therapist can remind you every week about your hideous past, failures and general loser of a life you have lived?

Or would you rather have me by your side for a short period to help you regain your footing and help you focus on the strengths you have and rely on me for just a few months? I know from my experience that people succeed sooner and longer with a coach that they did not become co-dependent on and with a person who has the goal to focus on what is right in life.

Now as I close, I need to remind you that there is a time and place for therapy. It is the first resource some need and coaching may be a step down later in time. However if you are finding yourself talking the same old face about the same old bully in 4th grade that makes you have anger, self-esteem, and rage issues today at 40, you need out. You are little more than a paycheck to the therapist an who is going to turn down your weekly donation for refreshing your brain about how miserable your life is?

Not too many.

I encourage you as a coach and therapist to consider the least restrictive option. Be as independent as possible. If you fall again, a good coach will always be there to help you back up of need be. Don’t forget we provide coaching in mental health, behavioral health, addictions, spiritual areas and disease / health excellence .

The team at Dont Label My Kid! has over 85 years combined experience professionally in these areas, and we also coach about things we personally have walked through, so we get you. We really understand. Not just from the text-book to get our degrees,  but from feeling what you feel and fighting through it. Let us help.



 

Contact us today for immediate response tim@dontlabelmykid.com and if it is an emergency crisis situation you can reach me personally at 386-675-7549. If using email please don’t forget to leave your best contact info and the topic of your need in the subject! I hope we can continue to help you and especially those of you who are reading this right now thinking how badly you want and need help for something, but always put it off. We are on 24/7 -7 days per week. Contact us now and quit putting off the first day of the rest of your life.

*One last thing, if you are not already signed up, please sign up for our newsletter which we are working on to give the latest updates on any planned events like parenting webinars, addictions seminars and general updates from TJ Matt and Mike! Please go to the home page and look for the drop down to sign up real quickly so you do not miss out on any free services and all we are doing! Its 100% free just need your info. Thanks!

Remember, the rest of your life Is the best of your life!

TJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy 4th ISIS- Courtesy Of The USA- Donald Trump, President . 

Just a year ago, our president Obama was sending terrorists billions of dollars – what a refreshing change this is…

Http://www.ustruthwire.com/2017/07/04/trump-and-america-just-gave-isis-a-big-surprise-for-independence-da

What  If You- Actually Were A Blog? Who Would You Have A Crush On?

We read each others posts, look at pictures , but very few of us actually know each other. It would be hard to say that you like someone based on their writing, since that is not who they are…

But, and I realize this may be off of the beaten path a tad, but what if you were a blog! 

Imagine you were a blog for a moment and you had to pick out a ” blog crush” – but unlike other crushes- you get to pick 3 blog crushes.

Who would be 3 of your top blog crushes?

For me , I like a blog with a good heart, one that keeps themselves up, has their priorities in order and appearances never hurt. Also some sort of clear purpose or mission.

I am for sure not just lookin for some eye candy alone either… there is more too an attractive blog than outward looks..and no easy blogs..you know the type, two likes and a comment and their yours. Hussies. 

 Spiritual blog is hard is also a draw for me .

Oh and by the way there are no LGBT or gay blogs so any blog crushes are purely platonic and without any reference to sexuality.

My top 3 (although many come to mind ) are

1- mewhoami- keeping perspective

2-gottafindahome- incredible mission for homeless

3-hunt4truth- objectively and persuasively speaking about topics that are important.

Now remember we are not having crushes on people, since we don’t know one another . Strictly blog crushes…

Lastly , why do you think you selected the ones you do. In the end , they are likely blogs  most like you yourself., blog! 

Tj

 

 

 

 

 

The New Christian Church? Are We Going Too Far? …UPDATED..

Is This Right?

I was reading yesterday about a new sect of Christianity that is gaining momentum. Its called ” Throwback Christianity ” by some because of its blend of old a new testament traits. They applied for, and expect to be granted shortly all the necessary licenses that would make them official.

The whole concept of Jesus dying on the cross is still there, but with a twist. For example on the TC ( Throwback Church) each Saturday on the Sabbath you have to do something that was done in the old testament to acknowledge Christ’s sacrifice. You have to sacrifice an animal as they did back then, not for your sins to be forgiven, but in remembrance of Christs blood sacrifice. However whatever animal you do sacrifice you must do it in a public place like in a park.  So the whole world can see.

The church itself comes with certain guidelines.

1-If your child commits a sexual sin, they must have a public mocking where they are stoned but not to death. They gather all the local church members in a park or the woods and the child must stand on a picnic table totally naked, and be stoned for the amount of time the sin lasted. If they spent 20 minutes on internet porn then they are stoned naked for 20 minutes.  On the flip side-when that happens the father of the boy MUST have sex with a prostitute that same day in front of everyone as defilement for not being a good parent. The prostitute must be fed to alligators immediately after so that none of the wicked spirit she had in here remains on earth.

2-The application also said it is requesting that anyone who interrupts any ceremony being held by the church are subject to the same shame/stoning of the person being disciplined.

3- One unusual request is that any official member of the sect is to be exempt from all traffic laws. As a matter of fact if there is a church related emergency and a member needs a vehicle,  the general public is required to give them their car right away, even if it’s in the middle of the highway or any road. Anyone who does not do this can be executed by the TB church on the spot.

4-Woman are to submit to their husbands as the bible says but in a little different fashion. Daily pedicures and home cooked meals all must be performed while chanting the name of the husband. Failure to do so can result in the tongue being severed from the wife.

5-Any worship center ( currently occupied ) that TB church takes a liking to means the church must leave the property right away, but leave it worship ready. If the church staff fails to do so within a 3 days, they are jailed for blasphemy to the one true church and discrimination of religious rights. The jail sentence is one year for each day it took the church to vacate.

6- If a police officer stops them, once they show their ID, they are to be let go within 60 seconds, or they have the right to arrest the officer on the spot for violating their religious rights.

7- Any leader in the TB church has a right to any of the lower Christian’s pastor’s wives or daughters for sexual purposes. If the daughter is over 5 years or older she may be sold within the TB church for young men to enjoy and practice on for when they get their own wives.

8- Weapons laws do not apply and any weapon a member sees in a shop is to be given to them free.

The church has a team of attorneys who argue that due to the OT practices involved in this sect, they are exempt from any rules that the general pubic is bound to. Decision expected with 3 months.

 

Does this sound like a reasonable religion? Should we allow it here? Or is it criminal, twisted, insane and anyone who participates should be locked up?

 

 

 

 

Why Are We Letting Another ” Religion ” Get Away With It? How Do They Get A Pass?

If Any Of Us Did Any Of What They Do- We Would Be In A Psychiatric Unit Or Prison.

ISLAM- Freedom From Consequences- On Earth That Is.

 

 

When Holidays…Are Not Holidays…Just Another Day My Way Folks…

Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.

You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.

Holidays in my family have never been  ” holidays”.  I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday.  As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.

For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.

As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.

What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.

To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused,  physically abused addicts,  pedophiles,  domestic violence victims,  violent offenders,  wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next,  but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.

All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day.  Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.

It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.

Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.

What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ”  work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying.   Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject.  But what should Tj do. I will tell you.

Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .

You are correct,  but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute,  this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?

So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers,  migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of  a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.

Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as  drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick

I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?

Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.

I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;

“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”

That was it! Can you say it, and mean it?

Tj