Know Anyone With Bi-Polar Disorder? See How It Can Easily It Can Be Misdiagnosed For Another Disorder That Can Be Treated Naturally.. Share With Any Loved Ones with Bi-Polar..

Bi-Polar Is What You Have Miss. Oh OOPS! My Bad.

 

A shared post from Anne @ Aussie Christian Freedom.

 

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Here Is How One Veteran Got A “Thanks For Your Service” Token Of Appreciation- On Camera…Caution- Mature Viewers

Sometimes are too hard to believe, too ugly to imagine. So you just forget that thought. In this case a few nurses listen as a Vet begs for help, and cannot stop laughing. All caught on tape…sad

 

When Nurses Think Watching A Vet Die Is Funny

 

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How Mental Health Was Dealt With In The Old Days- Courtesy Of Dr. Bob Newhart- Laugh Alert!

 

Just click the link below for some very quick training on therapeutic modalities!

Old School Psychiatry!

 

I hope you will enjoy the flashback of  Bob Newhart and the slight difference in his technique for therapy. It may be good if we had a few more like him around!

tj

There Is An Old Saying ” No Matter Where We Go-There We Are”. But Are We Really?

Last week I was involved in a pity party. Now let me clear, this one was not self hosted. This one just surround me,  enveloped me and I felt like a could not get out. I felt so sorry for myself that I was shutting the laptop down, not changing my clothes for a day or two, and so selfish that I decided not not return any messages that first day. I did not even look up to wave at the old lady who waves to me all the time by the beach when I walk. I felt the ocean itself should feel blessed that I even decided to make the walk that day. Yeah it was pretty bad.

But it got worse. I got to the ” comparing my life to others thing” . I would see my dream jacked up Silverado roll by as just assume he must have won the lottery. Not that he worked for it. This lasted 4–5 days and I was oh so pitiful.

 

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One day last week I got started thinking about the veterans. The guys who had seen that were still affecting them 40 years later. Things worthy of rocking their world. I started taking note of some of the homeless vets who were suffering from PTSD but just returned to jail for trespassing instead of being offered the treatment they needed, They were dumpster diving for food, 50 years old but looking 70. Then I am bombarded by all the lawsuits actual traitors are winning for time served before they turned coat. The illegal immigrants getting more benefits for free than most of us ever get. I cannot imagine having to for the best dumpster food all the while knowing what they know.

Christian Author / Artist Joni Erickson. Joni broke here neck, leaving her totally paralyzed for 50 years now. She can only speak, and draw with a pencil in her mouth these amazing sketches. Totally paralyzed relying on an amazing husband to take her to the rest room , change here and feed her 24/7. My problems just started to look smaller and smaller.

I could go on all day with examples but the point here is  We Are Not “Wherever We Go”. Most of problems although some serious, do not have to dictate where we are in our mind. That is up to us. It’s a matter of perspective and to some extent our knowledge of what is going on every day around us. Child trafficking, organized pedophile rings even in the church, entire families lost in a day from an accident. Hundreds of things that make our situations look very minor. Not all, but many.

So here is what I recommend we all do from now on. Take some time to actually select a group of really needy or hurting people and plan an ongoing outreach once per week or month and celebrate those people. It’s a win-win situation for all. We get the benefit of seeing someone lifted up and we get the real perspective of just how serious our own ” problems” are.

Try it, you don’t make it policy anymore to allow your circumstances to dictate where you ” are” . 

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Happy Veterans day to all and God Bless America!

Ok, A Woman Married Herself Two Years Ago But Cheated! She Had A Five Month Affair With A Man! What To Do?

My issue on this lady is how could she be such a cold and angry person to let her bride suffer for 5 months. If she was any good she would have come clean to her wife the first night. Not watch her bride knowlingly suffer that long. Cold hearted woman. Im surprised she didnt end up being served with divorce papers by now.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/10/25/woman-who-married-herself-gives-in-to-temptation-and-cheats-on-herself-7026942/

Policeman stops man who he thinks is his dead son. Wait And See What Happens..

Having a 22 year old son in the military myself, I cannot imagine how I would feel if we lost him. After reading this touching article I see how I would feel. I dont like it at all. Watch what happens when a cop loses his son, but thinks he sees his son in the truck he pulls over -a year after his funeral…

http://thenativepeople.net/2017/10/17/policeman-stops-man-thinks-dead-son-little-later-sees-whats-dashboard/

One Last Thought On Transgender — Legs Before Lipstick Please.

Yesterday I posted a fairly rigorous argument against allowing transgender or anyone unstable in the military and around automatic weapons all day. I felt like I gave more than ample legal and moral reasons why it must always be no.

But this morning I want to add one more thought to that post..

Veteran missing limbs

As long as we still have these around in mass quantities..( vets with no limbs)

 
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Then we should never ever be financing any of these operations.

 

Veteran with Prosthetic

But we should be making as many of these as possible.

Legs Before Lipstick- Prosthetic Before Panties

“Its Not About The Nail” Funniest Short Relationship Clip Ever ( 1:41 ) And My All Time Favorite…Must See! Must See!

Absolute Best Relationship Clip Ever-

 

 

Meantime, Glaucoma And Seizure Complaints Have Tripled Among Seniors…

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  Moms Who Rob Their Children Of Resiliency Due To Their Own Need For Drama…( Parenting 2017)             

When I first became a father and my kids got to be toddlers there were  a lot of mini – crisis type situations. You see as a new parent who was trying to be the best parent I could I  began to  ” anticipate ” their problems and began to comfort them for things they hadn’t even cried about yet.

many times looking back I think they must have wondered If I  was  I  was in need of some comfort by my over reactions to their little bumps and bruises. You see most times that I jumped up and made a big thing of a little blood or a bump , my child  raced over to me. I was more likely to go to them basically to alert them that they should be angry right now , perhaps  some crying is in order…lol


I know it sounds crazy but I think we have all been there. Some just on  ” first baby syndrome”  ” but many act this way for the whole childhood.

  Thankfully due to my career and education I was alerted that I was doing this all wrong. I also learned that the so-called  ” concerned parent  ”  was not always an innocent party. Believe it or not there are parents that use their children as tools get sympathy and attention for themselves. The ones you see in Wal-Mart, dragging a kid by the wrist, screaming and yelling, and the mother or father is talking out loud at the child and neither of them are listening to each other. And nothing is getting accomplished.

Many times the adult chooses to keep it public rather than take it to the restroom , just to get that  ” people are seeing me suffering ‘  rush. They are the ones who instead of whisking the child to a restroom or outdoors, just kind of smile and tilt their heads at other adults in the store, seemingly trying to make eye contact with someone who will feel sorry for them as the shrieks from the toddler reach glass breaking levels.  That is more of a sickness like Munchausen syndrome, where mothers use their babies to draw attention to themselves by pretending they have many disorders and diseases that they do not. 

For the purpose of this post I am speaking to non Munchausen moms or dads. People who just were not taught about how to stretch your child and make them as independent as possible. 

Instead of meeting them at the point where they had clearly shown they were not capable of bouncing back on their own, I jumped in to the rescue and saved the day. I even noticed other parents who also had toddlers handling it differently , and kind of expecting their kids to sort through most of these tantrums or minor accidents without coddling. 

How insensitive, I remembered thinking. He’s just a little rug rat, an ankle biter! What do you expect from him?

That question  ” what do you expect from him ” actually became an anchor of sorts for me as I matured a bit. These parents were not neglecting their children . They were setting boundaries. They were teaching them how to be as independent as possible for their ages. They understood that the more coddling and intervention now, the more likely  that you just bought a one way coddling ticket all the way through childhood and even into adulthood.

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So I will give you one example that I think is universal and was critical in me figuring out how to respond. It is what I call the ” how should I act now ” stare. Now pay close attention because this is a very short window of time. This stare is when a child falls and bumps their head,  or another child says something mean or steals their toy ..something along those lines…

 

It goes down pretty quick so you must be on guard. It is the 15-30 seconds or so RIGHT AFTER the fall, the comment, or the toy is taken. It’s a very temporary pause in your toddlers thought process where they are considering just how they should feel about what just happened. It consists of a slow head turn to locate you then a direct scan if you right to the bulls-eye, your eyes..it will be your eyes that determine how they respond. Your lips are next. How you look and what you say in 99% of cases will totally dictate your child’s response to the little crisis.

If you are  guilty of being a wide-eyed loud mouthed run to your child parent you need you reset and fast. Or your child will be so dependent on other people at each little problem they have that they won’t have much chance of succeeding in anything they do..

If you know the child is not poisoned or at risk of losing a limb, you need to play it as down as much  possible and respond as if they had asked for some kool-aide. My rule of thumb was to always do one unrelated task before going to their side to investigate. Such as say to your child  “do you all need some help over there?” Alright honey let me finish this page in my book and I’ll come check it out.” Or if they run to you and you know it’s not extremely painful or life threatening, you tell them to sit down next to you until you finished.

One way to tell if you’re at the point of no return in this scenario is if you get what I call the  ” open but silent mouth ” treatment …this is where they have you locked in on the eyeballs but maybe they are facing another direction but turned to look at you needing guidance on whether to let out a huge shriek, or just return to playing because your eyes say its OK.

Now if you are one of those moms who runs  and shrieks and screams every time any little thing happens and you’ve already trained them to do the same. All hope is not lost…

But it does require a specialized behavioral plan for in home to reroute those behaviors and retrain your child’s brain and we do that here.

The important part to remember about this post is that to a great extent, you control how your child will respond to just about any circumstances . You train them how to respond by your actions and  by how you model the reaction to the situation. If you find yourself in needing that dramatic flare and major league episode every time anything occurs with your toddler or child, it’s most likely that you are one looking for attention, not them.

There is no reason your child should not be able to bump their elbows and be bleeding from both arms and not calmly walk over to you and ask you to get a band-aid.

Everything depends on your reaction to the situation. Set your child up for success in this world. Long after your gone, nobody is going to jump in and be jrs. savior..

TJ

Parenting 2017- How To Save Your Family – And Keep From Losing Your Child To This World’s Ugly Face…

The worst thing I’ve seen in my years of teaching parenting is not the continual failures. Its the absolute unwillingness for most parents to reach out for coaching or help befire something big does go down with your child. It frustrates me because after 45 foster kids, and four of my own, as well as having worked with thousands , I think I have a little something to offer. 

Here’s the truth, as hard as it may sound; someone is going to parent your child. Its going to be either you, or Facebook. They will learn how to think and  how to walk, dress, talk and act from Snapchat or Instageam if they are not getting it at home. 

As a random example Im going  to ask you a question  ..In the age group of 11-17 of children who have social media accounts, what percent do you think  are exposed to hard core pornography whether they were looking for it or not? Think about it  for a minute while I note one other issue. 

Positive to negative interaction and self esteem

If you talk to your child about what they are doing wrong more than what they are doing right, don’t expect any change in behavior , but do expect a low self esteem in your child. Just like you and I respond to positive feedback better then negative, kids are no different.  

The average parent makes 1 positive comment to every 10-13 negatives. In order to change behavior patterns, you need at least 8 positives to each critical.  Why? Very simple. Positive reinforcement is the only way to change behavioral patterns. Nobody, including us adults, ever change our behavioral patterns based on criticism.

There are so many very simple tips and ideas for parenting,  to save your children from the world and the things that are out there right now.  You can salvage, even if you made mistakes, it’s never too late, but if you need help you’ve got to reach out-  and that’s what we do here. It is so frustrating to see parents struggle with anything from what kind of doctor to go to , to why they are getting no cooperation from their children and a myriad of other issues, but refuse to ask for help. Its plain old pride. Get over yourself already. This is not about you. If you love your child you will do what it takes to see them up for success.

And that’s what  I’ve done for 20 years, so if you are a person who’s got a child or children and you don’t know what to do next. reach out for Parent Coaching at Don’t Label My Kid! No matter what the situation , its never too late. 

Ninety Percent. That’s the answer the the question about kids and porn on social media. Shocked? Well, do you have a filter on your kids accounts? Do you go over their accounts with them and have their password? Something to think about. That number isn’t going down until parents do something.

When my truck breaks down, I take it to a truck mechanic. I can scream at it all week but it is not getting better without a person who has a gift to work on it. Its the same with kids. We all have certain gifts . Maybe you are an accountant. Good with numbers. 

Not me. I would go nuts in that job. Its not my area. Take the human body. arms, legs, fingers, elbows, etc. What if we were all thumbs? How would we operate? We could not. So it goes when we each need help.. So don’t delay reaching out for any help you need. 
Tj


For Parent coaching contact me at Tim@dontlabelmykid.com.


When You Quit Having Therapy And Therapy Now Has You…

There is a time for everything, a season for all. We all choose when to insert which things into our lives and for how long. Sometimes, however if we are not careful we end up being dragged along in life by circumstances, people or things that we should have cut the cord on long ago. In recent weeks for some reason the issue of therapy has come up and several people have inquired of me my feelings about therapy. I enjoy it.

Actually this is not about me specifically, but about everyone.  Can too much therapy be a bad thing? Of course it can. As a matter of fact it is difficult these days to find a good therapist . You know why? Simple , you are their livelihood. Rarely will you find a therapist who hurries to get a treatment plan established, address and meet outcomes as soon as possible. It is usually a laid back and long process of  ” finding out whats underneath all that” followed by some testing or homework exercises and perhaps a referral for even more treatment.

So today in a very short and simple way, I want to remind you of what the role of therapy in your life should be. Generally speaking therapy is for a certain period of time to help you transition through a certain period in life you are struggling with. The particular area is not what is important, but your level of dependency on the therapist. If you have been on WordPress as long as I have you surely have run into posts about people who talk about how they have been in therapy 5 years now, and so on and so forth. Huh?

If you have been in therapy 5 years, unless for some very unusual circumstances – you will be needing a new therapist to get over the day when you leave you current therapist. Too much of a good thing can really hurt us sometimes. So what is the exact amount of time for therapy? According to my calculations 3 months 4 days and between 8-10 hours is perfect.

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Alright, I really don’t have a specific number of months or days so hold those applause. The truth is, you need to view your therapist like a cheerleader , someone simply there to help you reset your priorities if need be or restore confidence that has been lost. Therapy can be helpful for those grieving to go through a set grieving process and not to get lost in your grief.

Therapy is excellent for addicts transitioning out of rehab, as a step-down back into society. The point is, you use therapy to assist you back into normalcy asap. You should never exist and show up each week to just discuss your week and how much you spent at the grocery this week or how your kids are driving you nuts. These are everyday life happenings, and if you require assistance to function in a day-to-day routine, therapy is not going to cut it for you.

There was a term used back in the gap called  deinstitutionalization. The meaning in a nut shell was that the goal of any treatment but mental health in particular was to keep people out of their ordinary routines for as little time as possible, and by all means use the least restrictive measure possible. If someone did not need to be staying in an overnight facility for their own good, they go home like everyone else each night. The same applies in therapy. The least amount needed.

Don’t Label My Kid! as a team much prefers to coach rather than counsell if possible. Coaching is not quite as therapeutic as far as clinical tools go, but is many times a lot of times much more effective than traditional therapy. Why? A coach acts like a cheerleader for your cause, helping you identify your own strengths to support your own goals and gives you a hand up and in the right direction after a tailspin. Then with a nice ” shove off back in the right direction, you are sailing alone again, not dependent on another to make it thru every week.

If you really think about it, and I gave you a which would you pick if I gave you the choice; to lay on a couch each week so I , your therapist can remind you every week about your hideous past, failures and general loser of a life you have lived?

Or would you rather have me by your side for a short period to help you regain your footing and help you focus on the strengths you have and rely on me for just a few months? I know from my experience that people succeed sooner and longer with a coach that they did not become co-dependent on and with a person who has the goal to focus on what is right in life.

Now as I close, I need to remind you that there is a time and place for therapy. It is the first resource some need and coaching may be a step down later in time. However if you are finding yourself talking the same old face about the same old bully in 4th grade that makes you have anger, self-esteem, and rage issues today at 40, you need out. You are little more than a paycheck to the therapist an who is going to turn down your weekly donation for refreshing your brain about how miserable your life is?

Not too many.

I encourage you as a coach and therapist to consider the least restrictive option. Be as independent as possible. If you fall again, a good coach will always be there to help you back up of need be. Don’t forget we provide coaching in mental health, behavioral health, addictions, spiritual areas and disease / health excellence .

The team at Dont Label My Kid! has over 85 years combined experience professionally in these areas, and we also coach about things we personally have walked through, so we get you. We really understand. Not just from the text-book to get our degrees,  but from feeling what you feel and fighting through it. Let us help.



 

Contact us today for immediate response tim@dontlabelmykid.com and if it is an emergency crisis situation you can reach me personally at 386-675-7549. If using email please don’t forget to leave your best contact info and the topic of your need in the subject! I hope we can continue to help you and especially those of you who are reading this right now thinking how badly you want and need help for something, but always put it off. We are on 24/7 -7 days per week. Contact us now and quit putting off the first day of the rest of your life.

*One last thing, if you are not already signed up, please sign up for our newsletter which we are working on to give the latest updates on any planned events like parenting webinars, addictions seminars and general updates from TJ Matt and Mike! Please go to the home page and look for the drop down to sign up real quickly so you do not miss out on any free services and all we are doing! Its 100% free just need your info. Thanks!

Remember, the rest of your life Is the best of your life!

TJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Are You Doing Here? On Taking The Next Step… Time To Execute!

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Well, here we are. We have discussed practically every issue in life on this blog in the last four years or so. We have laughed, debated, discussed, prayed and I think I even had a legitimate stalker . The very first mission of this and I hope any blog is to teach. To educate your readers on what it is your here for and especially the question ” what can you do for me”. Today I am going to do a part of my job that is not uncommon in my 20 years as a Social Worker. I am going to press you a little bit. Force you to quit sidestepping and avoiding your needs and issues.

Now don’t think of this as anything negative. Its just the natural progression of things. In my career I would have people make appointments come to the office for some need in the areas of mental health, behavioral health or addictions primarily. There are always exceptions but those were the most popular reasons they would make an appointment to see me.

Almost always on the very first visit I would introduce myself and ask them to tell me about why they were here. I cannot tell you how many stare-offs I had, lol. I would say ” you called me so tell me what I can help you with. ” I never figured out if it was people getting intimidated when they are in a setting they are not used to or what , but so many people forget or froze up.  I would usually give them some examples of why people came to see me and gradually somewhere in the list I would here a ” yeah that” or something to help me know where to start probing or asking questions. We always got moving at some point. Some in just a few minutes and some it took a little longer.

On this blog Don’t Label My Kid! I decided to start the educating on my homepage with mental health. I allude to the other areas I am an expert in but that is where I decided to begin, because all our other problems somehow are related to mental health. I then proceeded over the next 3-4 years to make sure I wrote at least 100 articles related to each area I serve.  I am not talking about specialty areas like parenting that I also assist and do workshops in,  but the main primary areas;  Mental, behavior and addictions.

Over 500 total articles on these areas. This is to find out where my reader’s needs are and to get feedback from you as well on any area . As you all well know I always mix in some humor, politics or other issues at random just to keep things from getting to dark and gloomy on here. (Some who pop in at the wrong time think this site is just a random topic site as my last 4 quick posts might have been about humor. lol) Even though I post about a wide  variety of topics , they are topics related to life. We are all in that game together.

Now, in this time I have enjoyed a good amount of feedback, comments and gotten a ton from you all about your situations now, past of something you wonder about. I have read and still go over thousands of comments from you all. I have not read anything I have not helped someone with many times over ( except maybe the stalker) .

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I have heard from the suicidal, the addicts, the parents who are ready to strangle their kids, the people of faith who ask me how I can still believe in God, then the burned out Christians. I have also gotten messages from people suffering with PTSD, abused wives, and people who have had experiences with sexual abuse. This has been especially popular since I have been writing about Father Gondek . People are much more likely to share if they are not alone. My point is, you are here for a reason. I  can assure you God did not lead you here to get more depressed or addicted. He did not bring me here to write about your struggles so you can leave the house every day with fresh depression. We are here for a change. It’s what I call a divine appointment.

The stage we are at now, is called Execution.

Execution is where action takes place. It is where you quit playing around with your problem. You quit lust ” liking ” every post about your topic, you take the next step in your journey. It is the favorite part of work life, as I get to use my gifts and help people in general solve problems. How though? What do you do – even if you wanted to take the next step to help? Well, there are three possible answers.

 You are getting your first assignment in moving forward with your issues. You should write this date down on your calendar  as the day you ” executed “-

Before you can execute you have to select one of the following scenarios that best fits you

1- I have never reached out for help

2-I have reached out but no progress ( gave up )

3-You are currently trying things but have not got anywhere or don’t know if your counsel is right, or the money you would spend is worth it.

Now, I want you to select the one that describes you best. Usually one of those is it. If not no problem we can identify it. So make your selection. Great.

Now – as a consultant I take on three roles, depending on which of the above fits you.

If you are #-

#1-I am your  ADVISOR– I will start by accessing your need, identify the best care plan and follow you through the process as needed.

#2-I am your INTERVENTIONIST-I help you resume your attempts by picking up the pieces of whatever you did gain or learn, and reconnecting , but with the appropriate services.

#3- I am your COACH- I act as support to what you think you may want to try, and am someone to stand along side of you as you navigate the process and coach you as is necessary to keep you on he right track.

Your 2nd assignment today is to figure out whether I am your Advisor,your interventionist, or your coach.  So, which one?

Here is the moment of truth. You pick up the phone or email me to identify what you are in need of. I have broken it down so you can easily identify your needs from me.

(Although I am very good, I have yet learned to read minds of my followers.)

Touch base to get a Plan Of Care started now!

Tim@dontlabelmkid.com

Dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com

Cell- Txt- Call- 386-675-7549

*Now a few important things have when you contact me

1- if it involves a child, any and all IEP or special class information from school. Also any mental health official diagnoses or medications they are on or have ever been on. I don’t need copies but I need you to accurately tell me the report. If you are needing help for yourself I just need your past and current mental health diagnises

2- If you are an addict or have a loved one is and you need help – DO NOT GET ANY HELP UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME . PERIOD. Many organizations today get paid to fill beds- not make it a good fit for the client. Also if you walk into a rehab with no knowledge of the process and what you really need, you or your friend’s success rate is about 24%

Again- Any addicts reading or if you are trying to help one get help. CALL ME first. It is critical that you have an understanding of what rehab REALLY means. It’s not what you think.

Tj Petri BSW

Advisor, Interventionist, Coach

Don’t Label My Kid!

When Holidays…Are Not Holidays…Just Another Day My Way Folks…

Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.

You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.

Holidays in my family have never been  ” holidays”.  I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday.  As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.

For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.

As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.

What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.

To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused,  physically abused addicts,  pedophiles,  domestic violence victims,  violent offenders,  wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next,  but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.

All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day.  Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.

It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.

Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.

What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ”  work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying.   Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject.  But what should Tj do. I will tell you.

Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .

You are correct,  but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute,  this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?

So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers,  migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of  a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.

Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as  drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick

I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?

Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.

I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;

“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”

That was it! Can you say it, and mean it?

Tj

I’m Developing Complex Stress And Trauma From Hearing So Much About It. Now I Am Back On The Xanax From Worrying About Being Obsessed With The Trauma…Oh Heck.

I am not stressed. I am feeling good. Petri at Don’t Label My Kid! wrote a post today on 3 easy ways for a worry free life – 2 minute read... Everyone knows he is the best wordsmith on WordPress!

I’m good. I am feeling much better..

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Who am I kidding- I hear Kermit the frog now. And That Petri Is Nuts. Who Am I Kidding…  Nurse! Nurse! 

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