I gave up decades ago even sharing with close friends the goings on in my life. Why? Simple; They didnt believe me, or simply couldn’t process the idea that these occurrences would be continuous in one person’s life.
Some of the incidents in our family are common like divorce, diseases, abuse and even our tragic times like my brothers suicide and lots of death in general.
I quickly learned that most things are better left to the family. However , sometimes I just got to let it out! Thats where blogging has been therapeutic for me. Last week or so I mentioned I was exhausted from keeping on top of the pedo-priest deal but happy that somebody busted it wide open. The official in Pennsylvania just blew it out of the water with his huge announcement in August.
We needed a break like that.
Thank God most states are following suit and investigating seriously the huge racket of pedophilia in the church.
But, today I’m sharing a different side of things that I suspect many of you can relate to in your own way.
Battling a group of freaks as powerful and wealthy and nasty as some of Catholic church can be dangerous. I have been in this field long enough to know when you ruffle feathers, you better prepare for war, both *spiritually and naturally.
( *shout out to my atheist friends btw..just ignore that ” spiritual” reference..lol you all know I love ya..)
Since the year I really started digging my heals in the whole thing I have been attacked from so many directions its hard to keep up. It becomes a way of life. You may lose friends, family and even spouses over it.
(I mean thats what I hear)
But as many of of you all know, when you just know in your knower that you cannot be silent about an issue…you cannot back down…its no longer a choice.
For me it was letting innocent kids become suicidal due to the sick pleasures of thousands of perverts in the church- I have no choice.
Recently as I was preparing to gather some documents for reporters off my email and files would you believe just coincidentally ( yeah right) I found myself totally locked out of my email, files and somehow at the same time my cellphone carrier ” accidently”did a FACTORY RESET on my cell!!!
If you dont know what that is, it basically means all the info and documents on your phone go bye – bye. For good.
Since I couldn’t get access to my cell phone now I was locked out of- I wasn’t able to reset my password for my Gmail because Google requires you to have the current phone number and get a text on it which means I was completely locked out and still am of all the documents I had. Fortunately this blog has been a lifesaver in that area because I posted almost all the things I had … statements, emails from officials etc…
I posted most on this blog so they’re all public anyway.
Whatever was behind that – it didn’t work – but it sure was stressful and still is stressful.
By the way I am well aware I’m not the only person that goes through times like this and I know that people have things even worse much worse than I do, I’m not here to claim I’ve got the toughest life I’m sure many of you can relate in your own way to what I’m saying.
So just as I was kind of catching my breath after that incident.. Yesterday brought to surface an entirely different issue from an angle I never expected ..
My mother didn’t feel good and she’s always feeling good but I knew something was wrong and insisted she go to the ER. as it turns out I was overreacting it was just a heart attack.
She only had a heart attack. Of course to my mom it’s like it’s no big deal “I just had a little heart attack they put a stent in and I’ll be okay and home in a few days”
” By the way son did you remember to take the recycle bin out?”
Me-” Yes momma, I got all 4 plastic milk containers in the bin”
It’s driving me crazy…and that’s not a very long trip in my state of mind right now LOL.
I watched the movie called Flawless the other day with Demi Moore and Michael Caine, during the movie they were having a conversation about how nothing worth doing is ever about the money and it struck a chord with me. It is very true.
The last decade or so life has seemed almost unbearable in so many different aspects and yet there’s no turning back.
I think many many people reading this can understand that- whatever your journey and your battle has been, so just keep your eye on the prize and never never never never give up- and never count on anybody else to lift you up and push you and motivate you while your surpassing anything they’ve ever attempted.
Well they are calling me back to my unit now- so gotta go.
At the end of the day it’s never the hurtful words of my enemies that get to me. At the end of the day it’s the silence of my friends that hurts the most.
Sometimes the music we like or that touches us is not associated with positive things…
I have to admit some of the stuff we discuss here is personal and I honor that by not sharing any comments outside of this blog. However when I write a post on say Mental Health, Addiction, or the like I always in the back of my mind wonder how the people on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter view my stories and trials. They aren’t going through it like most of us here have or are – right?
I have not posted in a while and I want everyone to know why. Besides having the ups and downs of major depression, I also decided to do something that I knew could be extremely hard and really was not sure if I could handle it.
Five years ago I started a journey of 7 surgeries for a bone disease I have. I have written about it a few times but basically it amounted to 3 total hip replacements and much pain. I was on heavy-duty narcotics for 2 years for the pain when I was asked a question by my treatment team. The question was about whether I would like to go on a Morphine pump for life or try Suboxone to get off the Morphine and see if it helped with the pain.
I could not fathom the idea of being loaded up on that much Morphine for life so I opted for Suboxone. I was on for 1 year. The pain was less and I felt I made the right choice. However recently when I discussed it with my doctor and told him I wanted to wean off the Suboxone – he advised me to stay on another year. I said no. Lets just wean me off and see how I handle it. He refused and I was forced to make a very tough choice. I could walk out and go off cold turkey which would no doubt mean horrible times ahead for at least a month or two, or sign on for another year and keep my body hooked on a Heroin level Narcotic, or suffer debilitating withdrawals.
I walked away. Three weeks ago. By God’s Grace I made it through the first two weeks without dying. Detox is strongly recommended to survive these type withdrawals. I just decided to tough it out ( I am not recommending it) and get myself off of the last major medicine I was on. I am in my third week and I can honestly say I did not know if I would make it this far.
I have been through hell and back and still am going through the withdrawal symptoms which are horrific.
I want anyone to know that if you are facing a similar situation, make sure you pray about your options. If you are a person of Faith and a praying person – seek God.
No matter what- you can do it. I cannot write much more but I believe this is for someone out there. Do not choose to stay dependent on any drugs. The price you will pay to get off may be tough, but if you remember you are freeing your body of all the dependence – you will make it.
There is no better way to get any hope of recovery from Addiction than to see that others have made it. If you are in any way connected to Addiction, watch this and restore your hope.
via My Story
For help now contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and put HELP in the subject. Leave your best contact info. I will be in touch. If it is a real emergency and you need an answer today you can call me directly 386-675-7549 – leave a message and I will get back asap. So there are your 2 choices. I have done my part – now its up to you…
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