Sharia Kids Watch Dad Murder Mom – ” Its All Good “- She Deserved It…

Dad puts two in the chest of kid”s mom right in front of them..

Http://www.supportisraelnow.com/2016/03/17/watch-muslim-children-celebrate-the-murder-of-mommy-by-daddy-she-deserved-to-die/

“Its Not About The Nail” Funniest Short Relationship Clip Ever ( 1:41 ) And My All Time Favorite…Must See! Must See!

Absolute Best Relationship Clip Ever-

 

 

  Moms Who Rob Their Children Of Resiliency Due To Their Own Need For Drama…( Parenting 2017)             

When I first became a father and my kids got to be toddlers there were  a lot of mini – crisis type situations. You see as a new parent who was trying to be the best parent I could I  began to  ” anticipate ” their problems and began to comfort them for things they hadn’t even cried about yet.

many times looking back I think they must have wondered If I  was  I  was in need of some comfort by my over reactions to their little bumps and bruises. You see most times that I jumped up and made a big thing of a little blood or a bump , my child  raced over to me. I was more likely to go to them basically to alert them that they should be angry right now , perhaps  some crying is in order…lol


I know it sounds crazy but I think we have all been there. Some just on  ” first baby syndrome”  ” but many act this way for the whole childhood.

  Thankfully due to my career and education I was alerted that I was doing this all wrong. I also learned that the so-called  ” concerned parent  ”  was not always an innocent party. Believe it or not there are parents that use their children as tools get sympathy and attention for themselves. The ones you see in Wal-Mart, dragging a kid by the wrist, screaming and yelling, and the mother or father is talking out loud at the child and neither of them are listening to each other. And nothing is getting accomplished.

Many times the adult chooses to keep it public rather than take it to the restroom , just to get that  ” people are seeing me suffering ‘  rush. They are the ones who instead of whisking the child to a restroom or outdoors, just kind of smile and tilt their heads at other adults in the store, seemingly trying to make eye contact with someone who will feel sorry for them as the shrieks from the toddler reach glass breaking levels.  That is more of a sickness like Munchausen syndrome, where mothers use their babies to draw attention to themselves by pretending they have many disorders and diseases that they do not. 

For the purpose of this post I am speaking to non Munchausen moms or dads. People who just were not taught about how to stretch your child and make them as independent as possible. 

Instead of meeting them at the point where they had clearly shown they were not capable of bouncing back on their own, I jumped in to the rescue and saved the day. I even noticed other parents who also had toddlers handling it differently , and kind of expecting their kids to sort through most of these tantrums or minor accidents without coddling. 

How insensitive, I remembered thinking. He’s just a little rug rat, an ankle biter! What do you expect from him?

That question  ” what do you expect from him ” actually became an anchor of sorts for me as I matured a bit. These parents were not neglecting their children . They were setting boundaries. They were teaching them how to be as independent as possible for their ages. They understood that the more coddling and intervention now, the more likely  that you just bought a one way coddling ticket all the way through childhood and even into adulthood.

mom in park

So I will give you one example that I think is universal and was critical in me figuring out how to respond. It is what I call the ” how should I act now ” stare. Now pay close attention because this is a very short window of time. This stare is when a child falls and bumps their head,  or another child says something mean or steals their toy ..something along those lines…

 

It goes down pretty quick so you must be on guard. It is the 15-30 seconds or so RIGHT AFTER the fall, the comment, or the toy is taken. It’s a very temporary pause in your toddlers thought process where they are considering just how they should feel about what just happened. It consists of a slow head turn to locate you then a direct scan if you right to the bulls-eye, your eyes..it will be your eyes that determine how they respond. Your lips are next. How you look and what you say in 99% of cases will totally dictate your child’s response to the little crisis.

If you are  guilty of being a wide-eyed loud mouthed run to your child parent you need you reset and fast. Or your child will be so dependent on other people at each little problem they have that they won’t have much chance of succeeding in anything they do..

If you know the child is not poisoned or at risk of losing a limb, you need to play it as down as much  possible and respond as if they had asked for some kool-aide. My rule of thumb was to always do one unrelated task before going to their side to investigate. Such as say to your child  “do you all need some help over there?” Alright honey let me finish this page in my book and I’ll come check it out.” Or if they run to you and you know it’s not extremely painful or life threatening, you tell them to sit down next to you until you finished.

One way to tell if you’re at the point of no return in this scenario is if you get what I call the  ” open but silent mouth ” treatment …this is where they have you locked in on the eyeballs but maybe they are facing another direction but turned to look at you needing guidance on whether to let out a huge shriek, or just return to playing because your eyes say its OK.

Now if you are one of those moms who runs  and shrieks and screams every time any little thing happens and you’ve already trained them to do the same. All hope is not lost…

But it does require a specialized behavioral plan for in home to reroute those behaviors and retrain your child’s brain and we do that here.

The important part to remember about this post is that to a great extent, you control how your child will respond to just about any circumstances . You train them how to respond by your actions and  by how you model the reaction to the situation. If you find yourself in needing that dramatic flare and major league episode every time anything occurs with your toddler or child, it’s most likely that you are one looking for attention, not them.

There is no reason your child should not be able to bump their elbows and be bleeding from both arms and not calmly walk over to you and ask you to get a band-aid.

Everything depends on your reaction to the situation. Set your child up for success in this world. Long after your gone, nobody is going to jump in and be jrs. savior..

TJ

When You Quit Having Therapy And Therapy Now Has You…

There is a time for everything, a season for all. We all choose when to insert which things into our lives and for how long. Sometimes, however if we are not careful we end up being dragged along in life by circumstances, people or things that we should have cut the cord on long ago. In recent weeks for some reason the issue of therapy has come up and several people have inquired of me my feelings about therapy. I enjoy it.

Actually this is not about me specifically, but about everyone.  Can too much therapy be a bad thing? Of course it can. As a matter of fact it is difficult these days to find a good therapist . You know why? Simple , you are their livelihood. Rarely will you find a therapist who hurries to get a treatment plan established, address and meet outcomes as soon as possible. It is usually a laid back and long process of  ” finding out whats underneath all that” followed by some testing or homework exercises and perhaps a referral for even more treatment.

So today in a very short and simple way, I want to remind you of what the role of therapy in your life should be. Generally speaking therapy is for a certain period of time to help you transition through a certain period in life you are struggling with. The particular area is not what is important, but your level of dependency on the therapist. If you have been on WordPress as long as I have you surely have run into posts about people who talk about how they have been in therapy 5 years now, and so on and so forth. Huh?

If you have been in therapy 5 years, unless for some very unusual circumstances – you will be needing a new therapist to get over the day when you leave you current therapist. Too much of a good thing can really hurt us sometimes. So what is the exact amount of time for therapy? According to my calculations 3 months 4 days and between 8-10 hours is perfect.

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Alright, I really don’t have a specific number of months or days so hold those applause. The truth is, you need to view your therapist like a cheerleader , someone simply there to help you reset your priorities if need be or restore confidence that has been lost. Therapy can be helpful for those grieving to go through a set grieving process and not to get lost in your grief.

Therapy is excellent for addicts transitioning out of rehab, as a step-down back into society. The point is, you use therapy to assist you back into normalcy asap. You should never exist and show up each week to just discuss your week and how much you spent at the grocery this week or how your kids are driving you nuts. These are everyday life happenings, and if you require assistance to function in a day-to-day routine, therapy is not going to cut it for you.

There was a term used back in the gap called  deinstitutionalization. The meaning in a nut shell was that the goal of any treatment but mental health in particular was to keep people out of their ordinary routines for as little time as possible, and by all means use the least restrictive measure possible. If someone did not need to be staying in an overnight facility for their own good, they go home like everyone else each night. The same applies in therapy. The least amount needed.

Don’t Label My Kid! as a team much prefers to coach rather than counsell if possible. Coaching is not quite as therapeutic as far as clinical tools go, but is many times a lot of times much more effective than traditional therapy. Why? A coach acts like a cheerleader for your cause, helping you identify your own strengths to support your own goals and gives you a hand up and in the right direction after a tailspin. Then with a nice ” shove off back in the right direction, you are sailing alone again, not dependent on another to make it thru every week.

If you really think about it, and I gave you a which would you pick if I gave you the choice; to lay on a couch each week so I , your therapist can remind you every week about your hideous past, failures and general loser of a life you have lived?

Or would you rather have me by your side for a short period to help you regain your footing and help you focus on the strengths you have and rely on me for just a few months? I know from my experience that people succeed sooner and longer with a coach that they did not become co-dependent on and with a person who has the goal to focus on what is right in life.

Now as I close, I need to remind you that there is a time and place for therapy. It is the first resource some need and coaching may be a step down later in time. However if you are finding yourself talking the same old face about the same old bully in 4th grade that makes you have anger, self-esteem, and rage issues today at 40, you need out. You are little more than a paycheck to the therapist an who is going to turn down your weekly donation for refreshing your brain about how miserable your life is?

Not too many.

I encourage you as a coach and therapist to consider the least restrictive option. Be as independent as possible. If you fall again, a good coach will always be there to help you back up of need be. Don’t forget we provide coaching in mental health, behavioral health, addictions, spiritual areas and disease / health excellence .

The team at Dont Label My Kid! has over 85 years combined experience professionally in these areas, and we also coach about things we personally have walked through, so we get you. We really understand. Not just from the text-book to get our degrees,  but from feeling what you feel and fighting through it. Let us help.



 

Contact us today for immediate response tim@dontlabelmykid.com and if it is an emergency crisis situation you can reach me personally at 386-675-7549. If using email please don’t forget to leave your best contact info and the topic of your need in the subject! I hope we can continue to help you and especially those of you who are reading this right now thinking how badly you want and need help for something, but always put it off. We are on 24/7 -7 days per week. Contact us now and quit putting off the first day of the rest of your life.

*One last thing, if you are not already signed up, please sign up for our newsletter which we are working on to give the latest updates on any planned events like parenting webinars, addictions seminars and general updates from TJ Matt and Mike! Please go to the home page and look for the drop down to sign up real quickly so you do not miss out on any free services and all we are doing! Its 100% free just need your info. Thanks!

Remember, the rest of your life Is the best of your life!

TJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Open Letter- To The Bridges I Have Burned….Please Everyone Take A Moment And Read This…Everyone, No Matter Who You Are…Make This Day Different .

* This is a very serious topic that has destroyed millions of lives. I know we joke often here but I’ve never been more serious in my life then here. Please consider this and how it pertains to your life. Maybe you have been withholding, or maybe someone has denied you of forgiveness. No matter which , this Is for you.

I hate bitterness. Boy do I hate it. Its like fire coming up burning through your soul. So many years ago I realized what God says about it. He says bitterness comes from not forgiving others who have harmed you. As a matter of fact one man put it like this “

“Withholding forgiveness from others is like drinking a bottle of poison and thinking someone else will get sick.”

It’s all true people. Like or not , we suffer not them. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Those are two different things. Be very aware though that the best thing you can do for your own health is to forgive anyone and everyone who ever harmed you. You don’t have to call them. You can do it all at once verbally before God from your heart. Feel the release.

I have made mistakes. For some reason my sins and errors have always been outward ones. Things that everyone could see. Some of who knew we were both guilty of sin but mine was more easily detected , had mercy . You continued to encourage me into the better plan God had for me. You are the reason I’m writing today and did not give up on life 20 years ago. You never have given up so I could not . You are the reason I could make one more day of the life I had, unlike my brother, who killed himself. You all have been my anchors.

To those who chose to exploit my every mistake and maximize each thing I did to make sure all the right people could get the gossip, I forgive you. To those who have accused me, abused me or did anything to bring me harm, and you know who you are , family and friends alike I totally hold nothing against you and have no anger.

Most of you had never experienced the pain and suffering and fear in your whole life that I did before I was a teenager. You knew that. You knew of my circumstances, yet you chose to use them against me. That is done. I forgive.

However , as things got better, and continue to do so, I must inform you that my band wagon is full. It has no room in case I hit a home run or become very successful. My band wagon is full of all those that rolled their pants up time and time again to step in the dirty mud I was in to lift me out and wipe me off. All the while taking no concern for their needs.

Its full of those who called at midnight almost knowing my thoughts to remind me that all that matters In this life is what God says about me in His Word. Man’s words are futile you said. But God “don”t  make no junk”  and he sure didn’t save my life over and over for nothing . He had a purpose. He judges the heart and He knew mine. He knew of my intentions and had mercy on me because of that. Yet my own friends, family even a spouse could not find it in their heart to forgive me. Yeah buddy is it full of those guys.

judge not

 

 Its full of those who came to rehab or court with me to tell the judge of my heart and my efforts to make things better. Its overflowing with those who repeatedly believed in me regardless of what they saw , no matter how many times I fell they kept saying that’s just one fall closer to you standing tall. Its full of the people who were Godly enough to remember we are all in need of a savior. They even reminded me that they had struggles too and not to keep beating myself up . 

Man is it full, my band wagon is. I wish I could tell you that I had room, but due to the undying love from a good bunch of people, there is not even standing room. I hope you are thankful each day that you never had to walk through the horrors of addiction by 15, or major depression, abuse, neglect and suicide all in my home. I hope you thank the Lord that the worse thing you have had to deal with is which properties to sell when the market went bad.

You know what?

When that same economy got my family then me medically with a bone disease out of nowhere all at once, you were nowhere. I made it clear almost begged for help to feed my babies while I endured 7 hip surgeries. Nobody home now. I always thought that was so odd since you all were the one’s bragging about blowing 25k on a week vacation, or a 75k Porsche to add to your garage. Then I came asking for a loan of a quarter of your vacation and you cannot help, Wow. So be thankful you have never faced stress, or poverty, addiction and depression all the while everyone mocking you because you cannot provide. I would never wish it on any of you. I really would not.

I just want you to understand why on the day, when the day comes-and it will, I want you to know why my shoulder is not a welcome place for you to put your arm around, my neck wont need hugging then, and my back sure wont need any patting.. You see I got all these others..did I mention, the others that never left. Their arms are so far wrapped around me that I cannot spare even a hand, just like you could not spare a hand. So I love you family who mocked, friends who judged and anyone else. I am on my way now and want you to know I am doing better now. Heck I bet most of you would go out in public with me now, without fear of your reputation.  Imagine that. Yeah, so I am getting stronger every day I want you to know. I have plenty of friends and all the right people with me. I always did.  So I wish the best for you but I do ask one favor.

Be careful not to judge someone , ever. But be especially careful not to judge others when you have no idea of what they have been through and may be still going through. Just be gentle and try to avoid condemnation. I lost my brother to a self-inflicted gunshot wound because he could just not take another day. You don’t to be the person that causes someone to go ahead and load that pistol. Trust me, you would never forget it. Also trust me, because there was a time, when…well I will just say there was a time. One statement out of your mouth can be the final straw that breaks someone. Be a helping hand up not a cursing word down.

I am really feeling today like this is one of the most important posts out of my 700. Not sure why so strong today to me. Actually as I say that I realize that July 4th is when my brother killed himself. When I hear fireworks, I often feel like I am in that day again. During fireworks that year, one blast was a real one. From a pistol. My brothers. So whatever the reason, I truly believe that thousands of people all over the world need to hear this message. Hundreds of thousands. Share it, tell someone about it or just forgive someone today, out of your heart. God knows when its real.

Before I end this, I want to go out on a more positive or at least musical note…so I encourage you all to simply click on this song while your surfing now or whatever your about to do. Take this song and really let it sink in.. Its my man Tracy Byrd with a song called ” Find Out Who Your Friends Are” – You don’t have to like country to like this!

 

 

God Bless You All My Blogging Family.

TJ

 

Should I Feel Uncomfortable? Look Who Is Sitting Across From Me….

Yesterday I was waiting for my number to be called at DMV in Florida.  Across from me, I  notice this  guy sitting here, staring around other people quietly monitoring the whole room. I got nervous. I’ll admit it.

He was the right color, with the right beard, even had a pilots shirt on. It may be wrong , or it may be because the 911 pilots trained just minutes from where I was. Whatever the reason I felt uneasy and I know some might say I am a racist or bigot. I just know it was truth to me. 

Am I wrong to feel this way? Its sad I should even have any thoughts about him, but I did..

Tj

( BTW , those bright orange kicks in the pic are my new  Nike’s , and I dig them in case you were wondering.)

What Are You Doing Here? On Taking The Next Step… Time To Execute!

“There is a time or everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Well, here we are. We have discussed practically every issue in life on this blog in the last four years or so. We have laughed, debated, discussed, prayed and I think I even had a legitimate stalker . The very first mission of this and I hope any blog is to teach. To educate your readers on what it is your here for and especially the question ” what can you do for me”. Today I am going to do a part of my job that is not uncommon in my 20 years as a Social Worker. I am going to press you a little bit. Force you to quit sidestepping and avoiding your needs and issues.

Now don’t think of this as anything negative. Its just the natural progression of things. In my career I would have people make appointments come to the office for some need in the areas of mental health, behavioral health or addictions primarily. There are always exceptions but those were the most popular reasons they would make an appointment to see me.

Almost always on the very first visit I would introduce myself and ask them to tell me about why they were here. I cannot tell you how many stare-offs I had, lol. I would say ” you called me so tell me what I can help you with. ” I never figured out if it was people getting intimidated when they are in a setting they are not used to or what , but so many people forget or froze up.  I would usually give them some examples of why people came to see me and gradually somewhere in the list I would here a ” yeah that” or something to help me know where to start probing or asking questions. We always got moving at some point. Some in just a few minutes and some it took a little longer.

On this blog Don’t Label My Kid! I decided to start the educating on my homepage with mental health. I allude to the other areas I am an expert in but that is where I decided to begin, because all our other problems somehow are related to mental health. I then proceeded over the next 3-4 years to make sure I wrote at least 100 articles related to each area I serve.  I am not talking about specialty areas like parenting that I also assist and do workshops in,  but the main primary areas;  Mental, behavior and addictions.

Over 500 total articles on these areas. This is to find out where my reader’s needs are and to get feedback from you as well on any area . As you all well know I always mix in some humor, politics or other issues at random just to keep things from getting to dark and gloomy on here. (Some who pop in at the wrong time think this site is just a random topic site as my last 4 quick posts might have been about humor. lol) Even though I post about a wide  variety of topics , they are topics related to life. We are all in that game together.

Now, in this time I have enjoyed a good amount of feedback, comments and gotten a ton from you all about your situations now, past of something you wonder about. I have read and still go over thousands of comments from you all. I have not read anything I have not helped someone with many times over ( except maybe the stalker) .

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I have heard from the suicidal, the addicts, the parents who are ready to strangle their kids, the people of faith who ask me how I can still believe in God, then the burned out Christians. I have also gotten messages from people suffering with PTSD, abused wives, and people who have had experiences with sexual abuse. This has been especially popular since I have been writing about Father Gondek . People are much more likely to share if they are not alone. My point is, you are here for a reason. I  can assure you God did not lead you here to get more depressed or addicted. He did not bring me here to write about your struggles so you can leave the house every day with fresh depression. We are here for a change. It’s what I call a divine appointment.

The stage we are at now, is called Execution.

Execution is where action takes place. It is where you quit playing around with your problem. You quit lust ” liking ” every post about your topic, you take the next step in your journey. It is the favorite part of work life, as I get to use my gifts and help people in general solve problems. How though? What do you do – even if you wanted to take the next step to help? Well, there are three possible answers.

 You are getting your first assignment in moving forward with your issues. You should write this date down on your calendar  as the day you ” executed “-

Before you can execute you have to select one of the following scenarios that best fits you

1- I have never reached out for help

2-I have reached out but no progress ( gave up )

3-You are currently trying things but have not got anywhere or don’t know if your counsel is right, or the money you would spend is worth it.

Now, I want you to select the one that describes you best. Usually one of those is it. If not no problem we can identify it. So make your selection. Great.

Now – as a consultant I take on three roles, depending on which of the above fits you.

If you are #-

#1-I am your  ADVISOR– I will start by accessing your need, identify the best care plan and follow you through the process as needed.

#2-I am your INTERVENTIONIST-I help you resume your attempts by picking up the pieces of whatever you did gain or learn, and reconnecting , but with the appropriate services.

#3- I am your COACH- I act as support to what you think you may want to try, and am someone to stand along side of you as you navigate the process and coach you as is necessary to keep you on he right track.

Your 2nd assignment today is to figure out whether I am your Advisor,your interventionist, or your coach.  So, which one?

Here is the moment of truth. You pick up the phone or email me to identify what you are in need of. I have broken it down so you can easily identify your needs from me.

(Although I am very good, I have yet learned to read minds of my followers.)

Touch base to get a Plan Of Care started now!

Tim@dontlabelmkid.com

Dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com

Cell- Txt- Call- 386-675-7549

*Now a few important things have when you contact me

1- if it involves a child, any and all IEP or special class information from school. Also any mental health official diagnoses or medications they are on or have ever been on. I don’t need copies but I need you to accurately tell me the report. If you are needing help for yourself I just need your past and current mental health diagnises

2- If you are an addict or have a loved one is and you need help – DO NOT GET ANY HELP UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME . PERIOD. Many organizations today get paid to fill beds- not make it a good fit for the client. Also if you walk into a rehab with no knowledge of the process and what you really need, you or your friend’s success rate is about 24%

Again- Any addicts reading or if you are trying to help one get help. CALL ME first. It is critical that you have an understanding of what rehab REALLY means. It’s not what you think.

Tj Petri BSW

Advisor, Interventionist, Coach

Don’t Label My Kid!

My Pain- And How I Use Writing To Self Medicate. As A Matter Of Fact I Am Trashed Right Now…

**Note-this post was voted in the top 5 best reads of all posts on WordPress for this day June 16th 2017 – ( by the DLMK team)


 

I am using right now . Just so my junkie friends know I am keeping this legit.

Lately I have found myself writing a little more than usual. I just have felt much more at ease when I am entrenched and entranced in a post I am working on. It may sound odd but even when I am just breaking to do regular daily things that we all do like using the restroom, some chores, maybe a meal now and again , I feel that kind of urge to hurry and finish so I can get back to my blog.

It’s not healthy. I am a counselor, an adviser and consultant on mental health, behavioral health and addictions and have been for 20 years and pretty darn good at it I might add. I do not have issues with balance, and stress, or addictive patterns anymore. Or do I? I realized today ( which happens to be my birthday ) – Oh, thank you!  Anyway I realized that I have to deal with this. So I stared at the laptop for a few hours today but refrained from posting. I abstained to prove that I have it, and it does not have me.

Who am I fooling. The only difference between me today and me 23 years ago, is I am using writing and reading others writing as my fix, my medicine to mask the pain or stress I have. Back in the gap, I would have just popped 4-5 mg of Zannys ( xanax) maybe an oxy 80mg and slammed a few shots to ease my pain.

 It’s truly the same idea. Maybe I have achieved a certain level of maturity in that I wont reach for the pills and booze now, but my keyboard is taking the place of it.

 

I am writing about this for two reasons. First because as a recovered addict, I’d feel like a hypocrite if I did not share when I struggle and make others feel like they are weird because they have these type issues come up. Second, because the therapist needs therapy right now. I need help to break this open and get to the bottom of it. There is great revelation and healing that can come from expressing feelings, whether through the written word, the spoken word, or any other way one can get things out in the open.

I once worked for a psychiatrist who after just a short while entrusted me with completing all of her initial assessments. It’s a big deal because that means each new patient who came into her office did not meet with her, but me. I conducted what is called a psycho-social assessment which was a 10 page interview process that is designed to give the clinician doing the assessment enough information to make an official diagnoses from the same DSM-V that the doctors use.  I would make my decision and then pass it to the doctor to review . After a short time she just signed whatever I gave her. It was a high compliment.

One day we got to talking about our lives and personal family histories and all. After sharing a few things that had happened, were happening and may happen she was speechless. She could not understand how I even made it as far as I did , much less be so good. She named me ” the wounded healer”. To this day I see myself as a wounded healer.

So back to my problem now, I am aware that I am self-medicating. I have written enough posts already to carry me on for a year or more. I have no reason to keep on this marathon blog session. However the minute I try to lay my head down at night I realize I do not care for this uncomfortable silence in my brain. So within a half hour I am usually back up from my attempt to rest. I reach for this , and so the story goes. I hate it. I hate it that for 3 days I have closed my eyes for about 45 minutes per day if that.

Now the hard part to figure out which stress factor in my life has me right now. There are plenty to go around. Then the therapist in me wants to get all clinical and fancy like I am back at the shop with a new patient. Then I think thoughts like this ” Well I am sure since it is my birthday, my subconscious memory is playing old tapes about things I left undone, or as we EXPERTS call it  – ” unfinished business” in my life .

Then reality hits and in frustration I blurt out to my screen ” What a load of crap that is”.

Now I am still nowhere. Or am I ? Maybe by verbalizing this and sharing my true feelings. I  might get some relief. Or maybe it wont get me relief and poor me has to suffer a week or two of this. Either way I need a remedy to this. So in my case in my situation today I have chosen to do something different. Anything that might throw me off of this pattern I am in.

I made a decision.

My decision is to review my perspective a bit. I needed to reflect on some good things and quit buying into all the lies the enemy of my soul wants me to by into. For example what would I have thought 4 years ago when I had 16 followers and could not find the motivation to even post because I knew only a few would see it and out of those few maybe one or two might like it. Boy now those were hard times, I tell you what, compared to that I am in heaven right now. I can literally write a post about anything I want and know that a whole bunch of people from dozens of countries will see it in minutes. What the heck am I complaining about? Too much opportunity? Wow, poor me.

So you see what once would have been a dream to me — to have an audience and an abundance of things to share about somehow has been renamed in my brain to be a big problem. The amazing twists that our minds can out on us.

Now as I finish up this post, I am left with a different perspective. Now I am thinking – wow, what a roll I have been on, but I have got to mix in a way to get some sleep. It’s not healthy to not sleep, but it is healthy and just fine to roll out post after post with good content. I plan to keep it up until it naturally slows down, but never believe the lie that doing what I love to do is somehow stressful. Lack of sleep is my issue. Not blogging.

When I started this post I had no idea how it would end. Now I see that I am just fine and have much less to be stressed about then I thought. The sleep deprivation is likely causing the twisted thinking. My blogging is fine. Right on track with my goals and the reason I started this thing to share my experiences with as many as is possible.

I encourage everyone to share things when in binds like mine.  It matters not how you share but let another human in. It does two things.;  Resets perspective & identifies any changes you can make today. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the ride!

I’m Developing Complex Stress And Trauma From Hearing So Much About It. Now I Am Back On The Xanax From Worrying About Being Obsessed With The Trauma…Oh Heck.

I am not stressed. I am feeling good. Petri at Don’t Label My Kid! wrote a post today on 3 easy ways for a worry free life – 2 minute read... Everyone knows he is the best wordsmith on WordPress!

I’m good. I am feeling much better..

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Who am I kidding- I hear Kermit the frog now. And That Petri Is Nuts. Who Am I Kidding…  Nurse! Nurse! 

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Have Any Of These Thoughts Run Through Your Mind?

Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

  • Life is not worth it
  • I hate myself
  • I have screwed things up too much to be fixed now.
  • Nobody likes me/ I have no real friends
  • Everyone else is doing well but me
  • I wonder if anyone would even miss me
  • Addiction sucks and I will always be stuck into this hell.
  • What would be the best way to kill myself, gun? Jump off a bridge?
  • I am so depressed, it’s never going to get better.
  • What would God do or say to me if I did off myself?
  • Nobody understands the pain I am in, I cannot explain it.
  • Why does all the bad stuff happen to me?
  • Where is God?
  • Nobody in my family loves me anymore anyways.
  • I am useless. Worthless.
  • I have no purpose in my life
  • I am not good at anything.
  • I wonder if a lot of people would come to my funeral.
  • I cannot go on its too painful
  • I wish I could talk to someone, but I am scared they might judge me

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These are a partial list of questions that have run through my own mind in the past which prompted me to reach out for help, in several areas. Even with all my education and experience, I still suffered through the same pain and hopelessness that many others do.

The difference in me now, and then is I did have someone who like me had been through the same stuff, and was a professional in the field as well. He was able to lead me to the right resources to get the right help with nobody knowing until I wanted them to know.

Folks, that’s what I am here for today. I am choosing to spend the rest of my career helping people and entire families get through some big hurdles. I can help you its 100% confidential, and I promise  will save you thousands of dollars in fancy offices with lots of suits walking around. If you are having any of those thoughts or similar,like I used to, then get in touch with me email tim@dontlabelmykid.com or if its urgent call my cell 386-675-7549.

Don’t forget your friends and family who might need help if you don’t. Please share this with your readers if you don’t mind so I can get the word out that death is not the answer. Suicide is not the solution, and addiction does not have to own them.

Again- Please take a minute to share this with your people as I cannot reach but my only group.

Peace & Hope

TJ

I Feel So Guilty When I Discipline My Kids…Oh Yeah? Here’s How They Feel About You Then..

Many parents think they are building some kind of special, double top secret bond with their kid by not disciplining them.

The truth is, the respect factor for the ” cool ” mom or dad who lets their kid get away with anything, is down the drain. Will they  quit using you ? Of course not . They don’t mind using you but never will they truly respect you. Kids are no different then us, they want and need boundaries too. If you wont give them that to help them grow into responsible people, then click below for you parental label..

Heres Your Sign..

If you don’t have a backbone when it comes to issuing a consequence, grow one.

 

How To Parent Like A Boss- But Not Act Like One…

I spent about a third of my career living with and working with some of the most severely troubled kids as far as behaviors go. My task was to turn the behavior around so these kids could actually function in public settings. Not to just ” get by ” but to excel.

I was able to do so at a very high rate of success no matter what the family situation, or the life circumstances, as long as the kid could understand what  we were trying to accomplish. As long as they could function independently. For those with borderline IQ and developmental issues, I accomplished the same results but with a different system.

For now anyway I will share about how I worked with just your average kid. I’m going to lay out some tips for you to take control of your home and in such a way that everybody feels like they won..

I’ve written quite a bit on tips for parenting and different ideas. However I’ve not gone into a lot of detail on specific plans simply because I’m not sure that I will have an interactive audience and that people will appreciate what I’m going to lay out. So I’m going to try this today and see what the response is like – if you feel that it’s helping you and you’d like to hear the rest of the story ( which is not going to happen in one post) please let me know through your comments that you would like to hear the rest. This is something that took me over a decade to learn by experience and it’s not something I can lay out in one post but I can give you a great idea of how to change what you’re currently doing enough that it will make a difference in your life, in a short series.

I’m going to go ahead and call this an in-depth series on parenting and if it goes well we will  make it an ongoing series with the intent for you to ask questions and I answer questions according to your specific need and situation.  If I feel that it’s not drawing enough interest I will change it from in-depth-series to a drowned one. That is totally up to you.

The information I’m going to share with you will include information that I was paid by the state to train parents on, to train entire school districts of teachers on,  to work in home with families on,  as well as my five years as a living foster parent to around 35 teenagers.  I also have 4 kids of my own ages 6-22.

I’m going to start by naming a few basic fundamentals that must be in place before anything will be successful.

1- As a parent yelling and screaming at your child is about the worst thing you can do no matter what the circumstance.

body language

 

2-Your interactions with your child on a daily basis should include at least 10 positive comments to every 1 negative or criticizing statement. ( Yes it’s possible) The reason for this is simple; negative reinforcement ( yelling or putting one down NEVER changes behavior patterns for more than a minute, and hour, a day if your lucky. If you want real change, you need to identify what it is specifically you want to see happen from your child, tell them, and then wait. Keep waiting. Wait until you  ” catch them ” doing what you wanted. Now its high praise time. You don’t need to buy them an xbox or anything, just some verbal praise reminding them of what they did so well. Keep training your brain to catch them doing what they are supposed to , and keep reminding them that you noticed and giving them an age appropriate token of appreciation. For example a 7-year-old might like a hug. A 15-year-old might like a comment like,  ” you are really impressing me, keep this up and maybe we can talk about that ( enter whatever thing they have been bugging you about getting) soon!

3- Without specific skills and expectations for your child it’s impossible to succeed because there is no mutual understanding. Don’t assume your child can read your mind. Always incorporate the skills I will teach you into your daily dialogue with you child. I am going to provide you with a bunch of social skills to incorporate into your home. These should become common to hear in your daily conversations. There are dozens we can add but start slow with the major ones.

4- Do away with terms like ” be good ”  or ” don’t be bad” . Your idea of good maybe totally different then your child thinks of good as. Train yourself to start Identifying​ specifically what you expect . For example instead of  ” Jimmy , you be good while we are gone ” , say ” Jimmy please don’t forget to finish math, make your bed, and follow instructions of the sitter.”

5- Never, ever say  ” because I said so, that‘s why “- because – well just dont.

On of the major problems parents have is not keeping things realistic. Especially in issuing consequences. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a parent say to their 10-year-old something like this – ” you keep on screwing up like this boy and you can forget about summer baseball league.

WHAT? This just in…10 year old kids have an attention span of a few minutes. You think they can connect on that kind of consequence when they are still thinking if they will get ice cream for dinner? Keep it real, and age appropriate. By the way, if the kid does comprehend that baseball might be out, whats the point of trying at anything now? Now you lost him for good.

The trick to all these pieces is to weave them into a motivation system that you design for your child that is permanent – a system that you both know backwards a forward and leaves 100% of the outcome up to the child. It’s all their choice. In a well-developed system, there is no power struggle, no yelling, at all. Simple, because the options are laid out beforehand clearly for the child. If she wants to earn x, she does this. If she does not care to follow any instructions she issues herself a consequence. No shocking angry threats, just a simple choice for the child, and they no what the outcome will be whether they do the right thing or not.

I have already gone further then I intended to without even knowing if people want and need what I have to say. Maybe you have parenting all figured out. You may not need me. However if you don’t fall into that group and like the rest of us you have struggled before, then I need you to make it known. Tell me through your comments what your area of need is and if you will benefit from this type teaching. Let me know that you will be involved in this series or not. I will not continue if nobody is willing to share that they need help.

Skills for today to start incorporating into your home.

1-Following instructions

A- look at the person

B-say ok.

C- complete the task 

4-check back when finished
2-Accepting No

A-look at the person 

B-say ok

( No eye rolling, body language or mumbling)

Problem
Solving

Teach your child to use the SODAS method when they cannot  make up their minds on an issue. Role  play with them on this method so when  nobody is around to discuss a problem with your child has a way to make the right choices.

S-situation

O-optiins

D-disadvantage

A-advantage

S-solution



If you need more specific and personalized information then what you see in the series, that is when you contact me for a personalized plan of care. 

 I have never turned anyone away for not being able to pay some sky-high fee. I will gladly help you put a system in place that is perfect for your family.

Contact me at tim@dontlabelmykid.com to set up a virtual appointment and discuss a personalized plan of care for your situation.

For now – lets see if you all need what I have to offer. Please make yourself known.

tj

 

 

Identity Crisis- For Reals..Pops.

Sometimes there are no words..only visuals can truly explain an issue of concern…

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wp-1495473459075. He’s down wit’ da truth, for reals.

I am seeing more of this everywhere I go. It matters not what the race and color, its interchangeable.

 

Hear, Hear…The Most Ignored Fact In Treatment Today..

Sadly the only time that providers will truly recognize and acknowledge that addiction is a disease is when they have no choice because  payers  quit paying for crappy results. It’s the only way overbilling can continue. Soon I hope the providers will be held accountable for more than what we’re getting. It’s about time..but at least it’s coming …nothing to write home about..

But when they acknowledge it as a disease it will justify the repeat billing and the constant relapses just like another disease -like diabetes or anything else. Better late then never ..

“Name It Claim It”- “Blab It Grab It” Type Of Faith And Other Carnival Type Of Entertainment…

There is nothing wrong with Christians or pastors being filthy rich. The bible says – the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Not money itself. I saw an article naming some well-known evangelists as false prophets. The only reason they gave was their net worth. They should go do some homework. Pat Robertson, sold all he owned as he believed God called him to do and start the 700 club. Sixty  years of hard international ministry and he’s worth ninety million. He even is said to be ” part owner of a diamond mine” – OOH… SHHH! Really? I hope God does not hear about that! LOL God made the arrangements.

Jealousy is not becoming.

Are there false money hungry preachers out there? Of course. But understand that wealth is not equal to false prophet.

Right off the bat, I am not a licensed pastor, minister or anything. I am giving my opinion on issues from the perspective of a plain old Christian. I am worn and torn, used and bruised as the next. I’ve been stuck like Chuck, broke as a joke and sicker then a dog. Despite all those things, the only constant in my life, and I do mean ONLY constant, has been the Word of God. It says right there in it will never return void. It does not lie. However sometimes people who preach it sugar coat it, and twist it and act as if they can use God like a vending machine.

Nope. But healing is real. I have seen plenty of miracles with my own eyes. However they were at God’s timetable, using who He wanted and how He wanted . Especially when He wanted.

Miracles do happen, and God shows himself in huge ways. However we play by His rules.

Contrary to popular belief, no Christian, with or without a robe or collar has this routine;

greed

{ Yes Lord, good morning. Here’s my order-Ill take 2 healing jobs, upgrade on my Escalade,  a 100k financial bonus and make my wife more sane  – In JESUS name!-( then stick your dollars in the machine right side up, and BOOM! Its yours.}

If that were the case what we need heaven for? We could make all things as we want right here and now. The fads that come by once in a while and are well televised often end up with a preacher in prison. Many times with good intentions but poor understanding of the Word. Other times preachers are just taking advantage of people and they get what they deserve. I am not sure many of those could even be saved, but that’s not my call. I do know God is not cool with repping Him for profit..

So anyhow, what IS the real deal then? What should we expect as a Christian here on earth? Well, there are two separate laws. There are laws that are available to anyone, no matter if they worship their Aloe plant or Jesus. For example gravity. Any one of us falls off the roof, we all gettin bruised! Now with that said, I have seen many times where it seems supernatural power had to be present for the person to be breathing.. personally I think believers get first ups on angels in cases like that, but at the end of the day we walk off of a roof, and we go boom.

Next is the law of reciprocity or the idea that when you give you get back . That seems to apply to most anyone. Now I am NOT talking about tithes and offerings. I mean straight up generous people seem to be rewarded for that. God calls it sowing and reaping in the Bible, but you get the idea. Another is the power of the tongue. No matter what you believe, words can hurt from any mouth. There is power in your words.

Okay so now what is the Christian benefit package that differs from the non-believer? According to the Word, eternal life in heaven with the Lord tops the list. But what about now, here on earth? Well, as a child of God who receives Christ as savior – you can now exercise some rights you could not before. You have special privileges and the promise that He will never leave you or forsake you while these horrible trials on earth must go on. Its kinda sorta like when you are a youngster going through scary times, like being scared of the dark, or your first dentist trip it feels just a little bit better when papa or momma is sitting next to you, right? Same idea here. The Christian has the presence of the Lord that others choose not to have.  ( Psalm 27)

There are many books out there about spiritual authority – the authority of the believer, books about what rights the Christian realm. If you like an easy read with simple applications, I recommend Joyce Meyer, or Pat RobertsonJosh McDowell type books. Especially if you are a fairly new believer. If you are a glutton for cerebral torture but love the challenge and all,  pull up a few Watchmen Nee books… The Normal Christian life and many more.  I would stay away from anyone who you would see on Oprah, with rare exceptions, as she likes to weave the ” all roads lead to God path” which sadly for them does not fly with God, according to His word. The thought is really saying to Jesus Christ, ” Hey thanks for the effort, that torture and death and all to pay my penalty for sin, but, tell the Father I will be coming via another airline…

Don’t see that talk ever happening..

If you are a total atheist or someone who gets irritated at the very name of Jesus, I challenge to read a book that I found very helpful on my journey. It’s by Josh McDowell and called “ Lord, Liar, or Lunatic? Very short read and super interesting no matter who you are but especially if you are oriented towards science. Josh is a scientist, and was a full on atheist so ticked off about Jesus freaks creepin around him that he decided to scientifically shut them up..

The point I am making here is don’t let bad teaching ruin eternity. In the end we are all responsible to answer to God. His word says He has provided one way to get past our ugly sin, the blood of Christ. We simply choose to accept what He said, or reject. Our choice. We don’t get the option to not choose …and according to His Word that’s the deal.

( I didn’t write the Bible BTW, so don’t shoot the messenger..)

 

tj