Let Me Introduce Our Newest Team Member- Cherie Zack! Women’s Coach & Marriage Expert!

Everyone please take time to read Cherie’s bio below. We are so very happy to have a specialist in her area of service on board with great experience and education on coaching women and marriage situations. She is involved in a plethora of outreaches including a podcast, radio show and of course her counseling/ coaching. We will be making much more available to you on how to access her shows or podcasts and services in general. Her contact info is at the bottom of this page. Please welcome her and feel free to call on her with any questions about your situation!

tj


If I had the chance, I would sit down with you, make you a cup of tea and spill my mistakes in marriage. In essence, I would share my story with you. I wouldn’t stop there though. I know that it’s only because of God’s mercy that I have a thriving marriage and family today.

Bill and I have been married for twenty-four years and we honestly look forward to loving each other for as long as God gives us. It wasn’t always this way though. Four years into our marriage Bill told me in a phone call that he wanted a divorce. I had received salvation just a few months before this and he felt I was changing too much for his liking. He didn’t enjoy me any more and was no longer happy in our relationship. I hung up the phone and went straight to God with it. In that pivotal moment of my life, God asked me a powerful question,

“Will you run or will you stay and fight?”

Run is what I always did when things got to hard emotionally for me. I ran to music and hid in it for hours. Or I would run away literally ending the relationship that was being impacted. But this time was different. This time God was asking me if I would stay. I wanted to stay. I wanted to fight, but I didn’t know how. I had failed so many times before. My past includes a divorce and 3 children that were hurt by my failures. God promised me that He would teach me how to fight but it would have to be His way and not my own. I said yes and He started me on the journey that I have called Boot Camp for so long.

That day started a fight I had never walked through before. During my own personal boot camp my heart was shattered. My faith was tested. My identity was ripped to pieces. It seemed that nothing was safe. Even then, I still chose to stay in the fight because God had given me a vision of what my marriage could look like at the end of my journey. Bill fought against me with everything he had within him. He yelled at me more than he talked to me. He made me feel like I was worth nothing and my life had no value with him. He attacked every area of me including how I was raising our children and the type of wife I was becoming. One day in a fit of anger he threw his wedding ring out the door and told me, “My life ended the day I married you!”

These were days I just wanted to stop fighting and run away. My heart could not take any more. Giving him what he wanted had to be easier than what I was enduring. It was on one of these days that God said the following words to me,

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Those words turned into thousands instantly as the Holy Spirit began to teach me what they meant. This happened many times over the course of my fight for my marriage. What I learned is so valuable that my marriage was saved!!

Can you relate to me on some level? Have you been through something like this in your own marriage? Have you thought about giving up and giving in? I want to encourage you to stay in just a little longer. The ending of your marriage doesn’t have to happen. If you are willing to give God a season of your life, I am willing to counsel you on how to stand strong and fight the way God has designed us to. Today, Bill and I are strong and our life is full as God has used my season of Boot Camp to teach me many more lessons since then.

My background ~

I knows what it’s like to be an imperfect wife and I’m well aware that my past would have been my future if it had not been for God’s intervention in my life and my obedience to follow His voice. I wasn’t always obedient. I resisted God in the beginning because He was asking me to change first. I felt enough change was happening in me and Bill was the one God needed to concentrate on. What I didn’t know then is God wasn’t just teaching me how to fight for my marriage He was getting me ready to fight for marriages all over the world. My mission is to challenge you to take a stand for your marriage and then teach you how God has designed us to love our husbands during the challenges we all face in marriage. My marriage is a living testimony of God’s “Grace Grace” (Zechariah 4). Your marriage can be turned around and restored as well. But you have to be willing to listen to voice of the Holy Spirit and change as He directs you to. He will ask you to do some hard things (I have a long list myself). Change is good, especially when God uses it to draw us closer to Him.

No matter where your marriage stands, I want to encourage you that God is big enough to not just help you stay married but to also teach you how to enjoy a blessed marriage for a lifetime. I know that I have to be very candid in sharing everything I have learned through trial, error, and prayer to turn my strained and struggling marriage around. I can help you through it. You just have to willing to try. I have been counseling wives for more than 10 years now and have witness God redeem and restore many marriages. Their fight wasn’t easy but they stood firm in their faith and God and

Work With Me

So, what is your story? Would you like to learn how to fight for your marriage? Or grow deeper in your walk with the Lord? Maybe break free from your past and strongholds? I would be honored to work with you. I am certified biblical counselor and certified Biblical Life Coach. I’ve been counseling and training women for more than 10 years and have witnessed God redeem and restore many marriages. I would be honored to work with you. Click HERE to check out my session rates and more.

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Don’t Label My Kid! – In The News!

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When Dr John DeGarmo contacted me about possibly contributing a piece for his upcoming December Blog Posting, I was without words. It’s not often you get an invitation from the guru of your trade to actually share your expertise. With more accolades and accomplishments in the Foster Care field than anyone I have known, I was caught off guard to say the least. I can honestly say that Dr. John and his wife are the only couple I know of who have had more foster kids live with them than I.

I have had 45! To be asked to give my opinion on an issue that is constantly under scrutiny by state and federal regulators was very satisfying and meant a lot to me.

I am glad to share both a proud moment of his – him and his wife being recognized by none other than Good Morning America and a very proud moment for myself, being honored as the guest poster on his incredible blog. First watch the clip below of GMA rightfully recognizing Dr. John’s work, and then please take a moment to read my first published post on his website. I am looking forward to working with Dr. Degarmo on future endeavors to keep the voice of children in need of parents alive..

TJ

Good Morning America Recognizes The DeGarmos!

http://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/blog/guest-blog-normalization-for-kids-in-care-by-tj-petri

Visit Dr DeGarmos Site-  http://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/

Shop his store for a variety of his books, training materials, and look into his many webinars. He is also available for Foster Parent Coaching, and a myriad of consultative needs as well as conference leader/ keynote speaker at your next conference or gathering, The DeGarmos are trailblazers and their message needs to be heard!

 

Tis The Season…But Could You Forgive This? Can You Forgive Stupid?

I try to be very understanding,  and if not  I am always forgiving,  because my Bible says if I desire forgiveness I must forgive. Not always easy, but when I think about the consequences of withholding it , I don’t even want to be a part of it. However,  I am not perfect, and occasionally I have found myself on the wrong end of a laugh at someone else’s expense. After all, how badly can it offend someone  if people get a chuckle out of a silly mistake. As it turns out I was about to find out.

So what to do when you are faced with a real life, honest to goodness incident that actually requires complete stupidity, and total absence of any thought at all? Is it ok to laugh?

If  something has occurred that you have never even heard mentioned in your lifetime and yet now someone you are very connected with has personally been involved in and you know all the details. Do you tell?

Sometimes when we are feeling a little low on the intelligence pole, someone does something that absolutely makes you feel like Albert Einstein on his best day. An act that defies all logic and leaves you with several options. You can exploit it, cover up an offense ( the biblical way), or just go with the flow and laugh with the crowd.

Well I was privy to such an act just recently and even as I write this, I am laughing at the picture in my head of what this looked like.  Although I promise you not much laughing was going on at the time of the incident. More like crying . However,  we  know that time heals all wounds, so after much prayer and contemplating, I feel it’s ok to share. Just so you all are aware, I have full permission to share this highlight of a most memorable event. So here goes. You decide whether or not you could let this go, or slide, even forgive?

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Not so long ago there was this guy who woke up around 2:30 am, and hungry. Not such an odd event for him as he is known to sleep little and snack much during the night. This particular time was unusual only in that he was still a little groggy as he made his way to see what the fridge had waiting for him. Just a tad more unsteady than usual, and more hungry too.  So he spots in the freezer some White Castle sliders, which are irresistible no matter what time of day when cooked right, who can argue that?

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I am trying to tell it exactly as it happened with details, so I will say that he got a tray that was ok for the microwave and placed it on the counter ready to hold the sliders as they were cooked. The tray and sliders were sitting on the kitchen counter between the stove top and the sink.  Before cooking them the man realized he had not stopped to use the restroom as is customary when he woke up at this time and the urge was too strong to wait.  Still holding his drink and his cell phone as both were in his room next to him when he got up, naturally he  set the items down since he did not care to bring them into the bathroom. So, as would make sense,  the drink and phone are gently set down on the tray by the sandwich, so they would be protected from the sink/ water next to them.

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Always the perfectionist and some may even say a bit OCD, he still would not allow himself to go to the restroom until he had done the traditional laying of the paper towel over the sliders, lest he run into the problem of not cooking them just right.  After leaving the items on the tray and using the restroom, he got snagged by a headline on the laptop across the room which had the national news on. So, he wanders over and checks it out, after all this guy is a writer like us and if a good post opportunity presents itself, he is on it. After a few minutes he heads over to his snack to prepare it with every intention of enjoying it while finishing the story,

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Mesmerized by the story on the internet he quickly grabs his drink off the tray ( you cannot microwave coke cans) and carefully places that tray with the covered sliders in the microwave for exactly 77 seconds , which despite what the package says is exactly the right amount of time to cook them if you want them to taste like real sliders. In the blink of an eye he is twirling around back in the office chair by the computer to continue the very important story on the news, just awaiting the aroma of the burgers to come…seconds pass, more seconds pass and many more… he smells no aroma of cooking sliders…. just an eery silence approaching.

SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!

No aroma,  the noises start, the flickering of the microwave begins, and he knows now what has happened.  What an idiot, he thinks to himself! He must have left a fork on the tray  before cooking the food. Oh, man. He rolls that chair  to the oven faster than you can say Samsung– before the buzzer goes off, hoping to salvage the burgers, yet at that very moment one of those goosebumps all over, throat gets dry, hair stands on back of the head moments occurs and a blank slate is all that’s on his mind. He opens the door to the microwave, he has lost his appetite, forgotten what was on the news and is sweating profusely. Consciously he can’t grasp it but something is wrong,- oh so very wrong. 

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As he kneels before the microwave, in somewhat of a praying, yet almost fetal position on the floor, he comes to realize that there is no fork in the microwave. Oh, how he wishes for a fork. yet he is aware that the flames coming from the tray could not be burning from a fork. You know the whole metal doesn’t burn thing …

At this point he looks over his shoulder at his desk and spots the box to his recently purchased Samsung Galaxy 7 cellular phone. Holding back tears but also prepared to run around the house and scream like a 2-year-old, he composes himself, and puts the flames out. He glances at his phone and realizes he failed to do step three when preparing sliders;  #2 is place paper towel on sliders, and #3 is remove cell phone from tray.

Always the optimist he thinks -WARRANTY!

But that thought passes. He moves quickly into the justification phase. ” Heck I have had that old thing for months now” then onto the flat-out denial phase of ” I have been wanting a new phone anyhow, no big deal.”

The people-the only people who got to see the roasted ghost of a phone were supposed to have mercy as he was a good customer . Instead he finds himself in the middle of a drive by mocking as he parades through the Metro PCS store to see if anything could be saved. Apparently the manager, (despite a request for privacy during this time while he mourned) decided to let the other employees in on his little laugh so they could all enjoy it. In front of the other customers the manager shouted not to dispose of it in any of his trash containers, because of any possible danger with the microwave/battery issues.

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If you all, or any of you were thinking it would be okay to laugh or spread this around the office then you have absolutely no heart. I mean how could you let someone, an innocent man, a good and hard-working man like me suffer for this? I mean let anyone suffer like this? It is painful enough I have to go through something like this. Pretty soon your 10-year-old daughter is telling her class about it. You never know.

This could happen to anyone. No matter who you are. So please do not relish in the fact that this actually was last Saturday morning and  in my home-  I was the guy in tears on the floor. I was dying to find a way to blow another 100 bucks I didn’t have anyhow, I swear.

Being the forgiving person I am however, I chose to forgive myself this time.

How embarrassing. But yes it is true.  I am facing it head on. My therapist says denial will just delay the healing and therefore delay my children from wanting to be seen with me in public again.

One request I have for closure purposes, is that you all stop asking me to sign your cell phones. To me this is no joke.

 Oh and don’t act all haughty taughty, as if you have never nuked a phone.  Actually in my opinion any phone advertised as ” smart ” would have come with a built in microwave alert system anyhow.

 

With A Forgiving Spirit This Christmas,

TJ

Check Out The Addiction Magazine In Our Circle Now! Jenny Clark Is Founder!

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All4uraddiction.com is the online magazine that our newest  Don’t Label My Kid! team member Jenny Clark founded. Please click below and check out all the great addiction resources and make sure to join over 10k others and subscribe now!

While Pastor Matt brings extensive pastoral, counseling and blog writing experience to the team, and Mike Carey his own incredible natural recipes for ridding the body of diseases like liver cancer and Hep. C. , Jenny Clark also has her own brand of service and we are super excited to add her to the list of professionals who make this team of resources up. Read about her experience with addictions and other professional milestones by clicking the blue link at the bottom and make sure once in the magazine to subscribe for your emailed version quarterly.

As we all know many of us and our following are specifically here for the addictions piece and posts we have on a regular basis. We want to continue to build our resource base for those of you who are addicts, have loved ones or friends who are, or are in groups at church like recovery groups etc.  Jenny’s magazine adds a wealth of resources and options for those struggling including programs and service cater to addicts.

Please post  her link on you site if you write about addiction so others can take advantage of this awesome resource. We welcome Jenny and have plans to expand our services for addicts even more as we are able.  Podcasts, seminars and lots of other options are being looked at so we can really be a very  effective resource for those suffering from the disease of addiction.

By the way If anyone ever approaches you about this site and says ” Is Don’t Label My Kid! A site for kids? Addicts? Parenting? Spiritual guidance? Teen behaviors? Or mental health, here is your answer below….

YES!

We are about the family. The family is made up of mental health issues, parenting issues, addictions issues, health and nutritional issues, behavioral issues with teens and children, death, grief, suicide, abuse and much more. Here at Don’t Label My Kid! we aim to be a one stop shop for all things family and all the things I mentioned and more. The team you see on the menu on the homepage is not here by accident.

Our goal is to have the very best of the best people with credentials and experience that will serve to make a difference in your life as issues come up. Pastor Matt is a guy with 3 degrees in counseling and religion related studies who has a heart for people who have been hurt by the church ( and who has not in the time we are in?) and focuses on writing for his blog and this blog as well as pastors a church that he started!

You know about my background in social work, mental health and addictions.

Mike Carey at   alternativesolutions4health.com is our resident nutritional expert who has quite the track record of 38 years of assisting people who are very sick with disease, rid their bodies of the actual disease, not just treat symptoms. Many times in a week or two. His success rate is 98%. Together we have 100+ years experience . Our long-term goal is to take this thing a step further and make our team members available  for virtual counseling and coaching on any of the issues we address–worldwide. You may not realize this but we have followers from 148 countries and guess what? They have the same problems we do. So building out this site to support us doing this is a big deal. We believe it will happen and now that our team has rounded out so nicely we can focus more on doing that.

Just to clarify, we have been providing consulting and counseling services on any of the issues I have discussed above. However it is done mainly via email, Skype and the phone. So you can still  get help for whatever your issues are just not through a virtual site yet.

Email or call me to set up services of any kind.

Tim@dontlabelmykid.com

386-675-7549

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We all believe we were put here for a reason. We also believe that each of you is here for a reason. Our job is to help others with the training and life experiences we have had in the areas we operate in. Don’t deprive your own family or another of getting some healing and help. Remember you do not know how many times they may have called out to others or God for help. If you are the vessel chosen to share the hope and help of this service with them, do your duty and sleep well tonite.

If need be we work with you financially according to your ability to repay and I guarantee it is always much less than traditional rates of you go into an office and pay 125-200$/ Hr for sessions and 300$ for assessments. If you need help and you are not getting it then it is your own fault because we don’t charge those rates and we work with you if you are going through a difficult time. Never let your family health suffer over money. That is one of the reasons we are here!

Everyone has friends, neighbors or loved ones who are desperately seeking or at least needing help on one of the areas we help with. If they do not know about our services than SHAME on YOU!

Let your loved ones and friends know they can get help at a place where they will not be turned away or judged in a 100% confidential setting. For the record we do NOT report to anyone about our client’s mental or behavioral issues so unlike an office and a doctor, who is required to inform people of diagnoses under certain circumstances we do not reveal to anyone your personal history. Many times a doctor’s office will be required to report certain  illnesses to your employer or others you really do not need in your business. We do not discuss your situation with anyone unless you ask us to, like if you have a court situation where you have to prove you got help with anger management or counseling for addiction and all, we count.

What happens at Don’t Label My Kid!- Stays at Don’t Label Kid!

Now take some time to browse All4uraddicton the magazine. You will be amazed !

Have a blessed day and please remember right now to make the call to anyone you know who needs help and for whatever reason is not getting it. You never know what you may be preventing. Many people today are just one cut down away from hurting themselves.

The Holidays are a terrible time statically for suicide and depression. If you are aware of anyone who is suffering-don’t make them go through another year alone. Tell them about us. Many times the only thing stopping a person who needs help from getting help is the lack of support or encouragement to make the call, or in some cases, I have made the call for others who just needed a boost to get help.

Here is the magazine for you to browse and become familiar with-again subscibe so you will get each edition.

DLMK! Team Member Jenny Clark’s Successful Addiction Referral Magazine Click Here And Remember To Subscribe!

A Way To Remember Daddy..

The last few times I have been out with my little baby girls who are not grown yet, just 5 & 10 years old, I have had constant thoughts about the power of the father daughter relationship and I wonder how I am really doing to build that foundation with my own daughters and how they will feel about us when they are grown. My boys are now 20 and 23 so those days are long over. I know where I stand and what I did right and where I came up short. Even so , those are boys. That is a whole different animal. The boys are more resilient when it comes to our relationship. Not quite as sensitive about mistakes I have made and seem to be able to focus on good times and remember what was really strong about our relationship and still is.

For example even with all my mistakes and problems when my boys were little, I still am very happy with how our relationship is today. They had to witness some not so pretty times in my life. The tail end of my treatment for addiction was occurring right in front of their eyes. They had to go through a divorce as toddlers those horrible times when I am dropping them off at mom’s house and they grab my ankle tight and scream ” I don’t want you to go” with fountains of tears pouring out of their little eyes. I remember more tear filled drives home alone during those times then not. I had to decide what I was going to do about the situation to try to preserve our future. The last thing I wanted was for them to get older and have their mom start rambling on about what a failure and addict I was when they were little.

So in that case I decided that there were two things I could do to minimize the potential for that since I could not erase the truth.The first thing I decided to do was as soon as they were old enough to understand I sat them down for a family meeting, just us. I poured out all the dirt. I told them of my struggles, how I was dealing with it and even the consequences I had suffered as a result the problems. I did not sugar coat anything but took full responsibility for it all.

It did not make anything go away, but looking back I was teaching them a valuable lesson about ownership, about humility and most of all about forgiveness. There were times they heard and saw things that a 4 year and 6-year-old should not see. After owning it all I asked them for forgiveness, and told them what my plan of action was to try to prevent that from occurring  again. To my surprise the response was better than I thought. I felt and still feel a sense of respect that I  earned from them, more so now that they are older for coming clean  and owning my own behavior.

I still wish they did not have to see me like I was at my lowest going to rehab and all that jazz. I was a sight for sore eyes. However I will say that to this day neither of them has ever brought it up or tried to use it against me. Better yet their mother could not do that either. I spoiled her plan to talk bad about me the rest of their lives, by talking bad about myself first. That took the wind out of her sails for that plan anyhow. The other thing I decided to do after the asking for forgiveness, was I decided to insert something unique, like a special thing that was just between us to replace the negative. I just wanted them to love me and know how very ,much I loved them. 

I began making a point of doing something I never experienced as a child, something to reassure them of my love for them even during the trials they had been through. I decide to go against the ” man grain” and be a super affectionate dad, and made a vow that every time I saw them or left them I would hug them, kiss them, and make them look me in the eye as I told them I loved them. All through middle and high school that’s how it was. I was not obnoxious about, you should know.

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I did not cramp their style or embarrass them in front of their friends, I acted in a way that was appropriate for their ages. Instead of a full body hug and big kiss on the cheek in high school we had “code” for our ” I love You’s ” and our giant hugs.

In high school when I was around their friends or dropping them off at an event where kids could hear and see, we had this kind of standing  half- hug- half body bump  thing that basketball players were doing all the time to take the place of me on my knees with my arms wrapped around them hugging them. lol.

The ” I love you” became ” you too” . So when we were leaving each other there was a body bump and a “me too”.  To my great pleasure as they got older and out of high school our communicating that we loved each other did not fade, it got stronger. To this day every single time I talk to the boys on the phone we say the words. No matter where they are, out-of-state for the military, or my youngest son may be in any of the 50 states at any given time due to his career as a professional rodeo bull rider, at the conclusion of our call they always say ” Ok love you”  before they hang up. Always. It may not seem like a big deal but believe me after sitting across the table years before pouring my shame and problems out to them, I was not sure if they would want to even claim me as their dad.

Oh How Things Change With Girls!

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So I have these two little girls you know . I love them so very much and they are sweet girls. They are so agreeable with almost everything I say. I mean just the other day my 10-year-old agreed via a ” Pinky Promise”  that there will be ” No dates til 28!” What a sweetheart. I know she will stick to it too. I mean we all know little girls do not lie. Especially to their daddy. I am so relieved that I do not have to start going out on dates with her and any boy until she is 28! What a peace of mind to know that..

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So with the girls it is a different scenario because they are so very different then the boys. So very sensitive and so open to hurt in their heart. Ever since those girls were born into this world I have felt like those two are my actual heart , divided in two pieces in the form of a couple little girls. Everything that happens to them happens to me. Every time they feel pain, I do too. I try to avoid any extra pain for them as much as possible.

Lets just say it is a whole lot different then when the boys were young, they would almost weekly walk in the door from school or playing outside with a new injury. Sprained ankles, chipped teeth , I recall Jesse with two nose breaks before second grade. It never ended. I can picture hearing one of them yell from their room;

” Dad, my ankle is purple and swollen like 2x normal size and my little toe is broke”

My response? ” There is some ice in the cooler, did you do your homework yet?”

And Life With Girls Now….

Not so much with my girls. The other day after school my oldest was eating a sandwich and I guess she accidentally put a little pepper or onion or something she normally does not eat on it.  Not knowing this  I walked by the table and noticed her eyes were red so I stopped to find out what was going on.

But then when I noticed a tear drop coming from my angel’s eye   I lost it…

I was like ” Emily what is it just tell me, did some boy at school say something to you?

Just give me his name honey don’t you worry that pretty little face .. I’ll teach someone what its like when you make my daughter cry!

It did occur to me a little later that my responses to my sons back in the day varied slightly from how it goes with my daughter.

So yes there are major differences in the way dads react and think of the different ways of boys and girls. Even so I still carried on the tradition of the hug and kiss and ” I love you” each time we part ways and I will tell you this, If I forget once to say It as we part ways, my 10 year old will call me out on it. She does this by repeating what I should have said until I catch on and actually say it..like this

” umm dad? I love you Emmy”  then repeat and repeat until I say ” I love you Emmy” . You know what? I am proud that she reminds me. It means it means something to her. Something I started as a parent is actually turning out good! Even in the midst of storms and trials little things like making sure you have told your children you love them is so critical. it just does not happen enough , at least in my world.

Now before you think I am some kind of monster by the way I blew my son’s sprained ankle off but wa so concerned about  my daughter’s tear-you should know a few things before you start accusing me of favoritism with my sweet angels over the boys.

1- When I realized Jesse’s ankle was truly sprained or broke, I personally got him ice.  Also, I gave him an extra day to wash my truck as that was his day to do it. So you see I have a soft heart for all.

2, You did not see just how BIG of a tear was coming from Emily’s eye. You would have panicked too. Honestly if it was not for me taking her for ice cream and finishing her homework for her that night, she told me herself she would still be bawling! I had to do something.

Well, at least they all say they love me. That is worth it all.

So as I end this I want to share a thought I had a month or so ago during of those times I was just sitting at the park watching the girls play. It has not left me and I think I am going to do this not only for my children but possibly offer it as a service to families down the road who just like the idea. It is likely something you will immediately gravitate towards, or you may just shrug your shoulders and feel like ” whatever floats your boat” ….

I  truly think this idea would and could change and help a lot of people when the time comes in our lives when we will be forced to leave our children on this earth as we age out and expire into eternity. I know that I am for sure going to do it for my kids.

Over the years in my work, I have been involved in my share of family tragedies and deaths of parents, some just were old and died and some taken suddenly. The one thing I notice that is always present during these times is families talking to the siblings about how much their mom or dad loved them and cared about  them. Sadly,  I have sensed doubt in eyes of the children sometimes who left the last time with dad on bad terms, or maybe it just seemed like daddy like the older brother better so the younger sibling lives his life believing he was 2nd best son to his father.

Worse yet on occasion a sudden death of the father in the family will occur tight in the middle of a huge argument between two sides of the family and they are not on speaking terms. I have seen more than not at funerals or get together after a death children thinking back to their childhood days trying to think of some good thing to say about how much pop loved all the kids, as evidenced by the time he _______________ ( you fill in the blank)

The problem is often there just are not a lot of good memories fresh on your mind when an older man like a dad dies. Perhaps like my grandfather who loved me dearly and took me everywhere all the time while he was well, things changed a bit when illness set in. With Alzheimer’s or any sickness the elderly suffer from near end of life, you may hear your beloved father look you in the eye and tell you he has always thought of you as a jackass your entire life! What then?

Or as the daughter is trying to have a last conversaation with daddy in the nursing home before he passes away, maybe he will look at her and tell her she is a no good whore. That she only got married because she got ” Knocked up”!

You think I exaggerate? I am likely making light of the situaiton. In almost every single nursing home around the world, there are dads who are on their way out who have all nbut lost their minds. During the sibling last month seeing him alive they are more likely to hear what a dissappointment they have been or be cursed at than be told hwo much they are loved. So considering all these points and also considering what my girls would be thinking if I was taken to heaven suddenly? Howcan I be sure they will remember hjow proud I am of them and of their accomplishemnts? I cannot. But I could!

So here is the idea I am considering with a partner. We think it would be really neat if dads, or moms could call us up when they are in their golden years or maybe in some cases when their health is going south and they can make sure that when they can no longer express their love for their children and other loved ones ( or in  my case just in case something happened to me unexpectedly) .

We believe that children especially at anby age would benefit in a huge way after losing a parent to click a cd of their mom or dad telling them of their love for them and reminding them of some of the special times they had and try to encourage the family to remember the good stuff instead of only going through the mourning process with not much positive going on in that process.  One neat feature is that we would get all the contact information of the immediate family when we made the tape and ask the persons social worker, caregiver, pastor , or others to make us aware when a condition worsens for a patient, so we can be ready to share the tape with the family at just time.

Usually, as in the movie The Ultimate Gift with James Garner, any tapes after death are about wills and momey or who gets what. This often makes things even worse during an already sad time. For people like myself who just want my kids to be able to hear my voice and see my face again if something happened to me while I was young, this could be an even more powerful tool. When a child loses a parent unexpectedly there is an emotional and physical loss that is tremendous. No more tucking in or night time hugs or taking them to school or contact period.

To be able to put the tape in every day if need be for awhile for a 10 year old would be a huge comfort. To hear the same words in the same voice from your daddy telling you how proud he is and how much he loves them. In the cases of Christians the parent would emphasize the fact that eternity is awaiting all of them and eternity together is the long term plan. The hope something like this could provide a child wouldl be very helpful in my opinion. We all have seen people who have lost a loved one go and try and find something, anything to hold that reminds them of the loved one who died. That is evidence that there is a desire to be close and to be near to that loved one. What better way than to hear directly fromt them?

Anyhow, If anyone has any interest on being involved from a business stamdpoint, I would be open to talking to a private businessman or woman who would like to partner with me on this as I have several other responsibilities including the entire team at Dont Label My Kid! and all the projects we are working on, the blogs and magazine and all that needs continous effort that goes into these things.

I dont need any  contacts for dispensing the product and getting the word out as I am connected to hundreds of nursing and retirement homes where much of this would be focused on. I would be interested strictly in a partner as a silent partner / investor.

I hope you all consider what your childrens needs would be if something were to happen to you. As parents I know you would do anything to ease their pain. I know it is not pleasent to think about but it is reality. We are not promised tomorrow .

Look at it like fire insurance, you have to get it but hope you never need it.

Send any inquiries or feedback to tim@dontlabelmykid.com and if you are interested in partnering with usin the way I mentioned, you can call me on my cell at 386-675-7549.

God Bless everyone- Have a great week!

Tj

Pull Them Up Or Go Home? The Saggy Pants Syndrome..

How would you all feel if it was your son in the picture with ” pants on the ground”? 

In all seriousness should kids be allowed in school or in any public place to wear pants below their bum? One problem with sending them home is we would have to have the same treatment for all plumbers..lol

How Mental Health Was Dealt With In The Old Days- Courtesy Of Dr. Bob Newhart- Laugh Alert!

 

Just click the link below for some very quick training on therapeutic modalities!

Old School Psychiatry!

 

I hope you will enjoy the flashback of  Bob Newhart and the slight difference in his technique for therapy. It may be good if we had a few more like him around!

tj

An Example Of Why We Are Giving Away Americas Control All Due To The Loss Of An Election..

The Definition Of Desensitization

 

I have paid close attention to every accusation, attack, and attempt at bringing the Trump train down since the election started. I am here to remind everyone that almost every attempt at doing so has failed, resulting in even more idiotic accusations which so far have been proven false and ended with yet another tempter tantrum with an even wilder attack on Trump and anyone on the right in general. However in order to truly put an end to these ridiculous attempts at changing Americas mind, we must understand the method behind the madness.

In this case I am sharing Glamour magazines new pick for ” woman of the year”.

https://www.glamour.com/story/women-of-the-year-2017-solange-knowles

To date it has probably one of the top 5 of the most bold and crazy effort at a subject called “Desensitization”.  Please pay close attention to this word as it relates directly to this matter.

I am going to give you the meaning of two words that I believe are the foundation for where we are in our battle against sharia law, and abuse of women in general that happens each day more and more. Here they are;

1 Projection- In psychology, projection is defined as; “a theory in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities ( both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others

2- Desensitization-In psychology desensitization is defined as ; ” the diminished responsiveness to a negative , aversive or positive stimulus after repeated exposure to it”

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One of the behaviors we have seen consistently from the losing team here is temper tantrums. If you are a parent you know all about these.

Fine if you wont let me play I am taking my ball and going home.”

Now there are many options on how to play a losing hand. One is to just make it a mission to talk bad about the winner and if a chance to trip them up comes your way, you will take it even though the shows already over, just because a sore loser. However if the key players are not just sore losers, but more on the anti-social side – this is now the beginning of a war in the mind’s of the losing team.

This looks more like ” Fine if you wont let me play I am taking my ball and going home” with a part two ” And I am going to take you down however I have to no matter  what the voters said. You better watch your back Jack”.

Now you have constant personal attacks and efforts to downgrade the winner so you feel better about yourself. In this method, wild and absolutely crazy accusations are made on the winning party. This is not about expecting to convince everyone that what you’re saying today is true, because it’s usually too crazy. These attempts at personal lives, or a book on why the loss took place are designed to establish and continue to keep that little door open in the minds of the people and take whatever collateral damage you can get while reloading with another campaign to follow. If they cannot reverse the entire group at once they at least are launching their effort to desensitize….which as you recall means to minimize a horrible situation and make people more accepting by shouting from housetops, ( or CNN, The Washington Post, etc).

This is where America ( except the Trump train) has and is really dropping the ball. We are now allowing things to take place legally here that most would never have even discussed 10 years ago because it’s so ridiculous. While this is softening the hearts of people who just vote like robots and don’t think about right and wrong we also have that other word projection kicking in.

Remember this is when someone who is committing hideous behavior actually succeeds in numbing people by accusing the other side, the winning team of doing the very thing they themselves are guilty of. Now these are going on stronger than even today by people like Hillary and like the link you can read at the top of this page where Glamour magazine named a rabid supporter of sharia law and sings its praises as this years ” woman of the year “. Yes its true. The cutting off of limbs for woman who disrespect their men and the murder of others like the one I posted before this who wore western clothes so was hacked to death by her loving husband.

Why am I telling you this? Because this is a huge part of where we are dropping the ball. We are a desensitized nation. We have let some major players in some dangerous games who have all the leg room they want.   I am trusting that the pattern will continue, that Trump will continue to be untouched by even some of the nastiest attacks.

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Every now and again Trump will take an opportunity to rub the salt in the wound, but hey if that’s the worst he does, he is excelling…

tj

 

Its The Weekend! Time For Some Priests To Reach Out To The Community! You Get The Idea. Always Looking To Mentor A Child When They Get A Day Off From The Wrecktory…

These guys are tireless. Even when they get off from their wrecktory for a day, here you are, seeing them out in the community trying to have a hand in really changing a young persons life..Volunteering for weekend playground monitors, helping with potty training in malls, and some even volunteer to watch the young kids while momma and daddy get to shop for a few hours. Those kids will never be the same just because of the giving hearts and hands of the ministry..

Can you imagine where those kids might be today had they not had the opportunities afforded them compliments of some of the Priesthoods finest?

II should be clear that according to the Catholic Churches own Bishop accountability log, only around 30k priests are even under investigation…so its clearly just a few bad apples, right?

http://www.bishop-accountability.org/

Will You Stop Kidding Yourself And Acting All ” Professional” Mr. Cocaine? And You -” Ms Writer” -Do They Know You Have Your Own Head Doctor? LOL You People Pretending You Are Worthy…Pathetic

I have seen many of negative and depressing things in my life. Depression, Addiction, Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Incarceration, Divorce, Trauma, Disease, loss of family etc.

suicide family

That is just in my own family. Lots of failure as far as the family unit growing up. I carried the guilt for that failure long into adulthood. As if it was my fault. 

 

Professional Career

My career in social work and mental health in the corporate world spanned over 20 years included being a foster parent for 40 troubled teens, starting a school for expelled violent youth, outpatient therapist, program manager for several programs from adults with the most severe disabilities anyone has seen, a senior center and another program for expelled youth in gangs where we scanned each kid right off the bus for weapons.

teen group

 

I was hired by the state to teach a program called BRIDGES  which was a weekly group I led full of teens that were somehow involved in the Juvenile Justice system and on off days I taught parenting for the parents of those teens. Its only been in the last 4 years that I have called myself a blogger when I started this blog.

I have written off and on for many years for companies I worked for and things like that but nothing I called my own  until 4 years ago when this blog was launched.

Almost everything I did and do in the area of kids, families, juvenile justice and mental health has been successful.  ( I am just soo great) I am not bragging, there is a reason you need to know this. This is my gift, we all have gifts and if you’re doing something that absolutely has no interest to you and makes you hate working, you are not within the gifting God gave you.

Due to my family situation growing up, and having been through major depression, addiction, many surgeries for a bone disease, divorce and much more at work I was instantly effective in certain groups. Although I had not been through everything life can throw at you, I still found success at every single place or population I worked with because I did not try to step outside of my gifting.

Except once and I really do not want to talk about it. 

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The Point Of Telling You About My Background.

I hope that the people who need to be reading this and if you know somebody who needs it you will share. People who are currently feeling hopeless or have struggled with it most of their lives. People who are constantly put down about how good or bad they are doing in comparison to someone else, or some people are constantly challenging your credibility to do what you do.

yelling man

In my life when I was working on places that serve addicts and mental health patients I was harassed mainly by people who did not like me. They knew I recently had been in a short term rehab for addiction and they began to use it against me in ways that became hurtful . Even worse I really had nobody to reverse what they saying! On paper it did look weird that the teacher became a patient . The problem was that  I began to believe what they were saying. I did not know how to rise above it. Because on paper, it was true!

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This experience I had  with just one man absolutely changed my life and the way I looked at myself. It will do the same for anyone who listens carefully to what I am saying. It’s a powerful lesson in self-worth. Especially if you have a checkered background full of events the world might call you a loser for being a part of. Especially if you have given up on any more success in life due to your past failures. Its a new day!

This post, if received and accepted and not just tossed aside as if it were just another self-help article to get you through today will change you. It’s a life changing, encouraging and hope giving truth to anyone who has been hopeless for a long time and lost any belief in yourself due to the verbal abuse of a spouse, the downgrading talk you allow at work or any other place and by the negative thoughts we have all experienced at some point. Seeing your true position or option for that position is available to anyone anytime. Just like anything though you must want it, and need it. If you feel like hopelessness and depression has been good to you in some way then wait a little while . Come back and read this in 6 months.

 

There is a point in this where a spiritual decision must be made.

If it scares you that I may mention God in this post, don’t run, I promise its not a judge, or beat you over the head with the bible post. So get back over here before you try and sneak off to the next post.

This is not a Christian website and the reason is for times like this. Whether you are a Christian or not we all get to this point of how freedom of sadness is needed and how hope can be restored. The two groups may settle on different methods but we all end up here. We all have to hang on to something when times are tough, when we are struck with tragedy and hope evades us. That is why we have gambling, alcohol. drugs, porn and all these things that actually destroy lives but we cling to them as if no other option is available.

Here is a secret not many people are able to process; for everything God made, the enemy, satan has made a counterfeit for.

As you go through your days and encounter people in your life, try to recall what the original plan was for that situation and you will see a pattern begin to develop. Marriage, respect, god and many other things. For a period of time God has allowed the prince of darkness or satan to rule the earth. However as a believer in Christ we don’t have to take his punishment like the rest of the world does. He will come at us all the time, but we are instructed how to deal with those attacks in God’s word.

Now, whether any of us like it or not, that Word of God is there, it has never once come back void and according to it there is no other way to salvation then what it says – through the blood of Christ. (John 14:6) Even science is catching up with the bible and the scientists who used to talk about Lucy, the missing link are bowing their knees to Christ as they see the evidence in their arena of every single detail being uncovered while watching with their own eyes.

One excellent little book I recommend is by a scientist named Josh McDowell. He was actually so sick and tired of hearing Christians talk about the Bible and Jesus, he actually set out on a scientific mission with his team to prove once and for all that Jesus, the bible, and all the hokey Kumbaya stuff was a joke and he would personally and scientifically prove it. I’m not sure at what part of the mission it occurred, but at one point in it, Dr. McDowell is said to have bowed to his knee and and asked for forgiveness from the Lord and told his team that the evidence of Christ being who He said was so overwhelming that he was kidding himself. He wrote a short book, called  More Than A Carpenter which is maybe a two hour read, and now is the founder of Josh McDowell international ministries. You can just google his name and his many sites and testimony will come up. 

This is one area all of us must either turn from or cling to. There is no in-between , as a matter of fact in that word God himself says he hates lukewarm believers and he will spew them out of his mouth  -hot or cold but no luke -warm .

I say this to encourage you before you turn it away , take another peek..think it through before you abandoned it.. After all what if it is true? Once you have died and must face the Lord, there are no spiritual mulligans.

As a matter of fact this post itself makes you aware of the Gospel and you are officially put on notice. You have been told the truth and what you decide to do from here is on you.

I lived a life of feeling that I was nothing but a failure and my mistakes in the past were just going to pave the way to a miserable part two in my life. It did not matter what was happening around work or anywhere else. I could not find the peace that comes with being ok with who you are. I also had over the years an ex-wife who made sure that the entire world knew what I was struggling with and just made it even more impossible to believe in any hope. Suffocating on my own prediction of failure. All of this happening while I was a Christian!

Then one year I could not take it and I spent a lot of time reading about these issues in self-help books., motivational speeches and the like. Still no change.

I did know enough to know that all the voices I had been hearing my whole life telling me I have no business speaking to this crowd, or I am fooling myself thinking I can be a good leader, after all look at all my problems- the voices were not coming from God. I had this misconception that God was reminding me over and over that I was UNWORTHY. Basically I made too many mistakes to dig out of this one. No way for me to rise from this pit and be successful after all my life problems. It was not until 10 years ago a bible believing Christian listened to my feelings and challenged me with this question.

” The Bible says that there is no one worthy, not one. Who do you think you are thinking you can accomplish worthiness in God’s eyes anyways? Are you saying God is a liar?”The man went on to remind me that If I was going to call myself worthy before God, it could only happen by believing in the finished work of Christ at Calvary, where He took our position as sinners and our consequence. That is the only way we can wake up feeling worthy. He also pointed out a few scriptures about how not God but the enemy of our souls is the ” whisperer” . We do not have to even acknowledge the enemy as Christians. We are instructed in the bible how to deal with him. We know that we belong to someone greater. 

That lesson basically cured me of my listening to the bad voices and many times if a voice did come back I would simply speak the truth of God’s Word. I might say  There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit (Romans 8:1) I was not going to give any credibility to any negative voices anymore because I just found out a secret I am NOT WORTHY on my own. By I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

This entire issue was about making a decision which side of the spirit realm I would listen to . After I decided to believe in what God’s word said, I had nothing but hopeful thoughts each time I read the word.. God is for us not against us. The idea that anything was ” too late” was straight from the pit of hell.

Let me interject something here.  Non-believers need a change to. If they choose not to accept the promises of God’s Word and deny Christ is needed for heaven,  then help is still needed .Many will stop as soon as we discuss the bible, and say

” Fine for you but I worship pineapple plants and the stars.  Maybe its more like ” Hey man, 58 trillion years ago a fish grew legs and began to walk on land. The rest is history!

Usually non-Christians resort to adrenaline related activities , setting new financial goals for themselves and anything that may give them a sense of a new horizon or task to go after. The problem with those, is that they are only a temporary fix. I personally have a friend who does not enjoy his life all, rich as he could be. He has an oceanfront home. Two years after it was done he was not happy so he had a 20 seat movie theatre built inside. That should do it right?  Not when you chose money a sa way to have security.

It’s likely that they will be back in a year looking again. Some Christians who know better will not hold on to the Word and its promises very long and relapse into hopelessness, but the good news is that there are usually plenty of other Christians around who can help get the people who slid out of the Word back into it soon.

This is the reason I began to feel ” worthy” to do anything-even with my baggage and critics. That issue was resolved now. Yes, I am unworthy. However Through Christ I can do all things. I began to read about each of the most praised followers of Christ. Quite frankly their resumes were pretty sketchy, just like mine. But they were humble and willing to let God change them and no longer bound to fear. 

 

 

So what in the world does all this mean. In simple terms? Well, we all have this dilemma. We have to make a decision whether we want to believe what God says about you in His word, or to put that whole enchilada aside and go it on your own. In other words, make a decision to actually find out what this word has to say about who you would be/ are as a follower of Christ. This means what your authority and position is on earth, where you rest your security, what your potential is, the understanding of the fact that as a believer you also have eternal security, what the consequences are for those who reject God and His word –

Jesus said “whoever turns their back on me, so I will also turn my back on him” – 

I was not there to see what His expressions were, but since He also said ” I am the way,, the truth and the life, no man shall see the father except through me” 

That right there is one of the most frightening verses in the bible to me. It does not take Colombo to figure out that if you rejected the only one who can allow you into heaven, it cannot end well.

This may shock you, but I did not write the bible. Just like everyone else there came a point where I needed to make a call on it either way. So that is a non- negotiable with God.

How about the title of this post? How does God play into all the negative feelings , voices and people trying to beat us down. Well, its great news! You have a new boss, and He says you are awesome. No matter what your past is like He is willing to make you one of His. Remember who Jesus went to minister to while on earth. Not the Billy Grahams or the people who had it all together. He hung out with the prostitutes, the drunks and thieves. The ” religious ” people were none too happy about it either, they thought they were the only ones worthy of His presence. The great news in this message is that Jesus is looking for humility, not perfection. As a matter of fact the bible says the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. That is another way of saying rejection of Christ.

It is a great feeling as a believer to know that no matter what the past held, its washed away in the blood of Jesus. The bible says He cast our sins as far as the East is from the West. That is something to wake up for! Whats even more amazing, is that God not only forgives you, to the point where you could not care less about what others say about you- and also he will use you for His purposes.

Each time I am able to share the truth of the Gospel with someone or write about it- It is hard to believe He is actually using me, a broken down sinner for His purposes! See, in the old state of mind of fear, insecurity, and all, we barely felt worthy to do what little we were. In the mind as a believer you get to have unlimited purpose and not a care about what anyone says because God is paving the path of your life.

So as I close ,will ask 3 things.

1-

Is The Old ‘ Chain Gang’ Way Of Punishment For Prisoners Even Ethical? One Prison Swears By It..

Watch this short video on an actual chain gang prison -and share how you feel .

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1499175486804040&id=355851444469789&refsrc=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2F&_rdr

Tj

Ok, A Woman Married Herself Two Years Ago But Cheated! She Had A Five Month Affair With A Man! What To Do?

My issue on this lady is how could she be such a cold and angry person to let her bride suffer for 5 months. If she was any good she would have come clean to her wife the first night. Not watch her bride knowlingly suffer that long. Cold hearted woman. Im surprised she didnt end up being served with divorce papers by now.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/10/25/woman-who-married-herself-gives-in-to-temptation-and-cheats-on-herself-7026942/

Let Me Introduce The Latest Addition To Our Team….Jenny Clark & Her Magazine All4uraddiction.com

Meet The Newest Member Of Our Team

 

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This post is just a few months late. However along with Pastor Matthew Winters, and Mike Carey -Jenny has her own area of expertise that has proven to be an incredible resource for many people and you all need to know about it as we grow into a whole new realm of what we call a ” social media presence”. You can click the link on top for her overview, but I want to make something very clear to all who are reading this. Jenny and her magazine called All4uraddiction.com  has built up a very healthy audience which includes 10k actual subscribers.

 

Pastor Matt and his wife Jennifer Winters

Matt has his profile listed under our main menu as well as several ways to reach him

 

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Mike Carey is at Alternativesolutions4health.com

(also listed under our menu with the rest of the team.)

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The reason for her success is that her magazine provides resources in many areas of treatment. Addiction and all the things that can go along with it. She has built this whole thing in 4 years while also working her other job. Knowing what it is like to pump out articles for 4 years and connect with others, I have the utmost respect for what she has done. Together along with our team we plan to turn our opportunities as we grow into potential chances to build your site as well. We have always operated as a team because understand that the demand is very large. For one example, Facebook experts recently posted and article stated that there are currently more than 50k people seeking treatment for addiction related issues. Think of that huge amount of people and how much All4uraddiction.com can help through her hundreds of contacts?

The same thing can occur with your particular area of expertise. We can help you do it!

For now please click on the magazine address above and see what is accessible in her magazine. That can be your business or cause because let me tell you folks people are looking from anything you can think of from pet supplies to service oriented sites like finance and the like.

I know you will enjoy and share the magazine with your contacts. Remember that by sharing this you move can give a reach of 10k more people  you can reach- instantly. The problem is if nobody if seeing what you have, they will buy from who they can see. Make yourself known!

TJ

 

So Whats It Going To Be? Therapy Or Coaching? Do You Even Know The Difference? You Should.

Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj

 

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management
The words Time to Evaluate on an ornate white clock, counting down to the moment a manager will perform an evaluation, review, assessment or reevaluation of a worker, property or process

Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?

Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.

So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.

Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.

Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.

Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?

What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.

OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.

But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?

Maybe because coaching works.

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Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.

Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with  ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years  ” or  ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.

Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.

 

Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction.  Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.

Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.

Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.

Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.

Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.

Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.

I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.

Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…

I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.

This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.

When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.

Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.

Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back

dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com or tim@dontlabelmykid.com

Emergency Crisis Line- 386-675-7549

TJ

 

Dumb & Dumber. Lesbian Couple Willing To Risk A Child’s Life So They Can Have A New Play Toy..

First selfish move is to invite a child into your twisted world period.

The next brainstorm is to force a miserable and depressed life on that child-  all for you to meet some perverted need in your life.

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More justification that homosexual couples should never attempt to be parents.

Ttps://ihavethetruth.com/2017/07/24/lesbian-couple-in-california-chemically-alter-their-11-year-old-boy-to-prep-for-sex-change-surgery/