What Is Your Cuppa Tea?

How many of you like ( if you aready use us) or would prefer to get coaching & counseling from the comfort of your home via email, IM, IMO, Skype, Telephone etc..instead of going into a doctors office each week?

About 1/3 of all those in need of help with a mental health, addiction , behavioral, or coaching needs NEVER seek help simply due to the fear of doctors offices, social phobias , embarrassment , cost or other reasons.

We are here to step in the gap for those of you who want and need help but arent getting it.

Why havent you contacted us ?

Do it today ! Take your life back even if you start in your robe and slippers!!

If you or someone you know needs help but wont reach out through the publc settings, get in touch today – no matter what the issue may be. We have and only use experts who have proven to be very effective in the shortest period of time-  whether therapuetic counseling or coaching, no matter the age or gender.

It doesnt matter the issue from depression to domestic violence, kids having trouble in school, meds, parenting, addiction or whatever.

We can help.

We will work a plan out for your budget and you never have to leave home!

Contact us today;

386-675-7202

386-675-9517

Or email tjpettri6@gmail.com.

Today could be the first day of the rest of your life! Its up to you now…

So You Need Help For Yourself Or Your Child? What Next? Let Me Share A Critical Mistake Most Make When Seeking Help…( Mental Health & Addictions)

dont wait
So – you finally realized life is not what you expected or even what it once was. You are going to get that child with Ad-Hd some help and NOW! Or maybe you are ready to deal with your depression now, your anxiety, or PTSD. Whatever the case is almost everyone is totally lost when it comes to what type of help to seek who to seek it from and whether or not things like medicine should be involved. Most people pick providers like they pick apples at the supermarket. If it looks ok, go for it.
I cannot tell you how many lives that method has RUINED! You cannot just ” pick ” a counselor, therapist, doctor, coach, or any other professional out of a hat and expect results. Let me give you a dose of reality and also explain why I do what I do.
Take a look at the alphabetical list below. Those are all different types of therapy that therapists and doctors use. You literally are playing Russian Roulette when you just ” pick one”.
The reason I have been able to help people get better fast is simple, I know what they need for their specific issues. I outline a specific plan of action for you or your child. I make sure you are not opening a can of worms you will regret. The number 1 mistake in this area by the way is to jump right into a psychiatrist because you heard on Oprah that your kid must have Ad-Hd or some other disorder. You have no clue that when you leave that office you or your child will be the proud owners of mental health labels that will follow you for life. Not even to mention the types of drugs you or your child may be loaded down with.
So what I do for you is very simple but it saves you much heartache, and thousands of wasted dollars. I have worked for 20 years with all types of therapists and doctors -I know how it works. I also counsel and coach when appropriate for the situation but for anyone and everyone I help them get the appropriate services that will produce results.
Do you have any idea over my career how many crying mon’s have told me of all the different things they have tried and all the meds and all the ” recommendations” from friends? Leave the friends for Board Games and do not play with your own or your child’s mental health.
You have 2 choices. Look below and close your eyes then put your finger on one of the hundreds of types of therapeutic methods and find someone to go to.
Your next option is to contact me before you do ANYTHING. I will work with you on a custom treatment plan that matches your needs. That’s it! It is that cut and dry. Gamble or get better. First come first serve.

For help now contact me at tjpetri16@gmail.com and put HELP in the subject. Leave your best contact info. I will be in touch. If it is a real emergency and you need an answer today you can call me directly 386-675-7549 – leave a message and I will get back asap. So there are your 2 choices. I have done my part – now its up to you…

 

TJ

 

 

This Is How Things Should Be..Have A Child With A Disability? Look At This.

Many times we don’t even understand how much we label people with a disability. Sometimes it’s by looking the other way when we walk past , then sometimes it’s by striking up another conversation so nobody brings it up , or  sometimes even avoiding disabled people all together.

In treatment centers and facilities all across the world people that are able and willing and ready and excited to do things are laying in the bed somewhere  hiding out from the rest of the world because of their disability,  not by their choice but because they’ve been labeled and stamped.  That’s how they’re going to have to  live their lives unless somebody intervenes.

Here’s an example of what is possible. Not only is it possible it’s very likely that you could find a group of people like this that could run a restaurant or another type of store in any type of a workshop or facility where they help people with disabilities. But many times owners of businesses do not want them around because of the way that they act or the way that they walk even.

This story illustrates  the term ” normalization” – which occurs when mainstream society focus on the strengths that the disabled have, and use them in place of their weaknesses. We all have strengths and weaknesses,  the only difference between us and them is they wear theirs on their sleeve.

What’s true of every human being is we tend to  rise up to the expectations or lower ourselves to the expectations of the environment around us.

For example  if you’re screaming and yelling at your children on the way to the library usually by the time you get to that library door you make good and sure that nobody is  screaming when you walk in the library , because they dont  tolerate it.

It’s the same for  people with  disabilities. They rise to the  highest level they can and when put in the right environment  and whatever they cannot accomplish another can make up, but you’ll never know unless you raise that bar of expectations.

Click the link below to witness an incredible sight.

://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6355447346989400064

Tj

Check Out The Addiction Magazine In Our Circle Now! Jenny Clark Is Founder!

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All4uraddiction.com is the online magazine that our newest  Don’t Label My Kid! team member Jenny Clark founded. Please click below and check out all the great addiction resources and make sure to join over 10k others and subscribe now!

While Pastor Matt brings extensive pastoral, counseling and blog writing experience to the team, and Mike Carey his own incredible natural recipes for ridding the body of diseases like liver cancer and Hep. C. , Jenny Clark also has her own brand of service and we are super excited to add her to the list of professionals who make this team of resources up. Read about her experience with addictions and other professional milestones by clicking the blue link at the bottom and make sure once in the magazine to subscribe for your emailed version quarterly.

As we all know many of us and our following are specifically here for the addictions piece and posts we have on a regular basis. We want to continue to build our resource base for those of you who are addicts, have loved ones or friends who are, or are in groups at church like recovery groups etc.  Jenny’s magazine adds a wealth of resources and options for those struggling including programs and service cater to addicts.

Please post  her link on you site if you write about addiction so others can take advantage of this awesome resource. We welcome Jenny and have plans to expand our services for addicts even more as we are able.  Podcasts, seminars and lots of other options are being looked at so we can really be a very  effective resource for those suffering from the disease of addiction.

By the way If anyone ever approaches you about this site and says ” Is Don’t Label My Kid! A site for kids? Addicts? Parenting? Spiritual guidance? Teen behaviors? Or mental health, here is your answer below….

YES!

We are about the family. The family is made up of mental health issues, parenting issues, addictions issues, health and nutritional issues, behavioral issues with teens and children, death, grief, suicide, abuse and much more. Here at Don’t Label My Kid! we aim to be a one stop shop for all things family and all the things I mentioned and more. The team you see on the menu on the homepage is not here by accident.

Our goal is to have the very best of the best people with credentials and experience that will serve to make a difference in your life as issues come up. Pastor Matt is a guy with 3 degrees in counseling and religion related studies who has a heart for people who have been hurt by the church ( and who has not in the time we are in?) and focuses on writing for his blog and this blog as well as pastors a church that he started!

You know about my background in social work, mental health and addictions.

Mike Carey at   alternativesolutions4health.com is our resident nutritional expert who has quite the track record of 38 years of assisting people who are very sick with disease, rid their bodies of the actual disease, not just treat symptoms. Many times in a week or two. His success rate is 98%. Together we have 100+ years experience . Our long-term goal is to take this thing a step further and make our team members available  for virtual counseling and coaching on any of the issues we address–worldwide. You may not realize this but we have followers from 148 countries and guess what? They have the same problems we do. So building out this site to support us doing this is a big deal. We believe it will happen and now that our team has rounded out so nicely we can focus more on doing that.

Just to clarify, we have been providing consulting and counseling services on any of the issues I have discussed above. However it is done mainly via email, Skype and the phone. So you can still  get help for whatever your issues are just not through a virtual site yet.

Email or call me to set up services of any kind.

Tim@dontlabelmykid.com

386-675-7549

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We all believe we were put here for a reason. We also believe that each of you is here for a reason. Our job is to help others with the training and life experiences we have had in the areas we operate in. Don’t deprive your own family or another of getting some healing and help. Remember you do not know how many times they may have called out to others or God for help. If you are the vessel chosen to share the hope and help of this service with them, do your duty and sleep well tonite.

If need be we work with you financially according to your ability to repay and I guarantee it is always much less than traditional rates of you go into an office and pay 125-200$/ Hr for sessions and 300$ for assessments. If you need help and you are not getting it then it is your own fault because we don’t charge those rates and we work with you if you are going through a difficult time. Never let your family health suffer over money. That is one of the reasons we are here!

Everyone has friends, neighbors or loved ones who are desperately seeking or at least needing help on one of the areas we help with. If they do not know about our services than SHAME on YOU!

Let your loved ones and friends know they can get help at a place where they will not be turned away or judged in a 100% confidential setting. For the record we do NOT report to anyone about our client’s mental or behavioral issues so unlike an office and a doctor, who is required to inform people of diagnoses under certain circumstances we do not reveal to anyone your personal history. Many times a doctor’s office will be required to report certain  illnesses to your employer or others you really do not need in your business. We do not discuss your situation with anyone unless you ask us to, like if you have a court situation where you have to prove you got help with anger management or counseling for addiction and all, we count.

What happens at Don’t Label My Kid!- Stays at Don’t Label Kid!

Now take some time to browse All4uraddicton the magazine. You will be amazed !

Have a blessed day and please remember right now to make the call to anyone you know who needs help and for whatever reason is not getting it. You never know what you may be preventing. Many people today are just one cut down away from hurting themselves.

The Holidays are a terrible time statically for suicide and depression. If you are aware of anyone who is suffering-don’t make them go through another year alone. Tell them about us. Many times the only thing stopping a person who needs help from getting help is the lack of support or encouragement to make the call, or in some cases, I have made the call for others who just needed a boost to get help.

Here is the magazine for you to browse and become familiar with-again subscibe so you will get each edition.

DLMK! Team Member Jenny Clark’s Successful Addiction Referral Magazine Click Here And Remember To Subscribe!

How Mental Health Was Dealt With In The Old Days- Courtesy Of Dr. Bob Newhart- Laugh Alert!

 

Just click the link below for some very quick training on therapeutic modalities!

Old School Psychiatry!

 

I hope you will enjoy the flashback of  Bob Newhart and the slight difference in his technique for therapy. It may be good if we had a few more like him around!

tj

 Storms Of Life- The Hurt And Healing. Where Did God Go? How To Be A Rock In The Midst Of The Thing That Is Ripping Others Apart…

This world can be harsh. Our circumstances can attempt to break us down. Whether you are a Christian or not, I am wrting this to offer to you the only way to remain unshakeable from any of life’s flaming arrows. Will we not feel pain or sorrow and never cry if we do what this article tells you? We still feel the pain, and cry sometimes.

Its our core, our spirit that can remain steady and strong.

If you are a Christian wondering why you feel so vulnerable when things seem to fall apart or you are a straight up anti-God soldier who claims not to need God, this is for both of you. For the Christian, you can learn about why you may be weak in your faith when bad things happen. For the soldier, drop your weapon for a few minutes and see if you might see how this could work and hopefully give it a shot.

Whether we are talking about some tragic circumstances in our own families like unexpected death or loss of income or a number of possible issues, we all have felt at one time or another that God surely must be punishing us. Unbelievers sometimes use these circumstances to affirm their non-belief in God.

Recently we have had some large-scale disasters like the wildfires in California and hurricanes in Florida that forced over a million people out of their homes, not knowing what they may return to. On a personal note I have been through wildfires, dozens of hurricanes and other natural disasters. I lost my brother to suicide and my grandparents the next year. My family has seen a bunch of personal tragedies and natural ones like these storms and fires I referenced.

 

This year though was the first time I have ever evacuated.  When hurricane Irma took over the entire state of Florida, everywhere you turned you saw people crying or pleading with God to take the storm away. You know what? That’s okay. The problems arise when believers don’t get the requested answer in the time frame they have allowed God to wipe these things out. No question people are genuinely hurting, scared. helpless and sometimes hopeless when these things happen.

The question to believers in Christ, is which way are we going to trust now. In our own understanding or in God, period? Here is the mandate from God’s Word;

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,  lean not on thine own understanding. In all our ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths”. Proverbs 3: 5-6 ( KJV)

screenshot_20170823-62729186825913.png

Now, before anyone gets irritated by this order from God because it does not seem possible at certain times, let me introduce a missing ingredient in being able to trust.

Faith

How do we acquire that kind of strong faith though? It surely does not come from reciting ” I have faith” all day hoping faith will enter into you. Faith does not come by mind over matter or manipulating your self into a false sense of faith.

Once again if we refer back to our life manual, the Bible, we are told that there is but one way for genuine faith to arise in us. Faith that will sustain us through anything.

Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. ( KJV)

Wait just a minute you may say” I have read countless Christian books, I pray, I try to do all I can to please God, I even leave tracts for my waiter or waitress  I should have strong Faith!

Good for you for choosing Christian books over romance novels or inappropriate magazines. Those are wise choices but don’t for a minute they give you lasting faith. You see- God never changed the rules about how legitimate faith is gained, it’s still by His Word. Yep, that means no other Christian anything has the power to do that. Now do not mistake me as if I was saying we don’t need Christian magazines, books, videos and all because we do. They can encourage us, keep us focused in the right direction, even provide us with an emotional spiritual high for a day or two. They keep us in touch with other believers which is a recomendation the apostle Paul made.

However, don’t mistake emotions for faith. So why am I emphasizing the true way to get real faith? Because lack of real faith is the number one reason people stay in crisis mode when problems come, walk away from the faith or never get involved. Maybe they have never been told what we are talking about. Whatever the reason they are drifting and doubting is because they do not renew their minds daily with the Word of God, the Holy scriptures.

What is the difference between you fueling  up only on Christian books and movies which can produce an emotional charge or maybe a temporary ” Jesus high” ? It’s the difference between real faith and manufactured powerless temporary faith. Lets see what the Bible says about what the power its own words hold for those who stay in it and keep renewing their minds everyday from it.

The word says this about itself-

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow: it judges the thoughts and attitude of the heart”-  Hebrews 4: 12 ( NIV)

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I challenge you to find any Christian publication other than the Bible that makes that claim about its contents. You wont. Not even the most famous Christian authors would even consider comparing their words to the power of ” the Word”.

I dedicate so much time to the Word of God and its importance in the midst of crisis and storms in our lives because those who obey the order on how to get real faith are the ones who really remain unshaken regarding God no matter what is going on. One other thing to note, is that in the bible you will find that every true follower of God had to come to crossroads at some point in life where they surrendered their own will and plans and decided to put it all into trusting God. Take Job for example. An honest, faithful man who God clearly allowed to suffer in almost every way he could. Lost his fortune, his family, even his health.

Job was frustrated and not happy about his situation but he decided nothing was going to take his faith away. He made the decision right up front to operate not on feelings, but Faith. So after the storms in his life, his life was put back together by God even greater than it originally was. Now that is faith. In today’s mindset you will likely not find too many Job’s in your life. Most people just get mad, give up, curse God, denounce God or even take their own lives because they decided to play the role of God and decide how things would end up. What was so different about JOb? Was he a better person than we are? Maybe God gave Him some superpowers that we dont have? Nope.

Only one thing kept Job so trusting in God that even when his own wife said he should curse God and die, Job said ” Even though He slay me, I will praise Him”

There is another scripture that Christians need to keep in mind as well. Romans 8:28 says ” All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose”

wp-image--2084750928

Job understood God was not going to just abandon him. That’s why the man who makes our little problems look insignificant was unshakable in his faith. That faith to keep on and even have total peace is only found one way. Reading the word of God often to renew your mind ( if you have not figured this out yet, the world we live in does everything it can to talk us out of our faith.)

The only protection from being affected by that is to renew your mind before you walk out the door and face the world that wants you to walk away from God. That is part of the armor God has given us to be unshakable when everything seems to be working directly against you and your family and faith. He will not force us to stay in His word though. We have free will. If you go to Barnes and Noble and choose to cozy up with a good Anton Lavey ( church of satan) book, that’s your call and of course so are the consequences. So our choices in crisis are critical.

If you have grown children or even younger children you surely have noticed that in their first few years of life they never question what you say or do. If you hand them a bottle, they don’t spin the top off to inspect what you’re giving them. It could be poison but their childlike faith does not even tempt them to go against you or question you about any major decisions. If told your young kids they need to hit the basement now because a tornado was coming through, its doubtful they would pull out a weather radio to challenge your statement. That describes childlike faith.

Guess what that Bible says about what kind of faith is pleasing to God? You got it- childlike faith. Just like your kids never questioned you as a child, we are to have the same attitude with our heavenly Father. Once again, you cannot order childlike faith online or talk yourself into it. Faith comes from where again? The Word. Period.

As adults as we find discipline to renew our minds in the Word and experience true trust in God no matter what is happening, your friends, family, kids are witness to that peace you have unlike so many. That is the opportunity to share your secret with them, and they will believe you because sometimes you are the only calm one around and they notice it. The mindset we get from reading the truth all the time and building real faith goes a little like this-

People come and go ( death, divorce). jobs come and go, health comes and goes, riches come and go, friends come and go, but God- He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That is what you will have etched in your soul as you stay in the Word. It leaves very little room for trusting in any of those listed things. But your realization that God will never leave or forsake you and is always the same will provide you with an entirely new kind of faith in any circumstance.

It doesnt matter if you are an atheist today or a lifelong Christian who even ushers in the church. The Word of God is available to both. One is no better then the other but by their trust in Christ. We all need a savior. Not one of us is righteouss enough to land in heaven except by the finished work of Christ at Calvary and by the blood He shed for anyone who accepts His forgiveness. Nobody has a one up one the other. If you are an atheist now, but tonite you choose to invite Christ into your heart and ask for forgiveness, assuming you get in the Word right away faithfully you could be alot better off then a Christian of 20 years who chooses to keep his Max Lucado reads up to date but not too much time in the Word.

That is why this article is for everyone. No matter what your past has been or where you have been. Its all able to be washed away with that blood of Christ for the asking.

You know when I began writing this article, I considered adding some pictures of the massive storms and fires that are happening. Then I got my head straight and realized I was about to give glory and even more attention to the things that are tearing people apart. Thankfully I realized that this is a hope centered piece, not a piece for lots of people to glorify the bad things that hit us.

Thats why the emphasis has been on the awesome opportunity to overcome this world and its attempts at defeating us. What we need is more instruction on how to overcome this world according to God. Thats victory. When you choose that route you will find that the things that used to wear and tear you down are now like flys on your shoulder that you can swat off and keep moving forward in God’s Word and plan for you and yours!

Listen to this womans confidence. I guarantee it did not come to her by never missing Oprah.

Whatever your storm, whether tragedy in your family, fires in your woods, or crazy rain and winds over the entire state, they all get smaller and smaller as the Word grows bigger and bigger in you!

Test it and see. After all God said not a word of His will ever return void…

TJ

 

 

 

 

Storms Of Life- The Hurt And Healing. Where Did God Go? How To Be A Rock In The Midst Of The Thing That Is Ripping Others Apart…

This world can be harsh. Our circumstances can attempt to break us down. Whether you are a Christian or not, I am wrting this to offer to you the only way to remain unshakeable from any of life’s flaming arrows. Will we not feel pain or sorrow and never cry if we do what this article tells you? We still feel the pain, and cry sometimes.

Its our core, our spirit that can remain steady and strong.

If you are a Christian wondering why you feel so vulnerable when things seem to fall apart or you are a straight up anti-God soldier who claims not to need God, this is for both of you. For the Christian, you can learn about why you may be weak in your faith when bad things happen. For the soldier, drop your weapon for a few minutes and see if you might see how this could work and hopefully give it a shot.

Whether we are talking about some tragic circumstances in our own families like unexpected death or loss of income or a number of possible issues, we all have felt at one time or another that God surely must be punishing us. Unbelievers sometimes use these circumstances to affirm their non-belief in God.

Recently we have had some large-scale disasters like the wildfires in California and hurricanes in Florida that forced over a million people out of their homes, not knowing what they may return to. On a personal note I have been through wildfires, dozens of hurricanes and other natural disasters. I lost my brother to suicide and my grandparents the next year. My family has seen a bunch of personal tragedies and natural ones like these storms and fires I referenced.

 

This year though was the first time I have ever evacuated.  When hurricane Irma took over the entire state of Florida, everywhere you turned you saw people crying or pleading with God to take the storm away. You know what? That’s okay. The problems arise when believers don’t get the requested answer in the time frame they have allowed God to wipe these things out. No question people are genuinely hurting, scared. helpless and sometimes hopeless when these things happen.

The question to believers in Christ, is which way are we going to trust now. In our own understanding or in God, period? Here is the mandate from God’s Word;

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,  lean not on thine own understanding. In all our ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths”. Proverbs 3: 5-6 ( KJV)

screenshot_20170823-62729186825913.png

Now, before anyone gets irritated by this order from God because it does not seem possible at certain times, let me introduce a missing ingredient in being able to trust.

Faith

How do we acquire that kind of strong faith though? It surely does not come from reciting ” I have faith” all day hoping faith will enter into you. Faith does not come by mind over matter or manipulating your self into a false sense of faith.

Once again if we refer back to our life manual, the Bible, we are told that there is but one way for genuine faith to arise in us. Faith that will sustain us through anything.

Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. ( KJV)

Wait just a minute you may say” I have read countless Christian books, I pray, I try to do all I can to please God, I even leave tracts for my waiter or waitress  I should have strong Faith!

Good for you for choosing Christian books over romance novels or inappropriate magazines. Those are wise choices but don’t for a minute they give you lasting faith. You see- God never changed the rules about how legitimate faith is gained, it’s still by His Word. Yep, that means no other Christian anything has the power to do that. Now do not mistake me as if I was saying we don’t need Christian magazines, books, videos and all because we do. They can encourage us, keep us focused in the right direction, even provide us with an emotional spiritual high for a day or two. They keep us in touch with other believers which is a recomendation the apostle Paul made.

However, don’t mistake emotions for faith. So why am I emphasizing the true way to get real faith? Because lack of real faith is the number one reason people stay in crisis mode when problems come, walk away from the faith or never get involved. Maybe they have never been told what we are talking about. Whatever the reason they are drifting and doubting is because they do not renew their minds daily with the Word of God, the Holy scriptures.

What is the difference between you fueling  up only on Christian books and movies which can produce an emotional charge or maybe a temporary ” Jesus high” ? It’s the difference between real faith and manufactured powerless temporary faith. Lets see what the Bible says about what the power its own words hold for those who stay in it and keep renewing their minds everyday from it.

The word says this about itself-

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow: it judges the thoughts and attitude of the heart”-  Hebrews 4: 12 ( NIV)

screenshot_20171009-203742-1522672831.png

I challenge you to find any Christian publication other than the Bible that makes that claim about its contents. You wont. Not even the most famous Christian authors would even consider comparing their words to the power of ” the Word”.

I dedicate so much time to the Word of God and its importance in the midst of crisis and storms in our lives because those who obey the order on how to get real faith are the ones who really remain unshaken regarding God no matter what is going on. One other thing to note, is that in the bible you will find that every true follower of God had to come to crossroads at some point in life where they surrendered their own will and plans and decided to put it all into trusting God. Take Job for example. An honest, faithful man who God clearly allowed to suffer in almost every way he could. Lost his fortune, his family, even his health.

Job was frustrated and not happy about his situation but he decided nothing was going to take his faith away. He made the decision right up front to operate not on feelings, but Faith. So after the storms in his life, his life was put back together by God even greater than it originally was. Now that is faith. In today’s mindset you will likely not find too many Job’s in your life. Most people just get mad, give up, curse God, denounce God or even take their own lives because they decided to play the role of God and decide how things would end up. What was so different about JOb? Was he a better person than we are? Maybe God gave Him some superpowers that we dont have? Nope.

Only one thing kept Job so trusting in God that even when his own wife said he should curse God and die, Job said ” Even though He slay me, I will praise Him”

There is another scripture that Christians need to keep in mind as well. Romans 8:28 says ” All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose”

wp-image--2084750928

Job understood God was not going to just abandon him. That’s why the man who makes our little problems look insignificant was unshakable in his faith. That faith to keep on and even have total peace is only found one way. Reading the word of God often to renew your mind ( if you have not figured this out yet, the world we live in does everything it can to talk us out of our faith.)

The only protection from being affected by that is to renew your mind before you walk out the door and face the world that wants you to walk away from God. That is part of the armor God has given us to be unshakable when everything seems to be working directly against you and your family and faith. He will not force us to stay in His word though. We have free will. If you go to Barnes and Noble and choose to cozy up with a good Anton Lavey ( church of satan) book, that’s your call and of course so are the consequences. So our choices in crisis are critical.

If you have grown children or even younger children you surely have noticed that in their first few years of life they never question what you say or do. If you hand them a bottle, they don’t spin the top off to inspect what you’re giving them. It could be poison but their childlike faith does not even tempt them to go against you or question you about any major decisions. If told your young kids they need to hit the basement now because a tornado was coming through, its doubtful they would pull out a weather radio to challenge your statement. That describes childlike faith.

Guess what that Bible says about what kind of faith is pleasing to God? You got it- childlike faith. Just like your kids never questioned you as a child, we are to have the same attitude with our heavenly Father. Once again, you cannot order childlike faith online or talk yourself into it. Faith comes from where again? The Word. Period.

As adults as we find discipline to renew our minds in the Word and experience true trust in God no matter what is happening, your friends, family, kids are witness to that peace you have unlike so many. That is the opportunity to share your secret with them, and they will believe you because sometimes you are the only calm one around and they notice it. The mindset we get from reading the truth all the time and building real faith goes a little like this-

People come and go ( death, divorce). jobs come and go, health comes and goes, riches come and go, friends come and go, but God- He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That is what you will have etched in your soul as you stay in the Word. It leaves very little room for trusting in any of those listed things. But your realization that God will never leave or forsake you and is always the same will provide you with an entirely new kind of faith in any circumstance.

It doesnt matter if you are an atheist today or a lifelong Christian who even ushers in the church. The Word of God is available to both. One is no better then the other but by their trust in Christ. We all need a savior. Not one of us is righteouss enough to land in heaven except by the finished work of Christ at Calvary and by the blood He shed for anyone who accepts His forgiveness. Nobody has a one up one the other. If you are an atheist now, but tonite you choose to invite Christ into your heart and ask for forgiveness, assuming you get in the Word right away faithfully you could be alot better off then a Christian of 20 years who chooses to keep his Max Lucado reads up to date but not too much time in the Word.

That is why this article is for everyone. No matter what your past has been or where you have been. Its all able to be washed away with that blood of Christ for the asking.

You know when I began writing this article, I considered adding some pictures of the massive storms and fires that are happening. Then I got my head straight and realized I was about to give glory and even more attention to the things that are tearing people apart. Thankfully I realized that this is a hope centered piece, not a piece for lots of people to glorify the bad things that hit us.

Thats why the emphasis has been on the awesome opportunity to overcome this world and its attempts at defeating us. What we need is more instruction on how to overcome this world according to God. Thats victory. When you choose that route you will find that the things that used to wear and tear you down are now like flys on your shoulder that you can swat off and keep moving forward in God’s Word and plan for you and yours!

Listen to this womans confidence. I guarantee it did not come to her by never missing Oprah. 

Whatever your storm, whether tragedy in your family, fires in your woods, or crazy rain and winds over the entire state, they all get smaller and smaller as the Word grows bigger and bigger in you!

Test it and see. After all God said not a word of His will ever return void…

TJ

 

 

 

 

So Whats It Going To Be? Therapy Or Coaching? Do You Even Know The Difference? You Should.

Sometimes I like to incorporate humor into my posts to keep the site from just being about depression and addiction and PTSD etc… I just cannot be all too funny with this. This is a topic that is DEADLY. I remember, because my brothers suicide wont seem to get out of my mind some days. So I am going to ask everyone to stop and read this, and you know what it may not even apply to you. But it could prevent what happened with my family. I cannot undo the gunshot that ended my brothers life. But I can share my 20 years of experience in mental health and addictions, from a personal, and then a professional standpoint. I sure hope you will send this to anyone that seems like they may be one step away from tragedy. If it is you. I tell you what to do at the end. Anyhow, I hope you take this to heart. Anyone who follows me knows how much I love you all and just want to keep getting the word out that you cannot delay treatment for mental health without terrible consequences. But let me say this, there is some really good news on here about the success we are having worldwide in a new area to help….tj

 

Time to Evaluate Clock Review or Assessment Management
The words Time to Evaluate on an ornate white clock, counting down to the moment a manager will perform an evaluation, review, assessment or reevaluation of a worker, property or process

Is Therapy Going To Drive Me To Suicide?

Most people in and around the mental health field as a client or provider are familiar with these two terms. The question is, what is the difference? Its a valid question that deserves an honest answer.

So your deciding how to address the situation your going through and the options. Whether it be a depression issue, a divorce issue or any other circumstance that has proved itself to be interfering in your routine to the point that you need at least some action. Lets face it, there are thousands of different providers who all claim to offer up the most successful, healing, lasting and least restrictive and intrusive on your life.

Where do you start? A friend’s recommendation? An ad that catches your eye or ear? The most well known methods? Its a tough call for anyone. It does not have to be. You see just as we have progressed in other industries like automobiles, and appliances and homes, the same applies when it is time for mental health choices. We don’t screw bolts into the sides of peoples heads anymore to see the effect. We don’t torture people hoping to alter behavior or feelings. Things have improved. Much progress has been made in these areas and you will do yourself a disservice by not following up on what is working and what is not.

Just because you are struggling with an issue in your life does not paralyze your ability to educate yourself. Of course you must be strong enough to make your own decisions and choices on treatment unless you are in need of inpatient care. This post is about outpatient care. If you follow along you just may see clearly some things that have been unclear until now. I have had extensive experience in both coaching and therapy, both as a client, and eventually as a professional for 20 years. To try and break down all the theories of personality and modalities of treatment would take an entire book. In my opinion it is not necessary.

Everyone has their opinion about what works best and many of the ideas have validity and can indeed help. However do you want to get 45% help when another method would bump that up to 85%? Of course not. Let me add that I have no dog in the hunt. Our team together has decades of experience in just about every major modality used in outpatient therapy. If you want to come lay on a couch each week while we remind each other how miserable your life has been, someone will take your money. But what about outcomes? After all the whole point of therapy is to get better and move on with your life, right?

What if medication is recommended? We all know that game right? Try this for 6 weeks, if it does not make you feel good we will change to the next, and the next and so on. You may be caught up in a weekly sit down regurgitating old dark memories for a year before any medications start working. That is , if they ever work, since even major drug makers have admitted that 5 or 6 of their latest anti-depressants actually cause suicidal thoughts.

OOPS! Yeah, it does happen and it is not uncommon.

But even so, therapy is just so much more ” professional ” sounding. It must be the best if its been around so long. I mean this coaching thing is fairly new. Why take chances on that when you can enjoy the benefits listed above of a therapeutic model?

Maybe because coaching works.

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Lets take a closer look at this whole coaching model. The coaching models at least that I am familiar with takes the therapy model and turns it on its head. It rejects everything traditional long term therapy stands for.

Coaching focuses on what is right in your life. What you can do well. What strengths we have. A return to normalcy as soon as possible in the least restrictive environment is key. On the other hand have we all not at one time or another seen a post or article that begins with  ” I have been seeing my therapist now for 5 years  ” or  ‘ My therapist says he thinks I need a higher dose of medication”. If you have not, you need not leave WordPress because they are everywhere.

Try finding one that says they have had their coach for more than a few months. It will be tough. The reason being is coaches create independence for you by emphasizing what you can do and have done well, whereas a typical therapy session will hover around how many failures or let downs occurred and how did you deal with them. If not monitored closely therapy can simply become something you must depend on and have or you will crack. It also can make for real strong job security for the provider. I am in no way saying that this is always the case, I am simply pointing out the facts.

 

Let me give you another example that may be easier to illustrate. AA & NA have been absolutely famous and known to be the savior for millions who swear they cant make it without it. There is good reason for that. Part of the mantra you must repeat and repeat and repeat until its drilled in your head is that you are powerless over your addiction.  Sounds like pure healthy honesty right? We need to face the truth, right? The problem here folks is that most AA & NA programs have a tough time breaking into double digits as far as success in remaining sober for 12 months. Hmm. Sounds like AA & NA need the addicts more than the addicts need it.

Now I can already here people yelling at me reciting the serenity prayer and how the program has kept you clean for 5 years. If that is true, good for you and stick with it. The problem is we have this other 90% who fail and fail and fail. This group is just as important as the 10% who are doing well. right? The program or therapeutic modality cannot replace the addiction. Trading one addiction for another is , well not the goal.

Lets quickly review. Coaching is a process where someone trained in the area your needing comes along side of you and helps you identify your strengths, address any negative patterns that are interfering with your life and resets your thinking and goals to align with your abilities. This process in general is a much shorter and effective one that rarely disturbs your daily routine and acts more as a cheerleader to help you up and out of a rut then a tape recorder that plays your most hideous memories over and over until one week you think you have it beat- but then at your therapy session your forced to drag it back out of the dark corner of your head.

Coaching is not becoming dependent in any way on someone else. Therapy can lead to a total dependency on a person to survive, and even worse create a stigma that you are lesser of a person because you cannot live life normally or without the handicap of a label, diagnoses, or medication.

Am I saying that therapy is a waste and coaching is the only way to get help? Of course not. What I absolutely am saying is that one better be educated on their true need lest they become involved in a very dependent situation that may strip you of self esteem when that method is not needed. I have been a therapist. I have been a coach which is what I am more involved in then formal therapy. There will always be times when someone is in need of long term clinical therapy. What I have learned however is that everyone deserves the chance to be helped up and out of a rut through short term coaching before the much more restrictive clinical environment.

Besides the the stigma, the dependency, and the long term visits in the therapy model, you also need to understand that the difference financially between the two are radical and you are talking tens of thousands of dollars for any long term clinical therapy and that is besides medications. Why would you put yourself or anyone you love in that box before you give them a chance to be coached back to health? So far I have given you my personal and career experience, but in case your wondering, the established and very well run coaching programs that are in existence now are running circles around any treatment centers for addictions and over 20 other issues from domestic violence to PTSD. As a matter of fact many insurance companies wont even pay for therapy anymore. That is right, they pulled out and are happy to pour their efforts into legit coaching programs. Why would they, when the success rates on coaching is 75% and up and traditional treatment centers around 20%? Not to mention coaching is 1/3 the cost if not more to you and to insurers.

I want to close with a very important point. This article is designed to offer new options and hope to those who may not be familiar with coaching model. Any good therapist or doctor will tell you the truth about whether long term expensive therapy is needed or if coaching is what will work best for the client. I wont lie to you, just like any industry, not every provider is truthful and many will keep you or your child locked up and medicated as long as the payer will pay. Authorities are trying to crack down on those who use clients for personal gain but with tens of thousands of programs, it is very hard.

Take a few minutes and enjoy a laugh. The Old School Psychiatrists Were Just a little more upfront and honest with their patients then in today’s world- Would it not be nice if all Doctors were this up front! Today she would likely here ” Maam, you have OCD, your in denial, you are paranoid and I think these 3 prescriptions may help….We can all learn a thing or two from this Bob Newhart clip…

I have worked with and still do some of the finest clinical therapists around and they are excellent. Doctors as well and in no way am I saying nobody needs clinical therapy. What I am doing here is giving you all a little heads up about what is coming down the pipe. Coaching has proven itself, its cost effective, and is the latest and greatest alternative to what we had to live with. You will hear about it if you have not. All the Don’t Label My Kid! Team members are coaches and you can check out our areas of expertise on the home page menu. Read a quick bio of what we each do and reach out to us if you think you need help. We always work with people and have yet to turn anyone away.

This is a post I would not have written even two years ago. However the coaching success, and opportunities for those who have been coached to actually become working coaches after they find success makes this a win win for anyone and everyone. Don’t put it off anymore. No matter what the age, race, background, or need- believe me we have been there and done it. Just look at our bios and you will understand. If you are doing great, and your kids are doing great. but you have this friend from church, neighbor, or relative that is hurting- be the one to help them get help. You never know what people may be just one more step away from and the tragedy of ignoring it can do.

When my brother shot himself after we just watched some television together, I sure wish I would have asked him why he was so quiet for 2 hours. But, I did not. Instead he walked out the door and shot himself in the head. Don’t let that happen to anyone you know. Contact us immediately for prompt response.

Write these contacts down. Print this out. Share with a friend. Share with your followers. We cannot help unless you get in touch. At the bottom is a personal cell number that is available to call 24/7- 365. If you are in trouble now, or know who is , you may call it anytime.

Otherwise for a consult about a family plan, or individual need and 100% confidential, email one of these – leave a contact number in the subject if you wish to be called back

dontlabelmykid2@gmail.com or tim@dontlabelmykid.com

Emergency Crisis Line- 386-675-7549

TJ

 

  Moms Who Rob Their Children Of Resiliency Due To Their Own Need For Drama…( Parenting 2017)             

When I first became a father and my kids got to be toddlers there were  a lot of mini – crisis type situations. You see as a new parent who was trying to be the best parent I could I  began to  ” anticipate ” their problems and began to comfort them for things they hadn’t even cried about yet.

many times looking back I think they must have wondered If I  was  I  was in need of some comfort by my over reactions to their little bumps and bruises. You see most times that I jumped up and made a big thing of a little blood or a bump , my child  raced over to me. I was more likely to go to them basically to alert them that they should be angry right now , perhaps  some crying is in order…lol


I know it sounds crazy but I think we have all been there. Some just on  ” first baby syndrome”  ” but many act this way for the whole childhood.

  Thankfully due to my career and education I was alerted that I was doing this all wrong. I also learned that the so-called  ” concerned parent  ”  was not always an innocent party. Believe it or not there are parents that use their children as tools get sympathy and attention for themselves. The ones you see in Wal-Mart, dragging a kid by the wrist, screaming and yelling, and the mother or father is talking out loud at the child and neither of them are listening to each other. And nothing is getting accomplished.

Many times the adult chooses to keep it public rather than take it to the restroom , just to get that  ” people are seeing me suffering ‘  rush. They are the ones who instead of whisking the child to a restroom or outdoors, just kind of smile and tilt their heads at other adults in the store, seemingly trying to make eye contact with someone who will feel sorry for them as the shrieks from the toddler reach glass breaking levels.  That is more of a sickness like Munchausen syndrome, where mothers use their babies to draw attention to themselves by pretending they have many disorders and diseases that they do not. 

For the purpose of this post I am speaking to non Munchausen moms or dads. People who just were not taught about how to stretch your child and make them as independent as possible. 

Instead of meeting them at the point where they had clearly shown they were not capable of bouncing back on their own, I jumped in to the rescue and saved the day. I even noticed other parents who also had toddlers handling it differently , and kind of expecting their kids to sort through most of these tantrums or minor accidents without coddling. 

How insensitive, I remembered thinking. He’s just a little rug rat, an ankle biter! What do you expect from him?

That question  ” what do you expect from him ” actually became an anchor of sorts for me as I matured a bit. These parents were not neglecting their children . They were setting boundaries. They were teaching them how to be as independent as possible for their ages. They understood that the more coddling and intervention now, the more likely  that you just bought a one way coddling ticket all the way through childhood and even into adulthood.

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So I will give you one example that I think is universal and was critical in me figuring out how to respond. It is what I call the ” how should I act now ” stare. Now pay close attention because this is a very short window of time. This stare is when a child falls and bumps their head,  or another child says something mean or steals their toy ..something along those lines…

 

It goes down pretty quick so you must be on guard. It is the 15-30 seconds or so RIGHT AFTER the fall, the comment, or the toy is taken. It’s a very temporary pause in your toddlers thought process where they are considering just how they should feel about what just happened. It consists of a slow head turn to locate you then a direct scan if you right to the bulls-eye, your eyes..it will be your eyes that determine how they respond. Your lips are next. How you look and what you say in 99% of cases will totally dictate your child’s response to the little crisis.

If you are  guilty of being a wide-eyed loud mouthed run to your child parent you need you reset and fast. Or your child will be so dependent on other people at each little problem they have that they won’t have much chance of succeeding in anything they do..

If you know the child is not poisoned or at risk of losing a limb, you need to play it as down as much  possible and respond as if they had asked for some kool-aide. My rule of thumb was to always do one unrelated task before going to their side to investigate. Such as say to your child  “do you all need some help over there?” Alright honey let me finish this page in my book and I’ll come check it out.” Or if they run to you and you know it’s not extremely painful or life threatening, you tell them to sit down next to you until you finished.

One way to tell if you’re at the point of no return in this scenario is if you get what I call the  ” open but silent mouth ” treatment …this is where they have you locked in on the eyeballs but maybe they are facing another direction but turned to look at you needing guidance on whether to let out a huge shriek, or just return to playing because your eyes say its OK.

Now if you are one of those moms who runs  and shrieks and screams every time any little thing happens and you’ve already trained them to do the same. All hope is not lost…

But it does require a specialized behavioral plan for in home to reroute those behaviors and retrain your child’s brain and we do that here.

The important part to remember about this post is that to a great extent, you control how your child will respond to just about any circumstances . You train them how to respond by your actions and  by how you model the reaction to the situation. If you find yourself in needing that dramatic flare and major league episode every time anything occurs with your toddler or child, it’s most likely that you are one looking for attention, not them.

There is no reason your child should not be able to bump their elbows and be bleeding from both arms and not calmly walk over to you and ask you to get a band-aid.

Everything depends on your reaction to the situation. Set your child up for success in this world. Long after your gone, nobody is going to jump in and be jrs. savior..

TJ

Parenting 2017- How To Save Your Family – And Keep From Losing Your Child To This World’s Ugly Face…

The worst thing I’ve seen in my years of teaching parenting is not the continual failures. Its the absolute unwillingness for most parents to reach out for coaching or help befire something big does go down with your child. It frustrates me because after 45 foster kids, and four of my own, as well as having worked with thousands , I think I have a little something to offer. 

Here’s the truth, as hard as it may sound; someone is going to parent your child. Its going to be either you, or Facebook. They will learn how to think and  how to walk, dress, talk and act from Snapchat or Instageam if they are not getting it at home. 

As a random example Im going  to ask you a question  ..In the age group of 11-17 of children who have social media accounts, what percent do you think  are exposed to hard core pornography whether they were looking for it or not? Think about it  for a minute while I note one other issue. 

Positive to negative interaction and self esteem

If you talk to your child about what they are doing wrong more than what they are doing right, don’t expect any change in behavior , but do expect a low self esteem in your child. Just like you and I respond to positive feedback better then negative, kids are no different.  

The average parent makes 1 positive comment to every 10-13 negatives. In order to change behavior patterns, you need at least 8 positives to each critical.  Why? Very simple. Positive reinforcement is the only way to change behavioral patterns. Nobody, including us adults, ever change our behavioral patterns based on criticism.

There are so many very simple tips and ideas for parenting,  to save your children from the world and the things that are out there right now.  You can salvage, even if you made mistakes, it’s never too late, but if you need help you’ve got to reach out-  and that’s what we do here. It is so frustrating to see parents struggle with anything from what kind of doctor to go to , to why they are getting no cooperation from their children and a myriad of other issues, but refuse to ask for help. Its plain old pride. Get over yourself already. This is not about you. If you love your child you will do what it takes to see them up for success.

And that’s what  I’ve done for 20 years, so if you are a person who’s got a child or children and you don’t know what to do next. reach out for Parent Coaching at Don’t Label My Kid! No matter what the situation , its never too late. 

Ninety Percent. That’s the answer the the question about kids and porn on social media. Shocked? Well, do you have a filter on your kids accounts? Do you go over their accounts with them and have their password? Something to think about. That number isn’t going down until parents do something.

When my truck breaks down, I take it to a truck mechanic. I can scream at it all week but it is not getting better without a person who has a gift to work on it. Its the same with kids. We all have certain gifts . Maybe you are an accountant. Good with numbers. 

Not me. I would go nuts in that job. Its not my area. Take the human body. arms, legs, fingers, elbows, etc. What if we were all thumbs? How would we operate? We could not. So it goes when we each need help.. So don’t delay reaching out for any help you need. 
Tj


For Parent coaching contact me at Tim@dontlabelmykid.com.


When You Quit Having Therapy And Therapy Now Has You…

There is a time for everything, a season for all. We all choose when to insert which things into our lives and for how long. Sometimes, however if we are not careful we end up being dragged along in life by circumstances, people or things that we should have cut the cord on long ago. In recent weeks for some reason the issue of therapy has come up and several people have inquired of me my feelings about therapy. I enjoy it.

Actually this is not about me specifically, but about everyone.  Can too much therapy be a bad thing? Of course it can. As a matter of fact it is difficult these days to find a good therapist . You know why? Simple , you are their livelihood. Rarely will you find a therapist who hurries to get a treatment plan established, address and meet outcomes as soon as possible. It is usually a laid back and long process of  ” finding out whats underneath all that” followed by some testing or homework exercises and perhaps a referral for even more treatment.

So today in a very short and simple way, I want to remind you of what the role of therapy in your life should be. Generally speaking therapy is for a certain period of time to help you transition through a certain period in life you are struggling with. The particular area is not what is important, but your level of dependency on the therapist. If you have been on WordPress as long as I have you surely have run into posts about people who talk about how they have been in therapy 5 years now, and so on and so forth. Huh?

If you have been in therapy 5 years, unless for some very unusual circumstances – you will be needing a new therapist to get over the day when you leave you current therapist. Too much of a good thing can really hurt us sometimes. So what is the exact amount of time for therapy? According to my calculations 3 months 4 days and between 8-10 hours is perfect.

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Alright, I really don’t have a specific number of months or days so hold those applause. The truth is, you need to view your therapist like a cheerleader , someone simply there to help you reset your priorities if need be or restore confidence that has been lost. Therapy can be helpful for those grieving to go through a set grieving process and not to get lost in your grief.

Therapy is excellent for addicts transitioning out of rehab, as a step-down back into society. The point is, you use therapy to assist you back into normalcy asap. You should never exist and show up each week to just discuss your week and how much you spent at the grocery this week or how your kids are driving you nuts. These are everyday life happenings, and if you require assistance to function in a day-to-day routine, therapy is not going to cut it for you.

There was a term used back in the gap called  deinstitutionalization. The meaning in a nut shell was that the goal of any treatment but mental health in particular was to keep people out of their ordinary routines for as little time as possible, and by all means use the least restrictive measure possible. If someone did not need to be staying in an overnight facility for their own good, they go home like everyone else each night. The same applies in therapy. The least amount needed.

Don’t Label My Kid! as a team much prefers to coach rather than counsell if possible. Coaching is not quite as therapeutic as far as clinical tools go, but is many times a lot of times much more effective than traditional therapy. Why? A coach acts like a cheerleader for your cause, helping you identify your own strengths to support your own goals and gives you a hand up and in the right direction after a tailspin. Then with a nice ” shove off back in the right direction, you are sailing alone again, not dependent on another to make it thru every week.

If you really think about it, and I gave you a which would you pick if I gave you the choice; to lay on a couch each week so I , your therapist can remind you every week about your hideous past, failures and general loser of a life you have lived?

Or would you rather have me by your side for a short period to help you regain your footing and help you focus on the strengths you have and rely on me for just a few months? I know from my experience that people succeed sooner and longer with a coach that they did not become co-dependent on and with a person who has the goal to focus on what is right in life.

Now as I close, I need to remind you that there is a time and place for therapy. It is the first resource some need and coaching may be a step down later in time. However if you are finding yourself talking the same old face about the same old bully in 4th grade that makes you have anger, self-esteem, and rage issues today at 40, you need out. You are little more than a paycheck to the therapist an who is going to turn down your weekly donation for refreshing your brain about how miserable your life is?

Not too many.

I encourage you as a coach and therapist to consider the least restrictive option. Be as independent as possible. If you fall again, a good coach will always be there to help you back up of need be. Don’t forget we provide coaching in mental health, behavioral health, addictions, spiritual areas and disease / health excellence .

The team at Dont Label My Kid! has over 85 years combined experience professionally in these areas, and we also coach about things we personally have walked through, so we get you. We really understand. Not just from the text-book to get our degrees,  but from feeling what you feel and fighting through it. Let us help.



 

Contact us today for immediate response tim@dontlabelmykid.com and if it is an emergency crisis situation you can reach me personally at 386-675-7549. If using email please don’t forget to leave your best contact info and the topic of your need in the subject! I hope we can continue to help you and especially those of you who are reading this right now thinking how badly you want and need help for something, but always put it off. We are on 24/7 -7 days per week. Contact us now and quit putting off the first day of the rest of your life.

*One last thing, if you are not already signed up, please sign up for our newsletter which we are working on to give the latest updates on any planned events like parenting webinars, addictions seminars and general updates from TJ Matt and Mike! Please go to the home page and look for the drop down to sign up real quickly so you do not miss out on any free services and all we are doing! Its 100% free just need your info. Thanks!

Remember, the rest of your life Is the best of your life!

TJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Holidays…Are Not Holidays…Just Another Day My Way Folks…

Wow, I cannot remember writing more than one or two posts about my current personal struggles in a long while. Yet it is here, it is heavy on my heart and my fingers are near a keyboard. I vowed from day one to be transparent when I write here and I have. I truly believe any success this blog has had is in large part due to the fact that I don’t sugarcoat or bypass the tougher issues altogether but head straight into them. I suspect today may be one that I am far from alone in.

You know as messed up as my upbringing was in so many areas, I have never been one to hold bitterness or live a life complaining about how unfair my start was in this world. I have always felt that if anything it would set me back further then I already was. So although memories don’t just die away, I made a decision to not allow my past determine my future. Honestly I had enough on my plate that I had no choice but to deal with that adding on more bad memories would just sink me.

Holidays in my family have never been  ” holidays”.  I cannot remember ever having a long table full of people in my family gathering to eat and celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of our family ever sitting down for a meal on a holiday.  As a middle school kid, I remember getting invited to a friend’s house now and again for a holiday and just taking it all in. It was as much entertainment as anything. After all I did not walk home kicking a can frowning complaining about my family’s lack of anything. I did not know there was a right or wrong way. It was what it was.

For the sake of length and today being fathers day I am going to stay on that topic ( Fathers Day) in this post and some major struggles I have had as an adult due to the absence, violence and unsure state of mind I have always had about my own father. Let me reiterate something. If I wanted to word things a little differently I could tell some pretty hideous stories about my father and the start he gave my brother an I in life by introducing us to booze, porn and smokes in 3rd grade. I could write a book on how those things set me back, made me seem like a pervert, and have people thinking I was a rebel by 9 years old. After all nobody told me it was not cool to roll up on my bike to my buddies house to play with a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up my sleeve.

As an adult I have paid a hefty price for a few of those things though. For example when a 10-year-old and his little bro are hanging out at dads little lake shack for the weekend, we were accustomed to having playboy bunny types from a local club come by and ” disappear ” with dad into the bedroom and making some zoo animal like noises. Heck we tried to pass the time without dad’s attention by just kicking back on his couch reading his Hustler mags and smoking his smokes. Oh well we thought , we will get our turn later.

What an incredible impact those times made on my life that I would not learn until high school when it came time for dating, and the overall purpose of a woman, Even into my 20’s and deciding to get serious with a girl ( which meant I was nice enough to hide all the others I was..um, seeing as well.) That was a true gentleman to me. Now imagine in all other areas a boy relies on his daddy for . It was the same perverted perspective no matter what the scenario. You see not only did we learn from my dad’s actions, but from his lack of action,. There did not come a day were where he sat us down and had that ” boy did I make some bad mistakes” talk and helped us out of any mindsets he had shaped. Quite honestly I don’t think he ever felt he did anything wrong . If he is still living today I’m sure he would just change the subject.

To sum up my experiences with dad I would say this to give you an accurate perspective. In my 20 years as a social worker I’ve worked with sexually abused,  physically abused addicts,  pedophiles,  domestic violence victims,  violent offenders,  wife abusers and many more. I can honestly say that no matter which scenario I ran into for the first time in my career-it would be rare if my first thought wasn’t a memory and not shock. If it hadn’t already happened to me personally I’d witnessed it so much that it had an impact. However that’s not the point of this post. The point is where I’m headed next,  but you needed to have an understanding of what the scenario is before you understand the next part.

All this ” stuff” has left me with many choices on how to handle what happened, especially on days like today – Fathers Day.  Now if it were 4th of July, my thoughts would be on the suicide of my brother on that date after being molested by the one and only Father Albert Gondek.

It’s fathers day all day and I cannot change that.

Here comes the crossroads I have been leading you all to.

What should I be thinking each year on this day? Go get wasted with my home boys and talk about how life sucks with a loser father? Maybe spend my day writing a ” therapeutic” letter to him even though the last prison he was in thinks he was taken out shortly after being discharged. It is not for him but for me to ”  work through” it all. The Christian man should have long forgiven him, and released himself from anymore burden of weight and bitterness he is carrying.   Then again my sister ( who he raped) chooses to be especially bitter on days about him and make it known that she hates his guts and will never forgive. Of course Pam’s choice comes with a price, as her anxiety has never gotten any better so she takes meds to help with that. My mother on the other hand chooses to not discuss if it ever came up, an if it got too heated for her she would slip into denial and change the subject.  But what should Tj do. I will tell you.

Tj does not do anything . I am a grown man and if I still have not gotten around to dealing with it, I more than likely have destroyed any remaining relationships I had by refusing to let it go. Forget about it ? No, I cannot control that part but I can control how I respond to any drive by thoughts that try to bring me back to those times. I can choose remind myself of the decision I made years ago to forgive, to release all bitterness, to let God be God, and to take complete control over my day just like I do at Christmas or any other time when the memories are not to great. You may be thinking ” sure easy for you but you don’t know what happened in my case” .

You are correct,  but it males no difference. We all only have two ways to play this. Play it on the world’s terms, or play it by he Word’s terms ( bible) No other options exist. Now if you are not a believer in Christ or the bible, hang on a minute,  this still applies to you, You see when God puts a law in position, it is that it is Regardless of who we are. For example take the law of gravity. You tell me , TJ I believe we came from fish-men 6.3 billion years ago. Not in your God and His rules. Then I say, cool, get on my roof and tell gravity you are not a subscriber and walk off the edge like a boss! What? Why not?

So there are certain guidelines that are there for all. The consequences of choosing either are real and they are extremely different. If you are in a place where you have had bitterness and anger all the time you think about a certain incident, it means you have opted for the worlds system. You can expect lots of anger and bitterness plus difficulty in all of your life. Its part of the benefit package. Usually in my career experience it leads to things like ulcers,  migraines and all as well. Sickness in general, inside and out. The reason is simple. People wrongly assume that if they withhold forgiveness from a person who hurt them, there is some kind of  a built-in meter of pain that continues to plague the other person until they are dead. The truth, the man in the mirror is the sick one.

Withholding forgiveness from someone and expecting them to suffer is the same as  drinking a bottle of poison and expecting another person to get sick

I realize it is not always easy to forgive someone ( it does not have to be in person either) but it is much easier than you carrying the weight of all negative encounters in your life around with you. Who is it in your life that you refuse to forgive? Is it time to empty your burden bag?

Make today the day you celebrate no more anxiety about the incident or incidents that have kept you down or angry ? Experience freedom like no other. Or, spend the rest of your blogging life on here posting about what the latest from your weekly therapy session was.

I remember where and when I did it. I was in the back of a church in Titusville, Fl by myself and I chose the ” all at once package with God” lol- it went this;

“Lord, today, I release anyone in my life who has ever accused me, abused me or harmed me in any way. I ask you to release all bitterness in me so I can live in freedom all of my days.”

That was it! Can you say it, and mean it?

Tj

Have Any Of These Thoughts Run Through Your Mind?

Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

  • Life is not worth it
  • I hate myself
  • I have screwed things up too much to be fixed now.
  • Nobody likes me/ I have no real friends
  • Everyone else is doing well but me
  • I wonder if anyone would even miss me
  • Addiction sucks and I will always be stuck into this hell.
  • What would be the best way to kill myself, gun? Jump off a bridge?
  • I am so depressed, it’s never going to get better.
  • What would God do or say to me if I did off myself?
  • Nobody understands the pain I am in, I cannot explain it.
  • Why does all the bad stuff happen to me?
  • Where is God?
  • Nobody in my family loves me anymore anyways.
  • I am useless. Worthless.
  • I have no purpose in my life
  • I am not good at anything.
  • I wonder if a lot of people would come to my funeral.
  • I cannot go on its too painful
  • I wish I could talk to someone, but I am scared they might judge me

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These are a partial list of questions that have run through my own mind in the past which prompted me to reach out for help, in several areas. Even with all my education and experience, I still suffered through the same pain and hopelessness that many others do.

The difference in me now, and then is I did have someone who like me had been through the same stuff, and was a professional in the field as well. He was able to lead me to the right resources to get the right help with nobody knowing until I wanted them to know.

Folks, that’s what I am here for today. I am choosing to spend the rest of my career helping people and entire families get through some big hurdles. I can help you its 100% confidential, and I promise  will save you thousands of dollars in fancy offices with lots of suits walking around. If you are having any of those thoughts or similar,like I used to, then get in touch with me email tim@dontlabelmykid.com or if its urgent call my cell 386-675-7549.

Don’t forget your friends and family who might need help if you don’t. Please share this with your readers if you don’t mind so I can get the word out that death is not the answer. Suicide is not the solution, and addiction does not have to own them.

Again- Please take a minute to share this with your people as I cannot reach but my only group.

Peace & Hope

TJ

The Rewarded Rapist Of North Carolina Catholic Diocese..

I really don’t know how many of you have followed the pedophile priest case I have written about for almost a year now. I have no way of telling. On top of that I am really not sure how many of you know the details in this case where he molested 6 boys over 2 years. He has been in North Carolina for almost 20 years I guess. In my 20 years as a social worker I have never seen nor even heard of the type of crimes he committed, and the lack of ANY consequence. I actually had 2 people in the last year tell me I needed to quit ” picking ” on the catholics .

Even as a counselor, one never truly gets to experience the totality of the process of child predators and how it steers a child in one of 3 directions in almost every single case.

1- Immediate substance abuse and if they are lucky and a loved one knows, therapy and hope of trying to put together some sort of life. That’s the best.

2- Next is substance abuse and absolute confusion in sexuality as they get into the late teens. This always leads to a life of depression, homosexual experimentation and a life of ” I am bi- ?” when asked what they are. If they beat the substance abuse they have to try to select what ” sexual orientation” they are . We would not have that term if it was not for predators no matter if they are priests or family members. The reason? Simple. When you are sexually aroused earlier then is appropriate and by a member of the wrong sex, as you mature you literally cannot figure out what ” touch” you should like. After all the first one felt pretty darn good! Yet that gut feeling confirms that it is not natural. A life of inconsistency, depression and trying to decide what you are going to ” identify ” as.

3- This is the worst, it basically is either instant death by suicide or a prolonged death by overdose. Same reason. To escape the horrid pain. Can you imagine how you would feel if a person killed themselves over something you had done? I cannot fathom. Child predators can sit down to a home-cooked meal right after finding news like that out. Again – unfortunately I speak from experience. I have seen it lived out. In my brother’s case it was straight up I need out of this pain now then a bullet in his head. Yep. There was a short period of time of acting strange when we all wondered what he was going through, but never in a million did we think sexually molested.

So back to Father Gondek. He was the priest at Father Lopez High School in Daytona Beach in about 1985-1992 I guess. It was in 1985-1986 when my younger brother Danny started high school there. He seemed to enjoy it mostly, did not make a lot of friends we noticed and no girls. I found out later in my career that’s part of the grooming process, isolation from peers and negative reinforcement for any talk of girls, as if that was a sin ..only boys. Pretty sick stuff.

So I remember the first few times I met Gondek. He was just in a hurry to move on so I figured he must be busy priest stuff. He sure was, just not what I thought that would be.  The only other thing that stuck out about him was he was very ” girly”” – his body language his gestures and all..

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Quite honestly at the time I was very young and very much into working out and bodybuilding with my buddies . I thought the steroids I had been taking were just making me see things with too much testosterone, literally.

Well Danny went off to college to get his criminal justice degree to become a Daytona cop. Loved the school he went to and got that piece of paper. He was happy to get right into town and apply at the Daytona police department. So it was just a few weeks later when we both happened to run into each other at my moms to chill out and relax. We sat down – he flipped the channels and landed on nothing particular. I did notice something unusual, he had a shot glass in his hand, while waiting for the commercial to be over. Odd, but whatever, he was a grown man, just got a degree maybe he was celebrating. Besides – who was I to talk , I was doing shots while my classmates where throwing their chocolate milk cartons in the trash after kick ball in 3rd grade. My dad supplied on weekends. It was not the hard stuff, just those little mini shots with a chocolate taste so they went well with milk.

About an hour after that I woke up . I had fallen asleep on the couch next to the recliner he was in. I glanced or and he was just getting up and said he was going for a walk. I went back to sleep.  2-3 hours later  woke up and went to lock up.. He was not in the living room so I checked the bedroom. Nope. Checked the drive and his car was there. Hmm. Odd. I better wake my mom up and we can go find him. I was thinking since he was not a drinker maybe those few shots knocked him out and he fell asleep in the woods.

She went left and I went right. It must have been  2-3 am. About 10 minutes later I heard a shriek/ scream that…..I had never heard before and I never want to hear again. She found him. Pistol in hand and slug in his head. Gone. HUH? What? No, No that can’t be right I thought–he just got his degree. He just applied for his dream job. No  way. So after the police and paperwork and all I went to his room and sat on his bed. I looked around for anything. Not likely, he was a neat freak I could count his q-tips from his bed 15 feet away on his dresser. So I stumbled towards the door – looked back one last time and did notice a little box in his closet. I opened it and another chest next to it and what I found was heartbreaking. His girl must have dumped him. Stacks of letters all folded neatly so as you open you see the middle first. They were all similar, ” I miss touching you” and that kind of thing. I never even knew he had a girlfriend. Let me scroll down and see who she is.

Her name was ” Love Father Al”

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I remember kneeling on the floor holding the letters and having a hard time what I was reading was true. But Danny never did anything by accident , surely not leave sexually incriminating letters about a man he cared about. So I knew he wanted them found. Well, what happened in the following months were disturbing but today I completely understand it. It’s just standard procedure for the pedophiles in the church. You see i brought the letters  to the diocese ready to go with them to law or however they handled this type thing. Well here is how they handle it. Just like they are now with the evidence I have offered them about 6 boys Gondek molested;  ” NO Thanks” . Yep. They refuse to see it.

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Maybe you’re wondering how in the world I got involved again with this low life after 20 years? I had lost track of him 15 years ago. I was not even looking. Here is how. The same way you found me. This blog. When I first started it I had a separate About Me page. It is my whole auto-biography. In it I mention my brother’s death and the priest who molested him. Well , in late 2015 I  got an email from a lady who said she found me on my blog. I laughed and said lady I am literally word of mouth. WordPress is the only thing I am on. If you don’t have a blog, and nobody that you know knows me how did you get me?

She proceeded to tell me that Father Gondek had been the Priest at her church for 15 years. She then told me she was searching the internet for any records of him being accused of child rape or whatever and my blog and name popped up. I said, well that  wild, but what can I do for you? She said I need your advice – I don’t know what to do. Last week a young man came to me an told me that he and his 2 friends gznnu been molested for 2 years here at the church. Wow. What are the odds I thought. So I asked h

er to keep me posted and within 2 weeks that young man was deported to Mexico and his family left there. The mouth is gone thought the church. So although they threw some BS at the media when it first came out about an investigation, they never conducted any investigation. Its been 1 and 1/2 years and still no investigation.

The only reason I know what they did with Gondek is because 6 months ago I started bothering the bishops for the results of the investigation. Never did I tell them I had personal ties to this. Just as a social worker who got an anonymous call I had to follow-up. Cocky as ever, they blew me off  for months. A month or so ago on this blog I posted the actual first email response I got in the year I requested. It said ( if you haven’t seen) that Gondek was ex-communicated, guilty all that..so I said ok which law enforcement agency is handling it.

None” His consequence was an early paid retirement an a promise say a lot of prayers.”

So in the last month i have tried to give him ( David Harold-Charlotte NC diocese) the chance to hear my evidence that there is more to this. But just as it was when Danny died and I took the evidence in, he said No thanks. Now granted, he may be finding this out for the first time as you are, but the party is not yet over just because you got rid of your ” Mouth” ..you see while the first victim was in holding jail for deportation , he just happened to meet a very nice volunteer who really took an interest in him. Would you know the young man was kind enough to jot down a few details, like 4 typed pages worth? Yep. And that volunteer got all the names of the other 6 victims, addresses, and each ugly act that Gondek performed on these boys –  AND THEIR FATHERS….you know why? Gondek threatened the families with deportation unless they did what he wanted and when.

So I am fortunate enough to have the only and original copy of the entire 2 year account. And after making some copies for some key people to lock up – I am getting ready to see who wants to play hardball.

Let me tell you honest to God- during the writing of this post I got an email form that same David Harold who has been promising a statement from the bishop for a year. Cocky as ever he ignored my request for a statement, and instead had the nerve to email me a link to an organization who comforts victims of sexual abuse, so I can volunteer there – since I seem to ” want to help people so much” — yeah…

It’s about time that they come to know who really is in charge. I have the sweetest looking 4 pages of paper I have ever seen.  Not sure how it will come out, through the media, a law agency or a film producer maybe.  But the 3 amigos who are covering up a child predator under their own watch are as follows ( remember these names, I hope you see them real soon on national news. But these things can take time. Time is all I got for these pedophile lovers.

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1- Head guy ( Bishop Of bullshit Peter Jugis – he is about a year late on that statement to the press he promised;;;

2- David Hain – – another overpaid pedophile protector

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3- David Harold- He has had he dirty work to email me, so he must be lowest their chain I am sure his duties vary greatly to the ” big boys” ….

Well, that is how I got involved. I have been accused of only pursuing this since my brother was a victim…which doesn’t make sense,….I did not pursue it, someone  else did.. I am a SOCIAL WORKER- that’s what we do. I just got a blessing from God that He pulled me in to witness this whole charade.

I will keep you all informed and I ask you ot pray justice is served.

TJ

Veteran successfully treated for PTSD in breakthrough drug study

New Drug For PTSD -Looks Hopeful

If you all know any vets or anyone for that matter who suffer from PTSD -this may be something to share with them. According to the article the new muscle relaxer type drug tool almost all the symptoms away from a vet who suffered so badly he had a seeing eye dog to to help him cope with the public each day..I believe clinical trials are in Texas but they are usually fairly limited so I would get in touch ASAP.

TJ