Christmas-At Last- Something Worth Celebrating-

I think I have learned to look at the positive things in life-the things we take for granted each day. I wasn’t always like that but a good friend of mine told me about 20 years ago that all I ever saw was what was wrong, what might go wrong, or what happened in the past that was wrong. At first my response was to tell him that all everyone ever did was criticize me…then we both laughed as we realized I couldn’t even fake it for a minute. It really was one of those life changing moments for me, as I was extremely critical of just about everything I encountered.

As the years have passed since then I have realized that there is much more to it then just avoiding saying negative things. There really is power in the tongue. The Bible in the book of James mentions how the tongue has the power of life and death. An illustration of how we put bits in the mouths of horses and that controls the huge animal, also how the tiny rudder on a giant ship controls which way it goes. So it is with the tongue and the words we speak-there truly is power in our speech. Anyone who has been verbally abused by a loved one can attest to that, it pierces the soul.

So when I think about the world today, and go about my daily business, something seems different, even with careful monitoring of what I choose to focus on. It just seems like the everyday joy that used to find its way into some part of our day, is elusive. There is so much negative going on in the world today that one truly has to make a concerted effort to remain focused on what is right. Every once in a while I am reminded of just how fortunate I am, even with some very difficult problems in my own life. One that stands out, is a man I heard on the radio several years ago. He was being interviewed on air by the local dee-jays because he recently won 5 million dollars in some sweepstakes. The man just didn’t seem as excited as one might be in his position. About half way into the interview, the dee-jay got serious and said to the man something like this- ” Sir I know that you recently lost your 8 year old son to cancer. We certainly understand that you would gladly give the 5 million back to have your son back”

The man actually broke down on the other end of the phone and was weeping almost uncontrollably. After he caught his breath and was able to speak again, there was a brief pause before the man said this -” Have him back? I would give the 5 million back just to be able to say goodbye”. There was a pause over the airwaves and suddenly the celebration came to an end, and the reality of the situation set in with everyone. I know that after I heard that brief exchange, my problems instantly became almost non-existent. I am a father, and just the thought of what he must have been going through was more then I could process. I had no idea of his pain. The only good thing I could think of was that the boy was not suffering and that he was with the Lord.

To this day, when I begin to feel sorry for myself, I remember that interview. My problems are real, and truthfully we have had an extremely turbulent decade in my family. Things that never occur even once in the lifetime of others have been regular issues in our lives. Yet, although the problems have caused major disruption and much loss for my family, I still cannot bring myself to complain too long, lest I recall the father on the radio.

It seems as though events like that father’s have become common in the last few decades. It could be me, but when I wake up and go out into the world these days, it takes just a few minutes to hear of a tragedy that takes my breath away. I think we all can become desensitized to the incredible devastating events occurring daily in todays world. Sure, some argue that with todays technology, the internet and all, we are just more aware of such things. There may be some truth to that, but it seems the walls are closing in faster and harder then ever in our world.

How do we respond to this type of climate? I guess there are a few ways to deal with it. One way that seems to be popular is to avoid talking about what is happening, or downplay them. For me, the things going on in Washington alone are frightening. Sometimes I am amazed that we have allowed our current leaders to continue in the direction they are, a direction that appears to be on some occasion the exact opposite of what we need. Yet millions of us stick our fingers in our ears and say ” Lalalalala” – pretending we don’t hear, rather then address the fact that we have terribly corrupt, chronic liars and even acts of treason being committed daily by our leaders.

There is another group that in times like these instinctively shed the non-essentials in life and cling to what really matters, or perhaps things that actually have lasting value, even eternal value. This year, Christmas has been one of the very few days that I could actually dare to really purposely think about all day and not become depressed. I realized how hard the rest of the year has been when it felt unusual today to be okay with being reminded all day of what was happening . I did some reflecting about these things today, and realized that in the last couple years, I have made some changes in my routine without even purposely doing so, but more out of necessity to protect myself form falling into a downward spiral.

I have always enjoyed the morning paper and the evening news. I just liked to keep up with what was going on in the world around us. Today I discovered that it has been a few YEARS since I watched the news even once a week. I get the paper on certain occasions and its not a lot. The fact is that depression can easily set in if we focus too much on what is happening in this dark world. No matter how much we remain positive in our talk, we sometimes need to cut out some of the garbage we are used to feeding ourselves every day. For those that understand the concept of eternity, its comforting to put the paper down, and dust off the Bible, to be reminded that even though the world outside is shocking to us, it is not any surprise to God. As a matter of fact, for the naysayers, most of what is happening today is actually predicted in the Bible.

That may not be comforting to everyone, but it is to those of us who remember the meaning of Christmas and hold fast to the promises in the Bible to those who remain in the faith. We live in a media world where if it bleeds it leads-if we aren’t careful we can get caught up in that bloody mess and forget about the blood that gives Christmas such hope. The blood that covers all the darkness in each of us, and gives us hope each day that we are forgiven just for the asking, and we don’t have to be dragged down with the world’s problems.

Since I was a little kid ( more then 20 years ago-lol)  I have heard the saying ‘” There are no atheists in foxholes”.  I am watching in the world today as everyone takes their cover to shield themselves from the war we are in. Some take cover by numbing themselves, some by denying anything is wrong ( a favorite saying among this group is that history repeats itself). Yet others actually put millions of dollars and much time and effort into avoiding having to think about what might be happening and the idea that we are living in times of Biblical proportion. These are the ones that call themselves atheists-you will know them by the way they tirelessly fight for the removal of Bibles, crosses, prayer and anything else that might possibly remind them of the God that does not exist….( ??)

While I personally am not a believer in atheists, I am intrigued by the amazing time and money that they invest -all to shut down any reminders of a God who is non-existent. If I were to spend my millions on demanding that every state ban any poster or video of spider-man from any public school, I am fairly sure I would be labeled a nutcase. At any rate, I have these people to thank for my faith in a strange way, because over the years when I have been anywhere in public and happened to mention the name of Jesus in conversation with whoever I am with, I am amazed at the looks to kill I get! You would think I just threatened their first born child.  Yet that reaction by the ” atheist” always serves to increase my faith. The reason is because it is the only name that has the power to convict, agitate, and irritate  those who reject the name. I have tried saying other names like buddha, ghandi , mohammed etc– nothing.

So as the day comes to a close, I want to encourage everyone to take a moment and prioritize your life. We all need to put things in perspective once in awhile and we certainly need to train our tongues to speak of the things that are good, not just the negatives. Its not easy at first, I can attest to that! I had the benefit of working as a foster parent for 5 years for an organization that required 15 positive interactions to every 1 negative with the teens I worked with. The delinquent and troubled teens, I might add! They had a man whose job was to come to the house and monitor for an hour or two our interactions, so there was no faking it! That experience changed my life, personally and professionally. It prepared me for parenthood and also for my next 10 years in social work, as an administrator for schools for expelled kids.

I taught parent training for the state for a few years, and by far the hardest concept to get the parents to grasp, was the ratio issue. When I first introduced the fact that no child will ever change a negative behavior pattern by constant negative reinforcement, all I got were blank stares, and a few brave souls dared to ask ” what else is there?” I really spent most of the week teaching them how to catch their child being good instead of catching them in the wrong.  It took time, as it did with me, but once it was learned, the results with their children were amazing. I try to maintain the same ratios of 15-1 in my daily life as well. I don’t always succeed, but even when I fail I am light years better off then if I did it the old way.

Whether you are a person of faith, an agnostic, or an ” atheist” I challenge everyone of us to step things up a notch in our priorities. In todays world more then ever we don’t know if tomorrow is promised, so it makes sense that we make sure we spend the proper amount of time on the proper things. I know ever since the father on the radio interview, I hug my little ones just a little longer and a little stronger each night. I worry less about money and more about treasures in heaven. The fact is that the cross is for anyone and everyone who will believe. God loves the ” atheist” as much as the church going bible thumper.  I think this Christmas, if we haven’t already, we all should turn the television off, and hug our loved ones. Sneak into the kids room after they are asleep and kiss them. Pray for them.

I watched a  great movie the other day. It is called  God Is Not Dead. I recommend it to anyone. I recommend we all take life more seriously and take hold of what s real and important, and let go of the non-essentials. Come to think of it, I also listened to one of my favorite Christmas songs many times this season- its called Mary Did You Know Many people have sung the song  but my favorite by far is the version by Michael English. Take a minute with your kids or by yourself and go to you tube and search Mary Did You Know by Michael English.

Listen to the words! It will be the most powerful and positive 4 minutes you have spent in a while, I promise!

Merry Christmas! Its a Red Letter Day!

Tj

 

 

 

I’m tired of being a Christian

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What A great post about a persons struggle with God and life- Click ” Im tired of being a Christian” then read my comments.

http://http://purposefulfaith.com/power-of-christ/Source: I’m tired of being a Christian

This an article I read that really speaks to what Christians are going through today. One critical issue that was not mentioned, is that it is WE the CHRISTIANS running people away form church. Walking around acting as if we are better then others when the only difference is that we are forgiven for our sins by accepting what Christ did on the cross. It is sad to me that the entire post from this person referenced issues that are nowhere mentioned in the Bible. That’s called bad teaching in the church.
Jesus came to set the captives free, not put us in bondage. Fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, shame, and all that can be gone when you turn it over to Christ. I cannot fault the author for the feelings written. I can only pray that God will raise up some Bible preaching leaders so the world will get the truth, that Jesus is the key to freedom, not a ball and chain of religious activities. If you recall, Jesus shunned the ” Good Doers” who bragged about their righteousness. He went right to the dirty nasty sinners and used them. Why? Simple. people who have been bound in sin would never take credit for the miracles God does through them. They know they are unclean. But now, they are clean, for Christ to use them. Sometime check out the men and women God selected to use greatly in the Bible. Murderers, thieves, prostitutes, and the like. They were humble, they knew they needed a savior. They were honored to be chosen to serve God. On the other hand, the Pharisees wandered around with their long robes with scripture etched on them, bragging of their deeds and putting down the ” sinners “.
Until we get to the point that we understand we all have this disease called sin, we will never be searching for a savior. Some try Buddha, but he is dead, some Mohamed also buried and some make up their own religions, thinking maybe that will earn them a spot in Heaven. There is this problem. Jesus said ” I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man shall see God except through me”
He also said to the disciples, ” if you have seen me, you have seen the Father”- Not to mention the verse in the Bible that assures Every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. There are too many to list. The point is that we all are sinners and we all need a savior. God put a plan together that was discussed some 800 years before Christ was born about this was going to go down. Isaiah 53 speaks of the life and death of our savior, and he lived 800 years before the birth of Jesus. Whether its a cult, a ritual, a religious activity you do, or whatever- none will get you into heaven. When you die you will only be evaluated on one issue regarding heaven or hell; Are you washed in the blood of Christ, or did you reject that offer on earth. That is it folks. Lastly, made up funky cults don’t fool God. Jehovah Witness, Mormons and all the hundreds of man made clubs will lead you straight to hell as well. If you stand before God, who gave His son to suffer and die to forgive us our sins, and whip out some lame story of why you have another reason you should be allowed in, you are basically spitting in the face of God- implying that the work on the cross and the rising from the dead was not necessary since you came up with another plan. On paper it looks pretty stupid doesn’t it?
Guess what, it is. If you haven’t begged God for forgiveness in Christ, consider that you will live eternally. There are only 2 places to go. One is total separation from God with the knowledge that you had opportunities on earth to be forgiven. The other, is to spend eternity with the Lord and all those who had accepted Christ as their savior. Let me double dare you to sincerely ask Jesus into your life and to reveal Himself to you, and make it known He is real. After all, what is there to be afraid of? If its a big fairytale, you move on with your life. But if you suddenly have change in your heart, you have your answer. God loves you, even if you call yourself an atheist. Listen, I am no better then anyone reading this. I just know I am forgiven and try to seek Gods plan for my life. You see, my plan – well it didn’t work. God Bless You and contact me anytime about anything. tjpetri16@gmail.com
tj
www.dontlabelmykid.com

Kids- Nobody Likes To Admit It- But When It Comes Right Down To It- The Tail Waggeth The Dog.

teenagers

My second youngest daughter is 8. That age when she starts to be aware of ” stuff” like Iphones, make up and the like. My boys are 21 and 18 and I think things went pretty well with them, discipline wise. They did something wrong, they knew a consequence was coming.
Somehow I seem to have more difficulty issuing consequences to my little princess, or ” poca” as I call her after pocahontas. I am still totally 100% in control, dont get me wrong.
It just seems that she has a certain way of tearing up that makes my heart weak I know she couldnt be doing it on purpose. She must really be taking this hard, poor kid.
The thing is, about 15 years ago I spent 5 years as a live in foster parent for teenage girls, 6 at a time. I do seem to recall it being a common source of manipulation for them to turn on the tears when they didnt like the answer they got…
Surely those girls had deep troubles. My baby girl is as innocent as they come.
Until yesterday, that is. My little princess pushed it over the ” my daddy loves me” line. It was a simple thing really, we were all doing a little cleaning up, and I asked her to bring the dust pan from the room she was in, into the room I was in. First I thought I heard a little complaining, but I assured myself it must be the television. Just then, around the corner she flew, stopping at the door and tossing the dust pan right at my forehead.
Something snapped in me. I am not sure what exactly, but it ended with no television for the night and she was a few years younger it would have been much worse. After a few minutes I began to pace around and question myself. I used to teach on this! I taught teachers on this! Parents too. Now I found myself stuck in an uncomfortable position. Not having to issue a consequences, but having to ask my the question ” Why would my daughter ever feel comfortable throwing anything at anyone”- that was my real issue.

The answer in case this has happened to you, is not that you are a bad parent, necessarily. The real answer lies within the circle of role models the child is surrounded with. Especially adults, the teachers, parents friends parents etc..You are the first line for your children. The old saying ” the apple doesnt fall from the tree ” is right on. Many hundreds of times I sat in meetings at schools, whether IEP or another type. During these meetings I would hear a parent cussing his teen up and down for acting out. The child realized at a much younger age what is acceptable in his home, by the modeling of his parents.

We could go on about this subject for hours, but for now, let me throw in one other critical topic that will help you understand how and why your child has to have postivie and negative reinforcement. I taught parent training for Orange County Public schools, and several other large parenting groups for years.The one thing that was always the biggest surprise, and the most difficult for for parents to change, was what we call ” ratios”. Ratios happen all day each day to your child. They come from you, teachers, and other adult instructors.

During the trainings, I would ask the class , if they had to guess what the ratios of postive to negative comments or negative to comments would be in their house on the average day. Most smirked because positive comments were not all to common..so when we finished the average for each class was about 15 negatives for every positive comment. Why is this important? Because psychologists have proven over and over that positive reinforcement is the only way to actually change patterns of behavior. Sure, if people are yelling and screaming you might get them to stop for the moment by yelling negative comments at them. but that is just a band aid.

Here is one way to start seeing changes in your childs behavior and it doesnt require doctors or counseling -just parents and their kids. The idea is to reverse the thinking which on the average is about 15:1 and try to eventually reverse it. You may be thinking ” YOU ARE NUTS” but I promise you if you try the ” catch -em being good” method you will not be dissapointed. The trick is to forget about what you dont want to see. Look for the behaviors you do want to see. Take a small behavior issue like a child looking down when you speak to him. When you repeatedly ask him to look you in the eyes you get nothing. Now, lets say a week has passed, and you are talking to him, when all of the sudden he glances your way for a second. This is your chance to start turning the behavior around. You stop everything and praise the boy for making eye contact. After awhile he will look at you just for the praise. You can apply this to any type behavior, school work, whatever it may be. 15:1 positive to negatives. If you are chuckling at this, imagine if your boss started praising you 15 times a day. Wouldnt that make you likely to continue it? Of course.
Well, I have to go and clean my daughters room now. We made a deal if I did that I could watch the sports channel tonite.

tj

Dont Complain About The Behavior Of Kids Today- We Trained Them.

When I was little I always heard stories from older folks who would tell of the consequences of their behavior if they were caught doing the things kids do on a daily basis today. Everyone, the kids and their parents shrugged it off and laughed. You know the stories, they had to walk in 5 feet in snow each way uphill to school and how they worked doing chores until sunset. Then the subject of discipline came up and there was never an issue.

Most kids back in the day were lucky if they got a choice between a switch and a belt. And that right there might be for just being disrespectful to there parents. Today kids are hitting their parents and no consequences. In many cases parents do whatever the kid wants to keep them happy since they are now scared of them. When I go out in public and watch the way teenagers talk to their parents, I am amazed. Even after 20 years working in some of the most tough areas, I still get shocked once in awhile.

I think it all started when the state decided what parents can and cant do to discipline kids. I all for keeping kids from being abused and neglected. However none of my 5 ever smarted off or got out of line without a slap on the butt. Of course we are talking during the age when they cannot communicate with words, 2-3 years old. There must be a response cost for negative behavior at that age or it is difficult to issue one at 15.

Another thing that seemed to take us on a downhill turn was to take any moral codes out of our teaching system. All these atheists fighting to get prayer out out of school, and look where we are. God forbid Mr Atheist that a kid might learn some things like the golden rule, or not to steal. What in the world do you have against a kid learning this kind of teaching?

Of course the invasion of sexual perversion as in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah back decades ago did not help. Now we have convinced ourselves that we may be ” gay” or “bi” or “tranny” or whatever. Actually Ms Jenner just started a whole different category because he says he still has his male parts but feels his female soul coming out. Huh? No more Wheaties cereal boxes for the former athlete. Maybe he will come out with a line of cereal called Sweeties instead, who knows.

Now we find ourselves with huge problems with delinquent behavior and nobody knows what to do. Thank God for the Psychiatrists and big pharmaceutical who have ” saved the day”. They are working overtime to make sure that there is some kind of official mental health disorder to tag these kids with, and the drug companies have been kind enough to help out by rapidly squeaking any kind of drug they can by the FDA , and coincidentally – just in time for the new mental health labels.

Now, we have teens with problems, being sent to psychiatrists as young as 8 or 9 and diagnosed with a mental health disorder and put on controlled drugs! In the world we live in, a mother sitting at home watching Dr. Phil sees a kid acting like her child and assumes their child is bi-polar too. A quick trip to the doc, describing the symptoms she saw on Dr Phil, and she may walk out with a label and meds too. All the while not many people pay attention to the very close relationships the doctors have with the drug makers. Millions of dollars are made by doctors who prescribe a drug company’s newest designer drug. Not every doctor. An article in the Washington Post said that about 94% of doctors had personal relationships with at least one drug maker they used.

What does this mean and why does it matter? It matters because once a person is labeled with a mental illness, especially a child, there is a huge stigma that forever haunts them. Out of the thousands of kids I have worked with who had labels, almost all of them when asked why they misbehaved, would tell me verbatim their DSM diagnosis and that they had no control.

Wow. One day several years ago a doctor gave this kid a label, possibly for financial gain, only to have the kid live out the prophecy. Today it has become so common that there is a pill for everything. Too much laughing, too much crying, the new DSM has one called ” Teenage Rebellion Syndrome” in it. Did they just make a teen who rebels, a mental health patient? I am not 100% sure, but I believe America is either the only one or one of a few that even allows commercials on television for drugs. All day long we see them, do you pee too much, ever feel down? How about your teenager is out of control- well stupid, sedate the kid! Get him to a head doctor.

Now I want to point out that mental health and the need for doctors and clinicians is very real. There are many people out there who suffer from terrible anxiety, phobias, depression and the like. That is not what I am writing about here today. I am talking about those doctors who have literally ruined the lives of others by labeling them. So people ask me all the time, ” well what if they are mentally ill” and that’s a fair question. I never said mental illness does not exist. I do however believe that drug companies and doctors are handing out labels and meds too quickly.

If a child does truly meet criteria for a mental illness, it is critical that the people who love and work with them don’t make that label their identity. It should never be brought up unless it has too.

In a nutshell, we have taken away the rights of parents to even spank a child, taught them there are no consequences for their behavior, taken any hope of them finding some help through school prayer or Bibles, and dumped them on the doctors to medicate. By the way i talk about drugs alot and how they are prescribed. If you want to know the real ugly truth, go onto the public website for clinical trials and the FDA. They have to show what trials took place and how it went, including the results.

Lets just say this; If I was Shire Drug Company, and I was looking to get a new drug approved for mood swings, here is what is required.

First, a clinical trial- meaning a group of say 40 people who agree to stay for 6 weeks for this trial and be monitored each day. Each day the nurse is to check in and rate the patient on their mood. At the end of the 6 weeks, now hear this, if 20 of the 40 say that they think their mood has improved by at least 10%- we have a winner. So when you see on television the commercials that say, ” most people who took ********** drug reported an improvement in their mood. It is now legit to now say that the majority of people who tried this drug felt better! Its a miracle!

The FDA and Drug companies, as well as doctors is another story and much more detailed.

Just think twice before accepting labels, and if your child does have a label, avoid using the term. Focus on strengths. In some cases I have seen parents go for a second opinion and the 2nd doctor found no grounds for any labeling. Just FYI- Peace-Tj

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If Nobody Else Will Address It- I will. We Are Losing Our Kids…

In this blog I have addressed issues to do with parenting, teens, addicts, doctors, meds, abuse by the big drug companies and their cozy ties with psychiatrists who also happened to get some handsome compensation for writing the new drugs these makers put out. I was in a unique position in my career, as worked years on the clinical side for a psychiatrist, and the last 10 years working more behavior based programs. They both have their flaws, and low success rates in general. We talk about ” At-Risk” families and all these programs out there for parenting. I used to teach those. Useless.

These days folks have their 10 year old kids running the streets selling dope for their parents. When kids become a hassle and interfere with the parents drug lifestyle. they tell teachers the kid is out of control, and eventually gets to the doctor for a label and meds which he accepts as his fate and fulfills the prophecy about him..that’s just a small part of this problem, but it is getting big. I wrote a few times about pedophiles and gave everyone a prompt to keep track of the local child predators near you. They are EVERYWHERE. In Florida, in the last week I have heard of 4 children kidnapped, raped and killed at ages 4-7. I live in a decent town and 1 in every 19 people have a record of child molesting.

These are not the days where the neighborhood raises the child. These are not the days when you can let your 10 year old daughter skate to the corner store for a snack. Those are gone. Sick child predators are roaming the streets looking for victims, and there is no cure. Those are one group of people who if convicted, should be released to the parents and family out behind the courthouse, no hearing needed. They should be executed on the spot. We have white color harmless people serving 20 years in prison for cheating on taxes, but let these scumbags out time after time again.

People today wonder why some teens are so disrespectful to adults. All you have to do is put them in a room with their parents most times and you will find out why. The apple does not fall far from the tree. One of the techniques I used on thousands of kids, teachers and staff I trained was to help them retrain there brain on how much they criticize children. The hardest part of any trainings I have ever done for staff, parents, or anyone else, is the ratios of positive to negative statements from the adult to child in one day. When I ask about how many times a day these parents criticize or yell at their children, the answers ALWAYS was somewhere between 13-20 times per day.

When asked how many positive comments they made each day it was usually silent for a minute before some brave soul raised their hand and mumbled a number usually between 1-4. There is a big problem with this, not only with children but with adults. Negative reinforcement is a band aid for the moment, which is another nail in the self esteem of the child. It has been proven that negative behavior does not change long term by criticism. Yelling at your child, threatening them with violence, or the like only serves to lower their self esteem and motivation.

One of secrets I used from near the beginning was to reverse the ratios. Psychologist have proven over and over that people who are praised for things will likely do them more frequently. So you have to retrain your brain to give 15 positives to each negative per day. You select the behavior you want, and watch for it. When you see it, you praise praise praise.

With the positive changes you see in the child you can set up little motivators to continue this behavior. For example. if your 10 year old would never follow instructions, ( which btw you need to tell them how) like 1- look at the person 2- say ok 3-do the task and 4- check back. Its easy to teach, easy for them to do, and if they know that if they follow instructions 85% of the time this whole week, they get a special reward, you will see the magic. So start thinking in your mind 15-1 ratios from now on. Catch your kid being good! Just the attention they get is sometimes worth it to them.

At any rate, this a worldwide problem and kids are giving up on themselves since they have these labels that in many cases are so useless. There is an appropriate time and place and child that needs special medication and care. Out of the 88 expelled children I served, we had 2. I am putting a book together on what labeling does to kids emotionally and the way the system is designed to fail them and is money driven. If you or someone you know has been affected by these type of situations, please contact me and share your story. Thanks!

tj

Addict Or Mental Health Patient? Lets Quit Playing Games. I Am Going To Keep This Real Like No Other Post, So Beware.

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I talk about parents and kids and pedophiles and the like on here. However when I scan through the posts I have done over the years I found it very odd that I avoided the one that has cost me the most in my life. Addiction. I worked with addicts/mental health patients ( depending on where they are treated) for many years. The difference between me and them was that I had a secret. I had grown up an ” addict”. My father laid out a case of PBR when I was 12 and from then on it got worse and worse. I was a full blown ” addict” by 16. I made it through jobs, and even did very well at them. That is called a functional alcoholic. That lasts for awhile until eventually it catches up with your ability to function.

My father , brother are both long term prisoners. My dad will die in there. My other brother shot himself in the head right after graduating UF to be a cop. It took me many people praying and many nights of wanting to die to get to the place where I am today. I have been to 30 day, and 90 day inpatient programs, 2 years of AA type meetings ( they have about a 5% success rate BTW)-
If it was not for the praying people around me and the healing that God did in my body, there is no chance I could be writing this. I am being truthful. One surgeon, after my pancreas exploded, came in my room and told me I would not live any longer due to the damage. That night an old christian friend of the family came in my room by herself, leaned over to my ear, and said ” I have a word for you- YOU SHALL LIVE AND NOT DIE”- Then she left the room. I had not seen her in months.

The next morning the same surgeon comes barging in the door to my room holding up an X-RAY to the light. He said ” I dont understand, what happened? The sickness, it is all gone!” Left that day without anything but another nudge from the Lord that He was not giving up on me. I could tell 15 more events that were nothing short of miracles too. As a matter of fact, here is a quick one. I was driving my convertible mustang down the road and doing maybe 45-50 mph. 3 blocks from my house. I blacked out and headed straight for a very big old tree and hit it head on. I remember waking up with the air bag the color of velvet, my forehead torn open, and then a voice. It was a highway patrol man. He stood back about 6 feet, looked again at the car which was totaled like an accordian, and with a soft voice asked me if I could talk. I kicked the driver door open, it was stuck, and walked right along with him telling him what happened.
This is back in the day when I was one of ” those”. I knew I had to go to the hospital.. and i knew that meant toxicology tests…I was not worried about alcohol. I had graduated to higher class type drugs.
I went to the hospital , got the 45 stitches in my face, the doctor gave the tox report to the highway patrol man and after the report, it said ” medical blackout” cause unknown. It could have read a whole lot different.
My point is, most addicts did’nt ask to be addicts any more then cancer patients ask to become cancer patients. I have been through 15 years of hating my life, and then having others tell me how I am wrecking it, like I don’t know it. Where there are many experts, there are few answers. I will be focusing on the myth of addiction in up and coming blogs. One of the reasons I went into the field of social work was to help these type of people. Little did I know I had a live it awhile before I could be any help.
Peace

tj

I Don’t Know Everything About Kids. I Do Know Enough About Treatment Options That Can Prevent Years Of Heartache.

expertsThe last few years have been interesting for me. I didnt don’t know how receptive people would be to reaching out for help with personal issues like parenting or mental health.

I have been amazed at the transparency and willingness of people to share their dilemmas.

Folks, there is nothing you can tell me or ask me about that I haven’t personally experienced in my social work career or my own family.

I hope that would never stop anyone from reaching out. I do need to make something clear though. I am a trained, degreed social worker. I am not a psychiatrist,  psychologist,  or medical doctor. Although I used to watch HOUSE alot…so maybe a little knowledge there.

Anyhow what I have studied for 20 years is not how to master a one fits all profession where everyone who walks through the door gets a diagnoses. I have learned how the effects of the treatments have worked, and been able to get a good handle on where the loopholes in our system are.

I know enough about all treatments to see if they do what they commit to with the kids I have worked with.

Right up front I want to say I am not anti-psychiatry or anti-mental health. I am just against the abuse of the mental health profession that is driven by  financial gain.

Most clinicians I have worked with have the best interest of the child at heart. However , a small percentage of practitioners are led astray by the bllions of dollars the drug companies make and generously share with those who use their products.

Most people don’t know that America is one of the only countries in the world that even allows drug companies to advertise on television.  Everyone needs a pill. We all have a disorder and they are making more up all the time, and coincidently the drug companies seem to have a new designer pill to treat the disorder that just became public!

Without getting to deep into it, I just want to mention that all these new drugs that come out just in time to treat the new disorders are supposed to be run through rigorous clinical trials that prove the drug to be more effective then what is out already.

For a good laugh, look up some of clinical trials, where and how they took place, and how they measured results.

Here is an illustration from the food industry that is similar. You are walking through the grocery store and trying to eat healthier. You spot a bag of chips that says 90% LESS fat!

You grab it and think you are on your way to health. The truth is that the 90% they put on there in bold letters could mean 90% less fat than 25 cheeseburgers. They don’t have to mention that part.

In the same way you need to monitor your medicines, if you actually need them.

Recently my relative was prescribed Crestor for cholesterol.  250.00$.

The fact is that Lipitor does the same job and costs 20 bucks. But Lipitor makers don’t have the advantage thar Crestor does. New drugs are patented.  They can charge as much as they want and nobody can make a generic cheaper version.

Does anyone really question it? Not really because we believe what we see on television. We assume the doctor is always right.

Do your homework on mental health medicines and all others.

I just want to make it clear that although I have been able to steer many hundreds of families in the right direction,  I am not going to diagnose anything.

I am in a unique position with my experience and love to help people avoid unnecessary heartache.

So even though I may act like I have all the answers on occasion, I just have a niche. I like to help people avoid pain that I have seen or that I have suffered.

  • Tj

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A Comforting Thought For Us All During Hard Times.

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I’m schizophrenic
But so am I.

Jenner- Psychiatry or Surgery?

It’s got to be addressed. If you are a parent, this Bruce / Brenda Jenner thing is unavoidable.

There must be a line we draw when we see crazy people, without blowing it off as being  ” intolerant ”

I already have to try and explain to my girls why they even have to know what a pedophile is. I have to answer questions that should never be asked, but for the absolute loss of any moral code in this country. Of course the fish always stinks from the head down, but nevertheless it stinks.

The politician in Indiana requested that people get the freedom to talk about their faith or whatever, just as those that live a homosexual lifestyle are making sure they have rights. This guy has been hit hard saying he must be a bigot . What? Because he wants all to have freedom?

I am ashamed that my kids have to see this world right now. Little lesbians in middle school, Transgender rights for 15 year olds….

Ill just keep it real hear and tell you that if one of my boys had come to me while growing up and said they wanted to be a woman, I would have got them to a shrink right away then to church!

It’s insane, just crazy for us to think that our kids are just learning to be ” tolerant ” when they are being brainwashed by the whacked out people who need mental health resources or God, not a gender change. Did the God thing offend anyone? Deal with it. I have to hear about alot worse things each day that you support.

I realize that some may see this as me being a judgemental person. I’m not the judge. But there is one, and it’s pretty clear how he designed things to work, like the man and woman being for each other. I don’t even want to think about what, why, or when 2 men become ” intimate ”

It’s no different then being with a sheep or a goat. It’s not natural.

American pagans trying to justify things like that and abortion are so clueless where they are leading the next generation.

Like I said, I’m no judge, but in my life I call sin-sin and I will always call sin- sin. There are people,( lots of atheists) who go out of their way to indoctrinate this tolerance thing , basically trying to adjust the words of Scripture to this dark world. It doesn’t work that way. We obey scripture and our lives smooth out.

By the way I totally don’t believe in atheists, but that’s another post.

I just wonder, I really wonder if there are other parents like me, having to shamefully explain to their kids so many things they say on a daily basis.

I hope parents aren’t buying the tolerance thing. That tolerance thing will end up destroying our grandkids.

It’s time for people to man-up and shout  ” enough is enough “.

Straight from the top in this country we have constant dishonesty and immorality spewing from the highest office.

It’s spreading fast and we are seeing the fruit of it now. Pray for this country that we would turn back to God and gave His favor on us again.

If you are an  ” atheist ” just pretend.

In today’s society, the parent must go out if their way to explain why things are wrong, because if you let them watch television and listen to the radio enough, I promise you they will develop their own ideas of what is ok.

Sometimes I feel like I’m truly a sea turtle trapped in a man’s body, but I overcome.

Is there any limit to anything anymore? If so, who is got what it takes to stand up to it?

What I am seeing is a pathetic group of followers who will wonder why in 10 years their little girl wants to run away wat with another girl and sell beads in Hawaii. Don’t shake your head then, because  now is the time to reveal the truth to them so they know right from wrong.

As a bit of trivia, the Catholic Church has Billions of dollars set aside to settle all the molestation cases constantly surfacing .

What’s more amazing, is there recently was a law or church guideline that the police no longer need to be involved if it’s a priest on alter boy issue. They will ..umm handle it $ within $ the church….

That’s the direction we are headed.  Now, in closing I will point out that I have personal experience with consequences of this tolerance thing.

My brother was molested by a Priest. When he was old enough to realize what had been going on, he walked out the door of our house and put a bullet in his head.

I found dozens of letters from this priest that were very inappropriate.

You know what? When I showed the church, they suddenly transfered him and it was never mentioned again. He still serves as a priest/pedophile in another state.

It’s not just one issue, it’s our total loss of moral code .

Tj

How To Tell If You Are A Lousy Parent.

I picked my daughter up from school yesterday and I was forced to stare at all the bumper stickers in front of me in line.

This is elementary school . You know , teaching kids manners and respect. I thought so anyways. To my dismay the guy in front of me had a sticker on his truck that read  ‘ My football player can beat up your honor student ‘.

Are you for REAL? You wonder why kids today are violent and disrespectful with no sense of care for others? There are many other stickers like that out there. It’s pathetic. I’m trying to teach my daughter to help others and the hiljack in front of me is teaching his kid to prove his manhood by violence.

I see it on television in the new parents coaching their go- kart kids or soccer reality shows. Stupid insecure and immature parents ruining their kid’s lives. If you ask me the parents need to be taken out back .

We already live in a sick world of pedophile freaks and all that. We don’t need moronic parents. I’m no perfect parent. I just grew up when I had to become a father. Things changed.

People are begging to adopt kids all over and meantime in my town last month alone 3 sets of parents arrested for cooking up some meth with the kids.

Go to rehab. Do what you gotta do. People it’s time to wake up. It is not normal to see 2 12 year old girls holding hands as intimate girlfriends. It’s not right to tell your little kid to hip check the other kid just to bully him in a game.

Is this supposed to make these parents feel tough? Bad to the bone? Who knows.

All I know is my grown boys say yes sir.  They help those in need. Nothing to prove. They got their assurance from us growing up.

Now if anyone tried to hurt our family, they are well trained in firearms and if need be they would defend any of us.

I’m ok with that. But to the lower functioning parents out there teaching your kid to get angry and even, here’s a tip.

Get a sitter and check yourself into therapy. This has to change.

Tj

5 Keys To Success In Parenting-

We live in a different world than it was just 30 years ago, a radically different world than say 50-75 years ago. Parenting strategies need to move forward with the times. I am not saying parents should be more lenient or that parents should give their children any more freedom then they feel comfortable with. I am saying that we all must become a little more ” hip ” if we want to improve communications with our kids today

 

Here are 5 keys to getting the most of your parenting experience.

1- Keep It Real!. Do not pretend that evil does not exist or that some people are in it for the wrong reasons. You may have to get to the point of clearly explaining exactly why strangers can be dangerous. Tell your children what has happened to other kids in the past – not to scare them but to educate.If they do not learn it from you they will learn it on the streets.

2-  Eliminate Soft Cushy Falls From Your Child’s Every Mistake. We cannot and will not be able to be around for their every mistake in the future. Parents who run around trying to get the soft cushion on the ground before their child feels any pain raise kids who expect to never get consequences when they get older. Some call them spoiled brats.

3-Never Play to their Weaknesses but always to their strengths. In my 20 years of working with children, I have yet to meet one who did not have a few strengths. Focus on those as you help them identify what they are good at. This will help them set realistic expectations as they make decisions about their goals, and teach them to focus on their strengths which will add to their self esteem.

4-Set Boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, statistics show over and over again that children of all ages want and need boundaries. As a matter of fact, we adults do too. Imagine what you might feel if you went on the freeway and a new sign said ” All drivers, just do as you like, no more rules of the road”- you may not like the feeling you have. The only difference between us and them is that they will not admit that they want boundaries, and most adults will.

5-Make your Positive to Negative Comments about 10:1.  Yes, you read correctly, you should find at the end of any given day that you made 10x more positive comments then you did negative. Learn to catch them being good, instead of being bad. The reason is simple; positive reinforcement will actually change long term behavior, while criticism only puts a fire out, usually to flame up again soon.

When you use these guidelines you will see a great improvement in the parent child relationship. You will also see the self esteem and confidence levels of your child skyrocket.

tj

Disney Promotes the Gay/ Lesbian/ Transgender Lifestyle- Really?

Disney Promotes the Gay/ Lesbian/ Transgender Lifestyle- Really?

My child could be disciplined at school for wearing a Jesus shirt, or praying on school time. We have kicked God (in our own minds) out of schools and most other places to. Heaven forbid we accidently teach our children right from wrong. We have fought any attempt at morality in this country, and people are mad as hell that there is a cross standing as a memorial near ground zero.

Our country is falling apart, up to our necks in decay and acting like there are no rules at all. Anything goes these days, and we are supposed to accept anything as acceptable. If you beg to differ , you are a bigot, and narrow minded. The latest marketing move by Disney World is to host the most violent addicted, unstable, and most sexually promiscuous group of people known to man.

Statistics show that the gay lifestyle results in more domestic violence, more substance abuse, fewer long term relationships, and an unreal amount of sexual partners. So because they happen to be gay, lesbian or transgender we have to force our kids to see and learn about them, all in the name of equal rights? I do not understand. I am not judging anyone, as I am not the Lord, and nobody will have to give account to me for anything. I am simply pointing out that there is a huge double standard in this country when it comes to what our children should be exposed to. We are supposed to be open minded, and tolerant of the most dangerous group of people around.

What about the KKK or groups like that? Why shouldn’t we teach our children about their lifestyle? Its much less violent than the other group, and hey, its just being tolerant, right? We should not judge them, if we are not judging the gay-lesbian community, right? The bottom line is that people have a free will to live and do as they please, regardless of whether or not it is harmful or dangerous. As a parent however, I do not have to make my kids keep company of violent and unstable people of any sort. The fact that Disney turns their head to the facts about these people they are romancing is clearly a financial decision. They have sold their soul. I will avoid Disney and will teach my children that the safest and most stable relationship is one between a man and a woman. Do I still have that right?