Don’t You Dare. Unless You Been There. Just Dont…

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Don’t you dare tell somebody suffering from the disease of addiction that they need to “snap out of it” or think about their family- unless you been there. Do you understand that no addict has ever asked or wanted or desired to be in addict? Has it ever occurred to you that addicts at some point in their life  usually go through periods where they feel like they might as well take their life because they’re causing more pain then good?

Don’t you dare talk to the clinically -major depressed person and tell them that we all go through sad times and they need to fight through it and buck up- and just work their way through it. Have you ever been so physically- emotionally- mentally paralyzed you wanted to move and do things but you couldn’t even get your socks on and think straight and find any reason why you should even wake up the next morning? Have you ever had your children ask you how come you can’t work right now? How come you’re not working like everybody else and they think it’s because you’re lazy when they have no idea that you haven’t slept more than 30 minutes in a month?

Don’t you dare tell somebody they need to pray more and obey God and that’s why they’re having problems in their life when you don’t have any idea how much time they put into prayer and bible study or whatever to seek God in their life -probably more than you ever will even think about doing.

Dont you dare point your finger at someone who has lost everything because of a disease that put them in the hospital for years of surgeries and even had their own spouses walk out on them because they got sick due to no cause of their own. Have you ever felt so depleted that you feel like everything you try to do is 10x harder in life- then had the people who supposedly love you point their finger at you about the hardship you have caused- over and over? Then Dont.

Dont you dare coach someone on how to get re-established in the workforce and income when you have no idea that your 2 hours a day spent sending out resumes is a damn joke compared to the all night sessions for months with no sleep putting together resumes and sending out proposals – networking and doing 10x more than you to find work?

Just Dont.

Dont you dare take advantage of someone elses misfortune by exploiting them or pressing them for that 100$ they owe you- unless you have been through the same misfortune. If you are a parent dont you ever use your spouses situations to manipulate your kids into thinking that you just dont care. You are an evil person who will not go unpunished.

Had a few rough days? Maybe a funeral for a family member got you down? Dont you dare walk around claiming you have Bipolar Disorder because a few mood swings have come your way. Believe me – you dont want to know what that is really like. Unless you have sufferred to the extent and length of time of the other- keep it zipped.

Dont you dare question the PTSD symptoms of someone who has lived through more in a year than you have in your life. Why are the vets who come home totally disabled and suicidal condsidered heroes but you tell your loved one to ” buck up” and move forward?  Have you grown up in an alcoholic, abusive, violent environment and gone on to live through a family members suicide, full blown addiction, major depression that 20 different medications didnt touch, been struck down with a disease that put you in the hospital for 6-7 surgeries over 4 years that caused you to have to tell your kids they cant live in their house anymore? Then Dont.

I have lived through all of those things and let me tell you it sucks to have especially the ones you love and thought loved you bail out and mock your situation- compare you to others who have never been through any of it. Oh, and the above is only a shortlist- a partial listing of the things some of us have lived through. I dont ever talk about the REAL serious stuff- lest someone suggest I am looking for pity. I dont want anyones pity.

But I am not afraid to give an occasional reality check to those who need it.

Its really something to spend the first 20 years in your career working for peanuts but choosing a profession that is designed to help others. Making yourself available 24/7 for anyone who is suicidal or just needs help and then fast forward to a period in your own life when you walk through even darker and longer times than those you helped- yet those who even know this have the stones to criticize you.

If you are one of those people- here is a word of advice-

-STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE-

If you feel the need to address the issues in someone elses life that you are not familiar with-

Shut up and help.

Peace

tj

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