I have not posted in a while and I want everyone to know why. Besides having the ups and downs of major depression, I also decided to do something that I knew could be extremely hard and really was not sure if I could handle it.
Five years ago I started a journey of 7 surgeries for a bone disease I have. I have written about it a few times but basically it amounted to 3 total hip replacements and much pain. I was on heavy-duty narcotics for 2 years for the pain when I was asked a question by my treatment team. The question was about whether I would like to go on a Morphine pump for life or try Suboxone to get off the Morphine and see if it helped with the pain.
I could not fathom the idea of being loaded up on that much Morphine for life so I opted for Suboxone. I was on for 1 year. The pain was less and I felt I made the right choice. However recently when I discussed it with my doctor and told him I wanted to wean off the Suboxone – he advised me to stay on another year. I said no. Lets just wean me off and see how I handle it. He refused and I was forced to make a very tough choice. I could walk out and go off cold turkey which would no doubt mean horrible times ahead for at least a month or two, or sign on for another year and keep my body hooked on a Heroin level Narcotic, or suffer debilitating withdrawals.
I walked away. Three weeks ago. By God’s Grace I made it through the first two weeks without dying. Detox is strongly recommended to survive these type withdrawals. I just decided to tough it out ( I am not recommending it) and get myself off of the last major medicine I was on. I am in my third week and I can honestly say I did not know if I would make it this far.
I have been through hell and back and still am going through the withdrawal symptoms which are horrific.
I want anyone to know that if you are facing a similar situation, make sure you pray about your options. If you are a person of Faith and a praying person – seek God.
No matter what- you can do it. I cannot write much more but I believe this is for someone out there. Do not choose to stay dependent on any drugs. The price you will pay to get off may be tough, but if you remember you are freeing your body of all the dependence – you will make it.