You know I have gotten many comments over the last five years about struggles with children ages 5-17 and controlling unwanted behavior and gaining respect from their child. The next most popular issue is the controversial issue of medication recommended by doctors and is it the right thing. So If you are in any of those categories I want you to stop what you are doing ans listen to me. I am a 20 year veteran of behavior modification with kids. I have had over 40 Foster Kids, and have 4 of my own. So believe me there is not a behavior you could tell me about that I already have not seen and addressed with success.
I do not need to even ask you many details to tell you how to remedy the situation because about 80% of any type behavior can be controlled by simple methods that do not require doctors and medicine. However over the years, even though I have made this known and offered to help, there are always some parents who just do not use their heads and they instead drag their child to some doctor who after 40 minutes gives then a new label for life, and likely some very harmful medicine that statistically either do not work at all, or make the situation worse.
Right now I want you to think about the decision you made. If you opted to jump to the doctor and it failed – do not worry you are not alone. The good news is I can still help. Of course if you have not done it I strongly caution you that the work to reverse that move is harder – possible but harder. So I am speaking to both groups of parents now. I learned things while living with 6 neglected and abused kids at a time who all had severe behavioral issues. I learned that it is not the medicine that changes behavior in most cases. 90% of the thousands of parents I have helped via consulting all over the world and in places I have been asked to speak have the same reaction when they see the change in their child that I prescribe. They say ” I cannot believe it was so simple!”
There is good reason for that – It IS! Changing a child’s behavior patterns is nothing more than being taught how to react to certain behaviors and what language not to use. I know that sounds simple and I wish I could tell you I had to get 5 college degrees to learn some magical formula, but I did not. I had to learn in my first 5 years out of college by way of hard knocks I moved right in to a foster home with 6 teens with degree in hand thinking I was going to be king of the home. Well, lets just say the first 2 years were very humbling.
However someone who was a veteran took me aside and counseled me. He told me basically to use my degree as a door stop and listen carefully to him. Now his kids were respectful and well-behaved while my kids were running down the supermarket isles throwing tampon boxes around the store and I could do nothing about it but bribe them to stop. Sound familiar anyone? So did I listen to this man? You bet I did. Here is what I learned. There are only a few basis mandatory tools a parent must use to control behavior and one very critical truth. The tools were voice tone, language used and follow through with consequences for both good and bad behavior. But he said the number one reason parents cannot pull it off is due to only 1 factor in almost every single case. Parents did not truly believe that their child actually wanted boundaries and guidelines. Parents today are wanting either to be ” buddies ” with their children, or they want to be the ” cool ” mom who lets the kid slide now and again to keep the peace.
Sadly they fail their own children due what amounts to their own insecurity that if they set and hold to rules they will not be loved by their child. Let me tell you some breaking news If you have never been hated by your child, than you have never been a parent. Your role is to prepare them for success in the real world. Here is some other news- in the real world little Johnny when he gets a job and tells his boss to fuck off the first time he does not like an instruction he gets will be fired. Thanks to you.
Sound harsh? Good. Maybe it will serve as a wake up call.
So, I cannot teach each individual one of you what specific strategies to use in one article because each case requires very specific sets of behavioral plans. No two children have identical issues. If you – right now are in crisis with your child in any way whether behaviorally or you already did the whole doctor and medicine thing and it’s not working – the good news is I can change your situation if you listen to what I tell you and implement it. I can only give you the tools that work which are so simple an 8th grader could learn them, But you remember the 1 critical issue?
If you do not make yourself understand that your child is desperate for you to show him or her just a little consistency – without screaming and hitting or threatening- then none of the tools I give you will work. They want boundaries just like you and I as adults do.
I am saying this because shortly I will offer to help you. However do not bother contacting me unless you are at least willing to let me explain why your child is desperate for boundaries. If you want to be the cool mom or dad then skip it with me because I have way too many parents who have had enough and are willing to hear and learn the truth. I recently started a FB parenting group and soon will be dedicated much of my time to the preparations for that. Until I start that group I am going to make myself available to any Don’t Label My Kid! follower only for consultations and a week to 3 weeks of follow-up with whoever contacts me first to insure success.
I am doing this for a few reasons. Although I have a heart to help the adults with depression and addiction and PTSD and others-Kids is where I cut my teeth and I have a soft spot to help parents and kids live in harmony- it is very satisfying to me to hear your horrendous story one week and then just a few weeks later hear the smile and relief in your voice as we wrap up our time together. You can do this from home by simple scheduled sessions with me a few times a week. It is not rocket science.
Now if you prefer to blow thousands of dollars on doctors and medicine and give your kid a life long stigma to live with I cannot stop you. If you are however a parent who is desperate for help and peace and change ( you know who you are) than what you need to do is reach me as soon as possible before I have too full a schedule to help you. In which case you will likely end up in some therapists office soon who will refer you to their psychiatrist who will load your child up on useless medicine and a label for life. Oh well. don’t say I did not warn you.
Call To Action For Serious Parents- Now is the time.
Here is my offer to you today- Tuesday May 16th 2018 if you are serious about change. If you are a follower ( or become one now) of this blog-and you contact me today. Not tomorrow or next week but by midnight tonight ( leaving a message before then counts) I will take you in the order you call immediately and make the ones who I can fit in my schedule until I have to shift my time to my parenting group PRIORITY. I will not leave you until you are happy with the results. The process usually takes 3-4 phone consults for about 45 minutes per week for about 3 weeks. I like to make sure it is still working a week after you are successful.
( I have extensive experience with medications and diagnoses that most doctors slap on kids who have behavior issues- so you can feel free to call too.)
On occasion we may email back and forth but the learning is done from me to you. I don’t sell books or send other people to fill in for me so if you want the help from me get to your phone now and you will likely have to leave a voice message but as I said if you make your contact today I will not leave you without help. If you get a voice mail you should leave a message with your numbers ( I am not going to look at my phone track down numbers) and also if you like send me an email telling me you have left a message.
Here is the contact info-
Cell – 386-675-7549
email – firstname.lastname@example.org
Finally I encourage you to click the blue link below – read the article I wrote for Dr. DeGarmo’s International audience and actually follow his blog. He may be focused on foster care but the care he teaches about kids is the same as I would to a biological parent.
I hope I have reached some of those who have written me over the last few years seeking advice because this is my window of time to personally help you. Hope you make the right call for your family.
God Bless .