Many of you have been following the DLMK site for some time. You have probably gotten a good view into TJ’s life, but I want to give you some straight talk. I don’t know how many followers of this site are people of faith, primarily of the Christian faith. Despite your religious or non-religious stance, I would dare say that at least 90 plus percent of you have asked why. Circumstances in life have left you questioning some things.
Some of you have self-medicated. You found some way to cope with what seems unfair. Your drug of choice could have been sex, alcohol, food, or drugs, but you found yourself in a trap that you may wish you could conquer.
Some of you have walked away from the faith. You cannot comprehend how a loving God could allow a certain thing to happen to you. Maybe a religious leader hurt you, and you cannot understand how someone who is supposed to represent the love of Christ did the work of the devil in your life.
I have asked why a few times in my life. You might say, “But Matthew, you are a pastor. You shouldn’t ask God why.” Job questioned God, and God listened to about 80 percent of the book. When Job was ready, God spoke to him and put things in perspective.
A few years ago, I was asking a lot of questions. In 2012, I was at the top of my ministry. God was blessing our music ministry, but God led me away to pastor a church in a town of 117 people. I was willing to go, but I did not know the hardships ahead. I did not know the element of the church that would be ready to ship me out and even glory in the demise of my family. I did not foresee the political corruption in the school system or the way everything would affect my children. I had no idea that I would return to the area I left in 2012 within a year as a soon-to-be divorced pastor that some within the denominational system thought was no longer usable by God, unemployed, and asked why I applied for countless jobs when my résumé wreaked of church jobs. I was ready for God to just take me because all I had chosen to live for was removed from my life.
Fast forward to 2017. I am remarried (today marks 2 years) and we have a 1 year old together plus the 5 we brought in from previous marriages. I don’t make near the money I once did, but I am still a pastor. I started a church in January of this year without any financial support. We are not thriving by the world’s means, but God is bringing hope back to people.
Am I still prone to ask “Why?” Absolutely! I still wonder why certain things don’t come together in my time. I’m impatient, but I see that God took what the devil used to try to harm me and God strengthened me. I am so thankful.
You will walk through your own path of discovering what is happening through the mess of your life. There are safe places to turn in times like these. Had I not had pastors who didn’t judge me, I do not know where I would be. Please know that I would love to help you if you are struggling with something and need someone to just be there.
I will end this post with a song. I hope it will bless you as much as it has ministered to me.