In a stunning announcement Saturday afternoon, CNN has released new evidence that they believe will have even the most conservative and Trump fan reeling for immediate resignation .
Talking about the president, In a quote from lead investigative reporter Ian Spin had this to say, ” He brushed right through the Supercuts scandal , he froze up a bit on the Baskin Robbins scoop, but today I’m here to tell you Mr. Trump has lost his run of luck.”
Apparently a team of volunteer lefty celebrities agreed to go undercover in this investigation which supposedly will show that our president has a very sketchy bedroom secret that is supposedly so far out that it’s not only immoral, but ILLEGAL! Questionable ethics and moral standards are mentioned. The Implication is that our president is not a good role model for the activities of a man who is supposed to be a God-fearing wholesome, morally upright American role model.
So far the only members of the investigative team demanding impeachment for Trump that have come forward are as follows-
Miley (AAA) anywhere, anyone, anytime Cyrus
– Cher ( is my son my daughter? ) Bono
The runner formerly known as Bruce ( do I use the men’s room during transition? ) Jenner
Mark ( are you over 12 sweetie)Weiner
Rosie ( my mouth runneth over) O’Donnell
Finally-an unidentified sales person ( female ) at an upscale DC Furniture store who has made an extraordinary claim that she personally has sat on the presidents bed. ( this is not confirmed by our sources) furthermore she claims to have physical evidence that will leave no doubt that what Trump did was immoral and illegal..we are awaiting an update any minute on just what this ” evidence” is and clearly understand that if even a shred of this story and where it is leading us is true, Donald Trump could find himself out of a job. Please stand by….
44 minutes later….
We thank you all for standing by. We have been privy to all of the details and are free to release them. The incident in question is legitimate. Donald Trump violated the law and we will see how stiff a penalty he will get. However the incident, was slightly misleading. After the objective news media was allowed to interview the key players, including the stock girl at the furniture store, we have found that the level of moral and ethical integrity has NOT been compromised.
In an unusual move- CNN not only ill-reported but exaggerated a story that they knew to be misleading. Who would have seen that coming ?
Under DC law, tearing off the label of a mattress is a crime. However, in a little known clause, if you have an allergy to makimup-nuuse (ancient greek chemical) an ingredient used in the making of mattress tags, you may actually tear the tag off.
So, good news for the President tonight although we here at DLMK News would caution the president that as much as we love him, his ” coloring outside the lines” lifestyle really is not conducive to the office of the President. Please exercise caution Mr. Trump.
That wraps it up for tonight , as always good news and good night.
-Senior Editor (recently promoted)