Do Marriages Today Practice Unconditional Love And Forgiveness ? Or Are We Just Big Talkers?

This week on several levels I have seemed to run into unreal examples of families and marriages holding it together through very hard times. However at the end of the week it came to me that the fact it got my attention meant that its not so common.When it comes to marriages, the media encourages quick break ups and downplays the institution of marriage itself. When you have been married awhile it is going to happen that one hurts the other or there seems no hope.
The heartbreaks that can sometimes come out of marriage , children and the adjustment to it can be tough. By God’s grace all of my boys and girls are healthy and have no medical issues. However just 2 weeks ago their little 11 year old cousin was crushed in a car accident on his way to school,and he has never regained consciousness and is now fed and treated like a baby, with little hope of any progress. That makes you stop and think.
So when a husband and a wife commit to one another, for better or worse, sickness and health etc…what does that really mean? Easy to say but I doubt many are staying with that.
I have been on the receiving end of this for many years.
Medical issues, and personal issues kept me crawling for life, but whenever I looked to my side, she was there.Its a rare woman these days who stick with you through the hard, long times.
I also have noticed over the last decade or so that everybody has a self help book on marriage. Men are from Mars, women from venus sold enormous amounts.
One thing I have also noticed is that men think completely differently then women. I cant count the number of times I thought out a plan to make my wife feel good, or say something that I thought would be nice – only to be left feeling as if I tore her apart. Men are good at that. We do stupid stuff. Even as much as we love our spouses, we can get tangled up on the wrong side of sin just the same. That’s no excuse to sin, its a reason to beware of it creeping into your life.
Ive met every kind of couple you can imagine in my career. The “Were spending 100k on our wedding” but the marriage lasts 1 year.The ” we don’t need any guidance thank you very much” who then crumbles when kids appear.It doesn’t really matter what couple you are or we are, what matters is how quickly we renig on our promise to stay with them through the hard times.I have always been a judge of the heart. Not outward behavior or appearances but whats the motive?
I can forgive anyone who has a good heart but took some wrong turns.Its the ” conditional couples” that have it worst.If you do this, I will do that. If you dare play golf instead of taking the family to the beach,there will be hell to pay.I judge myself the same way. I have been labeled as things I was not, but my outward behavior convinced people otherwise. Talk to a recovered heroin addict who has been clean for awhile. One of the most torturing things people can do is to assume…
Unless you have walked a mile in their shoes, don’t go there. Most recovered addicts I know spent most of their addiction years praying for healing, while outsiders mock them.
Its similar in marriage. Both hearts have to be good. They may get dirty and nasty sometimes, but the heart doesn’t change. Lets forgive if we say we will. Lets love without expectations back. For those of you who are thinking that I dont know how bad its been, I am not encouraging staying in an abusive relationship. There are counselors that can help work through it though, if you are willing.
The best example I can think of is when this saviour I know was with some other guys who were more then ready to kill someone for their sin. The saviour stepped in, took the man aside and drew something that changed their minds. It doesn’t reveal what he drew, but I am guessing it was the time and date of the same sin they themselves committed.
Right now its food for thought, but I would love feedback!


Author: (Don't Label My Kid! Coaching & Counseling Team)

Social Worker- Mental Health, Addictions, and Behavioral health- Leadership Educator-, Juvenile Justice. A variety of coaching. I have a great desire to help others make it through times that I myself have had to navigate. I understand the process, the pain,and the support needed. I, and the rest of my team all have both the formal education to coach others but more importantly we also have the life experience which allows us to relate to all the phases and hurdles that come with recovering from issues like depression, addiction, domestic violence, spiritual confusion, and much more. I feel that the combination of formal training and life experience allows us to meet those we help every point of need- in a real way.

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