In this blog I have addressed issues to do with parenting, teens, addicts, doctors, meds, abuse by the big drug companies and their cozy ties with psychiatrists who also happened to get some handsome compensation for writing the new drugs these makers put out. I was in a unique position in my career, as worked years on the clinical side for a psychiatrist, and the last 10 years working more behavior based programs. They both have their flaws, and low success rates in general. We talk about ” At-Risk” families and all these programs out there for parenting. I used to teach those. Useless.
These days folks have their 10 year old kids running the streets selling dope for their parents. When kids become a hassle and interfere with the parents drug lifestyle. they tell teachers the kid is out of control, and eventually gets to the doctor for a label and meds which he accepts as his fate and fulfills the prophecy about him..that’s just a small part of this problem, but it is getting big. I wrote a few times about pedophiles and gave everyone a prompt to keep track of the local child predators near you. They are EVERYWHERE. In Florida, in the last week I have heard of 4 children kidnapped, raped and killed at ages 4-7. I live in a decent town and 1 in every 19 people have a record of child molesting.
These are not the days where the neighborhood raises the child. These are not the days when you can let your 10 year old daughter skate to the corner store for a snack. Those are gone. Sick child predators are roaming the streets looking for victims, and there is no cure. Those are one group of people who if convicted, should be released to the parents and family out behind the courthouse, no hearing needed. They should be executed on the spot. We have white color harmless people serving 20 years in prison for cheating on taxes, but let these scumbags out time after time again.
People today wonder why some teens are so disrespectful to adults. All you have to do is put them in a room with their parents most times and you will find out why. The apple does not fall far from the tree. One of the techniques I used on thousands of kids, teachers and staff I trained was to help them retrain there brain on how much they criticize children. The hardest part of any trainings I have ever done for staff, parents, or anyone else, is the ratios of positive to negative statements from the adult to child in one day. When I ask about how many times a day these parents criticize or yell at their children, the answers ALWAYS was somewhere between 13-20 times per day.
When asked how many positive comments they made each day it was usually silent for a minute before some brave soul raised their hand and mumbled a number usually between 1-4. There is a big problem with this, not only with children but with adults. Negative reinforcement is a band aid for the moment, which is another nail in the self esteem of the child. It has been proven that negative behavior does not change long term by criticism. Yelling at your child, threatening them with violence, or the like only serves to lower their self esteem and motivation.
One of secrets I used from near the beginning was to reverse the ratios. Psychologist have proven over and over that people who are praised for things will likely do them more frequently. So you have to retrain your brain to give 15 positives to each negative per day. You select the behavior you want, and watch for it. When you see it, you praise praise praise.
With the positive changes you see in the child you can set up little motivators to continue this behavior. For example. if your 10 year old would never follow instructions, ( which btw you need to tell them how) like 1- look at the person 2- say ok 3-do the task and 4- check back. Its easy to teach, easy for them to do, and if they know that if they follow instructions 85% of the time this whole week, they get a special reward, you will see the magic. So start thinking in your mind 15-1 ratios from now on. Catch your kid being good! Just the attention they get is sometimes worth it to them.
At any rate, this a worldwide problem and kids are giving up on themselves since they have these labels that in many cases are so useless. There is an appropriate time and place and child that needs special medication and care. Out of the 88 expelled children I served, we had 2. I am putting a book together on what labeling does to kids emotionally and the way the system is designed to fail them and is money driven. If you or someone you know has been affected by these type of situations, please contact me and share your story. Thanks!