I have lots to say about my time spent working with thousands of kids and raising my own. I have never been a perfect parent, and never will. I did however take one or two nuggets of information with me from my career. I will sum it up and make this short, but please do not be mistaken, this is as important as it gets, when raising or working with kids.
Here are two keys that can launch your relationship to your child into a whole different level -and they don’t require any more time, and much less effort than you are already giving.
1- Catch Your Child Doing What You Want Them To Do!
This is short and sweet. Negative reinforcement does NOT change behavior for the better. All the ” Quit doing this ” and ” Don’t do that ” are not doing any good. If you want to see a change in your child’s behavior, catch them being good at least 10x more than you catch them being bad. This means at the end of each day, you should have found 10 things to praise them for to every 1 thing you criticized them for. Make a list of what you want them to do, and catch them doing it, praise them, and praise them again, and quickly after the behavior if possible. Watch how quickly they respond to praise. You have to re-train your brain. Most parents are so used to catching their children being bad, that is all they say. Turn it around.
2- Don’t Be a Sucker- Kids Hate It!
Are you one of those ” buddy type ” parents? Do you bend the rules almost all the time the more static you get from your child? They have no respect for you if that is the case. You have a big SUCKER sticker on your back. Set boundaries, and keep them. Give a reward occasionally when they are kept for a certain period, and a response cost for stepping outside those boundaries. Parents who stick to boundaries are parents who provide security for their kids. Whatever you do, do not try and be a buddy. That’s not how the real world works, and in some ways, you set them up for total failure when they are on their own. They will expect the same treatment at their jobs, in their relationships, etc… Don’t do it.
Try These 2 ways to make things better in your home, I guarantee it will be better then what you get doing it the other way. Happy parenting!