Unconditional Love – What is it?

Many people say they love unconditionally, as a matter of fact in most marriage vows, we vow this kind of love. We promise to be there in sickness and in health, and until death parts us. Then why is our divorce rate over 50% and our relationship success rate in general failing miserably? Is it because we really DO NOT love unconditionally, or because we have become such a self centered people that we have a  “what’s in it for me ” type mindset. Perhaps both?

I have no idea who said this, and I am paraphrasing, but someone described our current style of love in this way; We look at our partners and try to mold them into thinking the way we think and shape them into the shape we like. True love not only allows independence , but encourages the individual identity one is born with, and supports it at that” There is a nugget of golden truth in their somewhere, and I think it is that in our selfish laziness, we tend to want our spouses to become like us, instead of seeing what they are capable of as their own person. I agree with that.

Loving unconditionally is rare to find today. I think some people today still think love is a  “feeling” with a warm fuzzy lining. After a little time passes, the warm feelings come and go, and so do we! How crazy is that? This should be the point where true love  ” kicks -in ” and shows itself. The place where we get to express our love for someone who is not loveable right now. To believe in someone who seems to have given up. To stand by a person when everyone else is walking away. That is what love is. It is an action, a verb, not a feeling. Feelings come and go, money comes and goes, health comes and goes, cars come and go, but unconditional love stays no matter what.

Every once in awhile, I run across an older couple who has been married for 50-60 years. If I have the chance, I inquire as to the  ” secret ” to such a long relationship. I have yet to hear anyone say ” Well, we just have not encountered any troubles ” or  ” Life has been easy for us “. Most times some horrific times have been endured, and have been responsible for the strength of the relationship. The storms have been the reason two people have become so strong.

I think we all need to take a look at our relationships in 2014, and ask ourselves if we are issuing selfish love, which comes and goes with the circumstances, or selfless love, which stands by when all others check out. Just a thought for the new year..


Author: www.dontlabelmykid.blog (Don't Label My Kid! Coaching & Counseling Team)

Social Worker- Mental Health, Addictions, and Behavioral health- Leadership Educator-, Juvenile Justice. A variety of coaching. I have a great desire to help others make it through times that I myself have had to navigate. I understand the process, the pain,and the support needed. I, and the rest of my team all have both the formal education to coach others but more importantly we also have the life experience which allows us to relate to all the phases and hurdles that come with recovering from issues like depression, addiction, domestic violence, spiritual confusion, and much more. I feel that the combination of formal training and life experience allows us to meet those we help every point of need- in a real way.

5 thoughts on “Unconditional Love – What is it?”

    1. Thanks for the comment, and I also feel that people are living in a fantasy (soap opera) type world, and too few books and movies paint a realistic picture of what the decision to love is. It is also, in my opinion why the divorce rate is so jacked up; people are really starting to believe that they should be living the life of the latest romance novel. It is such a huge topic.

      1. As a author that prefers realistic to feel-good, I cringe when I read those sorts of books. In reality, how many people fall in love at first sight? It’s ridiculous. I think even the phrase “fall in love” isn’t very accurate. People fall into infatuation. People fight for love.

      2. Very true. It is sad to watch as we set our own fellow humans up for total failure by implying that love is a feeling,. Love is a decision. I watched my grandfather bathe and clean my grandmother up after ” accidents” for the last few years of their 59 year love affair. He did it himself, and refused anyone’s help, he wanted to her to keep some sense of dignity when he could have easily had others do the ” dirty work”. That is the best example of love I can think of. Warm fuzzy feelings come and go, but love still loves no matter what.

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