I scream out with my voice to be heard,
I reach out with my hands to be touched,
I push my heart outside of my chest to know love.
My voice is not heard, my hands never touched and my heart stays lonely.
I have seen that nobody is looking, nobody is touching, nobody is loving.
Thats how it is in my world. I weep for real hope, but it escapes me.
I pray for a way to make it through the day, I weep again.
I love but cannot feel love, I touch but cannot feel touch and I scream cannot hear.
My only hope is I will one day be able to enter the world that people around me live in,
to know real living. They think I can hear, they think I feel love, and they think I can feel ,
but I stare into their world through a thick colored glass, hardly able to see even movement.
I look at others through a dark fog, and feel the heaviness of that fog covering my heart.
The fog is so very tiring, and I feel like giving up. I do not and cannot bear the burden of my
own load, and am looking for a way to clarity, i want to see, touch and feel. I want to be seen
and be touched…
and heard. My soul is in the dark night, shall I enter into the darkness or shall I run fast
through it until light comes?
I think about this everyday, and wonder which I will choose. Every day, all day actually. I
weep from the very depths of my being,
but am unable to give up. I will not give up, I cannot give up I have come too far now.
My children make me smile, my life has purpose if for them alone, yet I often wonder what
will I do.
It is here where the crossroad is at, where I make the choice to give up or try again, to lay it
down or press on.
My options are few and my time is short. I cannot go on like this, so I give up.
My final decision is to give up completely, take a deep breath, look back at the good things in
my life, the hope that exists –
in what I have already acquired. It is almost over now, I feel relief, but scared as well. So
goodbye, to my fears, goodbye to my regrets.
I am deciding to give it all up.
Today I rise up and grab the arm of another, but to help them. I scream as well, but out of happiness for a good thing that happened
to a friend. I share my handicapped heart, as I pour it into another life to encourage them. I
am beginning to feel, and hear. My God…
what is happening to me. I am the one in need. I have waited and longed for many things, my
suffering has been greater than others.
I dont understand. I am a wounded healer. My senses are restored by helping others in the
same need I have. I am glad I gave up!
Hope is glimmering through the cracks of my mind, and the numbness is turning to feeling. I
I weep for joy that I take in the comforting of others, but is this a trick? It does not make
sense. I fall back into darkness once again,
and quickly jump away, as I have tasted the sweetness of the senses now. I wont go back. I
will not go back.
I refuse to believe what I am telling myself, and press to what I know to be true.
I am feeling by giving touch, and hearing by listening.
My heart is touched by touching a heart.
I love my life.